Voyeur

by Christine Alvarez

  “Might not be able to for much longer,” I said, refilling my glass.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The phone vibrated loudly against the side table. I groaned loudly, covering my head with the pillow. Emily and I had sat up finishing off the few bottles of liquor that I had in the fridge.

  The remainder of the night was rather pleasant. We joked, argued, set up a game plan to counter what she knew of Jon’s plans to get rid of me. He was going to bring to light a ton of shit that everyone already knew but chose to brush under the rug, making a big deal about any potential lawsuits that could arise from my sexual freedom and how it could affect the company.

  I had tried to bring up Jon’s own issues, but they were quickly pushed to the side and honestly, I was sick of trying to make her see what I saw. I could have thrown a fit and stomped my feet but the few hours of joking and catching up would be better than taking monumental steps back.

  My phone shut up for a few minutes before it vibrated and screamed loudly once again. I flung the comforter before grabbing the phone. Rod. He had called 4 times without leaving a text message or a voicemail.

  Even after the conversation between Emily and me, this was a problem I was going to avoid. It would more than likely make it grow, but having a lover’s quarrel wasn’t something I needed to do right now. We had another day of meetings, hammering out contracts and hopefully meeting key employees to decide their necessity with the future of the company.

  I crawled out of bed and took a quick shower. I pulled out a deep blue business suit but decided against a tie. No matter how much I wanted to help my image, I couldn’t go that far. I grabbed a black hair tie from my toiletry bag and pulled my hair back into a tight bun. I had to stay focused on the task at hand. The cell beeped indicating I had a message. He was becoming harder to ignore.

  Work, we had agreed that keeping my head in the game would be the best. Rod was my best friend. He was a conquest I never wanted on my list. A relationship I couldn’t have now more than anything. I didn’t need Jon having anything else to hold over me.

  I was barely out the front door before Rod’s ring danced against my chest. I needed to stay focused and the only way that was going to happen was to confront this head on. I knew my best friend and he wasn’t one to give up.

  “Hey,” I said into the phone.

  The other end was silent and I glanced at the screen, wondering if I had gotten to the phone too late. The call hadn’t dropped.

  “Look, Rod,” I started before he broke in.

  “I am not just another tally on your fucking bed post,” Rod growled backed.

  “I know,” I sighed.

  “Is that so? I have barely seen you since the night at the club and I haven’t been given the opportunity to talk to you, business related or not.”

  Of course he would see it like that.

  I groaned as I straddled my bike. “I’m going to be late for a meeting. When I get back into town, we’ll get a beer and talk,” I said.

  “A beer,” he laughed, a quick, emotionless sound.

  “Just a fucking beer. We can order Chinese food and have a beer at your place and talk,” I said, climbing on the rental bike. It wasn’t my custom bike but it would do and for a bit more, I was even able to persuade the company to personally deliver it.

  The quiet sounds of the bike’s start up made hearing him harder. Exactly how I needed it. The conversation that I was promising wasn’t going to be good.

  “Fine,” that was the only thing I could hear before the line went dead.

  I revved up the motor and peeled out of the drive, treating the road as though it had been the one to do all the wrongs in the world. I was supposed to meet Emily in an hour for our first of the day’s meetings.

  I glanced back at the ocean periodically, thinking about Rod and everything I had put him through. Everything I was going to put him through. My mother and sister were right, I was too much like my father to deal with a relationship. Too much like Declan to put another human being through what I went through. Now that I had agreed to fight for the company, I was stepping further into his shoes.

  **********************

  When the plane took off, I grabbed ahold of the arm rests. The coming storm brought winds that shook the plane just enough to cause my stomach to drop.

  “Don’t be a baby,” Emily said through a hard smile.

  After our night of revelations and bonding, we had gone back to barely speaking outside of work. A mutual understanding had passed between us. We didn’t trust one another and I still couldn’t guarantee that she wouldn’t turn on me the second I slipped out of line, accidentally or not.

  “Not in the slightest,” I ground out through a clenched jaw.

  We flew in silence until we had safely traveled out of the turbulence. I focused on the upcoming days. How Jon was going to handle his latest way to weasel his sleazy way into my father’s position, and Rod. Oddly enough, Rod was the larger of worries.

  I could still remember the way his body felt as my hands traveled all over his sweat-slickened body. The way his back would arch and the fine muscles that wrapped around his midsection tensed with the mounting pleasure.

  My mind even wandered toward other smaller quirks that had always set me off. The hard press of his lips or the way he would bite the inside of his cheek. He was beautiful and simply amazing. A multitude of surprises, the largest one being how he had turned the tables on me in the club.

  “A lot on your mind?” Emily broke through my thoughts, and thankfully so. I didn’t want to keep obsessing over the one person that was out of bounds.

  “Not any more than usual,” I answered, stopping the stewardess to order a drink.

  I couldn’t admit that I did have a lot on my mind and very little of it was about Jon or the company, but on the man that would ultimately destroy the both of us.

  “Scotch on the rocks,” I ordered my drink, ignoring the flirtatious smile.

  She stood there for a moment before giving up, replying with a wink and a nod.

  “Am I seeing things? Did the infamous manwhore just completely ignore a pretty girl?” she said, her hand flying to her heart, those brown eyes of hers wide.

  “I said I would try and tone shit down. Unless you would like me to add her to the mile-high club, because I would bet you dinner that I could tack her to the list of my own personal in-flight services,” I began to push myself from my chair, shooting Emily a wicked grin.

  “Sit down,” she barked, returning to the bitch that I hoped had stayed away.

  “Fine, fine. She’s probably more your type anyways,” I replied as I caught the pretty girl heading back in our direction with my drink in hand.

  “Shut up,” she snarled under her breath.

  “Your drink, sir,” the pretty stewardess cooed, thrusting the glass in my direction. Her brows were drawn together, looking back and forth.

  “Thank you,” I responded absently. I watched my sister, amused, as her face turned a dozen shades of red.

  She once again nodded before heading past us, glancing over her shoulder in my direction.

  “You’re such an asshole,” she quipped, turning her whole body away from me.

  Moments later, the dimmed light of her tablet indicated she was done with me for the duration of the flight. Reading was her way of getting out of shit when she was trapped. It always had been.

  I was an asshole. I also hadn’t ignored the girl because of some deal I had made with Emily. I had ignored her because Rod had taken over my thoughts. What we had shared, what we had done in that club had seared itself into every part of me.

  The instant addiction scared the shit out of me and had been the main reason for avoiding him altogether. I didn’t want to be addicted to anyone, let alone him. He was too perfect to destroy. I never stayed addicted to one person for very long.

  My heart dropped as the plane descended, the immediate future weighing hard on my mind.

  “Are you rea
dy for this?” Emily said as she pulled her bag from under the seat.

  “As ready as I ever am,” I shot back with a fake as fuck smile plastered on my face.

  She glared at me. She knew how I prepared. I didn’t. My methods were more in the direction of flying by the seat of my pants.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I had the car take me straight to the office. Straight into the lion’s den. I knew Jon would be there, as well as Rod. I wasn’t very good at avoidance. My anger always seemed to get the better of me, but I needed to focus. Work was the number one priority.

  I had tried calling my mother, but the woman could hold a grudge. I wasn’t sure if she was ignoring me because of the little scene that played out in her house or because she was well aware of what her boyfriend was doing. It could be both situations driving her childish game.

  “Hey, Mr. Steele,” Ashlynn said as I stepped off the elevator.

  “Hey,” I said, giving her a two finger salute.

  “Where’s Danielle?” I asked, unlocking my door. She didn’t usually have Monday’s off and Rod never brought her along for any of his meetings.

  “Rod called her into his office,” she answered through a sly smile, following it up with a wink.

  I shut my eyes, inhaling deeply. She had misunderstood or gotten Rod’s intentions wrong because Rod and women didn’t mix.

  Stepping into my office without another word, I shut the door. The click echoed loudly in my ears. My whole body thrummed as my heart pounded, hard and fast, against my chest. I felt ill as images of what was going on behind his closed door formed in my mind.

  I thrust both hands through my hair, breathing deep. I pulled hard, trying to take my mind off of the jealousy that was growing hard and fast. Another problem I didn’t need. If I refused to have him then I couldn’t deny him his own explorations. For fuck’s sake, I had flaunted my sexual exploits for years knowing damn good and well that he wanted me, that he was in love with me.

  I shook my head, trying to rid myself of any more thoughts of Rod and whatever he chose to do, or whoever in this case. Before the club, I would have praised him for trying something new and now all I could think about doing was rushing in there like a jealous lover.

  Work. The paperwork part of my job was a never-ending aspect that would hopefully keep my head in the game. I sat down at my desk and pulled my laptop from my briefcase. I stared at the screen as it booted up, flexing my fists over the keyboard. I felt restless and nothing was going to take my mind from Rod.

  He had been the one that wanted to talk. He had been the one that made it a point to remind me that he would not be another notch on my bedpost. Without any more thought, I shoved myself away from my desk, anger and jealously consuming every part of me. Seeing red, I ripped my office door open, slamming it into the wall.

  Ashlynn jumped, letting out a high scream.

  “Is everything okay, sir?” she squeaked, standing up.

  I ignored her as I tried Rod’s door. It was locked. My entire body warmed with my growing panic from my uncontrollable reaction, as well as what I would find behind the door. I pounded hard against the wood, howling God knows what.

  I wasn’t sure how long it took before I heard the door unlock.

  “What the hell?” Rod said, opening the door.

  Like a raving lunatic, I barged passed him, my eyes stopping on the fully clothed secretary that sat on this side of his desk. I blinked, trying to find any of their clothing out of place. Something in the room to indicate what they had been doing in here.

  “Get out,” I bellowed as I stared at Danielle.

  She fumbled with some paperwork, looking back and forth between me and Rod.

  Rod’s hand clamped down on my shoulder, drawing my attention back to him.

  “Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked.

  Danielle shuffled passed us, making sure she never made eye contact with me.

  “Thank you,” Rod said as she left with her head down. A twinge of guilt came over me because from all the evidence, they hadn’t been doing anything. I watched the door shut, leaving us alone in his office.

  “This…this is why I can’t do this with you,” I hissed, pulling out from his grip. “I’m not fucking right,” I said, my voice low and hard as I stepped into him.

  “What?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

  “Us…this,” I said, pulling his suit-clad body into mine. He didn’t hesitate and I couldn’t stop myself as my lips met his. The kiss was rough and angry, and I loved every second of it.

  His hand came up to slide through my hair as I pawed at his clothing. He tasted like bourbon, deep and heady. We stumbled back, almost falling over the chair that Danielle had just vacated. That second helped to lift the haze of my sudden relief.

  I broke away, just barely, resting my forehead against his. We were both breathing hard as we stared at each other. Everything that he felt for me was pouring out of those eyes, the pads of his fingers running up and down my back.

  This moment was more than I could take and I hated that I had given into the rage that my own mind had stoked. My own jealous, fucked up mindset.

  “You are my best friend,” I began, enjoying the way he felt so close to me. Such an intimate moment that my next words were going to trample all over. “That is all,” I whispered. I closed my eyes, no longer wanting to see his face and all the emotion that it held.

  “Is that right,” he laughed.

  He was right, I wasn’t doing the best job at making my point and I needed him to hear it and believe it.

  As much as it hurt me, I slid out from his arms and stepped away. I bowed my head, knowing damn well that it screamed how ashamed I felt. I needed him to know that this was hurting me as much as it would hurt him. He deserved much better than a Declan knock-off.

  “I’m going to give you my company shares and leave. The company will be yours.” The decision was a surprise to my own ears.

  The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind until that moment. It felt right though. I wasn’t going to ever be able to run this company the way it needed to be run, and I didn’t want it. Emily had wrongfully put her faith in me. I had given her false hope.

  Rod said nothing and I stood there waiting. Eventually he would have something to say and I owed it to him to hear it.

  “I don’t want the fucking company,” he said, turning toward the interior of the office. “This is just another way for you to run from confrontation,” he turned back around, his voice as chilled as ice. “I want you,” he hissed, punching his desk.

  “And you think I fucking don’t?” I roared “But you need to steer the fuck clear of me. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have, and I will. I will shatter you into a million fucking pieces.”

  “If you run, you might as well consider that mission accomplished,” he said as he turned around to face me. His face was hard, and a stone mask of what I was used to seeing.

  “I will have the lawyers draw up the paperwork,” I said, trying to resurrect my own wall.

  He said nothing as I turned to leave. I had been the one to tell him that I would break his heart into a million pieces and yet turning my back on him, turning my back on love and a future, was ripping at my own heart.

  I thought he would have chased me, demanded that I stay, yet he let me go. I walked out of his office.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “Are you fucking serious?” My brother sounded murderous and the way he stared down at me from the other side of my desk had me wondering if I should hide my letter openers.

  “It’s better this way,” I answered without letting his tirade get to me.

  Emily had gone back to her perma-bitch personality as soon as she got wind of my plans. I knew it was her way of burying how hurt she was but just having my sister back for that night made it harder this time around.

  “Dad wanted this company to be run by a Steele,” he reiterated for the millionth time since he ha
d come up here.

  “Fuck him. He is dead, Declan, and you know damn good and well that Rod is as much of a Steele as I am, maybe even better,” I said, looking over the final stipulations that I had specially added into the transfer.

  “Of course,” he said, agreeing with the part about Rod being a Steele.

  “I was going to lose this company anyway. Jon was going to make sure of it and I would rather hand it over willingly to someone we all trusted than that fucktard,” I spat the last part. From what I had been able to gather, Jon was working with his own lawyers to bypass the normal routes of gaining the company and taking it out from under me.

  “You don’t know that,” he said, stopping to watch as I slid the pages back into the manila envelope. There was no conviction in his words what so ever. He didn’t truly believe that I had a chance in hell.

  Jon had pressed assault charges on me. He had acquired security footage of the last few months of my relations with company employees. The huge deal I had lost didn’t help to gain any chance for me to stay where I was in the company.

  I raised my eyebrows at him in a silent challenge. I wanted to hear his reasoning behind the ounce of faith he still carried for me.

  “Okay, then why not sign it over to me or Emily?” he questioned, flopping down in the client chair.

  Another question that I had answered on more than one occasion since announcing my intentions. I don’t know if he thought I would change my answer or give a better reason in his eyes, but once again, the question floated in the air between us.

  I sighed, loud and exaggerated. “Rod deserves this. Heading a company like this has been his dream. He works hard and his focus is impeccable and for reasons that I don’t understand, Rod wants the damn thing,” the last part was an exaggeration. He didn’t want the company. Okay, maybe I lied. He had specifically said he didn’t want the company, but I knew he wouldn’t turn it down.

  “This has nothing to do with the falling out you two had?” he questioned as he rubbed at his temples.