The Way We Were

by Sinéad Moriarty

  Kevin held her as she wept into his shoulder. ‘My God, I really don’t know what to say, Alice.’

  Alice took a very deep breath. ‘I have to pull myself together. Distract me with patients.’

  Kevin looked at his book. ‘First up is –’

  They heard a primal wail from the waiting room. They rushed out. A very large girl was bent double, screaming in agony. She was holding her stomach in one hand and a breakfast roll in the other.

  Alice and Kevin helped her into Alice’s consulting room. She sat down, stopped yelling and took a large bite of her roll.

  Kevin went to take it from her. ‘I’ll mind that for you. You really shouldn’t be eating in here.’

  ‘No way, mate. I’m starving.’ The girl took another bite.

  ‘A few salads wouldn’t go amiss,’ Kevin muttered, as he left the room.

  Alice asked the girl her name, age and address. Kelly was seventeen and lived in a block of flats about three miles from the surgery – Alice knew the address well. It was a rough area and quite a few of her patients were from there.

  As Alice took down Kelly’s details, the teenager polished off her roll, stinking out Alice’s room.

  ‘Okay, Kelly, when did these stomach pains start? Have you vomited or had loose stools?’

  ‘Loose stools? What’s that?’

  Alice decided to be more direct. ‘Diarrhoea. Runny poos.’

  ‘Jesus, no. Just pains. My mum thinks I’m constipated. I tried to shit it out, but nothing happened.’

  Kelly’s face suddenly crumpled and she bent over in agony. She began to scream again and arch her back. ‘This must be some bloody massive dump,’ she cried out.

  Alice thought the poor girl must have a twisted bowel. She needed to examine her, but there was no way she could move her at the moment. Poor Kelly was writhing in pain on the floor.

  Alice came around her desk, crouched and pulled up the girl’s big jumper.

  ‘Oh!’ she exclaimed.

  ‘I know I’m a fat bitch. I just can’t stop eating,’ Kelly puffed.

  Alice smiled. ‘No, Kelly, you’re not fat, you’re in labour.’

  ‘What’s that, then? Some kind of stomach thing?’

  Alice looked at her. Was she joking? ‘Kelly, your baby’s coming.’

  ‘What baby?’

  ‘The one inside you.’

  ‘I ain’t got no baby in there. What you talkin’ about? Are you mental?’

  Before Alice could answer, the next contraction started and Kelly crushed Alice’s hand as she screamed.

  Alice could feel adrenalin rushing through her veins. This baby was coming fast. She’d delivered babies during her training, but it was a long time ago. She had to give Kelly an internal examination and find out if there was time to get her to the local hospital.

  When the contraction subsided, she discovered that Kelly was eight or nine centimetres dilated. Damn, she’d never make it to hospital. Alice called Kevin.

  He rushed in. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘Kelly’s in labour and I need you to call an ambulance, then stay here and help me.’

  ‘Alice, you know I’m not good with blood.’ Kevin was shaking his head, backing away from the writhing patient.

  ‘I need you,’ Alice snapped.

  ‘I ain’t ’avin’ no baby. I ain’t up the pole.’

  ‘Kelly,’ Alice said firmly, ‘you are pregnant and the baby wants to come out now.’

  ‘No way.’

  ‘Do you have a boyfriend? Someone we can call?’

  ‘No, I ain’t got no one.’

  ‘Well, you must have had sex with someone to get pregnant. You’re not the Virgin Mary.’ Kevin was rapidly losing patience.

  ‘Kevin!’ Alice glared at him.

  Kelly frowned in concentration. ‘I did have sex with this local lad, José or Juan or somefink, when I were in Magaluf. But that was ages ago and I was so pissed I didn’t think it counted.’

  ‘Sex is sex, honey, drunk or not,’ Kevin said, holding her hand. She crushed it during another contraction.

  ‘Didn’t you suspect anything when your stomach swelled up?’ Alice asked. She listened for the baby’s heartbeat – it was steady.

  ‘Nah. I just thought it was all the burgers and crisps I was eatin’. I was mad for them all the time so I got fat. I used to be a size ten.’

  Kevin raised his eyebrow. ‘Seriously?’

  ‘I swear. I was really thin before this. But no matter how much I ate, I wanted more, so I got fat.’

  ‘Didn’t you feel the baby kicking?’ Kevin asked.

  ‘Is that what it was?’ Kelly smiled. ‘I thought it was me stomach going mental because of all the food.’

  ‘Food doesn’t kick, unless you eat a live goat,’ Kevin explained.

  ‘Is there anyone you’d like us to call? Is your mum around?’ Alice asked.

  ‘Yeah, she is. But she’s going to get a bit of a shock. I told her I was popping out to get sausages.’

  Kevin threw his head back and laughed. Alice tried to remain professional but couldn’t help joining in. Even Kelly was laughing.

  ‘Can you imagine? Hello, Mum, I got them sausages for you and, guess what, I got a baby and all.’

  They all laughed until Kelly had another contraction.

  ‘How long did the ambulance say?’ Alice asked Kevin.

  ‘Ten to fifteen minutes.’

  Alice examined Kelly again. Her cervix was fully dilated. The baby was coming. ‘Kevin, go to the cupboard and get me a sterile delivery pack. We have a few emergency ones. Then grab a towel and get back here. Oh, and explain to the other patients that we’re going to be delayed today.’

  Alice washed her hands and put on sterile gloves. Kevin came back in and Alice told Kelly to do as she said. ‘Try not to push until I tell you.’

  ‘I want one of them injections that makes you not feel anything,’ Kelly demanded.

  Alice shook her head. ‘It’s far too late for that. Right, now push.’

  Kelly let out a blood-curdling scream and the baby’s head appeared.

  ‘Kevin, I need you,’ Alice ordered.

  ‘Really? Down there? I’m much happier up here.’

  Alice shot her brother a look and he reluctantly moved down to the business end. Alice told him to crouch down and hold the towel for her.

  ‘Now, Kelly, don’t push too hard,’ Alice said, but Kelly had had enough and pushed with all her might.

  ‘Jesus Christ!’ Kevin roared, as the baby shot out and landed in his lap.

  Alice smiled. ‘It’s a boy.’ She clamped and cut the umbilical cord while Kevin stood in shock holding the baby until the little fellow peed on him.

  ‘Argh, he’s wet me,’ Kevin said, and thrust him towards Alice.

  Alice placed him on his mother’s tummy.

  ‘Did he come out of my stomach? Are you serious? Is this for real?’ Kelly’s eyes were wide with shock.

  ‘Congratulations,’ Alice said.

  ‘That’s the last time your mother’s ever going to let you go out for sausages.’ Kevin grinned, recovered from his initial shock.

  As they all gazed at the baby, Kelly had another contraction and the placenta shot out, landing on Kevin’s suede shoes.

  ‘What the frigging hell is that?’ Kevin screeched.

  ‘Have I just had another baby?’ Kelly roared. ‘Twins? My mum’s going to do her nut.’

  ‘No, it’s just the afterbirth,’ Alice reassured them both.

  ‘My shoes!’ Kevin wailed. ‘My five-hundred-quid Italian shoes.’

  ‘Do you think I should call him José or Juan?’ Kelly asked, staring at her unexpected baby in wonder.

  The door burst open and two paramedics charged in. ‘Bloody hell, it’s like a crime scene in here. Well, Doc, you’ve been busy.’

  They put Kelly and baby Juan/José on a stretcher and carried them out.

  As they were leaving, Kevin called, ‘Next time you go on hol
idays, keep your knees together.’

  Alice looked at Kevin. He was covered with blood, as was she. ‘I wasn’t expecting that,’ she said, and began to laugh.

  ‘Bloody hell, I thought she had a stomach bug,’ Kevin said, still gazing in dismay at his ruined shoes.

  They were both laughing as the relief of everything ending well flooded over them.

  ‘We’ll have to call it a day. I can’t really see patients in here today – they’ll think I’ve murdered someone.’

  ‘Good idea. I need a very long shower and some Xanax, followed by a stiff brandy,’ Kevin said.

  Alice looked at her watch. It was ten a.m. Adrenalin was coursing through her veins – she felt alive and alert. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to run to him. She cleaned herself up, changed into a spare suit she kept at work, then texted him: Where are you? Can I see you now?

  After a few minutes, her phone beeped. I’m at the hotel. Can you come here?

  Yes. On my way.

  Use side entrance and ask receptionist for key to Suite 21 – it’s empty. Will wait for you there. X

  Alice raced outside and hailed a taxi. Some part of her brain was telling her to stop, to think, but she was sick and tired of thinking. Her brain hurt from all the useless thinking and worrying and stressing. Right now, she wanted to let it go – and there was only one man she could do that with. Dan.

  Ben

  Ben ordered a pint for David and a half for himself. He still had no capacity for alcohol. One glass of wine made him light-headed.

  While he waited for his friend he pulled his purchases out of the bag. The leather-bound photo album was beautifully made. He had definitely chosen the right one. It was classy, like Alice. He had a couple of ideas for its use.

  He checked the ingredients for breakfast. Yogurt, raspberries, blueberries and granola. Holly had told him that was Alice’s favourite at the moment. He was going to get up early in the morning and make it for her. He wanted to surprise her with breakfast in bed. Holly had said she’d help.

  Things were better with Holly. She was still a bit shy around him, but she was definitely warming up. Thank God for Jools, he thought. Since the day he’d come home she had been the same. She seemed to be the only one in the family who hadn’t changed, although he did detect a watchfulness in her that hadn’t been there before.

  Everyone kept saying it was going to take time to settle back in but it was frustrating. Having lost two years of his life, he was eager to get on with things. He wanted to fix everything and push the past behind them.

  In all the long, sleepless nights in Eritrea he’d never imagined that he’d feel like a stranger in his own home. He just kept thinking how wonderful it would be to be back. Granted, he’d worried about Alice meeting someone else, but it hadn’t happened. He didn’t know if she’d had a fling or one-night stand – and he didn’t want to. None of that mattered. What mattered was that no man had taken his place. What mattered was that Alice had been waiting for him. He had to focus on that. He had to remember that, even if she seemed distant and preoccupied, she hadn’t moved on. She was still his wife, still his Alice, and even if it did take time, they’d make it work.

  David waved from the door and bounded over. ‘Hello, mate.’ He threw his huge arms around Ben.

  ‘Got you a pint.’

  ‘Lovely.’

  ‘Cheers,’ Ben said, clinking his glass against David’s.

  David wiped some foam from his lip. ‘So, how are things?’

  ‘Good. I mean, I’m still adjusting, but I’m getting there.’

  ‘Excellent. Well, don’t put any pressure on yourself. I’m sure it’ll take a bit of time to get back into real life.’

  Ben nodded. ‘Everyone keeps telling me to be patient, but it’s frustrating. I’ve been waiting to come home for so long. I just want everything to be perfect. I want Alice and the girls to be happy and for us to be a proper family again.’

  David coughed. ‘Of course. I understand. I suppose, though, the two years you were gone will take a while to erase, as it were.’

  ‘I don’t think we’ll ever erase them. The guilt of it is killing me.’

  ‘Oh, mate, you didn’t do anything wrong. You just had really, really bad luck.’

  Ben rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. ‘I should never have gone, David.’

  David placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘But you did and a terrible thing happened to you that was not of your doing. Look, everyone’s fine. You’re back. You must stop blaming yourself, Ben, or it’ll eat you up.’

  Ben sighed. ‘That’s what my shrink says. I’m trying, but every time I jump when a door slams or I can’t work something like the ridiculous new television, I see pity and fear in Alice’s and the girls’ eyes. It’s as if they think I’m going to fall apart or have a breakdown. I want them to stop worrying. I want to look after them, not the other way around.’

  David swirled his beer in the glass. ‘They’re just worried about you. It can’t have been easy over there. They … Well, we all just want to help you ease back into life here. You’ve been through what I can only imagine as hell. We’re just so happy to have you back home safely.’

  Ben looked at his friend. ‘Thanks. It wasn’t hell. Don’t get me wrong, it was mentally torturous but physically it wasn’t. I just feel that when I get back to normal I’ll be able to put it all behind me. I want to go back to work soon. I want to start earning money and looking after my family. Alice has had so much to deal with and I want to take that stress away from her.’

  ‘She certainly did a good job of holding it all together. She was wonderful with the girls. But they were incredible too. They all supported each other.’

  Ben chewed his lip. ‘Alice is finding it difficult to let go.’

  David’s hand stopped in mid-air. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘She’s so used to doing everything that she finds it hard to let me take on some of the responsibilities. She tried to stop me putting the bins out the other night. I think she still sees me as weak and damaged.’

  ‘Well, you’re very thin, mate. We need to strengthen you up. Why don’t you come to the gym with me? I can help you get those muscles back in shape.’

  Ben smiled. ‘I’d like that.’

  They sipped their beer in companionable silence.

  ‘I was worried she’d meet someone else,’ Ben said.

  ‘What?’ David knocked his glass against the table as he put it down, spilling beer on his trousers.

  Ben laughed. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m just relieved that she wasn’t with someone when I got back. It was my biggest fear. She’s so lovely I was sure someone would snap her up.’

  ‘Well … yes. She is … she …’

  David’s phone buzzed. It was Pippa. Ben thought he heard her say something about their son William and rugby, but David turned away and started talking very loudly. ‘What? … Hospital called? Emergency? Right. I’m on the way.’

  He turned to Ben. ‘Sorry, mate, I have to cut this drink short. Problem with a patient.’

  ‘Well, it was good to see you.’

  ‘You too. Call me about the gym. Must dash.’ David waved as he rushed out of the door.

  Alice

  Alice slipped through the hotel’s side entrance, stopped for a moment to take a deep breath, then forced herself to walk slowly and calmly to the reception desk. Her adrenalin was still pumping from delivering the baby.

  ‘Suite twenty-one, please,’ she said.

  The receptionist looked at her for a moment, then handed her the key. Alice took it and went to the lift. Her heart was beating like crazy as the lift rose to the fifth floor.

  Although she had the key, she felt suddenly strange about walking straight in, so she knocked softly. Her shaking hands were trying to get the key into the slot when the door was flung open and there stood Dan. Her Dan. The smell of his aftershave, so familiar, was wonderful. He smiled at
her, and Alice melted. She threw her arms around him and kissed him.

  Dan pulled her in and slammed the door shut. They ripped each other’s clothes off and were naked in seconds. Alice wrapped her legs around him and inhaled his scent. Dan … Oh, Dan. Her body tingled with desire. She didn’t want to let go. She wanted Dan inside her, part of her, all over her. She relished feeling his weight on top of her. She was safe here – safe, secure and loved. They made love in a frenzy, then lay on the huge bed wrapped around each other.

  ‘God, I’ve missed you.’ Dan nuzzled her neck, then moved to get up.

  ‘Don’t.’ Alice curled her body tightly around his. ‘Stay with me. Please, Dan. Stay with me.’

  Dan pushed her hair off her cheek. ‘What’s going on, Alice?’

  Alice hid her face in his shoulder. ‘I don’t know. I’m completely lost.’ She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that she wanted to move into his house and block out the world, to live with him in a bubble, no problems or heartache.

  Dan had been her haven from the drudge and worry of day-to-day life. She knew it was wonderful that Ben was alive, but it was so hard. They were like strangers.

  Alice looked into Dan’s blue eyes. ‘I don’t know what’s going on. Everything is a mess. I came here to give you back your ring and say goodbye.’

  ‘Interesting way of going about it.’ Dan smiled.

  Alice blushed. ‘I just … when I saw you … Sorry.’

  ‘You don’t have to apologize for greeting me with great sex.’

  ‘No, I’m sorry about all of … well, everything that’s happened.’

  ‘There’s nothing you could have done about it. I’m glad your husband’s home and safe for the girls, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. It throws an almighty spanner in the works.’

  Alice smiled. ‘You can say that again.’

  Dan moved to sit up against the pillows. He pulled Alice close to him. ‘So, how do you feel about him?’

  Alice was glad he couldn’t see her face, which was buried in his chest. ‘I honestly don’t know. He’s not the same man. He’s changed. It’s … Everything is different.’

  ‘Do you love him?’

  Alice winced, but she was determined to be as honest as she could. ‘I love him as the father of my daughters. But I don’t think I’m in love with him.’