It Was Always You

by Asrai Devin

  “Might as well enjoy the perks.”

  “It looks great. It was nice to meet you.”

  “The pool is through the doors at the end there. Nice to meet you. I’m down here most evenings. I’m sure we’ll chat again.”

  As they moved away, Ben bent to speak into her ear. “You’ve been here a few days and you know more people in the building than me.”

  “We know the same number. I introduced you as well.”

  They peeked in at the pool. A simple lap pool and a hot tub. “Sweet. We are so coming down here a couple of times a week. You need to exercise.” She turned and looked at him.

  “You exercise?” He peered at her.

  “Four days a week at college. I dropped to three one I started working. They had a gym at work, but I was so exhausted from working.”

  “You don’t think you’ll be too exhausted from working?”

  “Yes, but if I drop to less than three days a week, I’m even more exhausted.”

  “I will commit to twice a week.”

  She smiled. “Deal.” She stretched on her toes and kissed his cheek. Heidi waved at them as they crossed back through the room. As they waited for the elevator she looked up at him. “Hey, if I’m overbearing or too intrusive, you can tell me. No hard feelings from me. I can entertain myself, do my own thing.”

  “I’m not used to having someone in my life, in my apartment. I don’t have time for hanging out, and at work I’m the boss so I can’t make friends there.”

  “You have me. And we’ll find more people around. We will make time. You can be a slave driver at work, but I plan to be the opposite here. I will force some leisure time on you.” She stepped into the elevator as it opened. “And before you worry, we’ll still do plenty of work after hours.”

  She looked up at him, worried she’d gone too far. But he smiled down at her and shook his head indulgently as if he believed he couldn’t be convinced to take time off. She was determined to find a way he would relax.

  “Are you still glad you asked me to live with you?”

  He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. “Never regretted anything more in my life.”

  Her heart dropped as she moved away from him. Crap. Shit. Fuck. Then she realized he was grinning at her. He squeezed her hand and pulled her in close. She smacked him twice with her left hand. “That was mean.”

  “Selene, the only thing I regret is the time we lost.”

  “Maybe there was a reason for it. Maybe we needed time apart so we could appreciate each other more.” She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest.

  He hugged her close, still not letting go of her hand. “Maybe, but I still regret it.”

  She pulled back and looked up at him. “No regrets anymore. We will enjoy what we have now.”

  He kissed her nose and let her go as the elevator stopped on their floor. She thought “I love you” so hard at him that her head pounded and her heart ached.

  Chapter 10

  Eight days of working and living with Selene had left Ben exhausted and dizzy.

  The days were unbelievable. Sharing an office with her was great for working. He got so much more done with her at his beck and call. And she was brilliant with social media, and he was slowly letting her do more without his permission.

  And after she showed him the blog plans, and information about engagement he agreed to let her add it to the website. He had his developer set it up for her. But the developer asked Ben fifty questions that he couldn’t answer. He handed the phone over to Selene and watched while she talked blog.

  “Yeah, a wordpress blog would be easiest. And what I’m most familiar with.” She chewed her bottom lip. “I know. It took me a dozen hours of work to convince him that this is a good idea.” She giggled. “Well, not bad for my first week at work I guess. I’m both his assistant and social media person. Woah, woah. Have to take it slow with Ben, he’s difficult to change.”

  Ben scoffed and used his mouse to turn his computer screen on. Was his developer flirting with her?

  “Maybe we could do drinks sometime. I’m kept busy at the moment. I barely have time or energy to sleep never mind a social life.”

  He was flirting with her. She giggled. He moved closer to his screen. Reason number two she needed her own office, phone conversations like this. “I’ll keep your name in mind when I settle into things. Thank-you. I’m very flattered. My email is Selene at lightup dot ca. I know how to make a secure password. Don’t worry. Thank-you, I’ll call you if I have questions.”

  “You should go out with him.”

  “I’ve never met him. And I’m not ready to go out. I’m still trying to recover from the jet lag.” Day four it seemed to hit her hard. Unfortunately that was also Monday.

  But she’d settled in nicely. He let it go. “Okay. I want you to be happy here. That’s mean going out. Enjoying life.” Also more space between them could only help him. Alone was his default mode, and while it was lonely sometimes, it wasn’t Selene’s job to keep him company. Or work late every damn night. Of course, she had added working out to his routine. He committed to two days a week, but had accompanied her four out of five times. When she headed for the gym, he didn’t want to sit alone in the apartment brooding.

  He ran his hand through hair, tugging a little. He walked a mental circle and contradicted himself. First, he wanted her gone, now he wanted to follow her around.

  “I am enjoying life. I like spending time with you. Since you left, it felt like something was missing from my life. And it turns out to be my best friend.”

  He smiled. She was doing it again. Drawing him in. Making him want what he couldn’t have. Calling them best friends confused the situation further. He liked friends. He loved Selene. “I missed you too, kitten.”

  Although sharing an office with her was driving him to distraction. He wouldn’t change it. But her scent surrounded him, her lithe body flitted around when she was thinking or taking notes, she was quick to smile at his silly jokes. And he couldn’t stop staring at her lips every time she did.

  Today she wore another outfit he made the mistake of choosing. It showed off all her curves, all her assets. She had many assets one could admire. He imagined how they would feel under his fingers. He shouldn’t be thinking about her like that.

  By tonight, he’d be so hard he wouldn’t be able to keep from touching himself when he went to bed. After they worked out, she would shower, and he’d imagine what her slippery, naked body would look and feel like. Then she’d put on a tank top and pajama pants and stretched her legs on his sofa. She’d invite him over and usually she would lean against him. Somehow, he managed to keep her from feeling his erection. Or perhaps she was too polite to say anything.

  What was she thinking about on the other side of the door? Did she touch herself while she was lying in bed?

  He sure as fuck did. And she starred in every fantasy.

  She turned to him with an innocent smile on her face. He was thinking of every way he could debauch her. “You look lost in thought. Do you want to stay a bit later tonight?”

  She asked him every night. And he rarely said yes. At the office, he focused on work. He had worked the whole damn day. If they went home, there would be cuddling and small talk. He had work to complete, but she always mattered more.

  If he kept following his train of thought, he wouldn’t need more than a few minutes before he went off. “I am thinking about dinner. What should we grab?”

  “Supper’s in the cooker. Including the veggies.”

  “Right. A home-cooked meal. What did I do before I had you?”

  “It’s only been a week.”

  It seemed much longer. Being with her was so easy, it was as if she’d always been with him. She wasn’t the same girl he remembered, she matured. She was sophisticated and intelligent and so many wonderful things.

  His favorite things were when she blundered. Usually only in front of him, not on his dime, but he like
d when she was human. It reminded him that she wasn’t as perfect as his fantasies.

  “I’ll need to finish this bit and we’ll go. Pack your bag and I won’t be long behind you.”

  “Yes sir.”

  That made him shiver. He leaned on his left elbow and stared at his computer screen. He’d forgotten what he was working before the interruption. It wasn’t important. He could finish it later tonight. Or tomorrow. He shut down and grabbed his bag.

  “I thought you were finishing?” She looked up at him.

  “I need a break from writing. It’s not a huge hurry. I’ll work on it more tonight or tomorrow.”

  She shrugged and followed his lead. He put his hand on her back and guided her downstairs. He opened her car door for her out of habit. She deserved to be revered as a queen. She rewarded him with a smile and his heart skipped its way to the driver’s seat.

  She slipped her hand into his once they were in the flow of traffic. She chatted about her day’s work as he drove home. He barely heard her words, respond with vague noises. All day he struggled to concentrate on work, which was new for him. He needed to control himself. He was acting like a lovesick schoolboy. while she was wholly unaware of his pathetic longing.

  It was good she wasn’t aware. If she remained unaware, then he had incentive to keep his hands off. Then he wouldn’t ruin her illusions. Not in this way. He tried to recall what she said about his failed attempt at kissing her five years before but the entire conversation was a blur of Selene’s smile and laughter, and his desire for her. He was no better than any other guy.

  “Are you okay? You seem distracted,” she said. “Am I bothering you?”

  How was he supposed to answer that? She was, but not in the way she meant. “Would you believe I’m having trouble concentrating?” he asked, as he pulled into the parking garage.

  “You don’t sleep enough. I think I need to impose a bedtime on you.” Her eyes narrowed in on him.

  “But how do I check the European markets if I’m asleep when they open?”

  “You don’t,” she said, as if it wasn’t a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a huge deal for him. He needed those numbers.

  “What do you need them for at two in the morning?”

  He sighed. What did he need them for? Especially in the middle of the night. “I don’t know.” He wrinkled his nose. “I don’t like when you’re right.” He parked the car and turned to her. “What would I do without you?” He squeezed her hand, his eyes telegraphing how much he cared.

  “I don’t know what you did. It’s only been a week. I’ve barely unpacked.” She winked at him and pulled her hand from his. The loss of heat was far too evident.

  He exited the car and almost ran around, arriving before she swung her legs out. He pulled the door open wider and took her hand.

  He meant to tease her by jerking her a little when he helped her to standing. But her heels meant she stumbled. He caught her, but she shouted in pain. “I’m sorry,” he said, wincing. His stomach twisted in knots. He broke her. “Are you okay?” She dropped to the cement.

  “I twisted my ankle.”

  “Is it sprained?” He lowered himself beside her.

  “No. Sore as hell. Watch your suit.”

  Who cared about his suit? He could get another suit. He had only one Selene. “I’m an asshole.” He rubbed a hand over his face.

  “You couldn’t have known.” She tested her leg. “You’ll have to help me walk.”

  He swept her up into his arms. He pressed his nose against her cheek. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not broken, Ben. A little twisted maybe.” He hugged her tighter, wishing he could take it back. “I’ll be okay in a couple of days. It’s the weekend, I can rest. I’ll be good as new on Monday.”

  He carried her to the elevator. He pushed the button then readjusted her weight in his arms. Her working out had paid off. Otherwise he probably wouldn’t have been able to carry her ten feet.

  She nudged him with her shoulder. “You can put me down.”

  “I broke it, I bought it.”

  “What?”

  “Let me assuage my guilt a little. Please?”

  She leaned her head on him. “At least you smell nice.”

  “I should. I’m wearing the cologne you bought me.”

  “Are you?” She looked at him with renewed interest.

  He shrugged as he stepped into the elevator. “It smelled nice, and I thought you might like it.” He realized how bad that sounded. He wanted to please her. But she didn’t know that. He’d laid that out a little more clearly.

  “I’m glad.” The doors opened as she sighed. Exasperated by him? Enjoying the smell? Relieved to be home and escape him?

  He put her on the sofa. “Stay there. I have to grab our bags from the car then I’ll serve you dinner.”

  He took the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. When he came back, she was hobbling around the kitchen. She was barefoot, but still in her work clothes.

  He growled and picked her up again. “I told you to stay.” He took her back to the sofa. “Don’t make me tie you down.”

  She pulled back to say something, but he kissed her. A swift press of his lips to hers. He avoided looking at her to gauge her reaction. Kissing her was bad. A mistake.

  He wanted to do it again.

  She grabbed his upper arms and stopped him from pulling away. The pace of his heart doubled as he looked down at her. She stretched up to him, so her face was a few inches away. “Kiss me better,” she whispered.

  His heart stopped and his instincts took over. He bent and pressed his lips to hers. One hand dug into her hair and his tongue coaxed her lips open. She met him in the middle, and her sweetness took his breath away.

  Her arms wound around his neck and she moved closer. He tipped her head to the side so he could deepen the kiss until she was consuming him. He dropped to his knees in front of her, breaking their connection. “Better?” he asked, kissing her cheek.

  He swiped her bruised lips with his finger. Her sweet breath fanned his face and through his hair. tempting him to go for another round.

  She shook her head. “One more?”

  He should refuse. But he couldn’t deny her big curious eyes, or the pout of her mouth. He pressed his lips to hers again, intending for a quick kiss. But her tongue invaded him and he met her with every bit of feeling for her. He cradled her head while their desire consumed them.

  He pulled back, panting and looking down at her. “I should feed you,” was all he could think to say. He didn’t want to break the moment. It wasn’t going to happen again, but he would keep that memory for a while.

  His eyes traced over her face. Puffy lips, flushed cheeks, glassy eyes. He leaned in and kissed her softly.

  “Food,” she breathed against his mouth. “Good idea.”

  He straightened and headed for the kitchen. He busied himself filling their plates then returned with hers.

  She frowned up at him. “I can hobble to the table,” she protested.

  “We will eat here. Sit or—” Or what? He’d tie her up? Kiss her? Spank her? He turned away from her. Each idea was more arousing than the last. Okay, so he would survive this then have a cold shower. Or a hot shower and jerk off.

  This attraction couldn’t last forever.

  Her eyes went wide. “I’ll sit.”

  “Good girl,” he murmured. He handed her a plate. She muttered her thanks, then turned on the TV.

  Selene couldn’t look at Ben without recalling the way he looked at her before he kissed her. Twenty-four hours later, she could still taste him.

  She hated that he felt guilty for her ankle. She was forced into sensible flats at the office today, and it left her out of sorts.

  She left him in the living room to call home. Her mom asked about her day, and she was happy to give a run down. She missed her mom. Most of her friends were jealous of how close they were. She talked about the gym, and her friend Heidi and work.
She didn’t mention her sore ankle and anything regarding Ben.

  “How is Ben?” He was impossible to avoid.

  “Good. He’s coming to the gym with me frequently. He eats my cooking almost every night. We don’t usually work that late.” He seemed to work because he didn’t know what else to do, not out of need to work. He never complained about being behind

  “I’m glad you are taking care of him. He needs someone to do that.”

  “He doesn’t like it. But he’s not charging me rent, so I can pay him back this way. Did you see all the pictures I emailed you?”

  “It looks so busy there.”

  “It is. I love it. I love the work. I love the city. Ben whisks me around in his sports car. No more public transportation. I’ll have my loans paid off in no time.” She was spoiled here.

  “How long are you planning on living with him?”

  “Until he’s tired of me.” She laughed. “I don’t know. Springtime I guess. I’d like to have my own place before you come out. Show you I’m a big girl. But I don’t want to rush into it, if I can stick it out here for now, I can pay off a good chunk of my student loans.”

  “Don’t impose on Ben’s good nature for too long. He never could say no to you.”

  “He says it all the time at work.”

  In a flash, she was back on the sofa, asking him to kiss her better. And he gave into her demands then. The pain from her ankle disappeared, she felt nothing but joy and anticipation while his mouth was on hers, their tongues tangling. She came in here to escape those thoughts, not indulge in them. That was for much later.

  “I won’t stay too long. We know each other well enough, so I can tell if he’s annoyed with me. I won’t impose.” The reminder she had to move out made her heart heavy. She couldn’t imagine only seeing him at work. Who would take care of him? That was her job. How would she survive an evening without his touch? She couldn’t admit any of that to her mother.

  “Okay. Dad says hi, and he says that your girl will be voted off tonight on Survivor for sure.”

  “She is not. But if she does, he can’t gloat. I have it on PVR to watch later. Ben’s desk is in the living room and I try to keep my TV to a minimum so I don’t disturb him.”