Married But Available

by B. Nyamnjoh

  “So, where were we?” asked Lilly Loveless when things calmed down and went back to rippling conversations.

  “Nadia was trying to figure out why Luc’s younger sister was being so distant,” Britney reminded her.

  Lilly Loveless pressed record and Britney continued. “Finally, Luc could not contain things any longer so he decided to talk them over with Nadia. He came up with the story of a child he had while in training and this child’s mother had kept away the information from him. Nadia asked why and how that matter should feature now. Luc narrated a lengthy story which ended up in that the child threatened the mother that she wanted the father, and the mother was forced to reveal the story to the child. The mother then contacted some of his friends who told the sister. His family now wanted him to take the child.”

  “Hmmm…,” sighed Lilly Loveless, “that might lessen her concern about being childless, but it would certainly introduce other issues, wouldn’t it?”

  “Well, Nadia vehemently refused to hear of it,” explained Britney. “The child could never enter her house. She did not even believe the story. If Luc had this child before their marriage and he was certain of the child, he would have, even without knowing much of the child, hinted to Nadia that he had made a girlfriend pregnant while in training. This would have raised no doubts now. Nadia and Luc had already been processing papers for adoption, and with this recent trend of events, Luc refused to sign the final document to get the child. He would rather have his that he knew of. Nadia’s friends tried to persuade her to at least receive the child and try to find out details, but she was adamant. Luc too had his shock when he invited the child finally and the child said she could only come with the mother.”

  “Hmmm…,” sighed Lilly Loveless again, “not a simple case. Back home where I come from, the trend these days is to move towards a concept of parenthood as a legal responsibility, and not simply as a biological relationship.”

  “That’s the idea behind adoption, I agree. But pushed too far, it throws the biological baby out with the bathwater, don’t you think?”

  “I don’t understand what you mean.”

  “The risk of transforming the whole notion of a family,” said Britney. “If biology is not the bedrock of social parenthood, then why should anyone take marriage and living together in a family seriously?”

  “I see it, rather, as a very exciting prospect,” countered Lilly Loveless. “As I don’t believe in this whole idea of a child flourishing best only when it has a biological mother and father or parents of opposite sex. I’m yet to be convinced that a child suffers when both of its parents are the same sex. Nor am I persuaded that a mother is necessary for a child’s wellbeing. I would even go as far as to suggest the abolition of marriage altogether, or at the very least, the imposition of marriage expiry dates for those who absolutely insist on getting married. In that way, a marriage contract is renewed only if the marriage works and divorce is instant, speedy, painless, and at minimal expense in case of failure…”

  “That’s too radical for me,” said Britney. “You know what my position on this matter is, given that we’ve been up this road before. I maintain that strong families are at the heart of strong societies, be this in Mimboland or Muzunguland. You cannot abolish a social practice that hasn’t come full cycle. Remember the discussion we had at my place?”

  Lilly Loveless nodded.

  “I can’t say that marriage is a panacea, but there is some security and satisfaction in knowing that I am a wife and a mother, however poor we may be as a family. It is what I call paying our debts to society,” reiterated Britney.

  “I remember your position, clearly,” said Lilly Loveless.

  “Chapter closed,” said Britney.

  “I rest my case,” echoed Lilly Loveless.

  “As you can see,” continued Britney, “Nadia’s woes increased daily. She was constantly in trouble with Luc’s family. And, unlike in the beginning, Luc had come full circle. He supported his family all the way. Their relationship deteriorated daily and the rift between them increased daily. Luc spent days and nights out of the home under the pretext of work. The change was so drastic that Nadia could not believe Luc anymore. He came back home tired and complained of pains. Some months went by with no sexual relationship between them. This was not normal for the sex glutton that she knew Luc to be.

  “Nadia began investigation and got stories of where Luc was seen most of the time. When she confronted Luc with these stories, he simply told her not to make herself unhappy finding out and following him around. Nadia could not use their car anymore. Luc was in control and parked the car kilometres away, where the daughter lived with her mother. Nadia’s spies came and gave her all the information she needed – where the car was usually parked, when, where he went and with whom, etc.

  “Nadia decided one evening to see for herself. She went to where the car was parked, saw it but did not have the courage to go to the house. She stood around the car until when Luc came out about to leave. She started off towards home. When Luc entered his car and took off, he somehow recognised Nadia and stopped. He asked her where she was coming from so late and she lied that she had gone to see off a friend who lived this way. She got in and silently they drove home. Nobody talked to the other for two days. On the third day, Luc told Nadia, ‘You want to see for yourself, you’ll get hurt in the end.’

  “Nadia and her relatives then decided to go all out for a fight. Her relatives went to the mother of Luc’s daughter and warned her to stop intruding in someone’s home and threatened to do something terrible to her if she continued. The woman recounted to Luc that night what happened. He came home much earlier than usual and told Nadia if anything happened to Isabelle, as the woman was called, she would be held responsible. He then dropped the bomb, telling Nadia he thought their relationship had come to an end and that he didn’t think he could really be happy with her again. He asked Nadia to pack and leave his home.”

  “Just like that?” asked Lilly Loveless.

  “You know things had been brewing for awhile,” replied Britney. “As it turned out,” she continued, “Nadia instead asked him to pack, leave and meet Isabelle, saying she wouldn’t move. Luc told Nadia how he had been tolerant for all the years, how she was not caring, and how she had many faults which had never been mentioned. Luc continued to use the car with Isabelle, sometimes driving past without stopping while Nadia waited for a taxi, in certain cases under the rain.

  “Must have been difficult for her,” commented Lilly Loveless.

  “Yes, she felt wounded,” continued Britney. “Nadia had thought about damaging the car since she contributed greatly for it to be bought, but her friend pleaded with her to remain calm and not do anything that would bring her shame in the end.

  “So Isabelle became Luc’s idol, and Luc’s family members paid her regular visits. Luc became the main provider and made life comfortable for Isabelle.

  “But what goes around comes around,” said Britney and looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to them before she continued.

  “Luc gets the shock of his life when he goes to visit, and finds Isabelle in the bedroom with her clothes off with Nadia who is also naked.”

  At this, Lilly Loveless slammed her Mimbo-Wanda to the table in shock and the blue in her eyes seemed to stream out.

  “What to do?” asked Britney. “Nadia got back at Luc in her way and Luc can’t go back to Nadia because she has now moved on. We don’t know where he is living now or how he is getting by.”

  “Amazing tale,” was all Lilly Loveless could say.

  “I’ve overstayed,” said Britney suddenly as she collected her purse, “and I’m going to be late, so let me run if you don’t mind. I’ll leave you here with Mammy Nyangaa to finish your beer. Anything you need, you let her know.” said Britney winked and then gave Lilly Loveless a hurried and noisy smack of a kiss on the cheek.

  Lilly Loveless sat speechless and thought, “Baby, one more ti
me,” as she watched Britney turn on her heels and head out of Mammy Nyangaa’s.

  ***

  It took Lilly Loveless several days to persuade Adapepe to talk to her about pornography amongst students. Many of the stories collected by Britney clearly hinted at the possibility that the consumption of pornography was widespread. Also, she had taken encouragement from Adapepe’s immediate association of her name with Deep Throat, a classic in the realm of sexually explicit films. There was a private reason as well, which she dared share with no one for fear of compromising her fieldwork. This was the fact that she stripped and lap danced for men in exclusive clubs back home in Bruhlville, and was curious to know whether Africa, in terms of sexual freedoms, was indeed as much of an exception as was often claimed. Her background, personal experiences and quest for intimate knowledge of practices and experiences elsewhere were the real reason behind her scholarly fascination with sex, power and consumerism in Africa, and choice of Mimboland – Africa in miniature, as her case study.

  At first Adapepe was reluctant, claiming her centrality to the strike did not permit her to take even an hour off. But when Lilly Loveless offered to contribute money towards meals for the leadership of the strike and also to commission Adapepe’s boyfriend, Burning Spear, to collect and transcribe lyrics of popular Mimbo music relevant to her research, Adapepe agreed to speak. This was on condition that Britney did not come along, for Adapepe, despite her carefree attitude, didn’t want anything she told Lilly Loveless to become the talk around campus. She knew only too well that Britney was not called “weaver bird” for nothing. So they met without Britney, at Mammy Nyangaa, because Adapepe wanted to stay close to the centre of action, and the fact that her cell phone was ringing every now and again demonstrated her claim to be at the heart of things.

  “Since watching Deep Throat, pornography fascinates me,” said Adapepe. “Not in a positive way. Of course not, but rather, in the odd and very unrealistic things they do.”

  “Such as…?” Lilly Loveless eyed her with curiosity.

  “Women wear high heels to bed. Men can keep going on and on and on, as if they were some super men or the Oliver Twists of sex, when we know that ordinary men are in and out even before you’ve unzipped your skirt.”

  “What else?”

  “The sort of things they say. For example, ‘if you’ve been a boobs or arse man all your life, we are here to broaden your horizons.’”

  “What else? Tell me everything,” Lilly Loveless pressed, bubbling with thirst to know.

  “You really are interested, aren’t you?” asked Adapepe, pulling out a sheet of paper from the pocket of her tight-fitting jeans trousers.

  “What’s that?” Lilly Loveless opened her eyes widely.”

  “It’s a list of the sort of things they say in porn,” replied Adapepe. “Something told me you might ask questions of this nature, so I took the precaution of writing them out for you.”

  Adapepe handed the list to Lilly Loveless, who returned it to Adapepe to read out to her, saying that an aspect of her research was to determine the extent to which those she interviewed were comfortable with what they shared with her as practices and experiences.

  With nonchalance, Adapepe read out her list. “Some examples of phrases contained in the pornography I have watched are: ‘If you’ve been a boobs or arse man all your life, we are here to broaden your horizons’; ‘She is such a f**king giver’; ‘I want to hear you come for me’; ‘I like it when you lick my belly button’; ‘F**k her with that big cock’; ‘I like it deep in my throat’; ‘Why should I cheat myself of a couple of more inches?’; ‘You really got to love the cock, suck the cock’; ‘You like to see my tongue buried in your arse’; ‘You want to f**k my face; ‘Do the damn thing’; ‘Spank him, he likes it’; ‘Let it loose, don’t hold back’; ‘I wanna hear you come’; ‘I like to make guys come’; ‘I’m gonna make your pussy come with my pussy’; ‘I love to be f**ked any way, I don’t care just f**k me’; ‘What do you wanna see me do with her?’; ‘You thrill me when you drill me’; ‘A woman’s pussy has as much personality as her face’; ‘Guys, you should know that all women like to be dirty little whores, etc.’” When she finished reading, she turned to Lilly Loveless, a mocking look on her face, and asked, “Satisfied?”

  “Most impressive,” remarked Lilly Loveless, appreciating the fact that Adapepe, unlike Britney who could not bring herself to repeat the favourite turn on gimmicks of her friend of cybersex, did not at all feel uncomfortable proclaiming that she watched porn, and documented its language and practices.

  “In their penetration game, men stick and thrust their way wherever there’s a hole, and women suck and lick gleefully. They make one wonder whatever became of the maxim ‘cleanliness is next to godliness’,” Adapepe added a personal reflection.

  “You seem to be very familiar with pornography and its language… what is your degree in?”

  “In Gender Sociology, we have a course on film and gender stereotypes,” said Adapepe.

  “I thought so,” said Lilly Loveless. “Your knowledge of these things is more than that of a mere consumer.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Ugly-looking, wildly tattooed men love humiliating women by masturbating all over them, knowing fully well that no one believes that the women are enjoying it the way they pretend to the camera that they are.”

  “What makes you think they pretend?”

  “How can you take seriously a woman who smiles with appreciation when a man splashes her face with semen, describing it as a teaspoonful of salty mainly harmless fluid, like oysters?”

  “I see what you mean,” said Lilly Loveless, not bothering to add that she was allergic to oysters. “Don’t forget that porn-stars and film-stars are paid to entertain and must be seen to do just that.”

  “Isn’t love-making too serious a thing to pretend about?”

  “Don’t we all pretend? How often do you give the impression of enjoying what a man is doing when what you’d rather do is tell him off as a selfish, greedy, masturbating bastard?”

  “You are right,” Adapepe agreed, “but we must admit that pornography carries such pretence too far. The most ridiculous is the way the woman moans noisily and continuously when an enlarged penis is inserted in her mouth, or while the man is thrusting as if out to humiliate her more than to give or harvest pleasure.”

  “What else?”

  “Porn women give the impression that orgasms are that easy to come by and that having one at the same time as a man is a usual occurrence, which, as you and I know, isn’t true.”

  Lilly Loveless agreed.

  “I don’t know if you’ve noticed the current proliferation of pornography. When we were growing up, pornography was rare. Even rummaging through the cupboard where our parents stored their precious possessions was unlikely to spring any surprises. I remember how strictly enforced the ‘forbidden to under 18 years’ rule was for erotic films at cinemas in Zintgraffstown, where I grew up. We adhered strictly to the harmless Bollywood menus that were imposed on us by the gendarmes of taste in those days.”

  Lilly Loveless nodded in agreement. “I was struck to see how openly pornographic videos and DVDs are displayed on pavements and by hawkers. I’ve even come across videos by local girls and boys involved in pornography of their own. Is there no policing of what is done or consumed?”

  “Pornography is addictive. Everyone is going for it, the police and men of God included, so who would police whom?”

  “Isn’t that worrying?” asked Lilly Loveless, less personally concerned with morality than she sounded.

  “It depends where you are coming from,” explained Adapepe. “The young, girls and flying-shirts alike, see in pornography an opportunity to learn things their parents are too scared to teach them. When the connections are good and we can surf the Internet, we can feed off as many pictures of naked women and men as we like, and with a little money we can buy videos an
d DVDs or watch satellite television with round the clock channels that deliver pornography right into our bedrooms and sex parties. For Mbomas going out with university girls like me, pornography offers opportunities to experiment and explore fantasies they dare not broach with their wives, who in turn seek flying-shirts to explore the fulfilment their husbands are too busy elsewhere to avail them. For those who are not married and who don’t have girlfriends, pornography assists with masturbation in the same way that champagne does to the self-esteem of a lonely rich man. Everyone finds satisfaction in pornography, regardless of what they may say or not say in public.”

  “So nobody is interested in controlling it?”

  “There’s much rhetoric about morality, but the action is very thin, which is where we measure what people really mean.”

  “And the state…?”

  “For us, we say, a fish starts rotting from the head.”

  “Which means?”

  “If those on top shine the light, those at the bottom will see what direction to go.”

  “That’s profound, but what has it got to do with porn?”

  “Simple. If those who should be controlling pornography are all keen on being served their double penetration, blow jobs and anal sex like three course meals, even those of us who eat at Mammy Nyangaa would want to emulate them.”