My Dusk My Dawn

by Henrietta Georgia

  “Good luck,” Johnny remarked. “Craig doesn’t like being reminded of anything.”

  “I hear you,” I told him. “He can’t stop you from having a career though. He also made the unilateral decision to let you go, when he should’ve consulted Daniel or myself. This being the case, he needs to accept that you’ll still be working with us.”

  “I’m not sure I can hack being in the office with him, you know, after the things he said and the things he threatened…”

  “You don’t have to be in the office with him,” I told him. “Work from here, or I’m sure we can set you up in a serviced office. I can swing some work your way, and we can split my workload if you’re willing?”

  Intrigued, Johnny asked, “And you think he’ll go for that?”

  “He doesn’t have to know.”

  “Okay,” he said after careful thought. “Sounds like a plan. Though he won’t be happy when he finds out.”

  "If he finds out,” I corrected.

  "When he finds out,” he replied.

  19

  AFTER FOREVER

  It was the night of our anniversary, and we sat at the Bayou Restaurant across from each other. Despite the happy occasion, Daniel didn’t seem happy at all. “This is not the time or the place,” he stated, motioning over towards Jonah and Shania.

  The fire and passion between them was clear. Shania and Jonah were at it and refused to quit. Jonah spoke in a low, monotone voice, while Shania was very expressive and loud. He was trying to calm her down.

  “Someone needs to get them to stop,” Daniel said, peering over his menu. “They’re putting off the other patrons.”

  “You’re the one who loves laying down the law,” I reminded him.

  “Whatever,” he said annoyed. “Any idea what that’s about?” he asked motioning over at them.

  “It’s a long story.”

  “Does that story start and end with Shania being pregnant with David’s baby?”

  “Shania’s not expecting David’s baby,” I replied. “Your brother’s baby,” I corrected.

  “Yes, he is my brother, you don’t need to over emphasize the point.”

  “Don’t I?” I questioned.

  “We might be blood, but I can tell you now I’ve got friends who are closer,” he said unconvincingly.

  “Like who?” I challenged.

  “We’re not doing this here and now, are we?” he asked, not amused. “Besides, I thought the story was that she is carrying his baby…”

  “That’s just it. It’s a story,” I confirmed. “She’s not carrying his baby. Jonah’s the only one she’s been with.”

  He raised an eyebrow in response. His disappointment that Shania and David hadn’t become an item, was evident. “Well, it’s only a matter of time that it happens.”

  “David’s not like that and you know it,” I said.

  Daniel rolled his eyes at me. “Straight to his defence again, I see.”

  I ignored Daniel’s comment, trying to be at peace with him. It was our anniversary after all.

  Jonah and Shania’s fighting had reached a new level. “I don’t need anything from you, and I don’t expect you to be there for me. I will do this on my own!” she declared, loud enough for all to hear.

  “No you won’t,” Jonah replied before suddenly announcing for all to hear, “I’m not an honorable man, for if I was, I would not have put this beautiful lady in this situation. But I will do the honourable thing now,” he promised. Dropping to one knee, he asked, “Shania Lee Thompson, will you do me the honour of becoming my lawfully wedded wife? Will you marry me and make me one of the happiest men alive?”

  Almost as shocked as Shania was, I gasped in response. Daniel cast me a worrying look. In the short time that I’d known him, I didn’t think that Jonah was marriage material. Then again, what was marriage material? He was clearly smitten by Shania from the get go, and would apparently do anything for her now.

  “Whoa,” Daniel said, his reaction delayed. “I guess they’re in love, ey?”

  In between tears, Shania uttered an elated “Yes.” It seemed as though the whole restaurant burst into applause. Jonah got up and embraced her with such might she nearly fell. He braced her fall then kissed her fully, for all to view.

  “Aw,” I said.

  “Get a room,” Daniel mumbled, looking away and onto the menu.

  “You’ve become such a grouch lately,” I noted as he slammed the menu shut and eyeballed me. “I also see you’re very disappointed it’s Jonah rather than David,” I mentioned.

  “You’ve become so judgmental,” he replied in kind. “How do you expect me to feel, David constantly interfering…”

  “How is he interfering?” I asked. “Calling you out on the many lies you’ve been telling me lately? Calling you out on all the things you’ve been keeping from me? Trying to get you to acknowledge him as your brother after all those years he spent looking for you?”

  “He knew I was here in Texas all this time. He only chose to come forward as the stakes were getting high.”

  “Whatever,” I replied.

  “We’re not doing this,” he said.

  “Doing what?” I asked.

  “Arguing.”

  “Who says we’re arguing,” I said.

  He shook his head at me. “This is the problem. You refuse to see things from my perspective.”

  “You’re kidding, right?” I replied. “All I can see is your perspective,” I told him. “This is all about how insecure you feel about David, how you think one day he will snap me away from you, how you think I’m just going to throw what we have away for greener pastures.”

  “Well, aren’t you?” he asked.

  “Of course not,” I replied, nearly not believing myself. David had become such a big part of my life of late, I didn’t see my life without him in it. “I made my vows to you,” I added, understanding his concern.

  “Vows,” Daniel repeated. “I want your love and affection, not your obligation,” he said. “Wish they would hurry up with the service here,” he said switching topic and impatiently looking around for a waiter or waitress. “I guess we should give our regards to the future Mr. and Mrs.”

  I felt for him. Obligation was not what I felt for him. Love was all it was, but he wasn’t to be convinced. “We definitely should,” I agreed.

  “Maybe we could offer to take them down to the pad in South Texas one weekend next month, or just give them directions and the keys?”

  I sighed in response, glad he was sounding more like the Daniel I fell in love with and less like the selfish, bitter man he had been of late.

  “Maybe we could go there ourselves and get away from it all – reconnect?” he suggested.

  “You mean, get away from reality? Get away from…the fact that you still need to get those tests done? Get away from… David?”

  His eyes narrowed at the mention of David’s name again. “I’m big enough to admit that getting away from him is part of it,” he confessed. “I feel I haven’t had you to myself since…” he broke off. “Well, since a long time anyway.”

  “You can’t blame him for the way you’re choosing to relate to me,” I said. “You’re the one who’s being insecure,” I reminded him.

  He tapped his fingers on the table, impatient. “Where is that waiter,” he asked, before adding, “We’re not doing this. We’re not fighting over him and I and you, again.”

  “Okay,” I said turning from him to look over at Shania. Jonah had her hands in his across the table, and they spoke to each other with much emotion and warmth. I was happy for her, but envious of the future ahead for her with him, so full of promise.

  “How did we get to where we are now?” I asked. “We used to be so happy once.”

  “Things happened. Things changed,” Daniel offered. “Life happened. I changed. My wounded ego happened,” he said. “I’m sorry I haven’t been the man I promised to be,” he apologized. “I’ll do anything I can to get ri
ght with you.”

  I knew better than to hold him to his word.

  He reached for my hand across the table. “I mean it,” he urged. “Life is too short to do otherwise,” he said with a finality I’d never heard before.

  “I agree,” I said.

  “Moving forward, I want to be at peace with you,” he said. Reluctantly, he added, “Even if that means making peace with him.”

  Why the sudden change of heart? I wondered.

  He rapped his fingers on the table again, impatiently waiting for service. “If we’re not served in the next 5 minutes, we’re out of here,” he threatened.

  I rolled my eyes in response. Typical. “Give them a chance Daniel. Besides, if we go home now, that sort of defeats the purpose of going out for dinner on our anniversary, right?”

  “I suppose,” he said, clearly still annoyed.

  “You haven’t answered my question. Why the sudden change of heart?” I asked, curious.

  “I know now that I can’t get past him if I want to get to you,” he said. “I also can’t afford to alienate him. You’ll be…the babies’ll be…” he started, hesitating. “I need him to be there for us.”

  Strange. I wasn’t sure if I was hearing him right. “Daniel…”

  “Please, let’s just go,” he requested. “I’ve had enough of waiting, I’m done here.”

  I could see I wasn’t going to win with him. “Okay. Let’s stop for a moment, congratulate the soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Jonah Hughes.”

  Somewhat distracted, he concurred, “Right.”

  “Try to be happy for them,” I urged.

  I could tell he wasn’t as he got up.

  “Daniel,” I said in a slightly raised tone, startling him somewhat. “Be happy, or else.”

  “I’m trying,” he replied, stopping me in my tracks. “I’m really trying,” he said. “It’s hard to be happy for everyone else when I’m dying, Temwani,” he said abruptly. “This’ll probably be our last anniversary dinner. I wanted things to be perfect tonight, but so far… anyhow, the docs, they’ve given me 6 months to live,” he said.

  I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. Every hope, every desire, every dream would no longer be. With him. I fought for words to say but nothing came.

  He sat back down and urged me to as well. “Temwani,” he said, his voice deep and reassuring. “I’ll be okay. You’ll be okay without me. The babies will be okay without me. We all have to go sometime. We all have to leave this life here behind someday.”

  The waiter finally appeared. “Sorry guys, what can I get you.”

  “We were just about ready to leave!” Daniel exclaimed, and got engaged in small talk as he placed our order. He ordered a bottle of champagne and a spritzer for Jonah and Shania, seeming upbeat all of a sudden.

  “Jonah doesn’t drink,” I mentioned bluntly.

  “Oh?” Daniel asked, surprised. Turning to the waiter, he stated, “Okay, well, if you tell the gentleman and lady that their meal is on me, that’ll do it. Throw in a fancy desert for them both,” he requested. The waiter topped up my glass of water before leaving.

  Daniel reached for my hand across the table and squeezed tightly. “Say something, baby.”

  Still in shock, I muttered, “There’s nothing I can say that’ll make this better, there’s nothing I can say that’ll make this alright.” Tears threatened to fall, and I decided to excuse myself from the table.

  I went into the Ladies, locked myself in a cubicle and cried. How long had he known? He’d had those tests done after all. Had David known? I thought to call David, but my phone was in my handbag, which I’d left at the table. David would know what to do. He always knew what to do. He might even be able to refer Daniel to a friend. Daniel was dying. This could not be the end of our story. This cannot be the end.

  After a while, I decided to freshen up and step outside for a moment before joining Daniel. Stepping out through the back door, I stood under the eaves and stared up at the night sky.

  “You’re doing it again,” Daniel said, stepping out of the shadows, startling me slightly.

  “Doing what?” I asked.

  “Standing me up,” he replied. “Remember our wedding day?”

  I laughed in response, despite my sadness. “I was fashionably late, is all.”

  “Come here,” he urged, embracing me, pulling me into him. “Remember our first dance?” Pulling me close for a slow dance, he sang the opening line of Nat King Cole’s When I Fall in Love.

  I held him tight. “Brings a new meaning to the word forever,” I said tearfully.

  “I know, I know,” he said, slightly above a whisper. “You’re it for me. You’re my forever after.”

  I couldn’t see his tears in the moonlight, but I could feel them on my cheek, his face pressed up against mine.

  “Should we call it quits, and head home?” he asked. “Or can you brave the crowd for a while longer? I ordered our favorite desert – strawberry vanilla cream cake…”

  I lit up despite the sadness that befell my heart. “Of course.” If it was going to be our last anniversary, it had to be perfect.

  We held each other for a moment longer before we decided to go back in.

  Sleep didn’t come easy that night. Though the kids slept peacefully, I tossed and turned, unable to come to terms with the fact that this man before me, the man I loved deeply, might not be with me for much longer.

  We went to see the oncologist who’d originally made the diagnosis, the next day, together.

  Doctor Menzies repeated the diagnosis for my benefit. A brain tumour. Likely inoperable. Daniel nodded stoically at the diagnosis. “How long do I have again?”

  “Six months tops,” he said. Daniel sat there, unmoved. My eyes welled up with tears. He reached for my hand and held it firmly.

  “But if we excise the tumour completely there’s a likelihood that you’ll be able to come out of this with many years ahead of you,” Doctor Menzies advised.

  “Well, God hasn’t failed me yet,” Daniel stated.

  “Mr Brennan, the prognosis isn’t good. I’m afraid you’re going to need to be realistic here,” the doctor said.

  “Who says I’m being unrealistic?” Daniel piped in. “I’m just making a statement. God hasn’t failed me yet. I’m sure he’s not about to fail me now.”

  Doctor Menzies laughed nervously. “You’re optimistic, I’ll give you that. Not sure I can match your optimism though.”

  Ignoring him, Daniel stated, “So, where do I sign?”

  The doctor looked perplexed. “The surgery might render you unable to function. The chemo might not work and might just kill you in the process.”

  “Alright then,” Daniel replied. “I’m seeking a second opinion. You won’t be hearing back from me.” He got up and motioned for me to follow after him. Stunned, I got up as well.

  We walked in silence to the car, then had it out in the parking lot.

  “How can you be so casual about this?” I questioned in between tears. “The doctor’s just told you you’ve got 6 months left to live and you’re acting as though you’ve got all the time in the world to work through this…”

  “Come on now, have some faith,” he said embracing me. He held me for a moment before stating, “I’m doing what I do best. Putting blind faith in my Heavenly Father. I’ll get that second opinion, won’t hurt.”

  “Daniel, we can’t take silly risks and stand firm on morals. You’re dying. If we can save you, we should. Not just for your sake, but for our sake,” I told him.

  “This isn’t a silly stance. I need to…never mind,” he said. “I just thought you’d understand. I live by what I believe, and that’s all there is to it.”

  “How do we do this?” Daniel asked when we got home. “I prefer this were on a need to know basis. I don’t need anyone’s sympathy, and I know for a fact there’ll be people who’d be glad I was dying.”

  My heart felt heavy at the thought that he’d be gone and certain people wo
uld be happy he were gone. My heart felt heavy at the fact that he’d be gone.

  “I made a list,” he said. “Johnny first. Then Colleen. David already knows. Craig already knows.”

  “I can’t do this now, Daniel,” I stated.

  “We’re going to have to sugarpie. What I need right now is to be surrounded by people who’ll rally behind me and support you and the babies without a question. This has to happen sooner rather than later.”

  I tearfully acknowledged that he was right.

  Johnny met us at the front door when we got home. He’d been up with Sadie, watching a movie. The babies were fast asleep.

  He instantly knew something was wrong. I left him and Daniel alone in the kitchen, and Daniel told him the news. Johnny cared deeply for Daniel, and I knew the news broke him.

  I found them sitting in the kitchen, in silence. Johnny sat head bowed, Daniel fixated on a space in the distance.

  Sadie walked in behind me and broke the silence. “Why the long faces?”

  “Daniel’s leaving us,” Johnny said cryptically. “Inoperable brain tumour.”

  Sadie gasped in response. “Oh no,” she cried. “Oh no.” I reached for her and we cried together.

  Daniel got up and announced, “Guys, it isn’t over yet. I’ve still got to get a second opinion, and besides, six months is six months. It’s not six days. Still enough time to enjoy all that there is to enjoy.”

  Johnny got up and slipped an arm around Sadie and I. “Well, we’ll see to it that it’s the best six months of your life, Daniel,” he promised. “Look out.”

  I smiled sadly, knowing the next few months would likely not be the best six months of his life.

  We stayed awake together through the early hours of the morning, writing down a few ideas, discussing the possibility of overseas travel and plans for the babies. I fell asleep in Daniel’s arms, resting my head against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat lulling me to sleep.