The Butterfly State

by Carol Coffey

  Sam looked around him to ensure no one was listening, placed the photo on the bar and ordered a pint from the publican.

  “Mattie, you don’t happen to recognise the man in this photo, do ya?” he asked half-heartedly.

  Mattie picked the up the black and white photo and peered closely at the grainy image in front of him, shaking his head. “Nah, Sam, who is he?”

  Sam wasn’t sure if he should say McCracken’s name out loud and checked to ensure there were no eavesdroppers.

  “His name’s McCracken. I think he had some links to Árd Glen. He has red hair, big fellow.”

  “There are no McCrackens around here, Sam. It’s not a Wicklow name.”

  “Could he have been passing through, working maybe?” Sam asked hopefully.

  “I’d know if I’d seen him around. How long ago do you think he was here?”

  “Not sure. It was ten, eleven years ago, maybe even further back.”

  “Is this something to do with the Byrne thing, Sam?”

  Sam looked around the quiet bar again. He could hear two or three voices behind the snug. He couldn’t help but feel a little nervous, especially as he still had no idea exactly who he was dealing with and what they were capable of.

  “I think so, I – I’m not sure. You definitely don’t remember seeing him?”

  “No, Sam, and if he’s a drinking man, I’d remember him. Mind you, the missus and I were in England for years – didn’t come back until ’56 to take over the pub when my father died. Maybe it was further back than you think.”

  Sam thought about this but it didn’t make sense. McCracken had to have ties to Árd Glen, at least up until Byrne was murdered. He wondered if he had it the wrong way around, if Byrne had ties to Dublin rather than McCracken to Árd Glen.

  “Did Byrne go to Dublin much, Mattie? Maybe he knew McCracken there?”

  “Ha. You didn’t know Byrne. He was an odd sort. Roamed the farm by day, sat here at night. Doubt he had much truck with Dublin. But how do you think this man is involved?” Mattie was hopeful for a bit of gossip.

  “Oh, just someone I know mentioned him, that’s all – it’s probably nothing,” said Sam, knowing he wasn’t fooling Slattery one bit.

  Moran finished his drink slowly and sat at the bar mulling things over. He had to try to talk to Tess Byrne. He had to get to her without the sister around. He was going about this the wrong way around. If he got to Tess Byrne, he’d get the story straight from the horse’s mouth.

  Chapter 36

  1977

  Tess blew out the candles on her 16th birthday cake, surrounded by nurses and children, her friend Leroy beaming as he presented her with a present of a wooden box of coloured pencils – her paint always running out far too soon and frustrating her. Leroy was now nineteen years old and had left the institution six months before. Leroy’s mother had never returned for him and Cosgrove had helped him find accommodation locally and had organised a job for him in the adult wing of the hospital so that he could keep an eye on the vulnerable young man. Cosgrove wondered if Tess would have to be accommodated in the adult wing in two years as, unlike Leroy, he did not believe that she could live independently. He did not want this for Tess who had become a favourite with many of the staff over the years – by now they had learned how to interact with her and even asked her to help with the younger children.

  Tess held the pencils in her hand and said “Thank you” in a low hushed voice which brought tears to some of the staff’s eyes as even now Tess rarely spoke. As she blew out the candles on her birthday cake, Tess made her wish. The same wish she made every year: to go home.

  Chapter 37

  1981

  Seán stood at the front door of the hospital, waiting for his sister to collect him. He was glad she was now driving as he didn’t want Dermot to see him here. Seán always felt that Dermot saw right through him and he didn’t like spending any more time in his company than he had to. He planned on working on the farm immediately and planned to get rid of Dermot as soon as he was strong enough to run it on his own.

  On Kate’s last visit a doctor had arranged to meet with her and explained that while Seán needed an intense addiction programme in a specialist hospital, there were no beds there at present and now that he was medically fit enough to go home, there was no reason to keep him in hospital. They would write to him directly but in the meantime Kate had to ensure he didn’t have any access to alcohol and that he didn’t go out alone. The doctor assured Kate that, as well as Seán looked, alcoholism was a disease and it would take only one drink to set him back. Before Seán was admitted Kate would have thought her task impossible but now she felt the worst was behind them and that she might at last have her brother back.

  Seán smiled warmly at his sister when she arrived but as they drove towards home, fell silent and looked once more the sullen man he had become. Kate wanted to ask him what he was thinking but was somehow afraid to ask, afraid of what his answer might be. She wanted to hold onto the feeling that today was a new beginning for them both and stayed silent for the whole journey home, turning up the volume of the radio to drown out the unbearable sound of silence.

  Seán woke to his first morning at home. He was glad to be back even though he had received a lukewarm welcome from Tess. Bitch, he thought – if she knew she owned the farm, she’d probably run me off. Even Ben who he had actually missed seemed to ignore him, pushing him away when he tried to play with him. Only Kate seemed genuinely pleased to see him. He had not yet seen Dermot who he understood would be working later that morning. He was dreading that and had started to dislike the clean-living man who never took a drink despite his aunt and uncle owning their own pub. Idiot, he thought, as he made his way to the kitchen.

  After breakfast, he went out to the barn to help Dermot who was trying to start the old tractor yet again. Kate knew they needed a new one but there was no way the bank would loan them the money, the farm only making a meagre income for the past few years. Kate could hear both men talking and watched Dermot walk away, leaving Seán to complete the makeshift repairs. She wondered when to tell Seán about her relationship with Dermot but no matter how she worded the conversation in her head, it seemed childish and she thought it best to wait until Seán had settled in again.

  Tess, who had been moping around the house for three days, followed Dermot out to the field where he was working.

  “Dermot, I’d like to give my work experience another try but Kate said it’s too hard on me and I’m better off here with her.”

  Dermot thought before responding, eyeing a sad-looking Tess who was like a fish out of water hanging around the farm all day. He had also noticed that Tess didn’t like being around Seán. Dermot thought it was because of the business with their father all those years ago but never asked Kate, preferring to mind his own business.

  “You got very upset, Tess. Kate is just worried about you, that’s all.”

  “I know but I didn’t stop and think like Deirdre said when someone said something I didn’t understand. I didn’t keep my dignified like you said.”

  Dermot laughed. “Dignity, Tess!”

  “Yes, dignity, Dermot.”

  “And you want to go back to the same place, Tess. Is that a good idea?”

  “I have to learn, Dermot. I liked the paintings on the wall and the building. I just have to learn to keep people simple.”

  Dermot laughed loudly. “If only it were that easy, Tess. People aren’t simple, they aren’t easy to understand. What you need to do is not lose your temper and learn to ask questions. Proper ones, I mean, not personal questions, remember?”

  Tess nodded.

  “I don’t know, Tess. If the same thing happened again, Kate’d kill me.”

  “No, she wouldn’t, Dermot. She said she likes you – better than Noel Moore!”

  Dermot stood and looked at the odd girl before him. Sometimes he felt she was smarter than she pretended to be and was manipulating him as he couldn’t
imagine Kate making that statement even though he knew they were becoming close.

  “Oh, she did? Is that the truth, Tess?”

  “Yes, Dermot, I don’t tell lies.”

  Dermot shook his head and got back to his work, laughing.

  “Okay, Tess, I’ll talk to Kate but you better protect me when she comes after me with a sweeping brush!”

  Tess laughed and ran back to the house. She knew Dermot was making a joke.

  Dermot didn’t know how he was going to get Kate alone without Seán being around. He had got used to being the man of the house while Seán was in hospital and wasn’t too happy that he was back. He didn’t mean the man any harm and felt sorry that he was so ill but he could sense that Seán Byrne didn’t like him and probably wouldn’t take it too well when he heard that Dermot was seeing his sister. A fool could see that Seán relied on Kate and he wouldn’t be too happy with anyone who planned on taking her away. Dermot wondered where exactly he would take Kate to. His father had not contacted him in months, the only contact from home being an invitation to his sister’s wedding in January. He hadn’t made up his mind whether or not to go as he still felt embarrassed at how he had left things back home and didn’t want another row with his father. He also knew that if things worked out between him and Kate, he would be taking Ben and Tess on too. He admitted to himself that this was not exactly the married life he had planned but if he wanted Kate, and he did, her two younger siblings would come with her and he accepted this.

  When Dermot entered the kitchen, Kate was washing up, humming to herself. She had not seen him come in and jumped when she heard the back door close loudly.

  “Oh! Dermot, you gave me a fright!”

  “Sorry, don’t know my own strength!”

  He bent over to kiss her and Kate moved away, glancing out the window towards her brother who was trying to fix the tractor and getting nowhere.

  Dermot tried not to show his annoyance. “We’ll have to tell him sometime, you know!”

  “I know, just not yet – let him settle in, okay?”

  Dermot glanced out the window at Seán who was removing parts of the engine he didn’t need to. He didn’t seem to know what he was doing.

  “He won’t let me fix it. I’d have had it done by now. Don’t know what’s the matter with him.” He felt slightly annoyed at the way Seán Byrne had treated him earlier, directing him off to do other work without so much as a please.

  “Ah, just let him at it. It’s a while since he did anything around here. You don’t need the tractor today, do you?”

  “No.”

  “Well, if he hasn’t fixed it by tomorrow, I’ll talk to him. That’s fair, yeah?” Kate asked hopefully, anxious to keep everyone happy.

  Dermot shrugged. He hoped Kate wouldn’t always be defending her sour brother.

  “Kate, it’s about Tess . . .”

  Kate swung around from her dishes, frowning. Tess had tried to talk her around about going back to her work experience this morning. She should have known that she would try dragging Dermot into it. She narrowed her eyes at Dermot and listened.

  “Kate, she’s lost here. She has nothing to do all day.”

  “No, Dermot, you weren’t there. She was so upset. I can’t put her through it, I can’t.”

  Silence permeated the room. Was this their first fight, their first disagreement?

  “I don’t know why she wants to go back anyway. She misunderstood almost everything that happened that day and –”

  “She wants to learn from her mistakes, Kate. Don’t we all?” He touched her face gently, having made sure that Seán wasn’t looking their way. “And . . .” Dermot knew he was treading on dangerous ground, “and she doesn’t seem to like being around Seán. I’m not getting involved in your family business, Kate, but she seems – well – scared of him for some reason.”

  Kate nodded. She was aware of the tension between the two ever since Tess came home. She didn’t understand why Seán had to be so rude to Tess, shouting at her if she didn’t move quickly enough. He had been much better with her before Michael Byrne died.

  “I know, Dermot. I know how he treats her. I’ve tried talking to him but it’s no use. He won’t listen to me.”

  “Then give her this chance to get out of here, if only for a few hours each day. Give her a chance to learn where she’s going wrong.”

  Kate looked at Dermot, feeling guilty. She was only trying to protect Tess but maybe the treatment Tess got in her work experience was better than the treatment she got here at home? Maybe she would learn how to behave but Kate doubted it. She shook her head and looked up at the waiting Dermot.

  “She really has you wrapped around her finger, hasn’t she?”

  “She can go back then?”

  “If she wants to.”

  Dermot laughed and was about to find Tess to tell her when they heard a “Yippee!” coming from outside the kitchen door which was slightly ajar. They laughed together as Tess had been eavesdropping all along.

  “Okay, Tess,” Kate shouted, “don’t get too excited. It’s not definite. Deirdre will have to ask or maybe beg them to take you back, okay?”

  But Tess was still laughing in the hallway.

  Chapter 38

  1978

  Leroy Brennan sat on Tess’s windowsill and looked out over the hospital grounds, his right leg moving back and forth as his friend sat on her bed drawing him.

  “My mam’s back,” he said casually.

  Tess looked up in surprise but said nothing.

  Leroy moved his glance back towards the window and looked out at the city skyline. He liked his new flat and had even bought some cheap furniture for it. He liked the job Dr Cosgrove had got for him in the adult hospital and the staff were nice to him. But he wasn’t happy. He had been in this hospital most of his life, only leaving to try out a new foster home or whenever his mother came back for him. He had hated it here most of the time and yet he came back twice a week to see his only friend. He felt lonely and knew that there was something missing from his life. He sighed and decided to change the subject.

  “Has Dr Cosgrove heard from your sister, Tess?” he asked gingerly, knowing that Tess was now almost an adult and that somehow Cosgrove had managed to keep her here.

  “My brother’s sick,” she said simply before picking up another pencil to finish her drawing. “There, finished. Do you like it, Leroy?”

  Leroy studied the drawing and was amazed that it looked just like him.

  “It’s great, Tess. You should become an artist and get paid mad money for your paintings.”

  “Mad money?” she asked, tilting her head to one side.

  “I mean lots of money, Tess,” he said smiling.

  He felt sad for this girl who was still here after all these years and wondered what would happen to her if her family did not take her home. He hoped she wasn’t going to spend the rest of her life here. There was a time that he hoped she would be interested in him as a boyfriend. She was beautiful although he knew she did not know this. He loved her long black hair and her pale face. He even loved her sad distant eyes that never seemed to look directly at him. But he knew that she had no interest in that kind of love and looked on him as a friend. He stood and walked towards the door.

  “Leroy?”

  “Yes, Tess?”

  “Your teeth never grew back, Leroy,” she said simply, looking at her sketchpad.

  “What?”

  “When your mam took you and your teeth were gone, they never grew back,” she said, staring into space.

  Leroy looked at his friend, unsure if she meant something deeper or was simply recalling what had happened the last time he was with his mother.

  “No one will hurt me, Tess, I promise,” he said as he left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

  Chapter 39

  1981

  Kate heard Seán shout out in pain and rushed out to the yard where her brother had been tirelessly trying to rep
air the tractor for three days. She had insisted he come in for some lunch and noticed Dermot had not come in to eat all day and hoped there hadn’t been more words between them. Seán’s right hand was bleeding heavily where he had caught it in the engine. Kate wrapped a towel around it and hurried him in to run the cut under the tap. The cut started three inches past his wrist and traced its way across the palm of his hand towards his thumb, narrowly missing the artery in his wrist. Kate felt it needed stitches and offered to bring him to town to see the doctor. At first Seán wouldn’t hear of it but surprised Kate by relenting later when the pain got the better of him. Ben would be home in less than an hour and Kate had to leave Tess with written instructions on what to do as Dermot had already left to work in his aunt’s pub and wouldn’t be back until the next day.

  In the doctor’s waiting area Seán seemed on edge. Kate tried to keep him talking, thinking it strange that the pain was getting the better of him when he would have had many cuts like this on the farm over the years and would have hardly noticed them. The doctor’s waiting area was crowded with elderly people and a crowd of coughing children. Kate became increasingly worried that Tess wouldn’t cope with Ben on her own. She could feel the palms of her hands start to sweat and began to think she should take Nurse O’Connell up on her offer of respite for Ben. She was tempted to ask the secretary if she could use the phone to check on Tess but there always seemed to be someone standing at the reception desk and she didn’t want people to hear her conversation.