Only in Her Dreams

by Christina McKnight

  She paused on the other end. For a moment, all he could hear was breathing and he feared he’d been overly demanding.

  She didn’t belong to him. She had her own life to live.

  “It’s Wednesday. I always visit my mother on Wednesday,” she said, breaking her silence. “I’m calling to see if you want me to bring dinner home.”

  Maxim regretted raising his voice. He’d never given a thought to Guy’s wife. He knew Lucessa cared about her mom deeply because she was present in many of her dreams, but he didn’t know where the woman was.

  Lucessa had asked for none of this, and now she seemed to be grasping at any semblance of normalcy. All of this fed Maxim’s unease.

  “I’m sorry. I have been worried, that is all. Yes, I would enjoy something for dinner.” The awkwardness of the morning disappeared, with his worry at her casual offer of sustenance.

  “What do you like?”

  What do I like? He’d never given it much thought. He ate what was prepared for him. After so many years the staff knew Guy’s favorite dishes and no preference was given to him or his brother.

  “Anything will do. Pick your favorite food, I’m sure it will be delicious.”

  “Okay, I’ll be home soon.”

  He would see her soon and he doubted he’d be able to let her out of his sight again.

  # # #

  Lucessa walked in the door fifteen minutes later, taco truck burritos in hand. They were her favorite, but she always felt guilty buying them for only herself. It was great to have someone to eat with, someone waiting for her at home, someone to share a bottle of wine with. She’d forgotten how comforting it could be to share her life with someone, at least when Greg hadn’t been in school, studying for an exam, or volunteering at the local hospital. A girl could get use to this, especially with a dashing man like Maxim around.

  Maxim eyed the white plastic bag, his brow wrinkled. She set her purse and their food on the dining room table.

  “Don’t worry, the food’s top notch--as far as taco truck food goes. You’ll love it.”

  “Oh, I trust your judgment in food, but I’ve never smelled anything like it. Exactly what is it?” Maxim asked, confusion clouding his face.

  “It’s only the most authentic Mexican food available north of the border.” Lucessa could barely contain her enthusiasm. She reached in the bag and withdrew two foil wrapped burritos stuffed with rice, beans, carne asada, guacamole, sour cream, salsa and onions. Her mouth watered.

  Maxim sat at the table and Lucessa followed suit after she’d grabbed two glasses and milk from the fridge.

  His face still held a look of suspicion as he unwrapped his burrito. “This is heavy. Is this all one meal?”

  She laughed. It was obvious he’d never had a burrito--let alone a taco truck burrito. The suspicious look vanished from his face, only to be replaced with a hurt look.

  “You’re not the only one in the country who hasn’t tried taco truck!” she said, attempting to soothe his feelings. “I’m sure there’s a town in North Dakota that taco trucks haven’t taken over.” Lucessa suppressed a grin.

  “Are you laughing at my expense?” His hurt look was replaced by a grin. He could take a joke.

  “Never.” She smiled. Something is different about him. He’s more relaxed, less formal. She could get used to this Maxim, too.

  “This is really good.” His face turned serious as he chewed his first bite, washing it down with a cool swallow of milk. “How’s Marie?” he asked.

  It was her turn to look confused. She’d never mentioned her mother--other than on the phone today, and she definitely didn’t remember telling Maxim her mother’s name.

  Unease stabbed her gut. Who is this guy? I’m making a huge mistake! This was the first time she found herself questioning his presence, his motives for protecting her. Did he know her mother?

  Play it cool, Lucessa. Find out more before you jump to conclusions, she told herself.

  “She’s doing well. The doctors say the Alzheimer’s will get progressively worse as time passes, but she’s proved the doctors wrong so far. Still, most days she doesn’t remember me or my father.” Lucessa watched Maxim’s face for any change in expression. Does he know more about me then he’s telling? A look crossed his face, but was gone before she could be sure what it was.

  “Has she been sick long?” His question was uttered casually, but she felt the air in the room thicken.

  She chewed the bite in her mouth and swallowed before she replied. “Since the accident, actually. Her memory was impaired then and has only gotten worse since.”

  “I’m sorry.” He bowed his head, refusing to meet her gaze.

  “It was hard when I was younger, but I learned how to take care of her. When I went to college I found a home I could afford with the money from my father’s life insurance policy.” She wanted to cry at the memory of leaving her mom at the nursing home and the way her mother had watched her walk out the door.

  “That must have been hard on you.”

  “It still is. I’d hoped to bring her home after Greg finished his internship, but then he passed and I’ve been busy working both jobs. I just don’t have the time to devote to her.” Lucessa tried to keep the sadness and disappointment from her voice, but her emotions seeped through. It’d been a long time since she was able to open up to someone other than Julie.

  Her greatest fear had been that someone would think she’d abandoned her own mother.

  “Do you see her often?” Such a simple question yet it had Lucessa second guessing her efforts to care for her mother.

  “I see her every Wednesday. I wish I could visit every day, but there never seems to be enough time. By the way, how’d you know her name?” she asked casually.

  # # #

  Shock. That was the only way he could describe his feelings at the moment. He’d attempted to hide his knowledge of her family but she was too perceptive. The earlier mention of her mom had brought back the only thing Guy had mentioned about his wife. He said something about her Italian heritage, her love of family, and her adoration of Lucessa after so many years without a child.

  “I saw it on a scrap of paper when I searched your house the other night.” He hoped his quick thinking soothed her mind, he needed her cooperation to protect her and to ensure the continued safety of the people in Erebos. If he knew Darius well, and he did, when the attack came it would be ruthless. His brother didn’t care who he hurt or who he had to use to get what he wanted. And what he wanted was Guy’s place as leader of the Oneiroi and most likely the death of both Guy and himself.

  The familiar tightening in his chest returned as it did every time he thought about his twin.

  Maxim continued eating his burrito. His mind wandered to thoughts of his family, her family and the link between them.

  “You seem deep in thought,” she murmured.

  “Just thinking about my family, how things change, people grow, and how the burden of responsibility shifts.” Melancholy settled on the room.

  Lucessa nodded.

  He was deceiving her again. She probably thought he was thinking about the burden and responsibilities he bore. But his thoughts centered on the burdens Guy had taken on and the distance between Darius and himself.

  They’d been playmates growing up, he and his twin. Darius was always a little rough, pushing his ‘little brother’ to achieve things he would’ve never done on his own. But things changed right before his father died. Darius was anxious to take over. He wanted to change the way things were done, but their father wouldn’t allow it. When he died, Maxim wasn’t convinced Darius would do what was best for Erebos and the people.

  Darius always did what was good for Darius.

  Maxim had been confident in his decision to seek out Guy, the brother Maxim hadn’t known existed until the month before his father’s passing. Unsure if he could trust or depend on Guy, he quickly learned his eldest brother was cut from the same cloth as past leaders of Erebos.<
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  In the end, Guy banished Darius and his followers to a life on Earth as mere humans. His twin wasn’t equipped to live the life Guy had embraced and enjoyed. Guy reasoned the experience would help Darius grow into the man he knew he could be and Maxim agreed.

  “Am I a burden?” Her question pulled him out of his past and in to her present. Their present.

  “No, never.” Maxim stared intently at her. He needed to reassure her that his choice to be with her was essential--overwhelming.

  “Until now I haven’t given much thought to what you’d rather be doing. Following me around must be boring,” she mumbled and dipped her burrito in salsa and took a small bite.

  “Oh no, Erebos is boring compared to Earth.” The statement sounded lame. “Plus, they don’t have taco trucks or good wine.” He winked, hoping to sooth her worries. What he said was also true, he planned to find a taco truck soon.

  “Tell me more about your life. How’d you wind up getting assigned to me?”

  “I wouldn’t say you’re an assignment.” Maxim struggled with how to explain it, without giving her too much information. After his earlier slip he couldn’t afford to raise her suspicions again. “More of a hobby.”

  Her eyebrow raised and she leaned toward him. “And how’d you find this ‘hobby’?”

  “As an Oneiroi, we often watch over those in need.”

  “So that explains why you came when my dad died and again after my husband passed.” The tension that’d creased her forehead began to smooth.

  Not the whole reason, but enough to pacify her. “Yes.” He took another bite of his burrito, eliminating the option of offering further explanation.

  “How’d you find out about me? I mean, who tells you who to watch over?”

  “Not all us are trained to watch over and guide humans. There are protocols, procedures...you understand, red tape. Just like the American government.”

  “So, like a CIA or FBI agent?” Her teasing smile told Maxim she didn’t think it was like a CIA or FBI agent at all.

  Again, she joked with him.

  It’d been a long time since he was around someone with a sense of humor. He relaxed in her presence; he hadn’t thought about the coming dangers in the thirty minutes they’d been eating.

  “Very similar in that we have a duty to follow through with the person and we submit reports to our leader.” The leader being his brother--and her father--but he wasn’t going to share that tidbit.

  “Interesting.” She leaned over the side of the table and fed the rest of her burrito to Goosey, she then stood to throw away her napkin and empty salsa bowl. Maxim grabbed his garbage and headed to the trash bin before Lucessa could pick up after him.

  “How was your day?” Maxim tried for a lighter topic of conversation, steering her away from their intertwined pasts.

  “Well, some guy knocked me on the street and my boss’s lunch got trampled, so not the best day,” she answered as she moved from the garbage can to the fridge. She swung the door open and grabbed a bottled water off the top shelf. “Want one?”

  “No, thank you.” He went on high alert. Could it be a coincidence? “What did the man look like?”

  “Funny you’d ask--I thought he looked like you. But that’s silly, right?” She turned and leaned against the counter, opening her water.

  “Yes, that’s strange.” Not as silly as she’d like to believe. Maxim wiped his sweaty palms along his pants. He needed to calm down. “Did he say anything?”

  “No, he just mumbled sorry and walked away. The guy was really rude.”

  “What was he wearing? Was he carrying anything? Did he--”

  “Slow down. Why all the interest in some clumsy guy?”

  They stared at each other. Lucessa scrutinized him and he debated how much to tell her. He didn’t want her life turned upside down; she shouldn’t fear going to work. Maxim just needed more time to deal with his wayward twin. Had Darius been following her?

  “Well?” she asked, her foot tapping the floor and her hands on her hips.

  Time’s up and he better come up with some excuse for interrogating her. “Is it hot in here to you?”

  Chapter 18

  Lucessa took a swig of her water, appraising his anxious face. He was hiding something. Did he think she’d been born yesterday? “No, I’m not hot. Probably the after effect of the salsa.”

  “That must be it. I’m going to head--”

  “Don’t change the subject.”

  He pulled his hand through his hair, his eyes wide.

  “Do you know who the guy is? Should I be worried?” She’d been worried all day, constantly looking over her shoulder. Her exploration online hadn’t helped either. They had the same eyes. There was no denying that.

  “I’m sure it was just an accident, as you said, some clumsy man not watching where he was going,” Maxim said. “I really must go to bed.”

  # # #

  “Where is he?” Guy asked the empty room.

  He awaited his dinner in the study. The ticking of the clock on the far wall pulled at his gaze. Twenty-four hours and he hadn’t heard a word from Maxim. Was there a problem with Lucessa? No, Maxim would do everything in his power to protect Lucessa.

  As he finished his meal of roasted quail, cheese, and bread, the door to his study opened, revealing his youngest brother.

  “Brother,” Maxim said with a bow.

  “I’ve been expecting you. What update do you bring me?”

  Maxim stood in front of him, head lowered and hands wringing. This wasn’t like his confident younger brother, who was always so sure of himself.

  “Come brother, out with it. Is the girl in good health?” Hesitation laced his words.

  “She is, but I don’t have much time. I’m here with other news,” Maxim said, continuing to deny his brother’s eye contact. “It’s Marie I’m here about.”

  Guy’s heart dropped and his hands trembled. When he’d made the choice to return to Erebos, he’d given up everything he possessed on Earth, including his wife and daughter. Every relationship was severed--never to be rekindled--but the mention of his beloved’s name brought back all the guilt of abandoning his family. He’d thought not talking about them out loud would blunt his pain, but there wasn’t a minute in the day he didn’t think about his Marie and Lucessa. The loves of his life.

  They were the reason he’d given up his happiness...to ensure their safety. While they hadn’t had him, they did have each other.

  He’d been grateful his father had allowed him the experience of having a family, something that neither of his brothers showed any interest in.

  “What about my Marie?” The panic in his voice showed his weakness, but Maxim was the one person he trusted above all else. He wouldn’t exploit this weakness. Others wouldn’t hesitant to use it against him.

  “As you’re aware, after the accident I wiped her of all memories pertaining to Erebos and your true identity.”

  Guy waved his hand in dismissal and waited for his brother to get on with the news. “Yes, we agreed that it was best for everyone involved.”

  “In recent years her memory has gone--”

  Guy cut him off. “Yes, again something I know. I was told by her Oneiroi that the doctors say it’s early onset Alzheimer’s.”

  “After speaking with Lucessa I think it is more than that. Her early memory loss may be due to the mind wipe I performed.”

  The implications of the statement were horrifying. “Explain.” Guy’s whole body thrummed.

  “Well, Lucessa says her mother was never the same after the accident. Her memory was nonexistent from that day forward. She struggled to take care of Marie, get her to school, and run the household.”

  Guy had agreed to return because he knew Marie could handle his death and take care of Lucessa, raising her in a stable and loving home. Did I leave my wife and daughter to suffer all these years? “That’s impossible. There has never been trouble wiping the minds of humans.” He refused
to believe this could be true and all his fault.

  “Yours and Marie’s lives were inexorably intertwined. She knew all your secrets. Usually we wipe the short term memory of humans to hide our recent interactions with them. Marie’s mind was different, her memory of you was imbedded deep and linked all memories in her brain,” Maxim explained.

  Guy’s knees buckled and hit the marble tile. Maxim rushed to his side, catching his arm before he fell face first onto the hard surface. Guy’s world crashed around him. He thought he’d provided everything his family needed to survive without him, instead his decisions ruined his wife and created hardships for his daughter.

  “How can this be? She seems fine when I visit her--”

  “What?”

  “Nothing, nothing. How can I fix what I’ve done?” The question escaped his throat on a sob, tears fell freely from his eyes.

  “I don’t know, brother. I’m not in the practice of giving memories back, but I can try.” Maxim’s regret painfully evident.

  “Will she be well again?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Maxim had served as a watcher while Guy lived his Earthly life. Maxim’s knowledge of their powers were extensive, coming directly from Morpheus and Guy had put much faith in Maxim’s abilities, having developed them over the years Guy used none of his. The urge to blame his brother was strong and Guy struggled to accept it was his own ignorance that led to his wife’s disability.

  “Can restoring her memories make her worse?”

  “There are possibilities and consequences we cannot foresee.”

  Guy walked around his desk and eased into his chair, rubbing his forehead to relieve the headache that throbbed powerfully in his frontal lobe. “Maybe it’s time Lucessa learns who she really is, who her father is, and how he destroyed her mother.”

  # # #

  Maxim had to get back to Lucessa. The danger surrounding both of them grew by the hour. He’d debated telling Guy about Lucessa’s encounter with Darius, and now he was glad he’d withheld the information.