Back in the Rain

by Elen Chase

  “It’s not what you think, this is urgent!” he screamed.

  I turned to look at him, when suddenly a gunshot and a scream covered any other sound around us. It came from the grove behind the graveyard; blood froze in my veins. I exchanged a look with Finnick, who was about to get in the last police car, seeming as much surprised as I was. My body moved on its own. Dan and Sean were nowhere near that area. Why?

  I started running in the direction of the gunshot, ignoring the police officers telling me to stop. I entered the grove, pitch black, confused by the noises animals and insects were making.

  "Dan!" I screamed his name, hoping he would reply to me, and I kept running deeper into that maze of trees until I heard a weak voice calling me. Not far from me, Sean was lying on the ground, a deep cut on his forehead bleeding profusely. "Sean! Sean, can you hear me?" I shouted, taking him in my arms.

  "Drew…"

  "What happened? Who did this to you?" I asked him, in panic.

  "That man… the one Chloe's dad had arrested… he's here." Tyler? How was that possible? Chloe’s father had brought him to the police station… Did he run away by taking advantage of all the commotion we had caused? But most of all, what did he want? It was over, the sect was over…

  I pierced a nerve when I threw that knife at him. Also, I'm the one who's been torturing him… I can't really blame him for hating me, but the problem is what he's gonna do to get his revenge on me.

  Dan.

  That was what Chloe’s father wanted to tell me then. Tyler must have showed him resentment for Dan, and he wanted to warn us. If I had just listened to him…

  "Drew..." continued Sean, "Dan's hurt. He covered for me when that man tried to shoot me… go to him." I looked at him and saw he didn't have his watchpad with him. Tyler must have broken it to prevent him from calling anybody. I took off mine and was about to call for help when he took it in his hands and said, "I'll take care of this. You go to him." I felt unbearably guilty for leaving him there, hurt like that. However, I nodded my head, stood up and went to look for Dan.

  Please, be safe. Please. Tree branches cut my face and my hands as I rushed farther inside the grove as fast as I could. Not being able to find him, I stopped to catch breath and heard another gunshot somewhere on my right.

  I got closer, and heard Tyler's voice screaming, "You took everything from me!" He was completely out of his mind. "You destroyed my right hand and kept me in a cage for months!" My eyes had gotten used enough to the dark, and I was able to see what was going on. Dan was on his knees, holding his left arm. His gun on the ground, too far for him to reach. Why is he not running away or hiding? Asking myself that, my eyes fell on his right leg and the pool of blood under it. "Still you watch me with those arrogant eyes!" The man continued his monologue. "Die, now!"

  I took out my gun and aimed, but before I could act Dan took a knife from his belt and threw it at the man with his right hand, hitting his thigh and making him fall on the ground.

  "Dan!" I ran toward him.

  "Drew, stay away!" he screamed at me, and I froze, as he said, while the man lifted his head, ready to fire again.

  There's no way I'll let you hurt him.

  I shot before even knowing I was able to. The bullet pierced his shoulder, and this time he lost consciousness as he fell down. I ran to Dan, hugged him, my heart racing fast. He let himself fall into my arms. He was losing a lot of blood.

  "Where did he shoot you?" I asked him.

  "Left arm and right leg… He's obsessed with limbs."

  "Is your watchpad working? We have to call an ambulance."

  "I made him like that," he whispered. "I tortured him and he lost his mind, like Colten tortured me. I understand why he's doing this."

  "Dan…" Noises came from the trees behind Tyler, and soon I saw Finnick coming out. He looked at us, all three of us, and in a flash he took out his gun. What the hell is he doing? Does he want to kill me? He's betraying me after all? Or maybe, Dan? I lowered my eyes to where Tyler was lying, and I saw him with Dan's gun in his right hand, the one that wasn't supposed to move anymore, his fingers on the trigger. My body moved on its own.

  BANG

  Another gunshot broke the silence of the night and, confused, I turned around to see what had happened. Finnick had shot Tyler right in his head, reminding me of how he had killed Brown, exactly like that. I was holding Dan strong in my arms, instinctively trying to cover for him.

  "Drew..." Dan's voice was shaking, as well as his entire body. I looked in his eyes, and he seemed terrified. What happened? Is he hurt?

  A dull pain in my back, in the direction of my lungs, made me understand; it was two gunshots, fired at the exact same time. Slowly it became harder to breathe, and my fingers got numb. I fell down in Dan's arms, hearing him screaming my name.

  "Drew! DREW!" I had never seen him so desperate, not even when An died. As my vision blurred, I moved up my arm and quietly touched his face.

  He's crying so much. I don't want him to cry. All I ever wanted was to see him smile and to know he was happy. If I die, what will he do? Is he going to follow me? I was ready to die with him, so I'm sure he'll have that resolve too. Should I be happy about it? Should I be happy to take his life away now, when for the first time he admitted that he wants to live? No, I can wait.

  Dan, you don't have to come with me now. I want you to go on. I want you to love someone. I want you to start a family, one of your own. I want you to find out that you're perfectly able to, even if you suffered so much because of your parents; you'd be a great dad. I can imagine you holding your kids in your arms, playing with them. I want you to find a dream, something to dedicate your life to. You're so smart, you can do anything. You can be a hero, not one of those who go around killing dragons, but one who can truly save people. I want you to enjoy a lot of stupid little things, like a sunset, a warm breeze, music, and a hug. I want you to live.

  What can I do? I have so many things to tell you, but I can’t speak. Is there a way to express this? Is there a way to convey my feelings to you?

  Destroyed inside, I gathered all the energy I had left, and pulled his head to me, in one last, desperate kiss.

  "Live," I whispered to him, as my mind dissolved, in the warmth of his lips, leaving my body cold and lifeless.

  Chapter 75

  A sweet smell of grass filled up my lungs as a warm breeze softly caressed my skin. I opened my eyes to be embraced in a bright light. I was at peace, as if I was floating in the air. The cherry tree I could see on top of my head was in full bloom, and a shower of petals was falling on me.

  "Where are we?" I asked Shallie, who was allowing me to rest my head on her lap while gently passing her fingers through my hair.

  "The cherry tree on top of the hill." She spoke in her usual cheerful, sweet voice. It was so nostalgic to hear her talking.

  "The one at the graveyard," I said. "Strange, there are no graves here."

  She chuckled. "It's not so strange if you think about it."

  "I see," I remembered suddenly. "I died."

  "Drew, you looked really cool, you know," she told me. "You did great."

  "Really?" I was happy to be praised by her. "It's strange, it doesn't feel so good though."

  "Isn't it because you left something important on the other side?"

  "Is this what this place is for?" I asked her. She nodded her head. "So you left something on the other side too?" She smiled and pointed at me. "Me?" I said, and I laughed too.

  "You were worrying me a lot, you know," she told me. "But you found your way out, and you kept your promise. I'm so proud of you. I love you so much, Drew."

  "I love you too, Shallie," I told her. "I'm glad to have had you."

  "Me too. I can move on now."

  "Where?"

  "Further, further ahead," she looked in the distance, a smile brightening her face.

  "Am I gonna stay here alone from now on?" I asked her.

  "Alone? Drew, we're talk
ing about you." She leaned on me, and I closed my eyes as she kissed me lightly. "You're never alone."

  When I opened my eyes, she wasn't there anymore. The tree above my head appeared to be awkwardly bigger than before. I tried to get up but my body was unbalanced; my legs were too weak to keep me up. I turned on my stomach, and by taking a look at my body, I realized: I had turned back to being a toddler. I managed to sit on the grass, and far in the distance I saw another baby. Is it my reflection? No, she's reaching her hand out to me.

  She?

  "An!" I called her name and she smiled. I knew she did, despite being so far away from her. I crawled toward her, and as I was moving forward, my body began to grow up. I walked, then I ran, faster, calling her name repeatedly, and as I was getting closer, she was growing up too. When I was about to get to her, we were fourteen. She was wearing the red dress of our last birthday party.

  "Annie!" She reached out to me, and I literally jumped in her arms, making us fall in a pool of cherry petals.

  "An, An!" I called her, hugging her tightly, laughing from the bottom of my heart. "I've been wanting to see you for so long!"

  "Me too, Annie!" she said, holding tight to me. "Buuuut," she shouted, "you're a stupid brother, stupid!!"

  "Eh?" Typical of An to get angry at me right after we met again. "What did I do?" I asked, strangely happy to be scolded by her again. I had missed that too.

  "How could you die and leave Dan alone, you idiot?!" Right. My biggest regret. The reason I was there.

  "An…"

  "Why did you have to die now that you were finally back together?" she said, agitated.

  "An."

  "Waahaahhh, I can't stand the thought of him suffering so much!"

  "An!" I screamed. "It hurts me too, what do you think?! If I could go back to him, trust me, I'd never leave him alone. I didn't want to die, An. I wanted to live with him. Always." An stopped screaming and became very serious.

  "Annie," she said, "do you want to go back?"

  "Of course I want to go back," I said, my head full of him and what we could have had together.

  "There's still time." She stood up. "Take my hand!"

  I grabbed her hand and as I did so, I went back to my twenty-one-year-old self. Unexpectedly, An had grown up too. "An, you're an adult," I said, astonished.

  "Well… how do I look?" she asked me, blushing faintly.

  "Beautiful!" I shouted out of enthusiasm. "An, you're so beautiful. Dan would get a nosebleed if he saw you."

  She showed me her amazing, bright smile. "What's that about now? Let's go." She helped me stand up and we started running. I followed her through a colorful field of flowers in full bloom without letting go of her hand, until we reached a small, blue lake.

  "What do I do now?" I asked her, uncertain. She beamed at me and without a word, she pushed me down into the water. As I was falling down, she waved her hand at me.

  "I'll wait for you here," she said. "You both better come get me when you're two grandpas."

  An…"Your earrings!" I screamed, splashing in the water. Despite being underwater, I was still able to talk. "Next time we'll bring them back to you, I promise!" I shouted, and I saw her nodding happily on the surface. I fell down and that beautiful, bright place shone in the distance, growing smaller until I wasn't able to see it anymore. All around me there was now only darkness, and I kept falling faster and faster, for an indefinite time.

  What's gonna be of me? How long do I have to stay here like this?

  This speed is too much.

  I'm gonna crash down.

  I'm scared.

  My eyes opened suddenly in a heavy body which was hurting all over. My heart was beating fast and my breath was irregular.

  My heart was beating.

  I'm alive.

  Dan… I have to see him.

  I tried to move, but my body was stiff and all my muscles hurt. With an extreme effort, I managed to sit on the bed and figured out I was in the hospital. I had simply sat down, and I was already feeling dizzy.

  Living sure is hard.

  "Let me go! I have to see him!" Voices were growing closer. A familiar one.

  "You can't go in. It's not visit time yet." That was a woman.

  "I said I have to see him, now!" Dan's voice sounded so upset on the other side of the door.

  "What's with this commotion? This is a hospital," said a man's voice.

  "Dan..." I tried to speak his name, but it didn't come out at all. They don't want him to see me. There's no way I can allow that. "Dan!" I screamed his name with all the strength I had left in my lungs.

  Silence. Did he hear me?

  Irregular steps rushed to my door and he came in so fast he almost stumbled in the process. Our eyes met, our feelings filling our faces. Dan was panting, he needed a crutch to walk and his left arm was in a sling. My hands naturally moved forward, trying to reach out to him. The crutch hit the floor as he took a step forward and fell into my arms. I held him strong, my fingers in his hair, my face on his neck.

  "Oh my God!" cried out the nurse who came in the room behind him. "He's awake. The patient of the 206 is awake!"

  "Hurry, go call his doctor," said the man's voice I had heard outside the door. But I didn't care about them, the hospital, or anything else.

  All I needed to know was already in my arms.

  Chapter 76

  Apparently, I was in a coma for a month. My parents were the first ones to visit. They rushed to my room as soon as the nurse called for them after I woke up. Mum hugged me in tears, while Dad held back crying, forcing a calm smile on his face which instead conveyed both worry and relief. Dan was about to leave, probably thinking I wanted to be alone with them, but as Dad stopped him and asked him to stay, he came to sit by my side on my bed. The doctor had just finished visiting me, and he kept repeating it was a miracle that I was able to move so much. He left us with the usual recommendations not to stress me too much, that I needed to rest and so on.

  "Drew, in the past month Sean told us everything," said Mum, "but I have to confess that I still find it hard to believe that you did all that. It was dangerous and irresponsible, and we were so worried for you."

  "I know, I’m sorry. But it was something I had to do, no matter how dangerous it could be."

  "We know that all you did, it was because you believed it was right. We are proud of you for being so strong and determined," said Dad, "but don't forget you’re talking with two parents who lost a child and were about to lose the other two." Dan lifted his head, incredulous, his mouth half open. "Yes, this is also about you, Dan. You’ve been part of our family for almost fifteen years now, and it's time for you to accept it. You both left us out and did everything on your own, risking your lives. Starting today, let these two old folks try to help. We'll do anything to sustain you from now on." His words warmed my heart. I felt so grateful to have parents like them. I blamed myself for being a selfish brat and not thinking of them enough.

  "Mum, Dad, there's something I have to confess to you," I told them. "Even though you’d asked me to treasure my life more the last time I was hospitalized, I actually had moments in which I thought I wanted to die. Giving up sometimes seems the easiest way to stop suffering, and it’s tempting. Especially when I thought I wouldn't be alone doing it." I looked at Dan, who was listening very carefully to me, and took his hand in mine. "I thought death could bind us together forever, Dan. Just, I didn't consider your feelings at all. I realized it when I was shot and about to die. It wasn't comforting at all to think that you could have died with me. On the contrary, I wished you could live and be happy, even without me." Tears were silently falling on his cheeks. "Forgive me, Dan, it must have been confusing for you. I was the one who asked you to die together, and then I forced on you my wish for you to live. Forgive me if all I said has been like a curse for you."

  Dan shook his head, covering his mouth with his hand while crying. Dad stood up from his chair and moved it closer to us, then sat a
gain and passed an arm around Dan's shoulders. "Dan, when Drew was shot, did you think you wanted to die too?" he asked him. Dan nodded. "But at the same time you didn't want him to die with you when you were the one in danger," he nodded again. "So you're the same," said Dad, "wishing for the other to live, but not strong enough to live on your own. How do you feel about that?"

  "It hurts," cried Dan, and Dad hugged him, letting him lay his head on his shoulder. "What can I do?" he asked in tears.

  "Learn to love yourself. Love the person you are, and you will finally understand why the other cares so much for you and wants you to go on."

  "I don't know how to do that… I hate what I've become..."

  "You will find your answers, slowly," Dad comforted him. "You can take all the time you need to think about it. You can rest and rely on us. If you feel like falling, then fall. We'll help you up, over and over again, until you can stand on your own."

  Upon hearing those words, I couldn't hold back crying too.

  "Ah, look at you." Mum dried my tears with a tissue. "Today is a happy day, and you spend it crying. Enough now, kids, this isn’t good for your health."

  "Your mother’s right. We should let you rest now," said Dad, slowly letting Dan go. "We can talk anytime." Dan nodded and dried his tears.

  "Dan, you're staying a little longer?" Mum asked him.

  "Yes, I need to talk to him alone," I told them.

  "Sure," said Mum. She kissed us both on the forehead, and they left.

  Dan was still a bit in shock, sitting motionless on the side of my bed. "Dan," I said his name the second the door closed, and as soon as he turned my way, I pulled his head toward me into a deep, passionate kiss.

  "Nh—" he gasped at first, taken by surprise as my tongue delved inside his mouth. Slowly he relaxed, his lips parted, his tongue joined mine into a breathtaking journey through sensation. Heat rushed in our veins, drawing us closer.

  "I've come back for you, Dan," I whispered between one kiss and the other. "You're my life, now and forever."