Voyeur

by Christine Alvarez

  “Sounds like Jon is the one in need of a babysitter,” I snorted as the pilot let us know we could kindly get off his plane.

  “There’s the Jacks I know,” she said, cutting in front of me.

  The other people crammed into the aisle would assume she was playing but I knew she was just being a bitch. I remembered the laugh that lingered in her words when she was truly being the annoying little sister. Somewhere in my heart, I wished I had heard the playful tone.

  “You don’t know me,” I said over the head of the woman that now separated us.

  She didn’t have anything to say to that. When we were heading toward Baggage Claim, we kept our distance, the tram that got us where we needed to be in the airport making it easier to separate each other further.

  Once outside, I took a few deep breaths of the humid air. I had made arrangements to have a car pick me up.

  “Listen,” Emily said, sidling up next to me. If she was going to ask me if she could stay with me, this wasn’t going to end well. I only agreed to this meeting to get away from it all. I really didn’t want my sister up my ass this whole time. “If you’d stop being an asshole, things may be able to go back to the way they used to be,” she said, caution laced through each word.

  She was as uncomfortable as I was, but brave enough to say something. I rolled my shoulders, working out what I should say to that. I turned to her and my breath caught. The little sister that I remembered stood watching me. Her crème colored eyes softer than they had been in a long time, she stared up at me, her lips pursed as she tried to mimic the scowl that she wore so well.

  “Same to you, little sis,” I said, immediately shutting down the glimpse of normalcy that flickered just beneath the surface.

  I felt like an asshole as I watched her slide back into that cold bitch that I hated. Hell, I was an asshole. Her taxi came to a stop in front of us and just as she slid into the seat, she shot me a feral smile.

  “Don’t be the usual Jackson Steele and be on time today. For once, big brother, don’t be a dick,” she hissed, pulling the door shut.

  My car pulled in, replacing Emily and the cab. I wasn’t planning on being late. In fact, I instructed the driver to take me directly to the hotel where the meeting was to take place. On our way to the hotel, I pulled out my phone, taking it off of Airplane Mode. Immediately, a flood of dings filled the once silent space. I watched as the top bar filled with small e-mail icons, missed calls and text messages.

  I skimmed through the notifications, deciding if any of them were urgent. Most were e-mails that were unimportant at the present time and text messages from my brother reminding me of key topics that needed to be addressed.

  I still had no clue why he wasn’t the one to accompany me. He was the one that had originally brought up the possibility of a buy out and what it would mean for our company. I thought back to the look Emily had and her blunt advice.

  She had an agenda coming here, an agenda I wasn’t sure I wanted to deal with. My eyes stopped on a text from my mom. “Call me” - those two simple words meant so much more, but the text that followed caught my attention.

  Rod had called a few times while I was on the plane before resorting to sending a text. My fingers hovered over the notification, a large knot forming in the pit of my stomach. Fear thrummed through my body at what it may say.

  “No regrets”, that is all it said. I stared at it, trying to understand it entirely how he had meant it.

  I held down the power button, watching the screen fade to black.

  CHAPTER NINE

  I swirled the amber liquid around and around as I sat on the porch. The waves thundered and crashed, agreeing with the weatherman. He had predicted a strong southern storm for tonight and the ocean was delivering. A deep orange glow outlined the dark ominous clouds that swiftly made their way to shore.

  Lightning lit up the sky as I took a sip. The day had gone surprisingly well. I made it a point to pay attention and worked to make sure the contract was going in the right direction. Emily and I had even worked together without bickering, in public or private. It had been nice not having to deal with Jon and my mother, Rod and my self-created fallout over one drunken decision.

  The red flags were out and the wind tossed them back and forth, the sound of them snapping barely audible but there.

  I took another sip, finishing off the glass just as I heard a strong knock at the door. I sat the glass down, staring out at the night as it took over completely. With another flash, I carried myself and the empty glass back inside. I couldn’t think of anyone else who would drop in unannounced. Emily was truly beginning to get on my nerves.

  **********************

  “Yes,” I said, stepping aside and letting her through. No use in fighting her.

  As I figured, Emily shoved passed me in the same black pant suit she had worn to the meeting.

  “What part of ‘don’t be an asshole’ did you not understand?” she questioned.

  “Come right in,” I said, rolling my eyes at how insanely hypocritical she sounded. She was just as big of an asshole as I was, the only difference was that I admitted it.

  “Damn, this place is expensive,” she said, taking her own tour of my condo.

  I followed her, keeping my distance, trying to work through her game plan.

  “Are you drunk?” I finally decided on that route. Her sudden change in attitude seemed too drastic to mean anything else.

  “God, I wish. Speaking of, what do you have that would get me closer to that state?” she asked as we stopped in the kitchen.

  “Look, little sister, get to the point. Family get-togethers are not our style,” I leaned back against the bar as she pulled a bottle of bourbon from the mini fridge.

  She flashed me a smile. The type of smile that she gave a client that she was about to buy out completely, leaving no room for argument. I knew this wasn’t going to be a friendly visit and that look confirmed it.

  Emily took her time, pulling two glasses out of the freezer. I let her have this moment, watching as she dropped two cubes into each frosty glass. My anger rose a few notches as the cool liquid filled each cup, cold mist rising.

  “I don’t have time for this,” I said through a sigh.

  “If you don’t get your shit together, you will have all the time in the world,” she barked, sliding the glass in my direction.

  I stared at it a moment before looking up at my sister as she lifted her own glass.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” She took a sip without waiting for me.

  “Jon has a lawyer looking into ways to take the company from you.” There it was. That rat bastard had finally grown the balls that he should’ve been born with.

  I jerked the glass off the counter and swallowed its contents in one throat burning, eye watering action.

  “On what grounds?” I sputtered

  “Do I really have to name them all?” she said over her glass as she took another sip. Her smile grew around the glass as she kept her eyes on me.

  “What do you get out of warning me? Are you here to gloat? Is this how you get your rocks off? By watching your brother’s reaction to learning that he has failed miserably? Losing the company to a dick bag?” I thrust my fingers through my hair, grabbing my glass. The ice, still frozen, jingled loudly.

  The base of the small glass cracked as it hit the bottom of sink. I held on to the metal edge of the sink, staring out of the window at the ocean. Maybe it was better not to fight this. To involve lawyers. Even though Jon was a dirty, no good asshole who would do anything to gain control of the company, he may be right. I wasn’t even my own first choice in taking over the company.

  “As much as I love to watch you lose your shit and question your own choices…”

  I shot her a narrowed look at the last part. She threw her arms up, glass still in hand.

  “Down, boy. I know how you think, whether you like it or not. We aren’t exactly strangers. I came here to warn you.”
Her features grew soft for a moment before setting right back to hard and vindictive.

  “Why?” I shook my head just barely, my lips pursed. “You made yourself perfectly fucking clear about your feelings toward our father’s decision to leave this company to me. You wanted it,” I stopped with that. That was it. She came here because she wanted the company. She didn’t care that Jon was trying to take me down, she just wanted to make sure the company would be transferred to her before Jon got his fucking hands on it.

  “Get out,” I said, my voice low and dangerous. “You will not come here and act like the last few years haven’t happened and think I will just sign the company over to you because of my hatred for Jon,” I finished, stepping slowly toward Emily, backing her into a corner.

  Emily sat the glass down and shoved me. “I can see why you would think that but sadly, that isn’t the case,” she yelled, her alcohol-drenched voice shrill with her own irritation. “Even if you are a sexual deviant,” she spat the last word as if it were a sin even saying it.

  “You break every fucking rule we have on sexual harassment, relationships in the workplace plus situations that probably need to be added. You are a jerk, you care nothing of this company and I think Dad must have been on something when he decided to leave the company in your hands. With all that said, I sadly think you have done a damn good job keeping this company afloat. Hell, you have given Steele Corporations wings.”

  She talked the whole time while she shoved me, lightly, her small fingers jabbing into my chest. Her face deep red, everything she had been hiding behind vanished. Emily Renee Steele, the little girl I remembered, stood in front of me, pink faced and defeated. It was a shock seeing her like that. Years of getting used to my stuck up bitch of a sister made this moment difficult.

  I opened my mouth, trying to force out something that would make sense. I couldn’t think of a thing. Her words kept replaying in my head. She hated who I was, who I had become, but she had faith in me. I could have sworn there was a hint of jealousy in there somewhere.

  “Finally, Jackson Steele has nothing to say. No funny retort. No burst of misplaced anger,” she was no longer yelling, an odd calm washing through her words. “If Dad left you this company, it’s because he saw something there. Something that none of us saw, and he was right. No matter how much you hate hearing it, he was right. He also wanted this company to stay in the hands of a Steele, and I do, too.”

  We stood staring at each other, both of us breathing hard, our emotional state at a breaking point. I had heard every word of what she said, every truth that she breathed, none of it making any sense. I didn’t want to believe any of it.

  “What do you want from me?” I finally admitted.

  I hadn’t closed the sliding glass door all the way. A small opening made the sound of the ocean loud against my pounding heartbeat. I leaned back against the cool glass that had wound up just at my back.

  “I need you to straighten up. Do what you do without the sexual interludes, without inserting yourself into Mom’s relationships and giving Jon more fuel for his fight. Show up to work on time. We have access to the best lawyers in the state and they are willing to chalk your childish behavior up to working through Dad’s death.”

  I held my hand up, staring at a small imperfection in the ceiling. I needed her to stop right there. I didn’t want to hear anything else.

  The wind that rolled off the water vibrated the back of my head. I closed my eyes.

  “What if I don’t want to straighten up?” I asked. “What if I don’t want to stop fucking anything that walks?” I breathed, tipping my head down, my eyes flashing open as I stared at my sister. My family. The woman who had practically disowned me even before our father died. The bitch who spent every second trying to avoid me, who now stood in my kitchen begging me to change for her, for the company that I hated beyond words.

  I laughed, the low sound unnerving to my own ears. “What if our father didn’t get it right? Maybe I should just let him take the company. Maybe I should just sign it over to you.”

  She searched my face, calculating her next move before looking away.

  “Then you are spitting in the face of our dad. On the faith that he had in you,” she finally said, her voice soft and low. I was no longer talking to a cutthroat deal maker.

  “Faith. That old bastard didn’t have an ounce of faith in me. He gave me this company as the final proof of just how big of a fuck up I really am. He’s probably getting his rocks off in hell watching me lose my shit up here,” I finished, not truly enjoying the flinching that each of my words invoked.

  “He loved this company. At times, more than you or me,” her words were barely audible. She hated admitting that as much as I hated hearing it. “So why in the hell would he give it to someone that would lose it? He made it absolutely clear that he wanted it to stay in the hands of a Steele,” she finished, her words growing stronger.

  “He probably thought I would sign it off to one of you. Public humiliation would be his thing, even beyond the grave. He was a cocky bastard that reminded me every day how I was a waste of potential.” It was my turn to let her see my own hurt and sadness in the lines of my face, the anger that had been swallowed whole by years of being made to feel like anything other than good enough.

  “I can’t believe that,” she looked up at me through her long lashes.

  Declan Steele Sr. had been an alcoholic that was just as addicted to his company as the bottle. He missed every damn sporting event my brother and I participated in. He missed Emily’s pageants, choir solos, volleyball, the whole nine. When he did make something, her face would light up. She would hold onto those moments as though they were the only ones that mattered.

  She was just as broken as the rest of us. I felt everything that had been building since she walked in the door, good or bad, escape with one deep exhale. I slid down the glass. I didn’t believe that he thought I was cut out for this. I didn’t think he had an ounce of faith in this body for anything.

  I propped my elbows on my knees and caught my head in my hands.

  “Then you’re naïve,” my muffled words fell into my hands.

  “Maybe I am,” she said, sitting down next to me. “Maybe I’m not, but I know one thing. You are good at running this company and I don’t want to see Jon take you down and until I see otherwise, I don’t want to be the one to take it away from you either.”

  We sat there against the cold glass, listening to the waves slam into the shore.

  “And one other thing. You are a lot like our dad, but the better parts of him,” her words came out hesitant and in one large fumbling mess.

  Emily’s arm barely touched mine and I could feel her tremble ever so slightly. Her breathing hitched and she sucked in hard. I looked sideways at my little sister. The hard, emotionally stunted woman that she had made herself into cried, tears sliding down her cheeks.

  “What is wrong with us?” I asked, reaching over to wipe a tear from her eye. No matter what was broke between us, I couldn’t stand to see her hurt.

  “We don’t have enough time in the world to list it all out,” she said, taking up where I left off, wiping at the tears she didn’t care to shed.

  “You know I can’t guarantee I will change. I don’t know if I will stop being my sexual deviant self, and getting to meetings on time will never happen,” I said, flashing her a quick grin. “The issues that I have with Jon are irreparable, no matter if any of you believe me or not.”

  Emily glared at me before I shut her down. I wanted my sister for a few more minutes.

  “But I will stop banging the co-workers. I will keep any of my escapades in private,” I conceded.

  She pulled her hair over to one side and shook her head in agreement to my concessions.

  “Jon is going to ask for a public apology in front of the board,” she laughed, just as her head banged loudly against the glass door.

  “Yeah, that is not going to happen,” I growled.


  I could change my public appearance. Change my behaviors enough to placate any concern Jon may bring to light. I could falsely blame my behavior on losing my father, but apologizing for putting him and his disrespectful ass in place would never happen.

  “I know,” she said, finding her own place to stare at on my ceiling.

  “I wish you all knew what I do about Mom’s fiancé. I wish you all believed me,” I finished, watching her.

  “I wish we did, too,” she sighed, looking me in the eye.

  “I don’t know when you all deemed me a liar or why because it has been abundantly clear that I don’t really give a shit about what anyone thinks, but I’m not lying about this.”

  “He says he is doing this for our dad. For our mother. He has made a convincing argument on how he wants to save her from not losing any more than she already has.”

  I bit back the flame that began to stoke inside of me. I was tired of fighting and wanted to save this moment of peace.

  “He’s made a pretty convincing argument.”

  I stared at her. I knew I looked like a crazy man at this moment.

  “Then why just waste your breath? Why cause yourself more pain, more tears, because of me?” I said, my voice hollow and tired.

  “I said he made a pretty convincing argument, I didn’t say I believed him completely. I don’t know if what he said is true and I don’t know if I can believe you either. I do know that this is what Dad wanted and I will be damned if he loses his life, wife and company,” she said, pushing herself off the floor and dusting herself off. I did the same.

  “I need another drink,” I said.

  “And I need another glass,” Emily said, glancing toward the sink before looking back at me. “You can afford to buy another one,” she shrugged, taking another glass from the freezer.