Super Fly vs. Furious Flea!

by Todd H. Doodler

  “Police recognize Crazy Cockroach, his henchbugs, and two new sidekicks wrapping the inn in toilet paper. From the logo on his brightly colored outfit, police believe one sidekick is called Furious Flea.”

  Eugene and Elle turned to each other and exclaimed, “Furious Flea!”

  Eugene shook his head. “That has to be . . .”

  Elle finished for him. “Fred!”

  The Coolest Bug in School

  Eugene and Elle weren’t sure what to do. Should they call the cops and turn Fred in? Should they tattle to Fred’s parents? Should they put on their superhero suits to confront all the villains at once?

  Eugene said, “I don’t want to get Fred in trouble.”

  Elle agreed. “We just want to pull him back to the good side of the diaper.”

  Eugene sighed. “Maybe if I’d spent more time with him, this never would have happened.”

  Elle didn’t want to make her big brother feel worse, so she stayed silent.

  Eugene went on in a more hopeful tone. “I’ll be extra nice to Fred tomorrow. That might help him come around.”

  Elle smiled. Who could possibly resist Eugene’s charm?

  The next day at school, Fred didn’t just snub Eugene. He knocked the stack of books out of his former friend’s arms, then laughed and stepped on his hands while Eugene struggled to retrieve them in the crowded hall.

  “Hey, you missed your math book,” Fred said. Then he scooped up the book and tossed it to Dee Dung.

  Dee tossed the book to Doo, who tossed it to Cornelius, who tossed it back to Fred. It was a cruel game of Fly in the Middle.

  Eugene held out his hand. Fred started to give Eugene the book, but at the last second he spit in the fly’s hand instead.

  The bully crew found this hysterically funny. In fact, they were so helpless with laughter that Eugene easily retrieved his math book. His dignity, however, remained on the dusty floor.

  All day long, Eugene acted nice and Fred responded by being a total bad bug.

  Cornelius saw great potential in this situation. He told his henchbugs, “This is the perfect setup for world domination!”

  Dee and Doo looked blank. They had no idea what “domination” meant.

  The super villain explained. “Now that Eugene and Fred are at odds, that means Super Fly and the flea formerly known as Fantastic Flea won’t be working together to protect Stinkopolis and the rest of the world.”

  “Oh!” The dim Dungs were getting the idea.

  Cornelius went on. “Let’s widen the rift between fly and flea.”

  Again, “widen” and “rift” were hard words for his henchbugs to understand. So Cornelius concluded, “Our mission is to make Fred Flea the coolest bug in school.”

  By the following day, all of Brown Barge Elementary School buzzed with praise for Fred Flea. No one could hop a dog like Fred. The amazing flea had once saved a centipede from choking on a maggot. Fred was great at sports, video games, circus tricks, and . . . everything!

  By lunchtime Fred’s legend went epic. Suddenly Fred Flea was everybug’s hero, the bug everybug wanted to be. Fred ate surrounded by adoring fans offering him the best bites of their lunches.

  Eugene sat in a quiet corner nibbling his deliciously disgusting lunch all by his lonesome.

  Elle came up and said, “It’s time Super Fly and Fly Girl had a talk with a certain flea.”

  Eugene sighed. “You’re right.”

  The Dark Side of the Diaper

  That night Stinkopolis suffered another crime spree. Crazy Cockroach, Furious Flea, Fiona, and the Dung twins wreaked havoc all over Chinatown.

  The bad bugs tore down the strings of pretty lanterns, then emptied the garbage cans looking for tasty bits of moo shu poo and sweet-and-disgusting noodles.

  All the while, Furious Flea ranted about his former friend. “Super Fly never uses his powers for fun. He’s all about ‘protecting the community’ and ‘saving the world.’” The flea popped a half-eaten dregs-roll in his mouth, then demanded, “Where’s the fun in that?”

  “None at all!” Crazy Cockroach exclaimed. “We should change his name from Super Fly to Pooper Fly—as in party pooper.”

  Furious Flea laughed. “Yeah, Mr. Super-Dooper Party Pooper practically faints every time he tries to talk to a pretty girl! And sometimes before a big test he gets so wound up he wets the bed. Maybe he should start wearing diapers instead of his Super Fly outfit,” said the sarcastic flea. Every bug laughed. Even the Dungs got Fred’s stupid joke.

  Fred liked making his friends laugh, and he loved being the center of attention. So he continued trashing Super Fly. “And he’s totally allergic to . . .”

  Before Fred could reveal another of Super Fly’s weaknesses, something clinked down the street. The roach and his henchbugs went to investigate the sound.

  As Fred started to follow, two figures suddenly stepped out of the shadows and grabbed him!

  “Shh,” someone hissed.

  “We don’t want to hurt you,” a familiar voice said.

  Fred suddenly recognized his attackers: Super Fly and Fly Girl!

  “I’m sorry,” Eugene began. “But I couldn’t let you keep telling the enemy all my secrets! And by the way, I only wet my bed once and that’s because it was a math test. You know how much I hate math.”

  Elle added, “We want the old Fred back— the good Fred, the one we like so much!”

  But the flea felt way more Furious than Fantastic. Fred fumed, “I can’t believe you two are lecturing me. BUG OFF!”

  Elle and Eugene were too stunned to speak.

  Fred ranted on. “Why don’t you mind your own business? Being bad is way more fun than playing second fiddle—no, third fiddle—to a couple of houseflies. Fleas are cool too, and my new friends know that. Flies are boring. You’re boring. Leave me alone.”

  Then Fred pushed his former friend so hard that Super Fly landed in a mud puddle! How could a Fantastic Flea push down a Super Fly? Fred’s words had left Eugene feeling so confused that he literally became a pushover.

  Eugene sputtered in the mud, flattened with disbelief. Did Fred really think Eugene considered fleas inferior? Had he somehow offended Fred?

  Elle opened her mouth to protest, but Fred spoke first. “Your shoes and outfit are ugly!” the furious flea declared. “You look awful in that color.” Then he hopped off into the night.

  Super Fly and Fly Girl couldn’t help but conclude that their friendship with the formerly fantastic flea was finished, donezo, over, kaput, history, buh-bye.

  Crazy Cockroach, Number 1, and Number 2 quietly returned from the other end of the street to watch this sad scene. Of course to them it was a sweet victory.

  Cornelius whispered to his henchbugs, “Let’s go. Furious Flea can catch up with us later, in the dark side of the diaper.”

  Indeed, Fred soon found his new cohorts in the villain’s cottony-soft lair. The flea asked, “Where’ve you been?”

  Crazy Cockroach grinned. “Taking a dump.”

  Number 1 added, “Big dump.”

  Number 2 echoed, “Major!”

  Then all three showed the flea the things they’d stolen from the dump. This certainly was major! In less than an hour the criminal crew had scooped up every toy, trinket, and snack Fred had ever wanted. “What am I waiting for?” Furious Flea wondered. Why not pluck the poops of the world—or at least of Stinkopolis?

  So he told Crazy Cockroach, “I want to take a dump too!”

  The Dungs cheered. “All right, Furious Flea!”

  Dee sang, “Who let the bad out?”

  Doo waved the air in front of his nose and complained. “Seriously, who let the bad out?”

  Fred blushed. “Sorry. I got excited.”

  Crazy Cockroach clapped him on the back and said, “Never be sorry. Be BAD!”

  And with that the four bugs began a night of wicked fun.

  Flies Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

  Fred Flea had never felt so big bef
ore. Standing next to Fiona helped, because the female flea was even smaller than Fred.

  But mostly, he felt big because lately every bug at Brown Barge treated him with respect. Being popular and cool was tons of fun! Way more fun than taking a backseat to a Super Nerd!

  Fred convinced Cornelius and the Dung twins to form a quartet with him. Between classes the four bug buddies sang in the halls. Everybug loved them!

  Some tossed their lunch money at the singers. Others paid them in double-stuffed Poopios or other treats.

  Fred felt like the King of the School, which was even better than Student of the Season. Bug butts moved aside as Fred walked down the halls. He was so cool they even seemed afraid, or at least terribly eager to please.

  Fred’s new pest friends wanted to play whatever game Fred suggested. And Fiona still laughed at Fred’s jokes, even the dumb ones she’d heard before.

  The other girl bugs also admired Fred. Their eyes followed him wherever he went. Even Lucy Kaboosie wouldn’t stop staring at the cool new Fred.

  Where was Eugene during all this? He was home from school feeling sick. Mrs. Flystein worried because she’d never seen her son so depressed before.

  She presented Eugene with his favorite: chicken poop noodle soup.

  Eugene didn’t even have the energy to lift the spoon.

  His mother put a cover on the steaming bowl. “Maybe later,” she said as she left the room. “Try to rest.”

  The ripe aroma of genuine chicken poop simmered with all the right spices tempted Eugene. But he didn’t think he deserved such a treat. Some genius he’d turned out to be. He couldn’t solve the invisibility problem, and, even worse, he couldn’t come up with a way to fix things with Fred.

  Elle felt depressed too. All her giggly friends noticed the little fly seemed to have lost her smile. A short time ago the second grader had been so cool. Now Elle dragged herself through the school day, her grades suffered, and she barely ate her lunch. She was still stunned by Fred’s troubling transformation—and that really mean remark about her outfit and shoes! What do fleas know about color coordinating, anyway?

  In the cafeteria, Elle heard cheering. She turned and saw Fred in the center of a crowd of adoring bugs. The athletic flea was break dancing, which in Stinkopolis meant breaking things while dancing.

  Fred twirled and leaped, tossing salt shakers at napkin holders. When a shaker smashed, scattering salt and glass everywhere, the crowd cheered even louder. Elle turned away in disgust.

  When she got home, Elle found her brother standing in front of the open fridge mumbling to himself. And that wasn’t the worst part: Eugene wore a dress—Elle’s favorite dress! How he’d squeezed into it is another story.

  Good Bugs Gone Bad

  The next day, Mrs. Flystein made Eugene go to school. But he sulked and complained so much that soon no one wanted to have anything to do with the Student of the Season.

  Lucy Kaboosie tried to cheer him up. “Things can’t be that bad.”

  Eugene sighed. “The universe is a dark pit devoid of light. I’m the darkest part of that pit, and even the robot companion I built refuses to be friends with me.”

  It was Lucy’s turn to sigh. “Maybe you just need to charge its battery.”

  “It’s solar powered,” Eugene mumbled.

  Lucy walked away, shaking her head and muttering, “Or maybe you just need to stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

  Lucy wandered over to a swarm of bugs surrounding a mud puddle in front of Brown Barge. Elle stood at the edge of the group looking worried.

  Lucy heard some voices from the swarm saying things like, “It must be so cool to be bad!”

  “Fred sure makes it look like fun!”

  “I wish I could be as cool as Fred!”

  Fiona’s voice rose above the crowd. “Being bad is fun. Everything Fred does is cool. He’s that kind of flea.”

  The swarm continued praising Fred.

  “He’s the greatest!”

  “Fred is the new cool!”

  “Bad is the new cool!”

  “Cool is the new bad!”

  Swarms never do make much sense. But when Elle heard a tiny moth declare, “I want to be bad when I grow up,” her fists clenched with rage. Good bugs turning bad . . . that had to stop!

  That night, Elle slipped out of her cozy pajamas to don the snazzy uniform of the flyest superhero, Fly Girl! When she reached in the drawer, Elle also found the tights Eugene had borrowed for his Super Fly costume.

  Elle knew what that meant. No, her shy, thrifty brother had not bought his own pair of stretchy polyester tights. Eugene had given up!

  Elle tied her shoes and then stood up. If Eugene wouldn’t join her, the 9,000-times-enhanced second grader would face evil on her own.

  Elle smiled down at her stylish shoes. They weren’t ugly! Fred had only said that to hurt her feelings.

  Elle’s multifaceted eyes filled with tears. Why would dear, sweet Fred want to hurt her? Elle felt determined to find out!

  So Fly Girl flew over the streets of Stinkopolis, searching for the friend-turned-foe who had once been called Fantastic Flea. Wild whoops of nasty laughter drew Elle to an old trampoline in a shabby neighborhood.

  “Check this out!” Dee Dung did a sloppy flip.

  “No, this!” Doo shouted. His flip was even sloppier, leaving the dung beetle to scramble off his rounded back.

  “That’s nothing!” Crazy Cockroach performed a perfect double flip.

  Then Furious Flea did a quadruple triple axel roundabout backflip, and the other bugs cheered!

  A light snapped on in a nearby house, and then another and another. An angry voice demanded, “Don’t you boys know what time it is?”

  Crazy Cockroach cackled. “Time for fun!”

  “If you don’t quiet down I’m calling the cops!” another neighbor threatened.

  Fred blew a raspberry and then shouted, “Go ahead and call!”

  In seconds, Elle’s super-hearing detected the first siren wailing toward the trampoline. She expected to see the bad boys scramble away. But they just kept bouncing and bragging, laughing even louder than before.

  When the police arrived, one officer said, “Shouldn’t you be in bed by now?”

  His partner added, “It’s a school night.”

  “School is for fools,” Crazy Cockroach chanted, bouncing off the trampoline and onto the top of the police car.

  Fred bounced from the trampoline onto the police car’s hood. Then he and the roach flipped up in the air to land behind the officers.

  When the police spun around to confront the bad boys, the flea and roach leaped back onto the trampoline, laughing in open defiance of both law and order!

  The cops looked at each other and retreated to their car. Elle heard them calling for backup.

  By the time they’d finished talking to the dispatcher, the bad boys had bounced away, still laughing at the top of their lungs.

  Elle followed them down a dark street where they jumped a Best Pest Pizza delivery bug and stole his pooperoni pie!

  Fred took a big, steaming bite. “Stolen pizza tastes even better than pizza you pay for.”

  Crazy Cockroach said, “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never paid for a pizza before.”

  As the villains stuffed their mouths with pizza, Elle stepped out of the shadows and told Furious Flea, “I have something to show you.”

  Fred looked at the stretchy polyester tights neatly folded in her hands.

  Elle asked, “Do you know what these are?”

  Fred smiled. “Signs of a quitter!”

  Elle couldn’t hide her disappointment. She’d hoped that seeing part of Super Fly’s costume would remind Fred of the noble purpose he’d shared with her brother.

  But Furious Flea wasn’t sentimental. In fact, he said, “I’m glad Super Fly gave up the superhero game! It’ll save him the trouble of losing to me and my new buddies.”

  Number 1 added, “The stupid fly is no match for
us.”

  Number 2 chimed in, “The only fly who’s more of a loser is Fly Girl.”

  Elle didn’t care what the Dungs thought. The musings of those microscopic brains meant nothing. But when Fred joined in the name-calling, that hurt! So she flew away before anyone could see her tears.

  Furious Flea and his bully crew stayed out all night, making trouble all over Stinkopolis. At Brown Barge the next morning, they were exhausted wrecks. But they didn’t care. School was just a place to nap, and to accept adoration and tribute from lesser bugs. Learning was for losers!

  When some of the students wondered where Eugene was, Mrs. Tiger Moth said, “Eugene and his sister have the flu.”

  Dee burst out laughing. “Flies with the flu!”

  Doo laughed too. “That’s funny!”

  At lunch, Cornelius told Fred something that was definitely not funny.

  “Those tights last night, the flu this morning. Do you realize what this means?”

  “Stretchy pants prevent you from getting sick?” replied Fred.

  “No, flea brain!” continued Cornelius. “It means Super Fly is dead—or at least he might as well be. The only bug between world domination and us is Fly Girl. And she’s just a little girl. Destroy Fly Girl, and we rule!”

  Fiona liked the sound of that. “Awesome! I’ve always wanted to rule the world! The first rule I’m making is no more homework!”

  The roach and his dumb beetles chuckled.