Like Breathing

by Tia Fielding

  “It’s been rough for you, hasn’t it?” he asked quietly.

  “Yeah,” she admitted. “The latest one walked a few weeks back.”

  “Do I need to go hurt anyone?” Leaf asked, only half-kidding.

  Rain snorted. “No. He never understood the way I was never jealous despite his best efforts to make me so. He was jealous if I said hi to the mailman, for fuck’s sake.”

  “Good riddance, then?”

  “Yeah. Oh, and the kicker is, he would’ve wanted kids. Like to adopt or something—we all know I’m too old for that now.”

  “Oh well, he definitely was the wrong one, then,” Leaf said, understanding that it would’ve been a deal-breaker for her.

  “Mhmm….” The sound of Rain pushing her ashtray farther away signaled her finishing the joint and leaning back in her chair again. He’d seen her do the same routine enough times to know exactly how she looked and moved in that moment. “Do you think we’d be like this, if our parents were… different?”

  “You mean, had we become regular productive members of the society with normal names and shit, if our idiot parents had been strong enough not to fall into the lure of a fucking cult?”

  She laughed and laughed, until his anger at what he’d just said dissipated and he could only laugh too.

  “I love you, Leaf.”

  “Love you too, Rainbow. You should come visit us sometime soon, okay?”

  “Yeah, I will. Meet your dogs. Talk art with Seth. Hug the shit out of you,” she murmured, getting sleepy like she always did after smoking.

  “Take a nap and get to work, sis. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” He smiled, feeling somewhat lighter suddenly.

  “Mhmm… love you.”

  He disconnected the call and reached over to scratch Missy some to calm himself. He hated his childhood. Hated the fact that he and Rainbow had had to escape it when he was twenty and she’d just turned eighteen. They’d known they had to leave if they wanted to have anything resembling a normal life.

  At least by then they’d been in Mexico, so getting to the States hadn’t been such a hassle, especially when they’d had all their paperwork, unlike some other kids who grew up with them. Their parents—or father, mostly—wanted them to have their own way as soon as they turned eighteen.

  Leaf knew his father had wanted out but wouldn’t leave their mother to the cult. Only after falling in love with Seth had Leaf understood his father’s decision. In any case, he supposed their parents had done their best, gullible as they’d been. The horrible shit that had happened to Leaf and Rain hadn’t been things their parents had directly done to them. They’d just not been very good parents to begin with, and the cult hadn’t changed that for the better.

  The seventies had been such a different time. Leaving in the late eighties, when everyone in the States was a fucking yuppie instead of the hippies they were used to, had been a bit of a shock. At least they had been able to get jobs. Leaf, having always loved animals, had walked enough dogs to last a lifetime, and Rain had been a waitress. They’d stuck together, and they always would, even if they now lived in different states.

  SINCE LEAF wasn’t feeling particularly hungry yet, he drove straight to the shelter near Salt Lake City. He’d been there before, and the staff was waiting for him. There, he was somewhat of a celebrity. He’d come to their rescue a few times over the years, and they were the shelter where he’d picked up Husky three years ago.

  When his RV rolled to the yard, one of the employees, Suze, ran out and gestured for him to drive to the gated area on one side of the main building. There were several others on the large property in addition to the regular big shelter. There was a cattery, one house just for puppies, a grooming and storage building, and decent runs for the dogs they had at any given time, among a couple of other building in varying sizes.

  Leaf parked the car and got up, stretching his back, which cracked and popped like usual.

  “Okay, guys. Wait here.” They’d been driving for almost four hours and the dogs needed to pee for sure, but he’d always check the environment first—he needed to, to be a good leader of his little pack.

  “Hey, Leaf.” Suze, a sixty-something woman with a long gray braid came to hug him as soon as he got off the RV.

  “Hey, Mama Suze. How’s it going?” he asked and kissed her cheek.

  “It’s fine, just the new group needing a bit more work and expertise than we have right now.” She frowned but then perked up again. “You have the pack with you?” she asked hopefully.

  “You know I don’t travel without them. Wanna see your boy?” he asked, going back to the door to open it. “Come on, guys!”

  This time, Grace peeked out first, but then her body language changed when she realized where they were. She climbed down, wagging her tail, and went straight to Suze to be petted.

  “Heya, Gracey honey,” Suze cooed at her, then took a sturdier stance to prepare for the other two.

  As they’d both expected, Husky and Missy tumbled out of the RV in a tangle of limbs, both so very excited to be there. Husky whined at Suze, almost like the dogs in those “soldiers coming home to their dogs” videos. He loved her, knew she’d saved his life, and was ecstatic to see her every time. Missy, well… Missy just loved people in general and knew this was a nice lady who had treats in her pockets.

  “Okay, kids, behave,” Leaf said in an even tone, putting a bit of pressure in the last word. It made the younger dogs snap into attention and Grace glance at him where she was sniffing at some rocks nearby. “Yeah, go pee, you heathens, so I can put you into a run for now.”

  They did as told, then followed Leaf and Suze to the “guest runs,” where the staff could leave their own dogs temporarily. There was shade from some trees, part of the runs had roofing over them, and there were toys and water bowls in them too. They were also very clean, which was something Leaf liked to see.

  “In you go, guys. I’ll come pick you up when I need you,” he told the dogs, and was pretty sure only Grace understood what he was saying. The old lady knew she was there to do a job, after all.

  “So, have you had any real breakfast yet?” Suze asked as they started toward the main building.

  “Wouldn’t that be brunch at this hour?” he teased, grinning.

  “Look at you. Did your man teach you a new word?” she teased right back, making him laugh with delight.

  “I could eat,” he admitted, knowing he’d need to be alert for meeting the new arrivals.

  “Excellent. Maria brought in some food for you, just in case.” Suze’s daughter worked at the shelter and liked to feed people, especially rare visitors like Leaf.

  “Sounds good to me,” he murmured, following her inside.

  While Suze warmed up the meal, Leaf walked around the break room. There were all sorts of things tacked on the walls. Some were on corkboards, some were written down with chalk, and there were even dry-erase boards. He liked the way the people here left notes for one another.

  There was a board in one corner that had a black storm cloud drawn on it. Under it was a list of things that were negative, but nobody was allowed to nag about or blame others on. “Crates need to be cleaned thoroughly” was on top of the list that day, with the last word underlined twice. There was also “no cussing out idiots” and “ALWAYS CLOSE THE GATES.”

  Snorting, Leaf moved on to the next board.

  It was a combination of Missing flyers and notes tacked on them with joyful “Found!” written in several different handwritings. There was a section for happy rescue stories too. One of them was just simple Polaroid picture of Husky sitting in the doorway of Leaf’s RV.

  “He’s a handsome lad,” Suze said behind him.

  She set their plates down and poured them both a glass of water from the pitcher on the long table. He sat down across from her and tore a piece of homemade bread into smaller bits, then stuffed one in his mouth. And groaned happily.

  Suze chuckled. “She still makes th
e best bread, right?”

  “Uh-huh,” Leaf hummed happily.

  They dug into the tasty stew, enjoying it in silence. Yeah, Maria was an awesome cook, and maybe enjoying her cooking might’ve been a tiny part of why Leaf liked to visit Suze’s shelter.

  “So, newcomers?” he asked when they were done eating.

  “Yeah, remember couple of years ago when they busted that one ring in Arkansas?”

  “The college athlete whose family was all wrapped up in it?”

  “That’s the one. One of his brothers went back to the family business. In Nevada, this time.”

  Leaf cursed out loud. “At least they got the bastard?” He tried to find the fucking silver lining.

  “Yeah. There were thirty-one dogs there, half of them puppies. We got five adults and one mama with four puppies.”

  “Ten total?”

  “Right. The mama is okay—she’s been handled and isn’t aggressive to anyone—so the pups should grow up fine. It’s a couple of the others I’m worried about.”

  “Fighters?”

  “No. Bait.”

  Leaf cussed again, scratching the back of his neck in an agitated motion, a tell of his—according to Seth—that meant he was so very pissed off under the calmish surface.

  “Okay. Well, I guess we should get to it, then? I think Grace can help with the… the shy ones.” He fucking refused to call living beings bait, for fuck’s sake.

  “Sure. Want to see them in their runs first?” she asked as they got up and cleared the table.

  “Yeah. Do you have a lot of volunteers?”

  “A few new ones popped up, as always after the word gets out there’s been a fighting ring bust. Why?”

  “The other dogs. I guess they need socializing and such too?”

  “Yeah, they do.” She opened the break-room door, and they walked through to the back, where they could get through to the kennels.

  “Pick people who are calm. The calmest ones. Have them go on walks with the dogs. Double secured, though, just in case they freak out.”

  “Collars and harnesses, right,” Suze said, and Leaf could tell she immediately started a mental list of equipment, people, and safe places for the walks.

  “Not long at first, but if they have time, twice a day. Routes that you can make longer gradually. Just going around the building will be enough at first. If you have people with serious time, have them sit inside the kennels with the dogs. Read a book or play a game on their phones, with sound on low. No headphones, though.”

  “What are you going to do with these guys?” she asked as they got to the end of the hall with the “newbie kennels” and stepped into a room with only four kennels inside.

  Two of them were occupied by the bait dogs. He could barely tell there were dogs in them at all.

  “First, I’m going to find some treats from your fridge there in the corner, and then I’m going to sit with one, then the other. See how they are with me. After that, get Grace in. I’m thinking leaving her in the kennel across from them for a few hours at least.”

  “Sounds like a plan. I’ll leave you to it. Call me if you need me. I’ll flip the sign on my way out?” she asked, referring to the Do Not Enter sign on the quiet room’s door.

  “Yeah, thanks.” Leaf went to the fridge for the good treats—meat and cheese, things that smelled good for the dogs and were more special than average dog treats.

  Once he was alone with the dogs, he opened the first kennel and sat on the floor, back against the wall with his legs crossed at the ankle. “Right then, buddy. Let’s see your file, eh?” He took the clipboard he’d snatched from outside the door and looked at it, keeping the bowl of treats by his thigh for the time being.

  The dog was a male, approximately three years old, if that. The vet had made his estimation based on how the dog looked, given that it had been too scared to be handled much. They would have to put him under when they neutered him, so it would be easiest to just check him through then.

  All his wounds looked healed, and nothing seemed recent, for whatever reason. He was scared to death of other dogs, and if one came too close, he’d cower and growl, making him potentially dangerous.

  Sighing, Leaf put the clipboard away and peered into the pile of rags in the corner. He could see it moving just enough to tell the dog was breathing in his safe little cave.

  He took a piece of burger meat and rolled it into a ball, then tossed it by the dog. Nothing. He hadn’t thought the dog would be into that, anyway.

  “Well, shit. I guess I’ll have to be a little bit mean to be kind. Sorry about this, buddy,” he murmured as he moved into a kneeling position and reached out to grab the edge of the blanket. He carefully pulled it away from around the dog, giving him time to retreat to the corner, and finally bundled up the blanket and moved it to the front of the kennel.

  “Now, let’s try this again, shall we?” He took another piece of meat and tossed it by the dog. There was an untouched bowl of food by the door where they put the bowls for efficiency’s sake. “You’re too scared to eat here, aren’t you? Well, you’re much too thin, buddy. You need to eat something. Here, how about some cheese?” He tossed a cheese cube toward the animal, almost hitting the cowering form in the head. The dog jerked a little, but tried to appear as small as possible anyway.

  Leaf decided to stay for a while longer and cataloged the injuries he could see. With the amount of scarring on the dog’s head and neck, it was obvious he’d been a bait dog. There were scars on his back too, but not as many. The ears had been cropped—and not very well, it seemed. One was bigger than the other, and it made Leaf’s jaw clench.

  He tamped down the anger, knowing the dog would sense it. “You’re such a good boy, aren’t you? Such a brave little boy. You just need to figure out this new place and open up a bit.” Leaf got to his feet and moved the food bowl closer to the dog, then dropped a few pieces of meat on top of the regular food.

  “You can have this back,” he murmured and carefully tossed the blanket back into the corner. Then he took the treats and clipboard and left the kennel.

  The other dog was a female, and she was barely out of puppyhood. She was scared of other dogs too, but not quite as fearful of humans. She refused to leave the quiet room when they tried to walk her, because there were always other dogs outside the door in the newbie runs.

  Leaf repeated what he’d done with the boy, and smiled when the girl tried to sneak closer to his treat bowl when he turned to look the other way. She froze as soon as he looked at her, but after feeding her a few pieces of cheese and meat, she wagged her tail at him a little.

  “You’ll be fine, sweetheart. Just need to get Grace here and play with her a bit so you see humans and dogs can have fun together and that she’s not dangerous either.”

  He brought Grace in and tossed a stuffed toy for her in the middle of the quiet room for a while. He paid no attention to the other dogs, and once Grace lost interest in the toy, Leaf put her in one of the free kennels, then went out and brought his other dogs. Husky got to fly solo, and Missy went in with Grace.

  “I’ll come get you guys later. Be good,” he told them and left them there.

  In his experience, exposure worked best for most scared dogs. They just had to have time to do that. He hoped his dogs would help enough for the shelter staff to be able to continue when they left for home.

  Objectively Leaf knew his methods were different from some other trainers and behaviorists’ ways of doing the same job. He wasn’t sure there was a right or wrong way—apart from trying to physically force the animals to do something or hurt them on purpose—and as long as there were results and lives saved, he was happy with it and so were his clients.

  LEAF WANTED to check out the new momma dog and the puppies, so he went out and across the yard to the building with the words “Puppy Castle” on a plaque above the door. He shook his head, grinning at the name, and opened the door, just to bump into someone.

  “Sorr
y!” he exclaimed, then looked at who exactly he’d walked into.

  “Well, hello there, Leaf,” Julien, the vet working for the shelter, purred.

  “Julien,” Leaf said politely, although he couldn’t help the grin when Julien backed up and gave him a once-over.

  “Been a while.” The man seemed to be stuck on the purring tone, which amused Leaf even more.

  “Has that ever worked with me, Jules?” he asked, and brushed past the vet to get into the front area of the building.

  “No,” Julien said in a tragic tone. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!” he all but wailed, and Leaf was happy nobody else seemed to be around right then.

  All through the years and all his visits here, Julien had tried to get into his pants. Sadly, hot as the man was, Leaf had some morals he wouldn’t go against for just scratching an itch.

  “Well, you haven’t gotten rid of my partner yet—there’s one,” he said, heading to clean his hands in the washing-up station. Nobody wanted to transfer any bugs into the puppies, after all.

  “Sometimes I wished I was a much more murderous being.” Julien sighed the words dramatically, but smiled at Leaf after. “You here for the newbies?”

  “You got it. Anything interesting about them?”

  They went to the room where the momma and the puppies were held at the moment, and Leaf chuckled when the mom wagged her tail at them.

  “She’s friendly, so that’s a thing.” Julien had dropped the act and was all animal-loving professional now. It made him more attractive in Leaf’s eyes, not that he’d ever tell Jules that.

  “Hello there, girlie,” Leaf greeted the dog in a kind, low voice. “You’re such a pretty mama, aren’t you?” He went to sit on the floor by the large dog bed where she and the puppies were resting.

  Julien sat on a chair nearby and observed them instead of crowding the dogs by sitting on the floor.

  “They’re, what, five weeks?” Leaf asked, when first of the puppies noticed him and toddled closer on unsteady stubby legs.