Solid Stone: Revolving Door

by E. G. Patrick

  “He should be home around 2.”

  “Alice, thanks very much and I hope you have a nice weekend,” I say and hang up the phone.

  It seems that Adam has reverted back to his old life as well. The fact that he cancelled his trip gives me a glimpse of hope that he is feeling as sad as I am. The golfing makes me think he is trying to move on and make weekend plans without me. I really have no idea what he must be thinking.

  On Saturday Ann plans to pick me up at 1. I have pulled myself together by taking a shower, blow drying my hair, applying makeup, and getting dressed without crying once. I know I have to keep my mind focused. I run over what I want to say, thinking I should start with an apology. At about 11 I eat some toast and drink some tea hoping the food will settle the butterflies churning in my stomach. Just after 1 my apartment buzzer goes as I press the button I can hear Ann, “It’s me do you want me to come up or are you coming down?”

  “I’ll be down in a minute.” I grab my purse and head down to meet her. My stomach starts to flip as we drive into his neighborhood. Ann stops the car down the street from his house to give me a pep talk.

  “I haven’t talked much on the drive. I thought you might be running different scenarios through your mind on what you are going to say.”

  “I’m going to start by saying sorry and hope he will listen to me from there. I just hope I can get through to him.”

  “That’s a good start. You both care for each other from what I can tell. I don’t know why you just don’t tell him you love him. Take a deep breath. I will wait in the car for thirty minutes. I’ll assume if you are still in there, he is listening. Call me if you need me to come back and get you, promise?” I nod my head yes. We hold hands for a moment and then Ann drives to the front of his house. As I get out of the car, I stand to look at the nice house in front of me. I don’t look back at Ann as I close her car door for fear her warm and caring face will make me cry again. I walk up the driveway to his front door and use the key he gave me to open it.

  I hear the door alarm chime as I step into his foyer. So does Adam as I look up and see him. He must’ve been in his home office. He is not smiling and I can tell he is surprised I am here. He doesn’t run into my arms or sweep me close to him and say, “I am glad you’re here.” Instead he is stone cold and staring right through me like I am a stranger.

  “Why are you here, Violet?” he asks.

  “We need to talk.”

  “I don’t think there is much left to say. You made it perfectly clear last week that you didn’t want me near you. It’s also very clear you have no regard for my feelings about you living with another man. Your actions confirmed that. I waited outside of your apartment for over an hour. I stood there like a fucking idiot at your apartment door pressing the buzzer a hundred times. You ignored me and that’s why I left, because that’s what you clearly wanted.”

  “Please Adam, can we talk about this?” I find myself pleading.

  “I was going to come and see you tomorrow to tell you this, but since you are here now,” he pauses and then continues, “Violet, I’m sorry. I can’t do this any longer. I’m giving you what you want, to be free of me and my demanding ways. I’ll call you a cab to take you home. I’ll pay for it. It’s the least I can do. Your bag is at the door over there.” He points to front door. He turns and walks away before I can even respond.

  The words cut into me like the sharp knife that’s been plaguing me all week. My first inclination is to break down and cry. I knew he had mastered self-control, but this stuns me. I stand frozen replaying the words over and over again in my head: “I can’t do this any longer.” Horrible, earth-shattering emotions begin to run through me. I know that if I leave now I will never see him again. My heart is sinking, actually breaking, and fear and anguish take over. One part is saying, just leave with some pride, and the other is saying, remember how you have felt all week, don’t blow it now. The latter prevails. Desperation calls, and I decide to introduce him to Gia: obedient and pleasing Gia. I need to show him I can be reasonable and easygoing and that I can control my temper. I am desperate and need to try something. I love and want him that much.

  Taking a deep breath and knowing I run the risk of rejection, I begin to undress to my bra and panties. I envision my next move in my head as my now bare feet walk towards his home office where I expect him to be.

  The door is ajar. I walk in and move towards the front of his desk only a few feet away so he can see me while he is seated. His head is down looking at his computer. I drop to my knees and lower my head like Gia does for the prince.

  I whisper, “I’m sorry. What can I do to make you forgive me?” I can’t tell if he is looking at me as my head is lowered, but I do see his bare feet move from under the desk. He is now standing in front me, but has not uttered a word yet. I don’t move a muscle.

  “What are you doing Violet?” I raise my eyes to meet his and see this beautiful man leaning in a standing position against the front of his desk; his arms are crossed and he looks confused.

  “I am begging for your forgiveness, Adam. I love you that much.”

  He is shocked, but his face softens slightly when I confess that I love him.

  He says, “Come on, stand up Violet.”

  “Adam, I’m on my knees baring my soul to you. I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you. This past week has been hell. I can’t imagine my life without you and I will take you anyway I can get you even if it means changing my ways to do it.” He is dumbfounded - who wouldn’t be with his girlfriend on her knees? I hope I can get through to him.

  “I can be more reasonable. I will happily do it. I want you that much.”

  I see a little more emotion in his face, but not the Adam who hugs and kisses me, not even close. “Violet, you don’t seem to have any control over your outbursts. I told you the last time you walked out on me there wouldn’t be a second time and yet that’s exactly what you did last week. You ran off a second time. I can’t go on wondering when will be the next time you run away from me. I don’t have the makeup or understanding to tolerate that, not even from you. It’s too painful.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I will tell Brian he needs to find another a place. I should have understood your position last week. How you felt was understandable and my behavior was unacceptable. Please Adam, let’s work through this. I can change.” I pause, gauging his response, before I continue. “You can teach me control. I can do it because I want to do it. I am giving myself to you without any conditions.”

  “No conditions. What does that mean?” he asks with a hint of a crazy laugh.

  “I will be more agreeable and understanding of your needs. There is another side of me you haven’t seen yet. It’s a hidden side that I want to share with you.”

  “What do you mean?” he asks again.

  “There is a part of me that is unknown to you.” His eyes widen slightly when I say this. I’m going to try to make him understand how much I am willing to make things work between us.

  “I have another side of me called Gia. She will be very pleasing to you. It’s been a fantasy of mine for many years. Gia belongs to a prince and her desire is to please him. Do you understand?”

  I see him shuffle a bit and then he asks another question. “So are you saying I’m the prince and you are Gia then?”

  “Yes, and she meets all of his needs when they are together. She enjoys pleasing him, like I only want to please you. You once said we have time to grow. The truth is I think I want your control and need it. I can learn from you. I only came to realize my own truth being with you. I admire your strength and confidence, amongst other things. You are born to lead. I told you that. I want and need you Adam. You are the only man I want to be with this way. I know that for sure now.” I lower my eyes again.

  “That is a very strong statement, but I find it hard to believe when you can’t even con
trol your temper. How do you expect to change?” There is still a hint of disappointment in his voice. I need to convince him more.

  “I will because I know what it feels like to be without you and I can’t stand it. Adam, I am offering to be mindful of your needs and how I make you feel. Isn’t that what you really want? Control over me? Well, I am willing to give it to you right now if you take me back. Punish me if it makes you feel better.” He pauses to think.

  “Oh, I do want to punish you,” he hisses. “This week has been hell for me too. I even cancelled my fucking business trip because of you. I couldn’t think straight.”

  “I’m really sorry you had to do that, Adam.”

  He cuts me off and says, “I really can’t run the risk of you having this effect on me. My life before you was uncomplicated. I had complete control over it. You, Violet, fuck, you have gotten to me. I’d rather get out now and have peace of mind later. I am not going to dance around you Violet. I’m not made that way. Surely you understand that.”

  “Yes Adam, which is why I am giving myself to you. It’s my choice. I will make you happy and I will please you. I can be more agreeable and understanding. I can, believe me.”

  “I need to think about this,” he says. I feel a slight bit of hope as I hear he is considering my alternative.

  “Adam you said I was perfect for you. Do you still feel that way?”

  Without hesitation he says, “I meant it when I said it.”

  “Then please let me stay tonight. I’ll sleep in one of the spare bedrooms and then I’ll be here so we can talk more if you want to. I want to be with you Adam, and I’m trying to make it easier for you. I want to do this for you.”

  I stand up and walk to the side of his desk, not wanting to get too close to upset him. I remove my bra and panties and bend over the desk as I say, “Adam, I am yours to do with as you please, if you want to punish me then do it. I deserve it. My behavior towards you was disrespectful. I ignored the buzzer when I knew it was you.” A feeling of fear and vulnerability comes over me followed by a warm sensation as I think of Adam taking his will over me. I can see him look at me bending over his desk in submission. I say, “You said you wanted to punish me Adam.”

  His face is expressionless so I don’t know what he is thinking. “Are you suggesting I beat you, Violet? I’m not a violent person and certainly not with a woman.”

  “If spanking my behind until it’s pink is going to help you forgive me then please do it. Even if you get a small amount pleasure from it, it will be worth it to me. I want to show you how serious I am. I want to be yours Adam, really I do.”

  Adam finally understands what I am offering to him as he comes to stand behind me. He runs his finger up and down my back sending chills up through my spine, then over my bum as he slips a finger inside of me.

  “Why are you so wet?” Adam is a quick study. The first slap from his hand stings and sends ripples of pain over my bum cheek. I flinch and cry out. His heavy hand comes down again before he speaks. “Your behavior from last week cannot happen again.” My hands clench as he slaps the other cheek. I begin to feel a combination of pain followed by pleasure as I realize how much I need and want Adam’s control over me. He continues to punish me with well-placed slaps to my now sore bum each making me cry out in pain. I feel a slight bit of shame, but can’t control how much I find myself liking his control over me. “Do you understand Violet?” he demands.

  I groan, “Yes, I do. I understand.”

  He is speaking in a low controllable voice when he says. “I won’t tolerate any more running away or uncontrollable temper tantrums causing me to cancel trips over you because I can’t think straight.” I cry out; that one really stung. My bottom cheeks are stinging. I like that he is in control and the thought soothes some of the pain. I think Adam is looking at my bum and believes I’ve had enough. I hear him shuffling behind me and then I feel him inside of me. “Thank you, thank you Master.” The words slip out of my mouth so naturally. He appears to like it and grabs my hips, pushing deep inside of me. The entire act of having Adam exercise his authority over me is intoxicating, powerful, and intriguing to me. I am aroused and full of desire. I can’t imagine being this way with anyone else. It’s Adam, the man, who has this effect on me; he is my real life prince. The realization only makes me want more. I moan, “Ahhh.” I can’t help myself, I’m lost in my own pleasure and need to please him and be his. It’s overwhelmingly great.

  He says breathlessly, “Violet, you’ve opened a door here, I hope you realize that.” He grasps my hair now.

  “Yes, I know. Does it please you?” I barely manage to get the words out I am so caught up in my own desires and completely aroused. Adam is very good at playing the prince, a natural. Deep down I knew he would be.

  He says between forceful thrusts, “Yes, I like it a lot, but you can’t run away from me again.”

  “Yes, yes, I understand.” I am so aroused. This whole new experience of being fully under Adam’s control is thrilling. I can feel myself getting closer with each movement of his hips. He is relentless, so filled with pent-up frustration, anger, and energy that I can feel it all each time he thrusts himself hard inside of me. The electricity flows throughout my body. I’m going to let myself go now, I can’t hold off any longer even though I want to prolong this moment. “Ahhhhh!” I cry out. Adam grips my hip tighter, grasps my hair firmly and is determined to prolong his pleasure a bit longer. A few more hard and determined thrusts from Adam and he comes with such force. He lies on top of me to catch his breath for a minute before he stands.

  He speaks firmly, “Get dressed, we have more to talk about.” Oh that sounds eerily familiar. I shudder and hear him leave the room. I stand up and look back at my bum. Each cheek is pink and sore. I would not let anyone else be this way with me, only him. I want to be his completely. It all makes sense. As I’m about to get dressed, I realize my clothes are still in the front hall. I walk out of his office into the foyer and begin to dress.

  Adam is in the kitchen standing near the cooktop when I walk in. “Sit over there,” he orders, pointing to one of the bar stools against the island. I have sat here so many times. I flinch as I go to sit down. I notice a small grin of satisfaction come across Adam’s face. I wait obediently for him to speak.

  “I am trying to wrap my mind around all of this. You were a virgin when we met, I know that for sure. Have you done this before?”

  “Yes,” I reply in a quiet voice.

  “When the fuck did you do this and with who? Tell me right now!” He is glaring at me and I can hear panic and confusion in his voice.

  “My fantasy began when I was fifteen and has evolved over the years.” I see the tension in his body release as he realizes it’s only been in my thoughts until today.

  “Okay, tell me more.” He seems intrigued again.

  I decide to formally introduce him to Gia. “I started to fantasize about a handsome prince and me. I named myself Gia. Over the years as I got older, my fantasies became more intimate and intense. I belong to the prince. He summons me whenever he desires, day or night.”

  I look at him to assess what he might be thinking. He has his hand under his chin in a thinking position. I gather he is trying to take this all in.

  “So this is the first time you have acted it out then?”

  “Yes, other than by myself. I also know because of it that I can be more reasonable. I deserved to be punished today for disrespecting you.” I avert my eyes as I feel my face redden. I can’t believe I am being so open with him.

  “I see,” he says.

  I ask him sheepishly, “Did you like it?”

  His posture changes, he seems taller more demanding all of a sudden. “Yes, I did, a lot. Can you really be more reasonable? Is this really what you want? Your temper seems to get the better of you.”

  “Yes Adam, the uncontrollable Violet f
rom last week is gone. I love you that much.”

  He thinks a moment before he tells me, “Take your bag to the spare bedroom. You can stay in there tonight.”

  I feel some relief. I get up and pick up my bag from the front door and take it up the spare bedroom. I feel happier than I did an hour earlier.

  I quickly phone Ann to tell her we’re at least talking and to thank her for being a great friend. She sounds relieved and I promise to call her tomorrow. I brush my hair in the bathroom mirror, trying to improve my appearance. I’ve lost weight and the lack of sleep and proper nourishment has taken a toll on my face that even the foundation can’t hide. I do the best I can before I go back down stairs to be with Adam in the kitchen.

  I walk in and sit at the island in the chair I had just left. He looks over at me, having no problem making eye contact. He really is a natural leader. “Do you want some wine?”

  “Yes, please.” He pours two glasses of wine and hands one to me.

  “Thank you,” I say.

  “What is running through your mind Violet? Please be honest with me.”

  “I am thankful for still being here with you. That is the truth.”

  He tests the waters. “So from now on, you will at least listen to what I say, knowing my intentions are of concern and care for you?”

  “Yes, Adam, I will. I promise to be more agreeable and understanding. I will think things through better.”

  “Good, we may stand a chance then.” He opens one of the cupboards and takes out two dinner plates. He looks at me. “Please set the table over there.” I stand up and take the two plates over to the kitchen table and go back for cutlery and paper napkins.

  Adam has made a chicken stir-fry that smells delicious. He puts the food into a serving bowl and walks over to the table where I am sitting. “You’ve lost weight and you look tired, Violet. You need to eat. I hope you sleep better tonight.”