Sublime Wreckage

by Charlene Zapata

  "I'm right here with you. Nothing is going to happen. Ok?"

  "Thanks."

  When we finally pull into the driveway, I see my mother standing on the porch waiting. Her arms are crossed in front of her body and she looks pissed. She also looks like she just rolled out of bed. Her hair is sticking up in the front and her clothes look wrinkled and dirty. I can't even imagine what the inside of the house looks like given her state of being. I wait for my Grandfather to get out before I open my door. I see him walk right up to her. I quickly hop out of the truck curious as to what he could be saying to her. I overhear the end of their conversation.

  "I mean it Patricia. Leave Maggie alone or I will call the police. Allow her to gather her things in peace and we will be gone before you know it. I don't want any trouble."

  "But what am I supposed to do for money? Don't you give a damn that your daughter-in-law can't pay her bills?"

  "You haven't been my daughter-in-law in years. We both know the only reason I ever agreed to help you was because of the paternity test. You are the one who burnt this bridge. Why don't you get a job like every other normal person and support yourself for a change. Now step aside so Maggie and her friend can get by."

  I look up to the porch as my mother stares at my Grandfather. She seems speechless. She slowly moves to the side so we can get by. I don't look at her as I pass. My stomach already feels like an entire army of butterflies could burst through it at any moment. I don't need to make it worse by making eye contact. No words are spoken between us as I brush past her quickly. The inside of the house is a disaster. I can smell the rotten food from the kitchen. Her clothes are thrown all over the place. It's like she had some fit of rage and destroyed everything in her wake. Dread starts to build inside of me about what she might have done to my room. I take a deep breath before opening my bedroom door. Relief fills my body as I scan the place where I lived just a week ago. It looks exactly the same as the day I left. I'm shocked she didn't go on a rampage obliterating everything I own.

  Vince helps me pack all my clothes, take down all the pictures, and get anything else important. He carries each box out to the truck putting it in the back. The walls are now bare. Nothing remains of me in this hallow space. I tell Vince to go ahead and wait in the truck. I just have to get my bathroom stuff then I will be finished. After filling my small duffle bag with the rest of my things I head outside. My Grandpa and mother are still waiting on the porch in silence. I head down the front steps while my Grandpa follows. He passes me on the sidewalk and then I turn around. I walk back up to the porch and stand right in front of my mother.

  "I just have one question for you. Did you ever love me?" She looks up into my eyes for several seconds before answering me. It's like she's searching for her answer in me. Almost like if she looks long enough she will see the reason she should love me.

  "Of course Maggie. Don't be ridiculous. You're my child. Why wouldn't I love you?"

  "Because I haven't heard those three simple words come out of your mouth in years. I think you despise me. I don't know why. I don't know what I ever did to you to deserve such horrific treatment. Do yourself a favor and get help. Get treatment for whatever it is that has poisoned your mind against your own daughter."

  She doesn't say another word. I turn and head toward the truck. I fight back the tears threatening to escape, swallowing down the pain of leaving. My heart clenches in my chest as I walk away from my only living parent. As much as I wanted to be free of her, I have to admit to myself, this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I don't know what the future holds for us. I don't know if I will ever be able to fully forgive her. But for now, I know I have to walk away.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  The next few days go by like a blur. I haven't heard from my mother since the day I packed up my room. I don't expect that I will. Everything is going well with school. I got all of my applications sent in for college. I'm anxiously awaiting responses but that won't happen for a few more months. I've had to work every night this week which means I haven't seen much of Vince. But it will be worth it when I get my first paycheck. I get to keep every dime I make and it feels amazing. It's Thursday and I finally have the night off. Vince is coming over after he finishes up with work. The grass isn't growing anymore because of the cold but he still puts down treatments in preparation for the winter. He was getting a little behind because of helping me so much lately. I feel bad that I haven't focused enough on his life. All my drama can suck the life out of a person. I need to try harder. He mentioned he wanted me to meet his mom but with everything that happened it got pushed aside. I plan to rectify that tonight.

  Just like clockwork he shows up at my door right at 6:00 holding a huge pizza and a 2-liter of soda. He knows the way to my heart.

  "Hey stranger." I give him my classic shy smile.

  "Hey yourself. I figured you'd be hungry."

  "Thanks. I appreciate the dinner. Maybe I will cook for you soon. I haven't been home enough to break in my kitchen yet. Which brings me to my next topic. I think I'm ready to meet your mom. I know you mentioned it before everything happened and it kind of got forgotten. I'm sorry about that. I want to take more of an interest in your life and that includes your family."

  "Maggie, I understand you've had a lot going on and I don't blame you one bit for any of it. Please stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault."

  "Sorry. It's just when you've been programed to apologize for every action whether it's your fault or not it becomes habit. It won't happen again, Slick."

  "Good. And my mom can't wait to meet you. How about we go to her house tomorrow night for dinner? She would love that."

  "That's sounds great. I hope she likes me."

  "She's going to love you. But just fair warning, I've never brought a girl to dinner before. So if my mom seems overly excited that's why."

  "Really? Haven't you dated before?" I'm very surprised to hear this. He seemed so smooth and confident when we first met I would have assumed he's had a number of girlfriends.

  "I've gone out with girls before but never anyone like you. I've never been with someone that I wanted to bring home to meet my mother. You will be the first." I think my heart just skipped a beat.

  "Well don't I feel special. So is your mom going to make some of her delicious enchiladas for me?"

  "I'm sure she will along with every other item on her specialty list. She tends to overdo things. We will probably have enough leftovers to last a week."

  Vince and I spend the rest of the evening studying. He takes his GED test in two more weeks. He is a nervous wreck but I know he will pass with flying colors. He doesn't give himself enough credit. It's just after eleven when I convince him to leave. He kept giving me tiny kisses up and down my arm while looking at me with puppy dog eyes begging to stay just a little longer. We haven't spent the night together in my new place yet. I want to savor it when it happens and we've both just been too busy lately to really enjoy it.

  The next night Vince picks me up in the Mustang. I jump up and down like an idiot because he just handed me the keys.

  "Don't get too excited. You wreck her and I may never forgive you."

  "No worries. I'm a pro. Did I ever tell you that my dad had the exact same car?" That stops him in his tracks.

  "What?" He says with a shaky voice. "You mean the car that...the accident? I'm so sorry Maggie. I didn't know."

  "Vincent, its fine. It doesn't remind me of the wreck. I focus on all the good memories. Certain smells trigger different memories. The first time I rode in your car the smell of the leather brought back so many great times I had with my father. I loved riding in his Mustang nestled up next to him. Trust me. It's a good thing."

  "You astonish me. I still can't wrap my head around the idea of turning something so awful into something so positive."

  "It's all a matter of perspective Slick. Now, let's get going. I can't wait to drive your awesome car!"

  He gives
me directions to his mom's house but I suspect he gave me the long route so I could enjoy driving this baby a little longer. The rush I get from feeling the vibrations of a machine with this much power are amazing. I totally get why guys are into cars. We pull up to a tiny one story house that is painted white with yellow shutters. It's adorable. Before we even get out of the car I see this beautiful woman walking toward us. She has long, dark brown hair that falls just past her waist. As she gets closer I can see where Vince gets his eyes. Her skin tone is just a tad darker than his. She has the biggest smile spread across her face and I can feel the warmth beaming off of her. She walks right up to me, wraps her arms tightly around me, and whispers in my ear.

  "Welcome home." I feel a tear start to form but I push it back. I don't know why but she just made me feel so vulnerable. I know she was just being nice but no one has ever said those words to me before. And I believe her.

  "It's so nice to meet you Mrs. Moreno. Vincent has told me so much about you."

  "Please, call me Martina. Come inside. Joey and his girlfriend are already setting the table."

  "Thank you so much for having me over." We walk into the tiny house. The first room on the other side of the door is the living room. I can feel the love as we pass the walls lined with photo after photo of the boys. I take a few minutes to look over each and every one. There are so many happy memories here. I see a picture of Vince's dad. He is holding up a huge fish with both boys when they were younger. All three have the biggest smile. I see the creek in the background and it warms my heart that Vince has shared such a special place with me.

  We make our way into the kitchen which is filled with a table big enough to seat six people. There is no dining room. Most of the smaller homes don't have them. Keri is setting the table so I join her. She really is a very sweet girl. She and Joey have been dating since summer. He already seems head over heels for her. Joey is helping his mother get all the food onto the table. Everything looks and smells amazing. My mouth is already watering. We all take our seats. Mrs. Moreno asks Joey to say grace.

  "Mom, if you don't mind I'd like to say grace tonight." I hear his mother gasp in surprise then slowly nod her head in agreement. "Heavenly Father, we thank you for this food and all the blessings in our life. Thank you for bringing Maggie into mine. She has given me a new perspective that I will try not to take for granted. Thank you for giving my mother the strength to survive without my father. I love my family and feel blessed to know it's growing with Maggie and Keri here with us tonight. Thank you for the best little brother, I pray that he finds his way in this world. Amen."

  "Vincent that was beautiful. And Maggie, thank you for whatever you have done to my son." I can't help but feel a little embarrassed right now. I just nod my head slowly and give her a small smile. I have no idea what I've done to Vince but if she's happy that's all that matters. Now it's time to dig in. Vince was right. His mom went all out for me. She made enchiladas, tamales, stuffed poblanos, a queso dip, rice, beans and guacamole. I'm in heaven. I take a little of everything because I want to try it all. I hear Vince laughing under his breath next to me so I kick him in the leg. That just makes him laugh a little harder so I kick him again. He lets out a small "ouch" under his breath. That will teach him. After I finish everything on my plate I go back for seconds. I can't decide what to eat more of because I loved everything, so I just get another small helping of it all.

  "She's a keeper miho. Never turn away from a girl that isn't afraid to be herself." I look up into Martina's eyes. I'm captivated by what I see. Pure love. Love for her sons and maybe even a little for me. I give her a warm smile in return.

  "Thank you so much for having me over for dinner. Your food is incredible. I could eat it all day." That makes everyone around the table laugh.

  "I'll be sure to pack some up for you to take home. It warms my heart that you like my cooking. It's one of the ways I show my love and appreciation for these two wonderful boys of mine."

  After dinner is over I insist on cleaning up the kitchen as a thank you. But instead of joining everyone else in the living room, Vince's mother stays to help. My mother never helped me. It seems odd in a way to have another person in the kitchen while I do the dishes. She starts to put all the food away making small care packages for all of us. I might just love her already.

  "Thank you for whatever you did to make Vincent believe again. When he lost his father he started to doubt his belief in God. I know I have you to thank for what I witnessed tonight. He's told me a little about your struggles in life. I think you were sent to him to guide him back. It takes so much to have faith in something you can't see or touch especially when tragedy has struck your family. But I can tell you push through it Maggie. I can see the faith in your eyes. You have a very strong spirit. As long as you hold onto that you will go very far in your life. I just hope you take Vincent with you." She walks over and gives me a tight hug. I can't help the tears now. That is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.

  "I can see where Vincent gets his kind heart. Thank you for your generous words. I hope I don't let you down." I let my guard down and hug her back. This is what a mother is supposed to feel like. Warm and loving speaking encouraging words instead of hurtful remarks. I wish my mother was like this.

  After the kitchen is clean and all the food is put away we head into the living room. I take a seat next to Vince on the couch. We spend the next two hours laughing and talking sharing so many memories of Vince and Joey as kids. This is by far one of my favorite nights. It's getting late so we take Keri home then head back to my place.

  "I don't have to be at work until 5 o'clock tomorrow. Want to stay over?" I look at Vince with pleading eyes.

  "How could I refuse such an adorable face?" I head into the bedroom to get changed while Vince takes his turn in the bathroom. It's too small for us both to fit, comfortably anyway. I change into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Vince walks out of the bathroom in just his boxer shorts. I take every ounce of his body and store it securely in my memory. I don't even care that he sees me gawking. I look him up and down for several minutes before feeling satisfied. When I make my way back up to his eyes they are blazing with need. Apparently he was looking me over in the same desirable way.

  I walk slowly over to his chiseled body. I lean in ever so gently and kiss his chest right where his heart is. When I look up again my eyes are drawn to his mouth. Full, luscious lips are begging to be kissed. I reach up on my tip toes giving him a small sample before I dig in. I take my time pulling his bottom lip into my mouth and sucking but the minute I hear his moan I lose all control. I wrap my arms around him pulling him closer and closer. His hands are on my back but they start to slide down to my thighs. It feels like a bolt of electricity is shooting through my entire body. Vince grabs my legs lifting me off the ground. I wrap them around his waist as he carries me over to the bed. He lays me down without breaking our connection for even one second.

  I'm panting, I need air. It's like he read my mind because he gives my mouth a break while he starts trailing kiss after kiss down my neck. It's like a live wire to every erogenous zone in my body. I feel the warmth of his breath as he licks then sucks my skin. Everything feels amazing. Every hair on my body is standing up, every muscle clenched in anticipation. This feels so right. But I also know if we take this next step it will change everything. I know neither of us is ready for that. I grab both sides of his face bringing him back to my mouth. I kiss him slowly, tenderly. Telling him without words that I'm not ready. He returns my soft kisses conveying that he understands. We stay like that for what seems like eternity.

  "Magnolia." He whispers in my ear before sliding off my body. He lays on his back pulling me onto his chest. I snuggle up next to him breathing in his scent as I drift off to a peaceful sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Today is test day for Vince. I'm so nervous for him. I hate that I have to be stuck in school. I think I have checked my phone like a milli
on times waiting for his text. My study buddy Suzy finally asks what's wrong.

  "Nothing. I'm just waiting to hear if Vince finished his test. He is taking his GED today and I'm just anxious to hear how he did." Suzy just smiles back at me like I'm some kind of deranged girl. She doesn't get it because she has never let her focus waiver from school. But that's the thing about Vince, he isn't a distraction. If anything he makes me better. Finally I see my phone light up. We aren't even supposed to have them on at school so I had to keep it on silent.

  Finished with the test. I feel pretty good about it. Should have the results in a day or two.

  That's great. I'm so proud of you!!! Call you later.

  I wish I could see him tonight but I have to work. It's amazing just how consuming a new relationship can get. I can see how my mother allowed herself to get so wrapped up in the guys she dated. But with Vince it's not like that. I don't feel like my life has been taken over by our relationship. In fact, it's the opposite. He is just as focused and determined as me even if he won't admit it. He loves studying with me and never discourages me from working on school. He has been the most encouraging boyfriend. I think that's what someone who is right for you is supposed to do. Add to your life, not take away from it. And he definitely adds to mine.

  The next day we get our first snowfall. The temperatures have been bordering on freezing for the past two weeks so it's no surprise we have snow before Christmas. Vince texted me first thing this morning telling me he would be picking me up after I get home from school. I'm sure he is thrilled about the snow. It means that he gets to use his new plow. He is one smart man. Planning for the winter months with a snow plowing business. He was able to make agreements with all of his clients to plow their driveways anytime it snows for a flat rate. If the roads get really bad he has a contract with the city to help out. I wish I could say I helped him put it all together but he did it entirely on his own.