Unspoken Words (Hope and a Future Book 1)

by Janna Halterman

  “Thank you, Charlie.”

  “You’re welcome. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Chapter 38

  Love your enemies.

  Charles’ words stayed with Evelyn late into the night. Jackson had walked her up to her room shortly after Charles had left. She brought an armful of books from the Bible, along with the commentary Charles lent her. Of course, Jackson carried them for her. In the book of Luke, she read again that she was called to love her enemies. The book of Romans said love must be sincere. She flipped through First John to find the verse about God being love and found in the same chapter that said there was no fear in love; that love drove out fear.

  She needed to talk through her thoughts. She needed to talk to someone who knew more about the Bible than she did. She needed to talk to someone who knew what she had been through with her enemies. She needed Jackson.

  With her arms full of books, she waited for Jackson to answer after she quietly rapped on his door. He was probably asleep. What time was it anyway? She was about to knock again, a little louder this time, when lips pressed into the curve of her neck. Her books clamored to the floor. Knowing it was Jackson didn’t stop her from being startled. Without looking up at him, she bent down to the floor to retrieve her books. A smiling, bare-chested Jackson knelt down to help her. Why did he refuse to wear a shirt at night?

  “I thought you were in bed for the night,” he said, relieving her of the books she held and picking up the last few remaining on the floor.

  “I need to talk to you,” she blurted out. “I think I’m supposed to love Tom.”

  The color drained from Jackson’s face.

  “No!” she exclaimed in panic and clamped her hand over her mouth hoping she didn’t disturb Charles and Natalie. “Can we go in your room and talk, please? I need your help.”

  “He’s done bad things to me, Jackson,” she said as Jackson put her books on a small desk. “And he’s hurt me…but I’m supposed to forgive him, aren’t I? I’m supposed to love him.”

  Jackson’s blood ran hot at the idea of Evelyn loving Tom. He had to remind himself that loving our enemies was exactly what God called us to do.

  “Could you put on a shirt?” Evelyn asked, drawing him out of his brooding. Her cheeks were dusted with pink. He complied and pulled a sweatshirt over his head. “I’m right, aren’t I?” she asked, bringing the conversation back to her loving Tom.

  “Yes,” he choked out.

  “Does that mean I have to be friends with him?”

  “Absolutely not,” he answered. He was almost certain he growled it out.

  “I’m sorry, Jackson. Your dad was helping me research a topic with the Bible. I thought you would be a good person to talk to since you know so much about the Bible and because you know me, but this isn’t fair to you. I didn’t think about how it would make you feel.” She turned to gather her things again.

  Jackson watched her preparing to leave his room. The sight of her in her nightclothes always made him smile. They showed off nothing. Nothing. It was something else. When he saw her like this, or like when he had joined her for her run, it was just her. And he loved her.

  “Hang on,” he said and took her books. Just as in her room, there were two chairs that faced each other. His pair had a small table between them. He placed her books on the table and drew it closer to one of the chairs. They were large, comfortable looking, chairs. He sat in one, the one he had moved the table close to, and motioned her towards him. He was quick to grab the back of her pants when she passed him to take the other seat. “Uh-uh,” he said with one of his roguish grins and pulled her into his lap. “If we’re going to talk about you loving that man, I’m going to need you close.” He trapped her chin in the pinch of his fingers and kissed her lightly. Then a little not-so-lightly. “Ok, on to love…”

  They hunted through the scriptures into the early hours of the morning. The commentary was a great tool. Jackson was grateful his father lent it to her. When she had questions about the context of different verses, he tried to explain for her. The Scriptures he had memorized seemed to help her a lot.

  He held her as she sobbed through the final realization that she was being asked to love someone who had bullied her throughout her whole life, tried to corrupt her innocence, and brutally sought to take her purity. He held her with his own heart breaking, and prayed over her for healing from the all the hurt she’d experienced at Tom’s hands, and for wisdom in how to handle her situation. He prayed strength and love over her as she faced this difficult road of forgiveness. And he prayed for himself too, that he would walk the road of forgiveness and love and mercy with her, and that he would keep his heart and his hands clean of the violence he harbored towards Tom.

  “Jackson?” Evelyn whispered after their prayer.

  “Hmm?”

  “I’m tired.” Her head lifted from his chest to look into his face. Tired was an understatement. Still, tired had never looked so beautiful.

  “You should go to bed.”

  She nodded. He noted little lines of – was it sadness – forming on her brow.

  He gently kissed her forehead. “I love you, my brave, beautiful girl,” he whispered, before touching his lips to hers. He had intended to kiss her then, harder, longer, but Evelyn stole her lips away.

  “Jackson…” Evelyn started, wrestling with her timidness and desires. “I’m not…”

  It felt natural for him to hold and kiss this woman he loved, so natural that he frequently forgot she didn’t feel the same way. He tugged a strand of her hair playfully, wanting to ease her mind. “It’s late, Love. Let’s get you to bed.”

  Chapter 39

  Their first two days with Charles and Natalie flew by in a whirlwind and Christmas Eve was upon them. Evelyn dressed hurriedly in her excitement to hear more from God’s Word but stopped in her tracks when she found Jackson waiting outside her door as she opened it. He smiled mischievously and stole her back into her room, leaving the door open only a crack.

  She had managed to keep a safe distance between the two of them over the past few days. Jackson had thought after their late night together talking about love, she would have been less guarded with him. If anything, she’d built her walls higher. Had she not still trembled at his touch, he would have thought she had changed her mind about him. When he managed to be near her, he could feel her attraction to him. But she had kept him away for too long now. Every day since he met her, he had wanted to kiss her. After tasting her lips, the desire was overpowering.

  Evelyn’s innocent wide eyes and red cheeks made her all the more beautiful to Jackson. She knew what he was there for and she stood frozen waiting for him to take it. “You’re still so scared of me.”

  “Yes,” she said, trying so hard to swallow that fear. She was scared of him, but he also made her head swim with the love she had for him.

  “I love you, my Beloved.” Jackson tilted her chin up, making her look at him. “May I?” Her cheeks bloomed crimson, but she nodded, ever so slightly, and he kissed her. He kissed her gently, knowing the passion he felt, if expressed, would scare her more. Her fingers dragged against his chest as her fists closed gripping his shirt. He took his lips away, sighing and letting his lips brush her neck.

  Evelyn’s knees gave out under her. Jackson locked his arms about her, keeping her on her feet, letting a little chuckle escape him…until she pushed out of his arms.

  Evelyn pressed her hand against her heart, trying to get it under control and her breathing back to normal. However, the wretched thing was determined to pound a wildly unsteady beat within her. Once she was stable, she looked up at Jackson and offered a small embarrassed smile. The mischief that played in his eyes a brief moment before was gone, replaced by a great deal of concern. “Just a small panic attack. You can be a little overwhelming.”

  “I am trying to move slowly.”

  Evelyn laughed softly. “Before Thursday I was convinced you weren’t moving fast e
nough. It’s not you, Jackson. This is all so new to me. It just happened, and now we’re here, and I have no idea what you want from me or what we are.”

  “But you still love me…” Jackson asked, a smile playing on his lips.

  “I love you.” Evelyn watched him walk towards her and slide his arm around her waist.

  “And you enjoy me touching you?”

  “Yes.” Her heart was racing again. “And trying to get used to it.”

  “And kissing?” The mischief was back in his eyes, and the fire.

  She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest, needing his comfort more than the pleasure of his lips. “Your kiss takes my breath away. But can we talk about us before we do much more of that?”

  They did have a lot to talk about, and every kiss he took before that conversation was a stolen one. The truth about her parents’ identities and the circumstances of her birth was enough to jeopardize her readiness to be in a relationship. But every moment he kept those details to himself was likely to increase the betrayal she would feel. Then there was a good deal about himself he still needed her to know; shameful details he would have to confess to the woman he loved. He hugged her tighter knowing these blissful embraces could be among their last. “Yes. We’ll talk tonight.”

  Church, at a glance, was much the same as the last time Evelyn had joined them. They started with prayer and hymns, Charles read and they discussed, and they ended again in communion and prayer. Evelyn sat in the back and listened intently to everything being read and said. It was a miracle, though, that she could think of anything other than Jackson’s arm possessively wrapped around her back.

  They were reading the Christmas story. Evelyn had no idea Christmas had to do with the Bible. Everything from the virgin mother to Jesus being born in a stable and being hunted by a jealous king was new to her. Evelyn’s heart trembled for Mary, thinking of how terrifying it must have been to have to run for her son’s life. This time, when communion was offered, Evelyn partook and felt the humbling honor of being able to do so, in being God’s child.

  After church, Jackson kept his arm around Evelyn as they talked with the others. It had no logic, being in a room where he was the only single man, but he was determined to show everyone Evelyn was his. She didn’t seem to mind. He knew he didn’t deserve the way she looked up adoringly at him whenever he spoke, or how her eyes smiled every time he looked down at her, but he cherished it.

  “I see things are different from the last time we saw you two,” Claire said, moving toward them with Nathan and their three children.

  “Yes.” Jackson smiled down at Evelyn, making her heart leap. “Took us a little while, but we finally figured things out.”

  “I’m glad. You looked pretty frustrated last time,” Claire teased, and she and Nathan laughed at Jackson.

  Jackson laughed sardonically at his friends. “Well, I was going to invite you all to stay for lunch, but I think I’ll just forget to do that now.”

  “I hate to disappoint you,” Claire smiled, “but your mother already invited us, and we accepted.”

  Before long, Natalie had an elaborate lunch of roast beef, vegetables, potatoes with gravy, and hot rolls spread across the festive dining room table. Natalie and Claire did most of the talking, taking turns teasing Jackson and Nathan with childhood stories. As she listened, Evelyn got the feeling Jackson had liked Claire at one point. If she was right, she wondered why Claire chose Nathan. Even if she was wrong, Claire had said she was the one who pursued Nathan.

  Claire was beautiful. Not in a seductive way like Sarah, but the best way Evelyn could describe it was that she was not just a natural beauty, but a vision of nature taken human form. She had brown hair with a wonderful, almost curly, wave to it falling just past her shoulders. Her green eyes were the color of a spring-time meadow, and she had adorable freckles dotting her face giving her a youthful look. Evelyn guessed she’d be one to age with grace. Looking between the three childhood friends, she wondered again why Claire hadn’t chosen Jackson.

  Everyone but the children had finished their plates and the conversation finally made its way around to Evelyn and Jackson.

  “Evelyn,” Claire asked, “How did Jack manage to win your affections? He’s sitting pretty proud over there next to you, so I’m guessing you were a hard catch.”

  Jackson smiled at Evelyn as he put his hand on her knee. Evelyn’s cheeks warmed. “No, it wasn’t hard for him to catch me. He had my attention from the moment we met. Actually, I almost fell off of a ladder the first time he talked to me.” Evelyn laughed but was frustrated with herself. Never having been in a relationship before, she wasn’t sure how much was appropriate to tell them.

  “Jack always did have a way of affecting girls,” Claire said.

  Evelyn wasn’t surprised that the sight of Jackson had captivated other women before.

  “So, if she wasn’t a challenge for you, why were you so uptight at Thanksgiving?” Claire asked Jackson.

  Jackson kept his eyes on Evelyn for a moment, then turned to Claire. “It wasn’t as easy as she thinks. She doesn’t know it, but I thought she had forgotten me as soon as she turned back to the books the first time we met. It took over a year for her to speak to me outside of the library. And as for my frustration…I’ll just say I didn’t know what to do or say around her.”

  “I told you she’s good for him!” Natalie laughed. “She’s the first girl I’ve ever seen humble my son. She’s a miracle, and she doesn’t even know it.” Everyone laughed, except for Evelyn. She couldn’t understand what was so funny, nor did she like all the insinuation of a parade of women through Jackson’s life, even though she knew there had been others.

  “Then how’d you finally get together?” Nathan asked Jackson.

  Evelyn looked at Jackson, and for once, he looked unsure. That was unexpected. Everyone else saw it too. “Oh no, Jack, what’d you do?”

  “Remember that night, right after we graduated high school?” Jackson asked. Evelyn had no idea what he was referring to, but the shame and embarrassment shrouding Jackson implied something bad had happened.

  “No,” Claire breathed, breaking the awkward silence. “Jack…you didn’t…”

  It took Nathan just a moment longer. “You kissed someone else again?” he almost choked.

  Again? Evelyn thought, trying to push it from her mind. Whatever, or whomever, was in the past, would stay in the past.

  “Gross.” Everyone looked at Ryan, whose face was contorted in his disgust at the mere thought of kissing a girl as he pushed his vegetables around his plate. Laughter exploded around the table. This time Evelyn joined in, and Charles all but choked on his water.

  “Yes,” Jackson confessed. “It was gross.”

  “But that was after I made her go out with two other guys,” Jackson added sheepishly.

  “Jack, Jack, Jack,” Nathan said, shaking his head. “You have to explain.”

  “Yeah, the Jack we know would never send someone else out with the girl he liked, even if you couldn’t have her…especially if you couldn’t have her,” Claire explained.

  Jackson’s dark eyes focused on only Evelyn. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  Evelyn had seen that look before, and she still couldn’t quite grasp its depth, but she knew now there was love in it. “That’s not true,” Evelyn countered, letting his eyes entrap her. “You were trying to keep me safe.”

  “Now, wait just a minute…Jack kissed someone else. Evelyn, what possessed you to forgive him for that? And Jack, didn’t you learn your lesson the first time?” Claire questioned like an exasperated mother.

  “I was out with another man that night,” Evelyn suddenly stated defensively, wanting the matter cleared and over with. “He had every right to kiss whoever he wanted to. He did nothing wrong, but he still asked for forgiveness. He followed me out into the snow, even after I said some very unkind things. He looked scared and broken. I know what that feels like. I lo
ve him. How could I leave him to face those things alone, especially when he always protects me?”

  Jackson realized his mouth was gaping and closed it. Looking from Evelyn to the others, he had to blink to see if the challenge in her eyes was really there.

  It was.

  He almost laughed. No one dared one more word on the subject.

  “Well I think you’ll be preaching next week,” Charles said, breaking the silence. “You’re the youngest Christian here, and you probably understand love better than any of us. I’m impressed.”

  Natalie had been watching the way her son and Evelyn looked at each other throughout the meal. She had seen plenty of girls look at her son, and she’d seen her son look at plenty of girls…too many for her liking. But something was different this time. There was more than just attraction, that couldn’t be denied; there was respect. She smiled to herself, as mothers often do when they see something pure and good in their child’s life. Evelyn was that something.

  Chapter 40

  Once Charles and Natalie had gone to bed, Jackson asked Evelyn to wait for him to come and get her. After showering, Evelyn waited in the kitchen wearing her nightclothes - grey linen pants and a matching loose-fitting long-sleeved grey shirt. Leaning over the sink with her elbows resting on the counter, she sipped a glass of water as she drank in the view of the dark starry night. A quick, shallow gasp escaped her as familiar hands slid around her. She smiled, happy to have Jackson with her again.

  “I like your tattoo.” Evelyn straightened so her shirt once again covered the small of her back, and turned quickly in Jackson’s arms. “Why are you embarrassed?”

  “It’s embarrassing…It’s just, I’ve seen you…” The memory of her referring to him as a candy shop flushed her with heat. “I don’t look like Sarah. I see how men…” I saw how you… “are attracted to her. I just don’t want to…It scares me…” Why was it so hard to talk to him? She cleared her throat. “I’d just rather keep myself covered.”

  Jackson shook his head. “Thank you for what you said today at lunch in my defense.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “It meant a lot to me to hear you say what you did.”