What I Never Knew

by CL Collier

  “How would you like me on the bed?” I ask him, arching my left eyebrow.

  He smirks as he replies, “Spread out for me.”

  I try not to laugh, thinking about how I’ll look lying on the bed on display for him. He’s totally serious, though, and I don’t want to ruin this moment for us just because I’m feeling nervous about lying on the bed for my boyfriend to admire. I bite my lip, trying not to let a giggle escape, and I comply. I lie down on my back, putting one arm behind my head and one leg bent, trying hard to look sexy for him.

  I try not to laugh as his blue eyes rake me over.

  Stupid nerves.

  He walks to the bed and crawls over my body. I cradle him between my legs, and he pushes his hard-on against my core. I can’t help the moan that sneaks out of my mouth. I need to remember to stay quiet, though. These old hotel walls are thin.

  Dax pushes into me again. “Do you like that?” he asks, then kisses me lightly. “Do you feel how hard you make me?”

  He continues to grind against me, rubbing my clit as he does, and I gasp.

  “I can’t do anything without getting turned on by you. We were just supposed to be getting settled in, and now … here we are.” He kisses me, too briefly. “I can’t keep my hands off you.”

  He continues to turn me on like this, rubbing his cock against me, kissing me, and talking dirty to me. I run my hands down his back and up again, into his hair, then down to his muscular shoulders. He brushes his fingers up and down my body. He pulls one of my bra cups down and takes my nipple into his mouth. His tongue circles it, then he lightly bites down with his teeth, followed by more sucking and licking. All the while, his fingers still lightly brush up and down the side of my body. All these sensations are making me crazy. I can’t keep my body still, and I’m so close to coming already.

  I don’t get my orgasm, though. Dax stops everything just before I fall over the edge. He sits up on his knees and grasps my underwear, pulling them down my legs. He tosses them to the floor, then just sits there, looking at me for a moment.

  “What?” I ask him, my self-consciousness starting to seep in again. I love the fact that he wants to look at me naked, but at the same time, I don’t feel as if my body could be the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Surely, he’s been with thinner, fitter, or prettier women in his life.

  I try not to let my mind go there.

  “How do you want it?” Dax asks me with an adorably sexy smirk on his face.

  I don’t know what to say. How do I want it? He’s never asked me this before. “What do you mean?” I ask, barely a whisper.

  He moves in a little closer to me, still holding my ankles. He gives me his sexy smile and elaborates, “Do you want me to lick you here first?” He moves one hand and runs a finger over my core. “You’re so wet already.” He continues to move his finger up and down my folds. It feels so good I close my eyes, enjoying the sensations his touch gives me. “Or do you want me just to continue touching you with my fingers first?” He strokes down, then inserts two fingers, taking me by surprise. I arch my back off the bed; it feels so fucking good. He moves his fingers in and out, bringing me closer to that orgasm I almost reached before. Suddenly, his tongue is there, licking me up and down.

  Holy shit.

  My eyes fly open, and my hands grip the top of Dax’s head. Between his tongue and his fingers doing their magic, I won’t last long. I move my hands again and grip the sheets as I writhe on the bed. “Dax,” I breathe.

  He continues his delicious assault on me, and then his tongue flicks my clit. Once, twice, and then I come. I almost scream his name, but I remember to stay quiet. Before I know it, Dax is over me, sinking himself into me. My inner muscles are still spasming from my orgasm, so as soon as he starts moving in and out, it just seems to keep going. I grasp his shoulders, really trying hard not to make too much noise, but all the sensations—this ongoing orgasm—are just too much.

  “Sssshhh,” Dax says, then kisses me hard to help stifle my moans. He stops moving for a moment, buried as far as he can go, and it gives me a second to recover. I can feel my muscles still spasming. He feels it, too. “Shit, you’re going to make me come just like this. You’re milking my cock.”

  I giggle. “You didn’t let me recover before you plunged right into me. That’s the longest orgasm I’ve ever had.”

  “You’re super sensitive tonight,” he says, smiling.

  “You just feel so good,” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down closer to me, kissing him.

  “It’s been too long,” he whispers. He starts to move again slowly as his left hand gently strokes my hair. Our kiss deepens, and he picks up his pace. I move my hands down his back. I have the overwhelming urge to get closer to him, so I wrap my legs around his waist and practically claw at him. He moves his mouth down to my neck, then goes lower still to my breast, still poking out from my bra. I never did take my bra off, but I don’t care. His tongue begins to swirl around my nipple, and it all just feels oh, so good. When he takes it in his mouth and sucks, the sensations shoot right down to my core, and my second orgasm comes out of nowhere. I actually bite down on his shoulder to muffle my moans.

  “Jesus, babe,” Dax rasps out.

  I open my eyes and move my mouth off his shoulder. “Sorry.” Although it’s almost inaudible as I’m still coming down from my orgasm.

  He stops moving again to give me a break. “What’s with you tonight?” he asks, chuckling.

  I examine his shoulder to make sure I didn’t draw blood. Thank God, I didn’t, but I did leave a mark. I smooth it over with my hand. “I don’t know. It’s just you … You feel so good, and I can’t get enough of you.”

  He kisses me on the nose. “You’re so sexy. I can’t get enough of you either, baby.”

  He rolls us over then, taking me by surprise. I sit up, looking down at him with his sexy grin, and I reach behind to take off my bra. I toss it to the ground, and then his hands work their way up my torso to my breasts. He massages them, and I start to move up and down on his cock. At first, we just watch one another, not saying a word but still communicating so much between us. I can see the love he has for me, and I hope he can see the love I have for him reflected in my own eyes. We haven’t said those words yet, but I know that’s how he feels. I also know I don’t have a reason to feel self-conscious with him anymore; I know he adores me.

  When he closes his eyes and moves his head back against the pillow, I know he’s close. I grab his hands and intertwine them with mine, then lie down over the top of him. I kiss him on the lips. In this position now, my clit rubs against him perfectly. God, can I even handle another orgasm?

  He moves his right hand out of mine to grab the back of my head and hold me there against him. “Amanda,” he gasps, and I know he’s coming. I follow soon after.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Dax

  I’m so glad I brought Amanda to San Francisco rather than just having her visit me in Kernville. Not only are there more things to do here, but surprising her was fun. I love making her happy.

  God, I love her, and I need to tell her this weekend. I just need to find the right time to do it.

  When I left her house last month, I left a note inside her mom’s journal for her to find. When she let me read the journal, and I read the advice her mom wrote to her about being happy, having relationships, and even getting married and having kids someday, I couldn’t help but hope I’m the man to do that with her. I know Amanda had sworn off relationships and decided she was better off being single, as I had done, but now I can only hope that she’s changed her mind about all that and can see a future with me. I can definitely see a future with her. I don’t want to press my luck and scare her off, so I’m not ready to tell her everything that I’m feeling, but I can see myself marrying her and, hopefully, having kids someday in the near future.

  I mean, we’re not getting any younger.

  If she doesn’t want all tha
t, though, I’ll take what I can get. I just want to be with her, no matter what that entails. She hasn’t mentioned the note at all, so I’m not sure what she thought of it. She had to have seen it. I left the journal open to the page right on her coffee table. So this means she either doesn’t feel the same way I do, or she’s just avoiding discussing it with me. Either way, it makes me a little nervous. Just another reason for me to say those three little words to her this weekend so I can see what her reaction is. If she doesn’t love me back, I guess I’ll have to think about ending this now before I fall any deeper. Not that I can fall any deeper than I already am.

  Something tells me I won’t have to worry about that, though. I get the feeling Amanda has fallen in love with me just as I’ve fallen in love with her.

  Amanda

  We spend all day Saturday exploring the city. We do pretty much every tourist activity there is to do here: Fisherman’s Wharf, Alcatraz, and we ride a cable car to Chinatown where we have a delicious dinner at a restaurant. We don’t go across the Golden Gate Bridge today, but we’ll do that tomorrow on our way to Sonoma for some wine tasting.

  Dax holds my hand as we walk back to the hotel from the cable car. “Do you know what I want to do when we get back to our room?” he asks me.

  “Um, watch TV?” I answer him jokingly.

  “Nope.”

  “Read a book?”

  Dax chuckles and replies, “Not that either.”

  “Well, then what could you possibly want to do?” I ask him sarcastically.

  Dax stops walking and turns toward me, backing me up against a building’s wall.

  His blue eyes search mine, and he tucks some of my hair behind my ear. “I want to make love to you,” he says, then he kisses me.

  I get lost in this kiss. We’re standing on the sidewalk with people walking by us, but I don’t care. All I care about is Dax and me. And he said he wanted to make love to me. Love.

  Reluctantly, we break our kiss and start walking toward our hotel again. Luckily, it’s on the next block, so we don’t have far to walk. We go inside and take the elevator up to our floor. Dax’s strong hand is holding mine, his thumb is brushing back and forth. I love his touches, even innocent ones like this. I’m relieved other people are in the elevator with us; otherwise, we might not have actually made it to our room. I want him so badly right now; I might have stopped the elevator to have sex with him right here.

  We finally reach our floor. When the elevator doors open, he leads me out to our room. As soon as Dax unlocks our room door, we go inside, but I don’t get very far before Dax grabs me and pulls me against him, kissing me hard. I wrap my arms around his neck, and Dax lifts me. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he starts walking toward the bed. He lays me down carefully, then crawls over the top of me.

  Dax’s lips move from my mouth down to my neck. He removes my shirt, and I pull his off as well. We undress each other, kissing and caressing our bodies everywhere. His mouth is trailing kisses down my stomach, but when he gets to my belly button, he stops and looks up at me. He has the sexiest look on his face, like all he wants is me. It lights me up inside, knowing this man is all mine.

  He crawls his way back over my body and hovers over me, looking into my eyes with those beautiful blues of his. Dax just looks at me for a moment, caressing my cheek with his hand.

  “What is it?” I ask him, starting to wonder why he stopped everything and is just looking at me.

  “I love you, Amanda,” he says.

  All the sounds around me just seem to disappear at that moment. The street sounds outside, the frequent ding of the elevator in the hall, even the voices of the people in the room next to us just all fade away. The only sounds I’m aware of now are from my heart beating in my chest and my blood pumping through my body. I’ve waited to hear Dax say those words to me, and now I’m so happy I could cry.

  “You what?” I practically whisper. I want to hear him say it again.

  “I love you, Amanda. I’ve never had feelings like this before. It makes me crazy when I can’t be with you. I love you so much.”

  I smile as tears form in my eyes. I’m so happy. Dax makes me so happy.

  “I love you, too,” I say to him, then I capture his mouth with mine and kiss him hard and passionately.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Amanda

  The next morning, I wake up with Dax wrapped around me. I love waking up like this with him. I wish I could wake up like this every day.

  Then I remember what we said last night. We love each other. We said it. It’s official.

  Cue the sappy music. I thought I was done with men, but Dax has proven me wrong.

  Sonoma is beautiful. We spend the day exploring wineries, tasting wine, and even buying a few bottles. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll have room in my suitcase to bring any home with me, but Dax says that just gives me one more reason to come visit him soon.

  Like I need wine as an excuse to visit him.

  Driving across the Golden Gate Bridge was also an experience. I’ve always wanted to do it, and the view as we drove over the bay was amazing. Especially on our drive back to San Francisco in the evening, just as the sun was setting. It was romantic, to say the least.

  Dax takes me to dinner at a seafood restaurant, then we head back to the hotel. On the drive there, he invites me to spend Thanksgiving in Kernville with him.

  I’m slightly taken aback, considering this would be a holiday spent with his whole family. Spending family holidays together is a big step, definitely bigger than us saying the L word.

  But I can’t imagine not being with him and his parents. I really want to do this. Unfortunately, I already committed to spending Thanksgiving with my dad and his side of the family.

  “That sounds amazing, and I’d love to spend it with you, but my dad’s family is having a big get-together, and I already promised I would join them.”

  Dax looks letdown but then replies, “Well, how about you come down the day after and stay the rest of the weekend with me then?”

  I reach out and caress the back of his head. “That sounds like the best idea.”

  We make the most of our last night together, knowing we won’t see each other for a couple of weeks. Although, two weeks is a lot shorter time than what we’ve gotten used to waiting between visits.

  I can’t wait to go back to Kernville again. Maybe Aunt Polly’s other children, Jimmy and Lorraine, will be in town, and I’ll get to meet them, too. Maybe I’ll even get to meet Michelle’s daughter. I have so much to look forward to in this little town that now holds a big piece of my heart in it. These two weeks had better go by fast!

  Monday morning comes, and neither of us wants to get out of bed, so we don’t. Dax and I spend the morning making love and cuddling before we finally have to get up, get ready for the day, pack up our stuff, and leave the hotel. We go to a restaurant for brunch and enjoy the last couple of hours we get to spend together.

  I insist that Dax just drop me off at the airport so he can start his long drive home. It’s almost a six-hour drive back to Kernville, and he has to get up early tomorrow for work. There’s no point in him coming into the airport with me since he can’t get past security, and there’s not much to do before the security checkpoint anyway.

  When he pulls up to the curb to drop me off, he gets out of the truck with me. He helps me get my suitcase, then he sets it down next to me before wrapping me in a hug. We stand there and just hold each other for a long time. I bury my face in his chest and listen to his heart beating. I breathe in his scent that I’ve grown to love so much, and I wish I could bottle it up and take it home with me. No, actually, I wish I could just take Dax home with me. We had such a fun, romantic weekend together. We admitted our feelings for each other and said those three little words, and I don’t want to leave him now.

  “It’ll only be two weeks this time,” Dax says as he kisses the top of my head, his arms still holding me close as his hands rub my b
ack.

  “Two weeks and four days, to be exact,” I say back to him.

  He chuckles. “It will go by fast. We’ll still text, call, and Skype until then.”

  I look up at him and smile. He lowers his head down to mine and kisses me. When we finally force ourselves to let go, I grab the handle of my suitcase and say goodbye to him, trying my hardest not to cry. He kisses me one more time, and then he reluctantly lets me go. I turn around and wave to him as I walk into the airport, then he drives away.

  As I sit in the airport waiting to board my flight, reality starts to seep into my brain, reminding me of the things Dax and I are going to have to face sooner or later. How long are we going to continue this long-distance relationship? We’ve already spent a lot of money on travel expenses to see one another, him especially, and I’m afraid that eventually it’s just going to become too much for us. As much as I don’t want to think about it yet, I know we can’t live over a thousand miles apart forever and expect this relationship to work. I have a career, friends, and family in Seattle. He has his career, friends, and family in Kernville. The fact that he’s planning to take over his dad’s business sometime soon also makes it clear he’s not going to be willing to move; I’m going to have to be the one to pack up my life and move down south if we’re going to stay together. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about that. I love my home, my job, and everything that Seattle has for me there.

  But I’m also in love with Dax. I have fallen hard for him, and I don’t want to lose him.

  Then I remember the note he left me inside my mom’s journal. I never did bring that up with him and ask what he meant by it, and he never brought it up, either. Did he mean he just wants me to be happy, for us to be in a relationship together, or was it actually a hint at getting married and the possibility of having kids someday?