Spring Semester

by Tyler, Q. B.

  I pull into the parking lot attached to Sorority Row and let out a sigh as the anxiety unfurls in my chest. The throbbing that started at my temples has somehow moved to my chest, making it tight and almost impossible to breathe easily. Despite my protests, I’m now picking Alli up because one of her sorority sisters “needed her car super last minute.” As much as I want to tell her to take an Uber, begrudgingly I told her yes when she begged me to pick her up. I take a deep breath, trying to alleviate the pressure when my phone chirps with an alert. Part of me is afraid to open it, knowing that people are day drinking at Leighton’s. She told me to come over after, and quite frankly, I can’t wait until I can use alcohol and a drunk Leighton to erase what I predict will be a difficult day.

  I make my way out of my car, wishing I could take a shot to calm my nerves when Alli comes out of the house. She’s wearing a navy sundress and flats underneath a white sweater, with a sun hat on her head making me wonder if this is all a ploy and we’re actually doing that cliché fraternity-sorority trip to Foxfields. An occasion that has all of Greek life looking like Ralph Lauren models, pretending to watch horses race in between chugging Veuve Clicquot champagne straight from the bottle.

  On the outside, Alli is a polished debutante that has been groomed for this all her life, making her a legacy at CGU and inevitable president of her sorority when the time comes. She waves at me, and as soon as I’m within arm’s reach she pushes herself into my arms. “Thank you for doing this.” She squeezes a beat too long and when I try to pull away, I notice the look in her eye. Hope.

  Well, fuck. What is she thanking me for, exactly? As much as I don’t want to go through the awkward formalities of meeting the parents of the girl I accidentally got pregnant, I know it needs to be done. “Ummm, yeah…sure.”

  “You’ll have to let me know when yours are in town.” I freeze, thinking about how that would go down. Especially since I’d want Leighton there.

  Not to mention my parents are angry and disappointed. I don’t think I’ve seen the full extent of their fury and won’t until a paternity test is complete. Evidently, they’re as skeptical as the rest of us. Particularly my dad but probably because he’s a lawyer and rarely believes anything without proof, especially once he gets the full uncensored story about Alli’s and my relationship and Leighton’s involvement with the demise of it.

  I don’t respond because the idea of her meeting my parents is another formality I don’t want to think about. “Do you want to come in? I’m almost finished getting ready.”

  I think about just saying I’ll wait outside but I figure that having a bad attitude isn’t the way to get out of this alive, so I agree and make my way inside behind her. “Do you want to come up?” she asks as she stands at the bottom of her stairs, that look of hope still in her eyes and my eyes flash to hers angrily.

  “No, Alli. I don’t, and I’ve been clear about why. I want to be cordial, but don’t mistake that for anything else. We are not together, and I suggest you not try and pretend we are because I’m not going to play along.” My posture is rigid, my fists clenching at my sides, not because I want to hurt her or anyone, but because I’m frustrated. And angry that Leighton had predicted this. She’s been nervous over the fact that Alli may try to use this as a way to get me to choose her, and that she’d try and put on a show for her parents.

  She blinks her eyes several times, and I note the glistening in her eyes. “Can you at least pretend that you like me? I didn’t do this to make your life hard, Everett. We are both in this situation and turning on me isn’t helping.”

  “Neither is flirting with me or whatever it is you’re doing.”

  “I wasn’t flirting. I asked if you wanted to come upstairs because my sisters are in the kitchen drinking and I didn’t want them to bother you because news flash: they’re not your biggest fans.” She scoffs. “But fine, wait here.”

  I run a hand through my hair. Fuck. Get a grip, Everett. I need to stop acting like all of this is an act brought on by a woman scorned.

  Even if she is.

  We’re rounding hour three of shots and beer bongs and mimosas and Everett has essentially gone ghost. I’d texted and Snapchatted and even tried to FaceTime him, all which have gone unanswered. I know he’s with Alli’s parents, but exacerbated by all of the shots and beers and mimosas, I’ve grown irate at the fact that I’m being ignored to appease them. Irate and slightly irrational.

  Okay, completely irrational.

  There are moments of clarity I have while drunk. Moments where I already know I’m going to regret my drunk behavior in the morning. The moment where I say a silent apology to my sober self that I’ll have to deal with the aftermath of acting like a complete asshole. Or in this case, the psycho girlfriend that guys so eloquently call us.

  That moment comes after the second text.

  And then again after the third call.

  I’m drunk.

  And angry.

  And hurt.

  And drunk.

  And I have more than enough self-awareness to know that it’s a dangerous combination.

  “Why…” I sniffle as I sit on the edge of my bathtub. “Why aren’t you here? Or taking my calls?” The tears slide down my cheeks as the devastation I’m trying to keep locked away seeps through my brain and pours from my mouth. “How long does brunch have to be? It’s been three hours and…can you just come be with me?” I sniffle again. “I hate this so much. I hate that I’ve been reduced to…this. An…afterthought. I miss being important. Even before we were together, I knew I was important, and now…now you won’t even take my calls.” My lip trembles just as fast footsteps move up the stairs and into my bedroom and then my two best friends are standing in front of me, holding cups full of liquor looking at me with sad and angry eyes.

  Skyler holds her hand out as Peyton speaks. “Give us the phone, now.”

  “Call me.” My voice shakes as I press the end button and squeeze my eyes together.

  “You’re better than this, Leigh,” Skyler says.

  “Better than my pain? I don’t think that’s possible.” A flair of jealousy ripples through me as I think about Skyler with her perfect relationship and Peyton with her contentedness over being single. They’re both happy with their uncomplicated relationship status while I spend so much time feeling nauseous and jealous and anxious and sad and betrayed.

  There’s that word I try not to think about because it is a mistake. And he doesn’t remember. And we weren’t together. There are so many complications and gray areas that make me feel like I shouldn’t feel betrayed because he’d never betray me.

  But it doesn’t stop the way I feel because feelings are beyond reason and rationale, which I barely have any of in the first place after three shots of tequila.

  “Give me your phone.” Peyton takes a long sip from her straw and narrows her gaze before tucking a sleek blonde strand behind her ear.

  “No, I’m fine. No more calls.” I try to protest.

  “Yeah, bullshit,” Peyton argues. “You’re going to hate yourself tomorrow.”

  I swallow, hearing what I already know spoken aloud. “Why isn’t he answering?”

  “Because he’s at some Stepford family brunch and he’s got manners!” Peyton says and I can hear the exasperation in her voice. “Maybe Alli took his phone. Maybe they took him into some dungeon in Virginia with no service and have him tied up in the corner where they plan to keep him until Alli gives birth. Take your pick.” Peyton shrugs.

  “Pey! You’re not helping.” Skyler puts her hand up and sits next to me on the tub, putting her hand over mine. “Everett adores you. He’s probably sitting at the table, thinking about you, but he doesn’t want to be on his phone the whole time. It’s like sitting in a class where you know the teacher is a stickler about texting. Now imagine the attention is completely on you. He’s probably being grilled and questioned and that means he can’t entertain all of your drunk texts and calls,” she says, and even in
my drunken stupor I can tell she’s placating me slightly.

  “But what if I needed him?” He’s never not…been there.

  “Babe, he was answering here and there at first, but you’re drunk and he knows that, and he knows that I’m here and Peyton is here and Pat and Dave are here.”

  “But he’s not here.” I pout.

  “And is calling him nonstop going to change that?” Sincerity radiates from her brown eyes like an older sister I never had, despite being six months younger than me.

  “Phone.” Peyton presses and finally I acquiesce, placing my phone in her hand.

  “Tell me if he calls or texts or…”

  “Yes, yes whatever.” She slides it into her back pocket of her jeans. “Now come on, let’s go whip the guys at flip cup.”

  A few rounds of flip cup, and only one text from Everett that told me he loved me and would see me soon, and I’m officially over it. We were rounding five o’clock making me wonder what the fuck kind of brunch went five hours unless he somehow got hammered with her parents.

  Most people have left to go home to shower for the night or nap or eat, leaving me, Peyton, and Skyler alone with Everett’s roommates.

  “This sucks so much.” I hiccup before taking a swig of champagne straight from the bottle. The bubbles settle on top of all the alcohol I’ve drunk and I can feel myself nearing the end of my rope.

  “Maybe you should have some water,” Pat says.

  “Or maybe,” Dave enters the living room wielding his bong, “this will clear your mind. Mellow you out some.” He lights the top and takes a hit before passing it to me.

  “I AM mellow!”

  “No, you’re not. You’re high strung as fuck,” Dave adds.

  “Do you blame me?” I shriek.

  “Can you not poke the bear?” Peyton says as she snatches the bong away from Dave. “And don’t give her that, she’s too hammered and it’ll put her way the fuck in her feelings. Have you never smoked with a girl before? Goddamn rookie.” She rolls her eyes and takes a hit before handing it to Pat.

  “We can’t blame you, but E has a lot on his plate, and you being crazy isn’t helping,” Pat says and Peyton and Skyler shoot him a look.

  “Do you know anything about women?” Skyler narrows her eyes angrily and puts her hands on her hips.

  Pat’s eyes shift between all three of us but give me a sad look. “I didn’t…sorry.” He shakes his head.

  “He doesn’t know shit,” Dave adds. “He just means, him thinking you’re mad at him or you’re going to leave him when he does need you, isn’t helping.”

  I lean back on my couch, putting my feet up on the coffee table in front of me and let my head fall back against the cushions. “I just miss when it was easy. When we didn’t have this big uncomfortable elephant lurking in the corner.”

  “Is Alli the elephant? Because she’s pregnant?” Pat asks, his dilated eyes blinking in rapid succession.

  “Wow, are you stoned.” Skyler snorts before shaking her head. She looks down at her lap and then suddenly she hops up. “Oh! Aidan’s calling.” She cheers before running out of the room.

  “See, why can’t I have that?” I pout as I point after her.

  “Because your boyfriend’s a dumbass and Aidan’s got like twelve degrees thereby not a dumbass,” Peyton interjects as she waves her hand.

  “That’s not fair. We don’t even know if the baby’s his!” Dave argues.

  “I’m still not convinced,” Pat says as he slides his hat to the back and cracks another beer. He takes a sip before continuing. “He’s crazy about you, Leigh. Seriously, insane. I just can’t see him fucking Alli.”

  I cringe hearing the words spelled out so crassly. “Can you not?”

  “Sorry, making love to Alli,” Pat corrects himself.

  “That’s worse!” I punch his shoulder before getting up and bounding up the stairs to my bedroom. I drop to my bed, the weight of Pat’s words weighing on my heart making me want to lie down and just forget.

  A hand rubbing my back pulls me out my sleep, and I feel groggy and disoriented, and for a moment, I wonder if I’m still drunk or crossing into hangover territory.

  “Baby.” I hear the word in my ear, his breath dancing down my neck and instantly, I’m wet.

  My eyes flutter open and I note it’s still light out, though I’m not sure what time it is exactly. When I turn in his arms, I find sad, worried eyes. He pulls me closer to him and presses a kiss to my forehead.

  “You ignored me,” I tell him as my bottom lip pops out.

  Definitely still drunk.

  “I didn’t mean to…” He trails off. “I just…it was hard to keep responding to you amidst them rapid fire asking me questions. I was in the hot seat for hours.”

  “About what?”

  “Everything.” He shakes his head before turning on his back. “Can we just not talk about it? I just want to lie with you and forget about everything but you and me.”

  “It’s not that easy,” I tell him as I sit up and feel the bubbles from the champagne swirling around my brain. “And maybe now it’s easier to ignore what’s happening, but eventually there will be a baby you’ll be in charge of, and it’ll be harder to ignore a world outside of you and me.”

  “Leighton—” He starts when his phone chirps from the nightstand on what has become his side of the bed. He ignores the first chime until it begins to ring. “God, WHAT?” he barks as he reaches for his phone. “Dave, what do you want? I’m with—wait, what? No, hold on.” He pulls his phone away from his ear and taps his screen a few times and his eyes immediately widen. “Son of a fucking bitch,” he growls, and I frown and try and lean over to see, but he taps out of it and puts his phone back to his ear. “Thanks for calling me, that’s bullshit, you know. Yeah…well, thanks.”

  “What’s wrong?” I cock my head to the side, wondering what could have caused him to get so agitated with his best friend when he lets out a sigh.

  “Alli…posted something. I guess at brunch. I didn’t even realize it.” He hands me his phone and I click on the Instagram story which shows her smiling for the camera and him looking down at his phone with the words “when bae won’t pay attention.” I frown and tap the screen to see a picture with only her and her parents that I’m assuming Everett took for them. I tap again. Pretentious pictures of their food. Tap. And then finally a video showing that the four of them were at brunch. Though again, it doesn’t seem like Everett’s even paying attention in the split second she showed him. “Say something.”

  “She’s sending a message…to me, I’m sure.” I toss the phone down the bed and shake my head.

  “I am so fucking pissed,” he growls and gets off the bed to pace back and forth. “I’m calling her.”

  “To say what?”

  “Well first, to take it the fuck down. I made it clear we weren’t together and her parents don’t think anything differently. This wasn’t some pretend Meet the Parents bullshit. I made it clear that this was an accident and we weren’t going to be together just because we’re in this situation.”

  “And? What does that matter? Quite frankly her parents’ opinions are irrelevant. She’s making a fool out of me and you.” I wrap my arms around my body and speak the words that I don’t want but I need. “I think you should go.”

  “Go? Wait…Leigh.”

  “I can barely handle this; I don’t know what I’m going to do when she starts showing or tells people she’s pregnant. She’s not going to make this easy. She posted that so there won’t be any question of paternity when people learn she’s pregnant.”

  “I sure as fuck can question it and will. She knows I’m requesting a paternity test. But aside from that, she can’t make me be with her.”

  “No, but she can make it really hard for you to be with me.”

  His eyebrows shoot to his hairline. “How? I…I would do anything to be with you.”

  The words gut me because I would do anything as well, bu
t it seems like breaking my own heart over and over again is what is required to be with him. I want better for myself. I deserve better. “I know.” I let out a sigh, grateful that I wasn’t more drunk when I saw her Instagram story for the first time because I probably would have broken something. “I’m drunk and tired and I really do think you should go.”

  His cheeks turn red and he furrows his brow. “Leigh, are you breaking up with me?”

  My lips form a straight line as I look towards my window and watch as the sun sets over D.C. creating an eerie, sad glow in my bedroom. “I don’t know.”

  “Leighton, please…I love you.” His voice shakes and I can already hear the emotion building.

  “I know you do.” I look up at him, and I can feel the tears forming in my throat and the back of my eyes. The tingle shoots through my chest and face, like when I’m about to break down in sobs. “But I just know myself.”

  “I can’t lose you,” he whispers and when I don’t say anything, he drops to his knees in front of me. “Please,” he begs. “Don’t do this. Don’t break us.”

  And just that quickly, I’ve gone from sad to furious. “ME?!” I shoot up to my feet so fast his eyes widen and he’s knocked slightly off balance. “I BROKE US?” I scream. I scream so loud I know Skyler and Peyton are probably already pouring the shots for when this is over. “YOU,” I point my finger at him, “YOU fucked some bitch the NIGHT we decided to be together.” He starts to speak and I put my hand up. “I AM TALKING,” I growl. “You fucked her, and I forgave you. We moved on. We were happy. I chalked it up to you being drunk and confused and maybe Alli manipulated you with some shit about being hurt that you’d cheated on her with me. I don’t know.” I put my hands over my eyes as I speak the ludicrousness out loud.

  I made excuses for him.

  I rationalized his mistake.

  I let him back in when I should have closed the door on us forever because I thought that maybe he really hadn’t slept with her.

  How could I have been so stupid?

  “And THEN, she comes back and tells us she’s pregnant! And she’s vindictive and manipulative and wants you and HATES ME. She’s always hated me. You used some girl to make me jealous because you didn’t have the balls to tell me you had feelings for me. AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT US! Now this girl somehow has feelings for you AND your baby inside her! And you have the audacity to say I broke us?” My chest is heaving, my eyes are wide and my throat is sore from quite literally screaming. “How dare you?”