It Was Always You

by Asrai Devin

  “You’re welcome to try.”

  He tugged her toward the door. “Come on, let’s find the supply room so you can choose a desk and you can find what else you think you’ll need.”

  She surprised him by intertwining their fingers as they walked. Their shoulders brushed against each other. It was too easy. She was too perfect.

  He’d known her since she was a little kid which was exactly why his feelings for her were so wrong. She shouldn’t be tied to an old man married to his work. She should find someone who could and wanted to go out dancing every night of the week. Maybe the new designer he’d hired would be interested in showing her around the city. They were closer to the same age.

  He let go of her reluctantly in the supply room. He used his cell phone to check his email while she filled a box with supplies.

  “That’s all for tomorrow?”

  “Not all of it. I probably got overzealous, but I don’t want to run back to the supply room every five minutes when I realize I forgot something.”

  “Are you tired? Should we leave?” He lead her back to his office to drop off her box.

  She shook her head. “Energized. I wish I hadn’t left my notebook of ideas at home. We could start work now if you want.”

  “I have a laptop at home. Let’s go, you can start with your thoughts on the way.”

  Home. They shared a home again. He hadn’t realized how much he missed her.

  Missed family. How much he missed family. She grabbed his hand as they rode the elevator down. He sighed when she leaned against him.

  It was just Selene. Always and forever, Selene.

  Chapter 8

  Selene woke up in Ben’s condo. She smiled at the ceiling. His footsteps and movements outside the room came through the wall. She was surprised he was up first after they talked far too late the previous night. On the other hand, her body was in the wrong time zone.

  She had set her alarm to give her time to shower and do her makeup before he took her on his secret outing. Whatever it was. She had to admit not knowing was making her crazy, which he knew so he was doing this deliberately to be tease her.

  As if she needed to be teased by him. She hadn’t missed his sighs or the tension in his body when they got closer. But he also pulled her toward him and squeezed her hand. He hadn’t kissed her once since she arrived, but over the holiday he kissed her head frequently. The easy affection disappeared now that they were alone.

  She couldn’t avoid him forever. She gathered her stuff and went to the main bathroom and locked the door behind her. In the privacy of the bathroom she tossed off her t-shirt and shorts and climbed under the hot stream of the shower.

  A half hour later she was heading for his kitchen. She prayed he had coffee. Or they would have time to grab one.

  She stopped when he came into view. He was wearing another tailored gray suit, and he was clean shaven this morning. He leaned on the counter, his phone in one hand, a mug of coffee in the other, one long lean leg crossed in front of the other. As if he walked out of the pages of GQ or Esquire or some shit.

  Fuck me.

  She whimpered.

  Yes, please.

  He looked up at her. His eyes scrutinized her body. She looked down at her outfit. Was she under dressed? She wore what she normally wore to the office, but it didn’t come out of a magazine. A smile crossed his face.

  “Something on my face?” He set his coffee aside and ran his hand down his throat.

  She was all but drooling as she tracked his long fingers over the smooth skin. Pull it together, she scolded herself. She cursed herself for not putting on her heels. She should say something, instead he pulled her over. Her bare feet padded across the hardwood. She stopped in front of him and touched his soft cheek. “There’s nothing on your face. It’s been four years since I saw you like this. I’m a little stunned.” Her heart seized as his eyes searched her soul.

  “That bad eh?” He made a face.

  She dropped her hand before he noticed the tremble. That good. Way too fucking good. “Not at all. Now, where is the coffee?”

  He pointed down the counter. “I needed to clean myself up. I’ll let it grow up back.”

  She wasn’t sure which look she preferred on him. He looked hot either way. It didn’t matter if he was clean shaven or scruffy every time he was in the room her mouth got dry and her thighs got wet. She moved to the coffee maker then turned back to him. “Anything important in your email?”

  He opened a cupboard and put a travel mug on the counter in front of her. “Nothing that can’t wait until this afternoon. Do you want something to eat?”

  “Do you have anything to eat?”

  “We’ll grab it on our way.”

  “Right. So I thought of a solution to your dinner issue.”

  “Do tell?”

  “I am buying you a slow cooker.” She poured her coffee while she solved his problems.

  “A what?”

  “A slow cooker. You put the ingredients in the morning, then it’s ready at the end of the day.”

  “What if I don’t arrive home until nine?”

  “One, we won’t be arriving home after nine. And if we don’t, I’ll make sure it has a warm setting, so the food doesn’t burn. But if we work until nine, we’ll do it from here.” She wrapped her hands around the mug and in led the coffee. It smelled expensive.

  He looked amused by her directive. “All right. I thought I was your boss.”

  “You are. But if you won’t take care of yourself, then I will make you. I intend for you to around for a long time.”

  He smiled and rubbed her shoulder. “Thank-you kitten.”

  “Is it possible to stop by the grocery store on the way home?”

  “For what?”

  “Breakfast food. Eggs or something.”

  “I can get whatever you want delivered. You can leave a note for Mrs. Ginny and she’ll order it.” Mrs. Ginny was his housekeeper. Since Ben wasn’t a messy person, she only worked part time.

  “We can stop by. I’m sure there is one close by.”

  “Or we can save time by having someone do our shopping.”

  “What about sales and price comparisons?”

  “Selene. Don’t worry about costs.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Fine. I’ll write a quick list of everything I need.”

  “Thank-you.” His lips pressed together. Then he pulled away. Was he going to kiss her and thought better of it?

  She found some notepaper and scribbled out a list and note to Mrs. Ginny. She set it on the counter. Would Mrs. Ginny clean her room? She grabbed her pen and added a note: No need to clean the guest bedroom.

  Ben looked over her shoulder. He rested his chin on her shoulder. “No cleaning your room.”

  “No cleaning my room. I’m very capable.”

  “I know you are. But you’re also about to be very busy. Wildly busy.”

  “My mess isn’t going under your expenses. And it just seems wrong.” She turned and put her hands on her hips.

  He decided not to argue, or he acknowledged she’d won. “You ready to go?”

  “Are you going to tell me where we are going?”

  “Nope.”

  “I need to grab my shoes.”

  “Do you wear those silly heels?”

  “They are not silly. I look fucking amazing in them.”

  She set her mug on the counter and walked as fast she could to her room and back. He was at the door, shaking his keys in his hand while he waited for her. She slipped her feet into her shoes then smiled at him. “I’m ready.”

  His eyes stopped her from moving. She held her breath while he looked her over. “You’re right. You look fucking amazing.” He turned and opened the door. “After you.”

  Her body carried her forward while her mind grappled with his words.

  “For the record, you look amazing in sweatpants and a t-shirt.” She didn’t know if she should be flattered or livid. One minute he was k
eeping her at arm’s length the next he was calling her gorgeous. She didn’t want to push him one way or another until she knew him better until she knew what he wanted. She’d have to find a way to bring up the mixed messages. But not yet. If he didn’t want her, if he didn’t feel the same way, she didn’t want to jeopardize her job or their friendship with any awkwardness between them. And she wanted to keep touching. Maybe it was innocent to him; if he knew how deep her feelings ran, he might stop their affection.

  He opened the passenger door for your and closed it once she was inside. He whistled while we went around to the driver’s side. “You’re getting off on teasing me.”

  He made a strangled sound. “Excuse me?”

  Oh shit, she hadn’t meant for it to come out like that. “You’re enjoying keeping this secret a secret. You know it makes me crazy waiting for the answer.”

  He winked at her and started the car. “Fifteen more minutes kitten and you’ll have your answers.”

  He parked the car twenty-two minutes later in front of a strip mall type place. “This doesn’t answer any questions. And it’s been twenty-two minutes.”

  “Get out of the car. This is all a good reminder of why I call you kitten.”

  “Curiosity killed the cat,” she retorted, shoving her door open. The sun shone, but this was winter and it did nothing to warm her. She ran her hand along the sleek hood of his car. “You have a fucking jag.”

  “I owe a ton of money on my jag. But yes, I do.” He squinted at her in the sunshine.

  She turned to the storefront. “This look like a clothing store.” Mannequins in expensive, professional clothing lined the store display window.

  “You were always the smartest girl. Yes, I wanted to buy you a welcome present. So I thought some new clothing would work.”

  “You got me a laptop and an iPad.”

  “Those are from the company. You quit the job and I keep those.”

  He looked so excited to do this for her. She went to him and put her arm around him in a side hug. He hugged her back and kissed the top of her head. Her heart sang with happiness. She hadn’t been this happy in years. Spending time with Ben was the best thing in the world. Even with her silly attraction, even with the constant second guessing of her feelings and his feelings, she had never been happier.

  Clothing. She looked in the window. This looked expensive. Before she could protest or comment, he wrapped his arm around her waist and propelled her into the store.

  Inside, someone greeted him. “Hello, how can I help you?”

  He gave them the woman a warm smile, but it was different from the ones Selene received. “Hi, I’m supposed to meet with Danielle Forrester.”

  “Of course, I will find her if you wait here a moment.”

  “No problem,” he said. She knew she should move away, but he gave her a little squeeze and kept close, so she stayed there, wishing she could lean against him.

  “We’re meeting someone?”

  “Personal shopper. She’ll help you choose flattering styles and colors.”

  Selene knew she’d moved to the twilight zone. How much money did he have?

  “I’ve been shopping here for two years. Danielle is amazing. I can shop in a quarter of the time with her assistance.”

  He let go of her to extend his arm to a tall, gorgeous woman. He kissed her cheek. Selene stomped on the jealousy that flared. She had no right to be jealous.

  “Danielle this is Selene. Selene, Danielle, my personal clothing savior.”

  Danielle looked her up and down as if she were cataloging her assets and faults. She smiled. “Nice to meet you. We’ve only met and I’m sizing you up already. Sorry, professional pitfall. There are some gorgeous timeless colors that will look amazing on you. It’s between seasons, too early for the spring collection, too late for the fall. We will go with the typical neutrals and with your coloring I’d say reds and greens.”

  “We’re short on time. I had to schedule an afternoon meeting. A couple of hours tops.”

  Hours? How long did this process usually take? How much was he buying?

  In the end, he bought a lot. Too much. She lost count. It would all be delivered, except the red skirt suit thing he insisted she wear.

  He opened her car door.

  She turned to him. “It’s too much, tell her to put half back.”

  “But you looked so good. Did you feel like a princess? I wish we had more time. Maybe a spa visit on the weekend. What do you think?”

  “Ben! I can’t. I was never poor growing up, but I was never rich either. I can’t accept all this.”

  “Accept the clothes and I won’t have the company lease you a car.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ll accept neither. I can take the bus or whatever. Taxi.”

  “I already paid for the clothing. It’s wrapped for delivery. Mrs. Ginny will accept the order and put it in your room. And get in the car before we freeze to death."

  She slid in the car and he closed the door. When he was in the driver’s seat, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. “We have enough time to grab lunch and I can check my voicemail while we eat.”

  “We have two hours.”

  “It’s over an hour drive to the factory.”

  “Do you want me to drive?”

  He shook his head. “I always drive.”

  She expected that. Not that she’d feel comfortable driving his expensive car. “You should hire a driver, then you could work in the backseat. Or relax and enjoy the ride.”

  “I have thought about it. I’m not good at giving up control. I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

  She knew from their discussions since she accepted the job. She could understand it. He’d built this company, largely on his own. He spent many years doing everything himself, working long hours. It was natural he would struggle to allow someone else do anything without his direct permission. What if someone made a wrong decision and sank his company?

  He told her he’d made many wrong decisions and it hadn’t sunk him, either.

  The rest of the day was a whirlwind. She tried her best to take notes at the meeting, trying to decipher what was important and what wasn’t. This was a redesign of a nightlight they made, but the prototype wasn’t what they had planned.

  After that she toured the office and met everyone inside those walls. He took a few phone calls, but she wasn’t needed as they were quick ones. While he answered emails and regular mail, she typed her notes from the factory and before she knew it, the day was over and he told her it was time to go home.

  She blinked at him. “No late night tonight?”

  “It’s your first day. We’ll grab something on the way home to eat.”

  “We have enough leftovers for the rest of the week. I ordered the slow cooker online with one day delivery and had it sent to the office.”

  “When?” he looked up from where he was packing papers into his briefcase.

  “When I went for a drink.”

  She packed her iPad into her purse and closed the lid to her laptop but left it on the desk. Her laptop was at his place if she wanted to work. She wasn’t sure how she would access her work files from there yet, but she’d ask him later. It wasn’t as if she had any work to this evening, besides working on the blog.

  Tomorrow was Friday. She wondered what he did on the weekends. She’d bet on work, if she were the gambling type.

  “You ready?” he asked.

  “Yep.”

  “Leaving your laptop?”

  “I don’t have a bag here, but I have my personal laptop at home.”

  He nodded thoughtfully. “I’ll have Lynn order you a bag. Or hook up your personal computer to the network. Not sure which yet. I’ll figure it out. You have little to do tonight.”

  “I have my iPad as well.”

  “Okay. I guess we can go.” He opened the door. The floor was empty as they walked through.

  “Is this earlier than you’ve ever left before?
”

  “Except yesterday, yes.”

  “And we are still the last ones to leave.”

  “Sorry, we should have quit when everyone else leaves.”

  “I’m teasing you. I don’t mind. We can stay if you have work to do.”

  “I’d hate for you to miss your TV shows.”

  “I can watch on demand later.” She investigated his cable set up. He had everything, for no reasons, because she knew he didn’t watch television. She said nothing, not wanting to embarrass him.

  In the elevator he crossed his arms. She looked at the floor. “Did you have a good first day?”

  She smiled up at him. “Great day.” She was with him. It would take a nuclear meltdown to make it anything less than great. “Thank-you for the shopping and the clothes.”

  “You are welcome.”

  “Tomorrow is Friday. What do you do on the weekends?”

  “This.” He waved his hand up at the building. “Sleep in a little, grab coffee, come to work until supper, then go home for more work.”

  Her heart broke a little for him. He must be lonely. Did he know it? Or was he too busy hiding from himself in his work? She busied herself pulling her phone from her bag until her face was neutral. She didn’t want questions. He knew her too well, he read her emotions too easily.

  “I thought we’d go see sights or something this weekend. If you want. I won’t work the entire weekend.”

  She smiled up at him. “I’d like that.” She put her arm around him. He sucked in a breath as her head pressed against his shoulder. But his arms relaxed, and he put one around her. The doors opened, and they stayed together as they walked into the parking garage.

  At home, she looked for nearby landmarks to visit on the weekend. She made a list and locations. Eventually she’d venture into the city, but for now, there was lots to see in the outlying areas.

  After they ate, she put her laptop and tablet on the coffee table and grabbed the remotes. She found an old movie to watch. Ben came in from his bedroom and sat beside her.

  “Not working?”

  “I thought I’d take a cue from you and relax for a bit.” He put his feet up on the table.

  “Look at you.”