Healing Faith

by Jennyfer Browne

  "I'm okay, Emma. Really. Are you okay? How is Abigail? Is Fannie all right?" I asked and choked up again when I heard her clear her throat.

  "We will be well when you are home again. When are you coming home?" she asked, almost desperately.

  "As soon as we can," I murmured and closed my eyes tight. I felt Nathan take the phone from me gently and talk softly with Emma.

  I hadn't realized how torn up I was until I felt his hand rub along my back, trying to console me. First my real sister leaving and then to hear my adopted sister upset, it was too much. I looked up into his eyes as he watched me while speaking with Emma.

  "I will call again tomorrow, Emma. We are still waiting here to finish up. We will know soon," he was saying.

  But once again, I just wanted to get into the car and head back.

  I wanted to get there and put the Bergers at ease.

  He quietly ended the call and pulled me into an embrace while I pulled myself together. We had things to do, and crying over it wouldn’t get us there any faster. He took my hand, smiling as we neared the door. Nathan opened the door and stood beside me, looking out at the sunshine.

  "It is a beautiful day to start anew," he whispered.

  I looked out, seeing the sun as it shone bright. It was not the same warm brilliance of Iowa; it held something a little cool being so close to the ocean. But it was bright. And it offered a newness I hadn't felt in the last few days here.

  "A beautiful day," I repeated and held his hand a little tighter and stepped out into it.

  I breathed a sigh of relief at the feeling of freedom and laughed when he paused beside my car. Sliding in to the driver’s seat, I motioned for him to get in. He looked dubious for a moment before getting in, touching the front dash lightly before smiling.

  "I am not sure I want to know this part of your world, Kate," he said and laughed when I scowled at him.

  “Is it because I’m driving? It’s not true what they say about female drivers,” I retorted.

  “I trust you. Just do not tell my horse I did this,” he replied with an amused look on his face and leaned back with his arm at on the window ledge.

  I rolled my eyes and put it in gear before pulling out onto the road at a careful pace. I had to admit the one thing I had missed was driving my car. I had worked hard on weekend shifts at the diner to buy the car in the hopes of being able to work in the city. It seemed strange to think that after I left, I would have no need for it. I’d have to sell it, but perhaps that was a good thing. It could help to pay for anything we needed in our new life.

  I pulled into the police station and killed the engine, turning to Nathan to catch him eyeing me in amusement. He chuckled and looked away briefly.

  "It is interesting to see you like this. I like it," he said and slid out of the car to come around to open my door.

  "I'm still me," I whispered as he held my hand and closed the door behind me.

  "I know. But you are more confident when you have your mind set on things. I cannot wait to see you like this when we get home," he replied.

  I wondered if I would be like this when we got back. Had I really changed? I didn't feel so different. But Nathan seemed sure of himself in regards to my confidence, and his faith gave me the courage to see things a little better.

  Deputy Stevens was walking out from the back rooms when we walked into the police station, her smile quivering when she took in Nathan beside me.

  "Kate! So glad to see you! I was just going to call, but figured your dad might have filled you in on some of what has happened," she said and came up to us, looking again to Nathan.

  "He told me some," I replied and then motioned to Nathan. "This is Nathan, Deputy Stevens."

  Nathan extended his hand to her and shook it cordially.

  "Very nice to meet you, Nathan," she said, smiling again.

  "Thank you for assisting Kate with this," he replied before stepping back to hold me loosely.

  "It's my job. I am just glad she has someone to be there for her," she said and motioned us toward her desk, off to the side of the station.

  I sat down carefully, noticing the folder sitting on her desk labeled with my name on it. All the sunshine from the drive over seemed to disappear at the thought of why that folder looked thicker than it should. She noticed me looking at it with trepidation and slid it to the side, drawing my attention back up to her.

  "You know that Sean is in custody?" she asked carefully.

  I nodded. She let out a sigh and rubbed her eyes, trying to hide the fatigue I could see there. She looked like she had been burning the midnight oil.

  "Did your dad tell you what happened?" she asked, not moving her hand from her face.

  "Just that he took care of it and that Sean was in custody in the Emergency room," I replied, not sure if I should say anymore, because Deputy Stevens simply grunted.

  "What happened?" Nathan asked, taking the lead. She opened her eyes and looked off towards a darkened office to the side. From where I was sitting, I could see Deputy Miller’s name on it. A moment of trepidation filtered through me, having not realized I could have walked in to find him here. I didn’t think I could handle seeing him. Deputy Stevens pulled me back into the conversation with a clearing of her throat.

  "You dad came in last night, upset about something you had said at home. He confronted Sean’s father about it. Something about Sean going too far. Which, if you ask me was obvious when you were at the hospital. But your dad seemed more upset at Sean last night. He went into Miller’s office and they argued for a bit before your dad came storming out, Deputy Miller close behind him," she said and shook her head again.

  "A call came in about three hours later, asking for an ambulance. When I got there, they were loading Sean into the back. He was unconscious and pretty beaten up. Broken nose, looks like they'll have to wire his jaw. Some stitches. And your dad simply said he took a fall. Sean’s dad looked like he may have taken a little of the same fall as well. And there's more, Kate," she explained, tapping on the file folder lightly.

  I nodded for her to continue. For her to get it over with so I could be done with it.

  "The Feds are involved now. Because this originated in Iowa, I've contacted the FBI. Between them and the district attorneys, they'll be figuring out where to try Sean. Most likely, it will be in Iowa, because of the conflict of interest here with his father being a law enforcement officer. Your dad unfortunately may be implicated," she said, and paused to gauge my reaction.

  "What do you mean implicated?" Nathan asked for me again.

  He seemed to know I was having trouble speaking.

  It was too much.

  She looked from me to him, perhaps trying to evaluate how much she should say with him there. But then she nodded and opened the folder, revealing so many things I had no desire to see. I felt Nathan tense next to me when he saw a flash of the pictures of me when I had arrived, before she closed the folder again, a piece of paper in her hand.

  “There are receipts from your father’s company that pay for Sean’s travel while he was searching for you. They can add him as an accessory to your kidnapping because of it. There’s also proof that your father willingly assisted Deputy Miller in hiding his son while the warrant was out for him.”

  I struggled to come to terms with the fact that my father had been involved all along. He’d say he was doing it because he was worried, but I knew he was just looking for a way to keep it quiet. If anything good had come of this, it was that I could finally step away from all of the nonsense, and never look back.

  This was not my life anymore; I had a family in Iowa that cared for me.

  “It doesn't matter. As soon as you say I can, I'll be returning back to Iowa," I said, trying to appear strong.

  She glanced at Nathan again, this time a little more carefully. She seemed to come to a decision when she smiled and looked back at me.

  "I think that's a good idea, Kate. You seem happier with that decision," she mu
rmured.

  "So I guess I just need to wait for the test results? Will Sean stay in jail until they figure out where to have the trial?" I asked, wanting to wrap this up and get moving on my new life.

  "You don’t need to stay for the results if you don’t want to. We can send you those results back, but you and I both know what the results will be. As far as him getting out? There is always the chance of bail, but I doubt his father can afford it, especially now that he’s on suspension for hiding his son. No, Sean will be in custody until they extradite him to Iowa," she replied.

  The idea that he could possibly make bail didn't sit well.

  "He won't make bail, Kate. I think it will be set pretty high, and maybe not at all given the fact that he hid while we looked for him. You're safe now," she reiterated.

  I felt Nathan squeeze my hand in encouragement.

  "Now," Deputy Stevens said and pulled out another piece of paper. "If you are going back to Iowa, we'll need some way to contact you. The FBI will want to interview you, as will the local district attorney. I believe the sheriff there already took statements from your family there."

  "You can take down my address," Nathan said, blushing slightly when I looked his way. He returned the smile and bent over the paper to fill out the address for me.

  "I should be getting the test results soon. With the FBI involved and Sean in custody, that has helped to speed things up. I can send you any information you want at this address,” she said.

  We stood and shook hands with her, one step of my journey complete.

  "Thank you, for believing me. And for doing so much. I'll never forget this," I said softly while she held my hand.

  "It is my job, Kate. You take care. We'll see an end to all of this. I hope you have a good life where you are going. I have a feeling you will," she said and grinned at Nathan once more, who took her hand and shook it lightly.

  "I will take care of her, Deputy Stevens. I promise," he murmured and pulled me out of the station.

  Hopefully for the last time.

  Chapter 32

  I stepped out of the bank, irritated with the news I had been told.

  “What is wrong?” Nathan asked as I slid back into the driver’s seat.

  “Dad took most of my money out of my savings,” I grated, pulling out into traffic once more towards home. I had some things to say to him.

  Nathan kept quiet, knowing that I was angry by the way I gripped the wheel. I shook my head again and let out a bitter laugh.

  “Nice to know he could finance Sean’s little trip but wouldn’t allow me the chance to go to school with the money I had earned,” I spat.

  Nathan soothed me with his hand on my arm, willing me to calm down.

  “It is in the past, Kate. We do not need the money. We will get by,” he said simply.

  “I had almost four thousand dollars in the bank, Nathan,” I said and watched his eyes widen. “How much grain and hay is that?”

  “It is done, Kate. It cannot be undone,” he replied softly. “We will manage fine.”

  I sighed and concentrated on the road, trying to do as Nathan said. But every second closer to the house, the more frustrated I became. My hard earned money had dragged me back here, and now we had barely enough to make it back to Iowa. I wasn’t sure Nathan understood how much it would cost to drive back.

  Perhaps I would need to sell the car now and we would take the bus back.

  All my hopes of being able to show a little of my world to Nathan had evaporated with my empty bank account. I gritted my teeth when we pulled up to the house, seeing my father’s car still there. I knew I would need to confront him, to say my goodbyes. But now there was the fact that he had stolen from me to deal with.

  “It will be fine,” Nathan assured me at the door. “What is done is done. You can only forgive him and move on.”

  Forgiveness was not on my list, even though I knew it was Nathan’s way. And would soon be my way as well. If I hoped for any closure from this life, I knew I would have to forgive and forget. We walked into the kitchen to set down the groceries we had bought while we were out, yet another expense I was suddenly worried over. It was another minute when we heard Dad moving around upstairs. Nathan slipped away and watched me as I finally put away the groceries, a frown on his face. When I put the last of the items in the refrigerator, he spoke up.

  "How long would you like to stay before we leave?" he asked quietly.

  I laughed quietly and shook my head.

  "If I could we'd be there already," I retorted.

  "I know that, but how long would you like to say your goodbyes to you father?" he asked, and his eyes held mine intently.

  I thought about it, about the finality of saying goodbye, and knew, it wouldn't take much.

  As much as I needed to forgive my father, it wouldn't be drawn out.

  "Not long, Nathan," I whispered and turned toward the hallway when we heard my father coming down the stairs.

  He came in, glancing at us for a moment before reaching into the refrigerator to grab a drink. He didn't say anything for a moment, taking a long sip.

  "Stacy left, so when are you leaving?" he asked.

  I blinked at his abruptness, although I shouldn't have been surprised. I could tell in his eyes he knew I was leaving for good.

  "As soon as I’m packed,” I replied, watching as he nodded and waved me with him towards his office.

  "I have a few things to say, alone," he emphasized, glaring back at Nathan as he retreated.

  I looked at Nathan, who simply offered me an encouraging nod.

  "I will be right here if you need me," he whispered and sat at the table, while I went off to speak with my father.

  He was sitting in his chair, looking at the blank computer screen while he waited for me to sit. When I was situated, he took another long drink and pulled his eyes from the screen to look at me. His eyes were hard but vacant.

  "So you intend to really go away? And let the charges against Sean stand? This boy is that special?" he asked, and I could hear the bitterness in his voice.

  "He is. I'm happy with him. And Sean brought on the charges himself," I replied, trying to sound calm.

  My father snorted and shook his head.

  "You leave and that will be it. I won't be around to help you out," he replied curtly.

  I wanted to say so many things in rebuttal.

  "I'll be fine where I am going," I said instead. It was better that way.

  "Well, I just want you to be sure. If things don't work out there, you're on your own. I have enough to deal with here when you leave," he murmured and I could tell he meant he knew he was in trouble.

  I looked away and shook my head.

  "What you did, Dad. With Sean. That was your doing, not mine. Whatever problems that come up because of that are your issues and not mine," I said, my voice struggling to sound sure.

  He was quiet for a while, and at first I thought perhaps that was all he had to say to me, until he spoke again, this time much more quietly.

  "I should have been the one to bring you home. Then maybe he wouldn't have gone too far. Maybe then you and he would still be together," he whispered.

  I stared at him hard, trying to understand how he rationalized anything.

  "I ran away because I was afraid of him, Dad. That night before I left, he tried to rape me. His friends helped hold me down. Did he tell you that? And then he brings me home a mess, and that was okay? I don't get it. You never once questioned my injuries. Instead, you couldn’t see he was the dangerous one, that he hurt me over and over. And then you send him to find me? Everything about that is wrong," I spat and moved to get up.

  He leaned out and took my arm carefully, indecision on his face when he noticed me flinch.

  "He should have known better. I made it clear he was just there to get you to come home," he stated. “I didn’t know about the rest.”

  I yanked my arm away and stared down at him in disbelief.

  "
And that makes it all right? You paid for his trip, with my savings, and you expect me to be all right with all of this?" I asked heatedly, feeling the tears rising up in my eyes.

  He slumped back in the chair and shook his head, not saying a word.

  And with that, I knew. Dad would never be the father I needed.

  We were done.

  I let out a defeated sigh and sat back down, watching him as he stared ahead blankly. He would end up a lonely man, without anyone to care for him. And it would be his fault. I sat a little straighter and knuckled down my courage. I was ready to get this over with.

  To close this door, for good.

  "Dad, I forgive you."

  He looked at me in surprise but I raised my hand before he could speak.

  "I need to finish. I forgive you for being blind to how much your daughter needed a father when her boyfriend decided to possess her. I forgive you for not being here when I needed someone to protect me all those times he got angry with me. I forgive you for thinking he was more important than your own flesh and blood when it mattered. And I forgive you for not believing in me when it mattered most. I forgive you for taking what little I have of myself to give to those that would hurt me. I forgive you for abandoning your daughters after their mother died, and I forgive you for never thinking that family was more important than your career. I understand now, because I have that chance with Nathan. I forgive you," I said, my words seeming to come out in force as I thought them.

  He looked at me wide eyed for a moment before I stood and made to walk out.

  "And I hope you understand, that I am going someplace that I will be happy. I will be loved. I will have a family that cares about me. And for that I have to thank you. Because had you stepped up and been the father I needed, I would have never left, and I would have never found love. Some would call it fate, I think I’d like to think someone guided me there," I murmured and walked out, leaving him to sit alone to dwell on his own failures.

  Nathan was by the hall door to the kitchen, his hands in his pockets and a worried look on his face as I walked swiftly past him to grab my car keys.