Shadow of Time

by Jen Minkman

  “Doesn’t sound like you really feel it,” Hannah observed.

  “I love my parents. I just don’t talk to them a lot anymore.”

  “Well, how many seventeen-year-old guys do?”

  “With us, they do.”

  “But you don’t?” His sudden honesty and frankness opened up new avenues. She didn’t want to pass up this chance to ask Josh questions about his life.

  “No. I don’t.” The silence between them stretched out. Hannah held her breath. Even the world around them seemed to stop breathing for a moment. There was no sound.

  “I just ... clammed up,” he whispered, barely audible.

  Hannah wished she could see his face. In the darkness, she could only make out his shape. His voice sounded so lonely and so melancholic that she instinctively put her hand on his shoulder. “You ... you shouldn’t,” she stammered.

  “I can’t help it. I can’t help myself.”

  “Can I help you, then?” Hannah asked quietly.

  He put his hand on hers, and then he pressed a soft kiss on the back of her hand as he lifted it from her shoulder. “I don’t know,” he said.

  Hannah stared at him, even though she couldn’t see his eyes in the dark. She wanted to do something, reach out, say kind words that would make him feel supported, but she could feel the wall between them almost like a physical object.

  “Hey! Hannah!” she suddenly heard Nick call out from the campfire. “Where are you? We’re going to play Truth or Dare!”

  She bellowed: “No, thanks. Ben knows me way too well for that. I’m not going to go there.” Besides, who knew what would happen if she stayed here with Josh a little longer?

  Josh snickered beside her. “On the other hand, we know Ben very well, too,” he pointed out. “Let’s go join them.”

  So nothing would happen. The moment was over. His sudden frankness disappeared beneath the waves again, and she’d bet half a month’s salary it wouldn’t resurface any time soon. She was going to kill Nick for interrupting their conversation.

  “Come on,” Josh mumbled, letting his arm slide off her shoulders before lightly grabbing her hand when they walked back to the group.

  They were holding hands. Hannah’s heartbeat picked up, and she had a smile plastered on her face when she sat down near the fire. Okay, maybe she wasn’t going to kill Nick after all. This was perfect.

  “Thanks for everything!” Nick called out from his Jeep when he drove away that night. He was the last one to leave, after everybody had helped with cleaning up and putting out the fire.

  They would all meet up again tomorrow to visit the rodeo, and Sunday would feature a boat trip to Rainbow Bridge. Amber and Ivy had told Josh they wanted to see the famous sandstone bridge that was sacred to the Navajo people. Josh’s cousin had his own boat in Wahweap Harbor, so Hannah and Josh had offered to take the neighbor girls to Rainbow Bridge free of charge. It would be a busy weekend.

  Hannah waved at Nick until his car disappeared from sight, then turned around to face Ben. “That was quite a night,” she smiled.

  “Yeah, it was awesome.” Ben sat down on the porch steps, a lit cigarette between his fingers. “Our new neighbors are great. Nick is a nice guy, too.”

  Hannah sat down next to him. “I’m looking forward to the rodeo tomorrow.”

  Ben looked sideways. “And I’m looking forward to hearing what you and Josh were doing together out there in the dark,” he said with a grin.

  She turned red. “Just watching stars.”

  “You expect me to believe that?”

  “Yeah, in fact I do! We did. And we talked about Josh and his family. He told me more than usual. I can feel he’s opening up to me.”

  “Good to hear. I can see he cares a lot about you.”

  Hannah was silent for a moment and then sighed. “He does, but sometimes I think Josh sees me as his older sister and nothing more. Like before. I mean, you’re like a brother to him, so it’s understandable.”

  “Oh come on. Are you for real? The looks he’s giving you aren’t exactly what I call brotherly.” Ben shook his head. “I think there’s more to it. Josh just changed a lot over the past few years. He’s not as easy to get along with anymore.”

  “Can’t you try and test the waters for me?” Hannah asked, feeling a bit discouraged by Ben’s words.

  “You mean find out what he thinks about you? I can sound him out, but I don’t think I can pry it out of him if he doesn’t want to share it with me. That distance you said you were feeling? I can feel that too.”

  “Doesn’t that hurt?” Hannah thought Ben sounded sad all of a sudden.

  “Well, yeah. Sometimes. But we’ve been friends for so long that nothing can come between us.” He put his arm around her. “Don’t worry about me and Josh. We’re brothers, and we’ll always be brothers. Nothing will change that.”

  Hannah nodded, then yawned out loud. “I’m going to bed,” she said redundantly. She kissed Ben goodnight, hobbled into the cabin and was fast asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

  The next morning, she awoke drenched in sweat. Echoes of voices screaming in a foreign language still resounded in her head. Slowly opening her eyes, she breathed deeply in and out. A feeling of dread had settled in the pit of her stomach, and it wouldn’t go away. She’d had another nightmare. Hannah couldn’t remember much, but she did know that the old village had been the setting again. There’d been violent attacks by soldiers, but there’d also been people around her that she trusted – people who protected her. And the older version of Josh had been among them.

  This time, the end of her dream had been different. She’d met Josh somewhere on a rock plateau near a precipice overlooking a canyon. He had spoken Diné Bizaad, the Navajo language. The strange thing was, she’d been able to understand him in her dream, but couldn’t remember what he told her now that she was awake.

  She did remember that she’d been upset by his words – she had run away from him because her heart told her she had to. The image still haunting her now was Josh’s older face, full of pain and sadness, and the way he’d looked at her when she turned around to face him one last time.

  Hannah rubbed her eyes. The image disappeared, but her stomach still felt funny. It was like she’d hurt and left Josh for real, but she hadn’t even done anything. Why did the dreams seem so lifelike?

  Groaning, she got out of bed and dragged herself to the kitchen. It was less stuffy than her bedroom, but it was still hot. She needed to freshen up. After popping two slices of bread into the toaster, she took a quick shower and got dressed in light summer clothes.

  A soft wind caressed her face when Hannah stepped onto the porch. She looked to the left and saw Ben’s car was gone. Chewing her toast, she walked back inside and got her wallet from the kitchen table, blinking in surprise when her eyes fell on the clock above the stove. It was almost twelve o’clock. No wonder Ben was gone – he had probably given up on her crawling out of bed today.

  Hannah closed the door behind her and strolled down to the tiny supermarket in St. Mary’s Port to buy some food products that she and Ben could bring to the rez as a gift. It was tradition to bring the family organizing the rodeo something that could be used for cooking, like corn flour, mutton, dried beans or pumpkin.

  Once inside Safeway, Hannah made her way to the aisle with flour and baking products. This wasn’t her lucky day – the Blue Bird flour was nowhere to be found. She couldn’t get away with buying another brand. The fry bread just wouldn’t taste the same. With dogged determination, she scanned the shelves for the famous picture of the bird in vain. Nope. Not here.

  A bit lost in thought, she picked up a bag of different flour from the top shelf when she suddenly heard two voices coming from the next shopping aisle. They sounded familiar.

  Hannah strained her ears and stopped breathing. Her hands began to shake. She’d swear the people talking in the next aisle were the guys who’d harassed her on Thursday night. Their voices sounded
just the same.

  Slowly, she shuffled forward, cautiously sticking her head around the corner like a spy. There they were. Two men in plaid flannel shirts. They were about thirty years old and both were carrying a case of beer. Hannah sauntered into the aisle, listening intently to the two men. It was freaky. They did sound exactly like her bullies, but they were definitely not the same guys. With a frown, she passed the two men on her way to the pay desk. Was she beginning to imagine things?

  When Hannah got to the queue, she almost tripped over a display full of Blue Bird flour sacks with a sign screaming ‘Buy 2 Get 1 Free!!’ at her.

  Well, better late than never. She bent over to pick up two sacks and accidentally bumped into someone behind her when she stepped back.

  “Hey, Hannah!” It was Amber. She looked down at the flour sacks. “Oh – Blue Bird flour. I was going to get that, too.”

  Hannah smiled. “No problem. Let’s both get one. It’s on sale anyway.” She tossed one of the sacks into Amber’s basket. Obviously, Amber had asked Emily what kind of food to take to the rez today. Yesterday, Emily and Amber had been chatting to each other all night and they’d even swapped phone numbers, because they had an instant click. More than just a click, actually – Hannah was sure she’d seen some sparks fly between them.

  It was enough cause to make her a bit jealous, actually. At least Amber had managed to get Emily’s phone number. Heck, she had practically sat on Em’s lap yesterday evening. Josh didn’t even have a number, let alone a cell phone. Of course, she had to fall head over heels for a guy with Amish ideals. And on top of all that, she was having weird dreams about him.

  “Are you okay?” Amber asked. “You’re looking sort of stressed out.”

  “Yeah, I’m all right,” Hannah said, trying to forget her dark thoughts. “I was just thinking of a dream I had last night.”

  “Oh? What about?” Amber put the two sacks of flour on the conveyor belt.

  “It’s kind of difficult to explain. It was like watching a few movie scenes, but not chronologically. Josh appeared in my dream, too, and somehow I really hurt him, but I don’t know how or why.”

  “Do you dream about him a lot?” Amber asked. Hannah shot her a glance, and Amber turned red. “I’m sorry for being so curious. It’s just that… I see…” Her voice trailed off.

  “What?” Hannah pressed.

  Amber looked around uncomfortably. “Shall we go outside first?”

  “Sure.” Hannah quickly paid for the groceries. She was dying to know what Amber had to tell her.

  On their way out they passed the two men with beer bottles. They were leaning against the wall on either side of the door, standing in the shade. Hannah glanced sideways, and a feeling of being observed by the two crept up on her as she and Amber moved away from the supermarket. Swallowing down the lump in her throat, she increased her pace. Why couldn’t she shake the feeling that she knew those guys? It was ridiculous. Their voices sounded similar to those of her attackers, but that’s where every similarity ended – they were twice as old, for crying out loud. She was starting to get paranoid. If she kept feeling this unsafe, maybe she should go back to the police station and ask Officer Curry for victim service.

  Quickly, they made their way to the square in front of the Grassroots café and sat down on a bench in the shade. “So,” she turned to Amber. “What did you want to tell me?”

  Amber shrugged. “I can see auras sometimes.” She furtively gauged Hannah’s reaction.

  “Really? That’s so cool! I used to have a friend who could see them too.”

  Amber bit her lip. “When I see Josh’s aura… and yours… well, they respond to each other. That in itself isn’t strange. I mean, they’re energy fields, but...” She looked at her hands sitting in her lap. “I have never seen two auras so attuned to each other. Well, I saw it once with an elderly couple from Pensacola, when I took care of them in the local old people’s home during a summer job. They were both eighty years old, they’d been married for sixty years, and still in love with each other. It was wonderful to look at. So pure and intense.”

  Hannah felt her heart speed up. “Well, I’ve known him for a long time. He’s always been Ben’s best friend. We sort of grew up together.”

  Amber shook her head. “No, that’s not it. You’ve grown together.”

  Hannah stared at her dumbstruck, and Amber shifted uneasily. “Sorry. I probably sound like a lunatic.”

  “No. No, you don’t. There’s definitely a connection between us, but I don’t know why it’s so strong all of a sudden. I can just feel it. And here you are telling me the same thing from an aura-reader’s perspective.”

  “Have you talked to Ben about your dreams?”

  “Not really. I told him there’s this tension between me and Josh. But he doesn’t know I’ve been having weird dreams about him, too.”

  “And what about that evening you were harassed? Doesn’t that still give you nightmares?”

  “Yeah, that doesn’t help either. I still have the feeling…” Hannah paused.

  “What?” Amber prompted her.

  “Okay. This is going to sound bizarre, but I have the feeling I am being watched. That somebody is after me.” Hannah cleared her throat nervously. “I know it sounds like textbook paranoia, but I can’t help it.”

  “Well, you don’t strike me as a nutjob, so maybe something is going on for real. Just keep your friends close by. We’ll protect you if someone’s really after you.”

  Suddenly, Hannah had an idea. “Could you do something for me?” She got up and took a few steps up the road. “I want to go back to Safeway for a minute.”

  The two girls walked back to the supermarket, carrying the sacks of flour in their arms. Hannah looked around and spotted the men she’d heard talking in the store. They were still near the supermarket, hanging around in the shade by the side of the road. A third man about the same age had joined them. Hannah observed the men, going cold all over when the newcomer abruptly whipped around and fixed her with his stare. The other two turned their heads at exactly the same moment. Three pairs of eyes were observing her and Amber. Time slowed down. The sun dimmed and sounds were muffled. She could hear her heart pound frantically.

  With difficulty, Hannah tore her eyes away from the men, and the world started turning again. “Amber,” she hissed. “Can you look at those guys’ auras?”

  “I’ll try,” Amber replied, without asking why. She peered intently at the trio across the street. Hannah didn’t follow her gaze. The way the three men had just eyed her gave her the absolute chills. They were probably wondering why Amber was looking at them so intently, but at this juncture, she couldn’t care less. She simply had to know if something was wrong with them, and maybe her neighbor could see that.

  Amber grabbed her arm. “They’re walking away,” she inadvertently whispered. Hannah saw the men pass the supermarket at an eerily synchronous pace and turn around the corner without looking back. When they’d disappeared from view, she let out a sigh of relief. “Well?” she asked tensely.

  Amber’s eyebrows knitted together. “Nothing,” she replied, looking a bit stupefied.

  Hannah raised her eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

  “That means I couldn’t see an aura around any of them.”

  Hannah blinked. “So…”

  “So I may have suddenly lost my abilities, but I don’t think so. I don’t always see a full-fledged aura with colors and shapes, but I always see something. A sort of glow, a life-force, a certain charisma.”

  “But not with them?” Hannah still looked at Amber, nonplussed.

  “No.” Amber hesitated and turned pale. “I have this feeling…”

  “Yes?”

  “It felt like I was looking at people who weren’t actually here. As if they were mirror images. Or people who are dead. They don’t have auras either.”

  Hannah gulped. Her instinct hadn’t betrayed her. There really was something off about the tw
o men in the supermarket, and the third one who’d joined them later. But what on earth was she supposed to do with that information? She’d have a hard time explaining to the police she was stalked by guys who weren’t really there.

  She turned to Amber. “Can you please keep this to yourself? I don’t think people would understand.” She could vividly imagine Ben’s face if she told him a demented story like that.

  “Actually, I don’t really understand it myself,” Amber replied with a vacant stare. She chewed her lip. “But if anyone did, it would be Emily. She talks a lot about mystical experiences with her patients. You could ask her what she thinks this is.”

  They started to make their way back to the log cabins.

  “You really have been chatting about everything and nothing with Em, haven’t you?” Hannah suddenly said with a wink.

  “Yeah.” Amber turned red. “I had a good time last night.”

  “So, just chatting, huh?”

  Amber blushed even more. “Uhm, yeah. So far.”

  She’d been right about the sparks flying, then. Good for Em!

  When they stepped onto the porch of Amber’s cabin, Paul and Sarah were sitting at the table reading their books. “Hi Mom, hi Dad. Look, I bought a present to bring to the rez this afternoon.” Amber put the sack of flour on the table.

  Paul raised his eyebrows. “Nice,” he commented dryly. Sarah giggled.

  Amber crossed her arms. “Stop mocking me! They really like this stuff in Naabi’aani. They use it to make frybread.” She turned around to face Hannah. “What do you say we leave my sarcastic parents behind and go to the beach?”

  Hannah’s gaze drifted to her own house. Ben’s car was parked on the driveway again. “No, I’m going to skip the beach and I’ll see you at three o’clock. I haven’t spoken to Ben at all today.”

  When she entered the kitchen, she was welcomed by the wonderful smell of pasta sauce. “Hey, sis!” Ben was stirring sauce in a large pan, wearing an old apron. “I’m making that pasta everyone liked so much, to take to Naabi’aani.”

  “So you took off to do some shopping?” Hannah asked. “Your car was gone when I woke up this morning.”