The Celestial Sea

by Marina de Nadous

  P.m. Adrian: Sorry to rush you earlier when you probably needed recharging. Thank-you for being here.

  ‘He finds his feet on the pitching deck. The stormy seas run high and the wind howls through the rigging. She who has held him while he staggered from the water as it crashed over the deck; she who has stood slight, yet proud, plucky and willing, she now gasps at the Power around them. His hand, strengthened, steadies her. Breathing together, they wait—and pray’——

  Mouse: Wow—My Lord Swallow——your perception and strength overawe me. Powerful indeed. We are on the high seas again; how I love to sail with you. Your Lady is deciding to come out of the shadows. She will certainly need your beautiful calm and poise to hold her. She will get used to the sudden impulses too. We had better get our swords ready then——‘to stand beside Angels when we reach the beloved, known shore’——X

  Adrian: Ho! Turbulent times. Can we keep our heads? Our breath flowing——life moving in us——without stiffening and holding in fear and doubt. Masters or Novices? The tide will tell-—

  Mouse: True Lovers——they surely are——X

  Thursday 12th October 2006

  A.m. Mouse: The dawn breaks——clear and blustery across the rolling backdrop of these surprising times. A broken night’s rest and your Lady decides Friday might be the day to change the course of our lives. She feels a need to meet again before she goes ahead——a chance to be with the man she loves, to make sure he feels secure. This is not a path we have to take, but if we do, we need to feel one hundred percent sure, clear and happy——excited too——as wind-blown waves across the bay——X

  PAINTED PAPER

  My heart lies upon the painted paper,

  Verse and lyric, complete upon your artistic foundation.

  Ripples of love—————

  Merging into shades of majestic indigo and violet,

  Vibrant tones from our lips, our breath, our souls.

  If this means as much to you as it does to me,

  Then——I am prepared to change the direction of

  The path I am treading,

  The path I have been treading for so long.

  To weave a new blend of colour with the old,

  Just as these words of mine upon your painted paper

  Bring new life, new meaning.

  But only if this means as much to you——as it does to me.

  Adrian: Peace, strength and insight; my prayers for you, My Love. I am well, although afflicted by a sore belly from indulgent eating last night. Wheat-free bread and butter——creamy, cheesy potato-bake, battered fish——mmm——delicious, but wicked. Spirit is still clear. I can meet the world about us. I love you.

  Mouse: Thank-you. Are you free at 1.45 again, or is it your whole school day? I love you too——X

  Adrian: Finish at 1p.m Free.

  Mouse: Great——will be with you as soon as I can. Yum--M--X

  * * * * * * *

  Early P.m Adrian: On my way, Sweet One——

  Lunchtime takes us to The Leafy Glade yet again. I reckon this basement has never seen so much intrigue and passion. We have much to discuss. The Boat is anchored and the sails stowed. The Small One sleeps. Do we take the next step and put The Laird in the picture? And how do we soften the blow?

  “It is so different with you,” Adrian is serious today. “I really respect you. I have never met anyone who matches my spark. I really love you and could even face The Laird with it.” I take his hands in mine. “I’m feeling a little nervous. I feel so safe; so sure when I am with you. Here, let me massage your sore gut; is that the right spot? No more wheat-free bread for you!”

  I depart for School in a beautiful daze; so sure I belong with Adrian. The children are lively and hungry as ever. The Dairy makes a useful stop when the cupboard is bare.

  P.m. Mouse: Darling Lover of mine——Cordelia has put your gas stove in the school office. I won’t need it for the School Cafe. I thought you might use it for making porridge in the morning. Good for the tum. Hope the staff meeting went well? With your masterly skills in leadership it surely did. How lucky is this Lady on the windy Mountain? May blessings be showered upon you; upon us. Thank-you for a beautiful afternoon. Your gentle touch lies sacred upon my brow——X

  Friday 13th October 2006

  A.m. Mouse: The ‘Boundaries’ missive is delivered with a cup of tea and a kiss. Let’s pray for divine help, My Love. Right now and all today——loving you——X

  Adrian: I’m with you. Strength and peace. We have a practice of the Nativity Play at 3.45p.m if you can make it? It has been decided that you are to play Mary. Humble thanks to God. We are blessed, My Love, truly being touched. Praise. I love you. X

  Mouse: My beautiful Swallow Man——thank-you for your warming message. Mary——well, well! Life is full of golden surprises. Are you free later this morning?

  We meet briefly at Big J’s house today. I have the School Café soup to prepare. Frances helps me cut up vegetables while we chat. Her daughter Lottie is a year older than Rinky. Frances has a new man in her life; a farmer in Hawk’s Bay. Her nursing contract has another six months to run, but she plans to join him in May. They miss each other during the weeks apart. I wonder what she thinks of my friendship with Adrian. I expect he will tell her the truth soon. She is like a sister to him at the moment.

  Before I transport the soup to school Adrian and I steel a quick cuddle, boots and all. We look at the date on the calendar above the bed; it’s Friday 13th. It was a Friday 13th many years ago that I told The Laird we could no longer be together. I remember parting from him outside Harrods in London at the beginning of our break-up of a few months. We were so young; in our late teens, early twenties. He was working in the Harrods Food Halls for part of his Gap Year.

  “Do you know,” I announce; “I have never slept with anyone apart from The Laird. In all my life, you are the only other person who has crossed that threshold with me. A good convent girl am I.” Pulling me closer, he grins. “Well, we had better make up for that then, hadn’t we——boots or no boots!”

  The lunchtime café proves popular with satisfied customers relaxing under the courtyard trees. The soup pot is empty by one-thirty. A couple of Class 5 pupils help with the clearing up and collect stray napkins before they blow across the courtyard; it is windy today. Once my portable café is re-stowed in the van Adrian, Cordelia and I have a meeting about our Workshop initiative. We decide to bring the group to an end at the close of the year. It has been great, but we think it better to concentrate our energies in School; keep the inspiration under one roof and not dilute our available skills. It has been a magical time but the commitment and difficult spread of age range has made the decision clear; we shan’t continue as a regular feature next February. Perhaps we will undertake some occasional sessions. We’ll see. We conclude the week with a brief run-through of the Staff Nativity Play.

  P.m. Mouse: How beautiful to be your Mary, My Love. I really enjoyed our practice today. The songs are lovely. It’s wonderful to sing beside you in such a role. Something extraordinary is working in our lives. Are you playing in the café tonight? We are all at home now. Poor Laird is in a shocking bad mood as he got dumped with the Touch Rugby team organization after school. Am walking on eggshells for lots of reasons. Will text or phone later if possible. Loving my carpenter Joseph with beautiful, soft-hearted yearning. Just want to make love with him——mmm——Sleep well.

  P.s are you about in the morning? I will be alone and free from 9.30 for a while——XXXXX

  Adrian: Band practice. Hoping you are well, Sweet One, high on your Mountain Eyrie. Eeeeggshells all round? Finish in an hour.

  Chapter 4 Shells

  Saturday 14th October 2006

  A cup of tea in bed is always a good way to start the weekend. The children slumber on, or read quietly in their rooms. We have a lot to discuss. My husband holds the ‘Boundaries’ piece in his hands. My faithful companion; I now present him with his biggest challen
ge ever. We are nervous; treading so carefully. This question threatens our very standing as a couple——well, certainly the picture he holds as a permanent, totally reliable fixture anyway. It has been so for years. Why should it change?

  “Beautiful writing,” he begins. “I can go with most of it, except the part where you say you feel no judgement of right or wrong. You still haven’t given me any definite boundaries. Are there any? If I discovered you were sleeping with him I would be devastated.” I don’t admit that we are already way beyond that stage. I admit that we wished to sleep together and that I could be with Adrian and maintain our marriage. “No, it wouldn’t be possible,” he responds. “I can’t believe we are having a conversation like this; that you can even think such thoughts.” We leave it at that. I still need to tell him where the exact boundaries lie; the real, physical boundaries. Maybe I am deluding myself. Perhaps that is what being in love does to you. The day begins and I realize that my husband never asks how I am feeling; how I am personally. We don’t meet each other emotionally.

  Mouse: Good morning, My Darling——hope you aren’t too discombobulated after band practice? Well, we have had the big chat just now. The results are much as I thought. Our exact boundaries are still required, although we are being given enormous freedom and generosity. Are you free this morning? Loving you——X

  Adrian: Heading home from Yoga class. Very keen to see you. Any time. How about breakfast in town? I am at Monument Park.

  Mouse: Excellent idea, My Lord Swallow. Which part of the park? Can be there 9.30ish. I shall sail our Boat around the headland and join you——X

  Adrian: Fountain

  I wander along the shoreline looking for my Friend. Ah, there he is; what is he doing? His dog at his heel, he is busy collecting an armful of bright green seaweed. “Hello there, My Lady,” he waves. “Come and see what I have made us.” Climbing down from the grass onto the sands I see what he is up to. Creative as always, Lord Swallow is constructing the most perfect green heart out of the Sea Lettuce. Right in the centre nestles a pink seaweed heart. “The pink heart is for Little Arthur,” he adds proudly. I smile, kissing him gently hello. “It’s beautiful. Thank-you so much——I love it.” I help him finish the simple sculpture by adding a few shells, and then we take off our boots and wander together, hand-in-hand over the sands towards the remote area of the park. We have never been here before. Seabirds rise up in front of us; the water is especially calm.

  There are no people at this end of the bay and we easily find a sheltered cove where we can sit quietly. I lie back against my Swallow Man, watching the dappled light filter through the overhead Pohutukawa trees. I am wearing a pale blue jumper; it matches my eyes——I know Adrian likes it. We kiss each other again and again, disturbed only by a delicate dragonfly that settles on a nearby rock. “I never want to stop kissing you,” I whisper.

  We have a lot to talk over. I share all; everything that has been said; what The Laird needs and how we can move forward. Although the way is complicated we both feel totally blessed, held and directed. Another rung of the golden ladder on our Boat has been achieved. Perhaps one day soon we might reach the Crow’s Nest and view the wider Ocean. The dog potters close by as we lie in the shade of the cove. Little Arthur builds sandcastles within our sight. “This shall be our Dragonfly Cove,” we agree; “a calm sanctuary in these choppy waters. Let’s go find some breakfast,” Adrian announces. “I’m hungry.”

  P.m. Mouse: He made them a sculpture on the sand——a large, soft heart in green seaweed——small touches of warming pink highlighting the spontaneity of his accolade to their perfect love. A private Dragonfly Cove was waiting for their tender exchange——holding each other so comfortably they could have stayed all day. The early summer haze held magic across the bay——The Small One watching their embrace with open delight——X

  Adrian: Good evening, Friend. Thank-you for the opening to the next chapter. I am reading my horoscope and birth-chart and tidying up after a gardening day——happy family. Longing for you. Wondering how your day was? Thinking of Dragonflies. Much Love A.

  Monday 15th October 2006

  A.m. Mouse: Good morning, My Gorgeous Friend. Thank-you for the lovely message——found it at 4 a.m. I felt you so close. Wanted to drive down the hill and slip into your arms, curling my yearning form around yours and melting into you——eyes——lips——limbs——diamond-seeking touch——exquisite union of the highest kind. I lie beside you now. I love you. Have a really good day in Hamilton on your course. Loving you lots—X

  Adrian: My eye’s beauty, my heart’s companion, my body’s match-mate, my soul’s friend, my mind’s meeter, my loin’s crafter. Yes, I love you. Is it really possible to stay balanced with this intensity of feeling? I am working on a reaction I get to Cordelia at the moment, especially at our meeting on Friday——lingering and colouring my day at a low level. Maybe we can talk tonight. I leave soon. Be well, My Love. Adrian X

  Mouse: Ah——mmm——such extraordinary intensity. I am knocked sideways by the force of it. So beautiful, with the ability to reach still calm too. I pray we can keep balanced. About dear Cordelia——yes, am feeling things as well. Can she sense our union? Does she feel awkward or does she disapprove? Is she still feeling out of herself after her big trip away? Or is it, in fact, what we are feeling ourselves? Before she left for Europe we were a threesome, and now? Let’s speak later——X

  It is Sunday, so as regular churchgoers we head into town for the weekly service. I love the time for quiet reflection in our overly busy life. In recent weeks I have found that some form of revelation or insight comes to me about ‘The Celestial Sea’ and where she might be taking us. At times I can’t help feeling how shocked and appalled the congregation would be if they knew what Oceans the wife of their College’s Director of Spirituality was sailing across. Me of all people! I have never done anything wrong in my life and here I am committing one of the biggest sins and feeling not the slightest remorse.

  The Laird is directing a presentation from The Bishop this morning: ‘Worship under Southern Skies’. I don’t really listen but others seem interested and pay attention. Obviously not me; I have much more exciting things to think about. How about ‘Worship on the High Seas’? If the congregation had Lord Swallow at the helm they wouldn’t be worshipping in their seats, that’s for sure! Please excuse me. I am being irreverent.

  We had a very funny start to our weekly service today. After a domestic disagreement before breakfast the Go-Getter was presented with a challenge: “Okay Boyo, if that’s how you feel we dare you to walk into church with a pair of boxer-shorts on your head. We’ll give you fifty dollars if you do it!” Our ten-year-old thought about it for a while. “All right,’ he stated with great aplomb; “I will!” Accompanied by his giggling family, our sporting wee fellow surprised us all and actually carried out the dare! A marvellous start to the day. I’m sure it gave The Angels a good laugh. They must find us Earth Dwellers a bit stiff most of the time.

  On a more serious note, I had a strong and slightly odd revelation/thought during the service. I have written about it. I’ll explain later.

  P.m. Mouse: Hello, My Friend. How goes the Course? We are having a structured day, starting with a hilarious bet where the Go-Getter won himself $50. Then home to do chores where the boys decided to show their Alfa-Male identity and tore down your wonderful hot-tub invention in the garden, which I found interestingly hard to handle. Then I got a bump on the head, which left me tearful before a late lunch. Am now sitting on the log at the end of the drive. Family all very content. Interesting mind pictures at church. Need a catch-up. Might be free later——X

  Adrian: My Love with the bump. Ah, it’s good to hear from you——sounds busy. Just on our way home from Hamilton. Course good——big. I came out to a text from Big J. saying the neighbours are very angry about the work I did in the garden! Processed it with my travelling companions. Deepening stuff. Always useful, though challenging. Phew! Al
l seems okay—gulp. Hope you’re all right?

  Mouse: Did you cut down their trees or something? ——Oops. They are moving, aren’t they? Let me know if you would like a get-together or a phone-call later on. Laird is out in town early p.m. Hope you are okay? Bottle of wine for the neighbours perhaps? Was it the result of a driven or a chosen course of action? Loving you——X

  Adrian: How about a phone call later on? Yes, back neighbours——trees. Wine is a good idea. Thanks, you little brain box. Mmm——still thinking of Dragonfly Cove. Sweet Lady——

  We manage a brief phone call later on. Adrian is busy playing guitar with our good friend Hau, and Cedric the Scowler needs attention at this end so we are interrupted. We don’t manage to say goodnight properly and finish on an incomplete note.

  P.m Mouse: She hears his beloved voice. She longs to whisper love in his ear——to feel his breath upon her lips——to unwind together after such a busy day. She would stroke his beautiful body with hers and the night would claim them. Meet me under the stars, My Darling. I shall be the one dancing—

  Adrian: Thank-you for the invite. I’m so glad you followed up our jolly little catch-up with that de-cloaked statement. Phew. Realness——yum. That’s the food I need. The satisfying draught. Thanks. Tomorrow——X

  Monday 16th October 2006

  A.m. Adrian: He rises from the dusty debris of his dreams——dishevelled. Where is she? His Love. He rummages through his heart; School——neighbours——party——trolleys——guitar——piece of string. Ah——a dragonfly alights; memories of a blue jumper on the sand, a warm smile, dappled light through Pohutukawa leaves, and it is gone. Soon it will alight again.

  Mouse: They have been in The Leafy Glade this morning in her semi-dream state——longing driving them to become one. They are perfecting their deep Ocean skills. Wrapped up together they take less time to reach The Gate——The Key fits so perfectly; so completely. Moving in time, their intoxicating Dance takes him into her. Their hunger intense, they maintain a knife-edge--reaching climax—together--they are lulled by the rolling waves--X