Don't Judge Me
Page 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
Expecting
It’s Wednesday night, and the youth room is full of kids. Many are eager to get started, many are eager to finish quickly. Jennifer scans the room until she spots Tammie. She hasn’t attended service in weeks and hasn’t returned any of Jennifer’s phone calls. They don’t go to the same high school, so they haven’t seen or spoken to one another. She makes a mental note to catch up with Tammie after service.
•••
Jennifer corners Tammie after the youth service is dismissed. Tammie had tried to sneak out unnoticed.
"What's going on, Tammie?" Jennifer asks, crossing her arms. "You haven't been here lately."
"It's nothing," Tammie mumbles. She tries to walk around Jennifer, but Jennifer grabs her arm gently.
"Come on, Tammie, I know there's something else going on," Jennifer says softly.
"Just drop it okay?" Tammie is obviously upset. She pulls away from Jennifer and walks away quickly. Jennifer purses her lips, determined to find out what is going on.
"Tammie!" she calls after her. "Wait, Tammie!" Jennifer runs behind her. "Tammie, you can talk to me." Jennifer is sure it is something serious. Tammie usually has some input for group discussions, but she hadn't said a word all night.
Tammie stops and turns around to face Jennifer. Her sudden stop catches Jennifer off guard and she nearly trips over her sneakers to avoid a collision.
"Jen," Tammie's eyes filled with tears. "I-I'm sorry, I can't," Tammie puts her hands on her face.
Jennifer places her hand on Tammie's back. "It's alright Tammie. You can tell me what's going on."
Tammie sniffs and wipes away the tears on her face with her hand. "You remember Devon, Jennifer? The one that I told you was so great?"
That jerk dumped her, she thinks. "Yes, I remember him," Jennifer replies solemnly.
"Well, he," Tammie begins, "He…" Tammie begins to cry again, and Jennifer pulls her into an embrace.
"It's okay, Tammie," she says soothingly. "That guy didn’t deserve you, girl. He didn’t know what he had, so don't worry about him. There will be other guys."
"No," Tammie whimpers.
Jennifer sighs. "I know it doesn't seem that way now, but in the end, you'll be glad to be rid of him. Just wait and see."
"No!" Tammie sobs. "That's not it, Jen!"
Jennifer looks at her, completely puzzled.
Tammie looks around. A few members of the youth walk past them, laughing and joking about the service. Tammie motions for Jennifer to walk with her to a more private area, around the side of the youth building.
Jennifer follows her around the corner and leans against the wall. “Okay, Tammie, what’s going on?” she asks.
Tammie’s eyes brim with fresh tears and she hesitates. After a long silence, she finally speaks.
“Jen I’m pregnant,” she whispers.
Jennifer can barely hear her. “You’re what?” she asks.
“I’m pregnant,” Tammie cries, this time only slightly louder.
“I don’t understand,” Jennifer stammers, shaking her head in disbelief.
"I'm pregnant," Tammie repeats, sniffling as she speaks. "I found out a week ago."
Jennifer places a hand on her head, stunned.
“Oh, my God.” Jennifer looks at Tammie with bewilderment. "Are you crazy? What were you thinking, Tammie?"
"I wasn’t," Tammie cries. "I was at his house in his room, and it was only one time – “
"That doesn't matter!" Jennifer exclaims. "One time is all it takes, Tammie! Why would you even put yourself in a position like that?"
"I don't know!" Tammie cries. "I just wanted him to like me, Jennifer. I thought if I showed him I trusted him things would be better between us. I know I made a mistake, okay?"
"This is beyond a mistake, Tammie!" Jennifer continues. "What did your mom say?"
"I can't tell her, Jennifer," Tammie replies. "She would be heartbroken."
"You can't keep this a secret, Tammie," Jennifer sighs. "People are going to find out eventually."
"Don't tell anyone!" Tammie pleads with her. "I'm not ready for anyone to know, Jennifer. Please don't tell anyone."
"I can't believe you," Jennifer shakes her head and looks at Tammie. "I would never have thought you'd do something like this, Tammie."
"It was an accident, Jen," Tammie tries to explain. "I didn’t mean for things to go that far."
"It doesn't matter now does it?" Jennifer says coolly.
"Jen, don't be like that," Tammie sniffs and gives Jennifer a pained expression.
“Be like what, Tammie?” Jennifer gives her a sharp look. “We’re Christians, remember? Christians don’t sleep with their boyfriends to keep them. If you were worried about him liking you, then you had no business being with him in the first place!”
Tammie shakes her head. “Jen, how can you say that to me?” Jennifer folds her arms as Tammie continues. “I thought you were my friend, Jennifer. I didn’t think you’d turn on me like this.”
“Turn on you?” Jennifer scoffs. You’re the one who’s turned her back on the faith. You’re the one who sinned, not me. I thought you were my friend. We’re supposed to hold each other accountable. How can I expect you to look out for me if you’re messing around and living a lie?”
“Jennifer, it was only one time!” Tammie is exasperated.
“And what do you think led up to that ‘one time’ Tammie?” Jennifer shouts. “You made one compromise after another to be with Devon from the very beginning! You’ve changed your hair, and your clothes, and your hemline. For what? You weren’t trying to do that for his soul, Tammie. Face it, you wanted this to happen.”
“No! That’s not true!” Tammie shakes her head emphatically. “Jen, you know me better than that! I would never intentionally—“
“You know what? Save it, Tammie,” Jennifer bites her lip in frustration. “I just… can’t believe you. Who are you, really?”
Tammie’s head sinks low in shame. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, Jennifer,” she cries hoarsely. She makes a weak attempt to wipe away the tears from her face. “But Jen, I really need your support. I know you’re upset right now, but maybe we can talk tomor—“
“I don’t think so, Tammie,” Jennifer cuts her off and swipes away the tears in her eyes. “I’ve got to go. My mom’s waiting.”
“Jen…” Tammie trails off as Jennifer walks away.