Heartfelt

by Danielle Allen

  She slid her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose so I could see her eyes. There was so much hurt in them that I held my breath.

  “There’s no medication that I could take that will help my pain. I love you, son.”

  Even though she had already pulled away from the parking spot, I replied, “I love you, too.”

  Massaging the spot over my heart, I got lost in my jumbled thoughts as I headed back toward Bianca.

  She has friends and family here. She’s going to be okay, I told myself. But I knew how it was to lose someone you loved. It’s not okay. Not for a long time.

  A deep, muffled scream echoed through the graveyard. After rounding the corner of a mausoleum, I stopped abruptly. Taking a couple of rough breaths as anger coursed through me, I ran full speed toward Bianca and Benjamin. Wordlessly, I charged Benjamin, knocking him to the ground with a thud.

  “Don’t you ever raise your voice at her again,” I barked, standing over top of him.

  “He’s drunk,” Bianca explained, pulling my arm. “It’s not worth it. I already gave him a piece of my mind.”

  I heard her speaking, but I didn’t look away from Benjamin.

  He wiped his mouth and sluggishly climbed to his feet. “I saw a beautiful woman unattended so I thought I would tend to her.” He leered at Bianca, licking his lips and reaching out for her, before I stepped in front of her, blocking his view.

  “If you want to tend to a woman, you get your own. I’ve put up with a lot from you. Over the summer, I tried to forgive you for what you did to Tia. I even tried to forgive you for whatever the fuck you were doing with Meredith. I might even come to forgive you for ruining William’s funeral. But you won’t talk to Bianca. You won’t yell at Bianca. And you for damn sure won’t put your hands on Bianca. That’s something I won’t forgive. I’ll beat your ass if you try.”

  He laughed humorlessly, his face becoming a purplish-red hue. “You took everything from me. I’m so tired of everything good happening to you while you keep ruining my life.”

  “I don’t have time to listen to this same bullshit you’ve been spouting since the fourth grade. Grow the fuck up!” I screamed, my body tight with rage. “You’re supposed to be a grown man. Our father was just put in the ground and our mother is clearly not okay and you’re mad at me because you couldn’t get your shit together? Get the fuck out of here, man! I’m done with you and this.”

  “No, we are going to finish this. They are my parents! You were just some castaway they picked up because they didn’t think they could have kids.”

  From behind me, I heard Bianca gasp before she grabbed my forearm.

  Benjamin seemed to hear it as well because he smirked. Narrowing his eyes at me, he lowered his voice. “You call them William and Elizabeth. You barely talk to them and hardly ever saw them for eight fucking years because they made the mistake of keeping the woman who gave you up away from you. Boo—fucking—hoo! I spent my entire childhood listening to them praise you and then my entire adulthood listening to them miss you. All the while, you benefited from the life they provided you.”

  My stomach twisted violently. As wrong as his words were, there was a semblance of truth in them that hit me hard.

  I should’ve been a better son. But that isn’t what this is about.

  “This has nothing to do with them and you know it. You’ve been coming at me for years.”

  “This has everything to do with them! Who do you think they blamed for your eight-year tantrum? So no, you don’t get to have it all and I’m waiting on the day that you get what you deserve.” Benjamin took a few steps backward, shaking his head fiercely. “I’m waiting on that shit!”

  Not if I knock you the fuck out first.

  I took a step forward, but Bianca held me back. “Let him go, Ro.”

  I could’ve easily moved her, but I didn’t. I allowed her to keep me in check. I honestly didn’t know if I would have been able to stop myself from hurting Benjamin. My eyes bore into Benjamin’s back until he disappeared behind the mausoleum.

  “Ro.” She pulled on my arm until I looked over at her. Grabbing my face between her hands, she stared at me until I couldn’t focus on anything but her. “He’s a drunk. He’s an asshole. And he’s grieving. None of what he said matters.”

  Looking into her eyes, I saw fear, sadness, and love fused together in a solitary look. I took a shaky breath and averted my eyes.

  “Let’s go.”

  The chauffeured town car that the funeral home provided for us drove us back to the darkened house in silence.

  Before entering, I called Elizabeth to make sure she was okay. Since she was waiting on Benjamin outside of his apartment, I didn’t tell her about the conversation we’d just had.

  “It doesn’t matter anyway,” I informed Bianca, opening the door to let her walk into the empty house.

  “She should know what a jackass he is,” she grumbled as she marched up the steps.

  “She knows.”

  But he’s the jackass that’s been around for the last eight years.

  Bianca plopped down on the hastily made bed. “He’s a horrible person. Truly.”

  “I don’t want to talk about him anymore,” I barked, yanking at my tie.

  Bianca held her hands up in surrender. “Fine.” She got up and sauntered to the bathroom.

  She knows exactly what to do to me, I thought as I watched her ass sway as she exited the room.

  “What did he say to you anyway?” I called to her as I started undressing.

  She didn’t respond.

  Shirtless, I walked down the hall. “Bianca, what did he say to you?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she said, pulling the pins out of her hair in front of the mirror. I saw something flash in her eyes.

  What the hell?

  I felt the hair on the back of my neck standing on end. An unsettled feeling came over me.

  Gaping at her reflection, I gave her a few seconds to change her mind and answer. When she removed the last pin from her hair, she met my gaze in the mirror.

  “What did he say to you?” I bit out through clenched teeth.

  “He said I was going to end up like Tia.”

  ----------

  Chapter Six

  My feet beat the pavement as my arms and legs pumped faster. I saw the house that I grew up in and picked up speed. The run was almost over, but the rage still simmered below the surface.

  I’d made my peace with Tia’s suicide when I came here over the summer. It was time for me to let it go and I did. I let go of the anger of her betrayal and the guilt of her subsequent suicide. I let go of the pain I felt from her cheating on me and the guilt I felt for her taking her own life. I let go of the hurt I held on to for eight years. No matter what Benjamin said or how he tried to spin it, I know her suicide wasn’t my fault. But to hear that he said… I shook my head trying to choke down the bile that rose in my throat. To hear that he said anything to B, especially that, made me want to rip his fucking throat out.

  “Fuck!” I yelled as I slowed down in front of the driveway.

  Lacing my fingers, I rested my intertwined hands on top of my head. I took deep, gulping breaths in an effort to get more oxygen. It was a good run, about five miles, but I was still so mad that I was shaking. The only thing that stopped me from going to Benjamin’s house and beating his ass was the fact that I had no clue where he lived.

  I paced up and down the driveway until I heard my name. “Roman.”

  “What?” I barked, not bothering to turn around. Immediately feeling guilty for snapping, I took a deep breath. Running my hands down my face, I turned around to face her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

  “No, you shouldn’t have.” Bianca agreed with her eyebrow quirked. “I know you’re upset so I forgive you. But you need to come inside and talk to Elizabeth before we head to the airport.”

  Following her inside, I went through the motions of showering and dressing. After
packing our bags and bringing them downstairs, I sat silently at the kitchen table between Elizabeth and Bianca.

  I looked to my left at Elizabeth, still dressed in her black pantsuit and pearls. She sipped coffee from an oversized mug. I could smell the whisky from where I was sitting. She was smiling, but it was a sad smile. She had seemed different since she returned from Benjamin’s house.

  Shifting my gaze, I looked to my right at Bianca, dressed in jeans and a sweater. She looked beautiful with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She had an ease about her as she talked to Elizabeth. She didn’t seem put off by the fact that Elizabeth and I seemed to be lost in our thoughts.

  “The taxi is here,” I announced, checking the message I just received on my phone. “We should get going.”

  “It was really good to see you,” Elizabeth said as she stood. “And Bianca, it was a pleasure to meet you. I wish you two didn’t have to go.”

  “You too, Mrs. Harper. Thank you for welcoming me in your lovely home. You’re not going to be here alone, are you?” Bianca asked, her eyes wide.

  Wrapping Bianca in a hug, she replied in a low tone, “No, Benjamin will be coming to stay tonight and then my mother will be coming to stay with me for a few weeks. I’m okay. I’m really glad you two were here though.”

  It was clear I wasn’t meant to overhear the conversation so I grabbed the bags and headed to the front door. Seeing the taxi driver idling at end of the driveway, I waved. The taxi pulled further up the driveway after receiving my acknowledgement.

  “I’ll be right back. I’m just going to run the luggage to the car,” I said as they said their goodbyes.

  After tossing both bags into the trunk, I stopped momentarily when I heard Elizabeth laugh.

  Only B, I thought feeling a smile pull at the corners of my mouth.

  “Thanks, I’ll be one minute,” I informed the driver as he closed the trunk.

  Bianca was on her way to the taxi as I ambled over to meet Elizabeth on the porch. She flashed me a smile that I couldn’t resist. Grabbing her arm, I pulled her into me, swiftly brushing my lips against hers.

  “Ro!” Bianca giggled, swatting me away.

  I smirked at her. “I’ll be just a minute.”

  Continuing to the taxi, she threw her words over her shoulder. “Take your time.”

  Meeting me at the bottom of the porch, Elizabeth reached out for a hug. I folded her in my arms and she squeezed me tightly.

  “He was the love of my life. I miss him so much,” Elizabeth mumbled into my shirt.

  The sorrow in her voice stung. The ache in my chest intensified with the effort to stop myself from getting emotional. It didn’t feel right for me to say ‘me too’ because I spent so much time holding a grudge against them.

  I cleared my throat. “I know.”

  We were both quiet.

  “Love can be just as disastrous as it is beautiful because of its ability to end in pain.”

  My heart rate increased as I repeated her words in my head.

  A wind gust blew and Elizabeth’s blonde hair smacked me in the face. I turned my head and lifted it.

  Tucking her hair behind her ears, Elizabeth pulled out of the hug. “I can see why you fell in love with her,” Elizabeth uttered, her eyes watering as she placed her hands against my cheeks. “She’s a beautiful girl. Inside and out.”

  I nodded, looking away from her as I felt the emotion swirling inside of me.

  She moved her hand to my chest and waited until I looked into her eyes again. “Don’t break her heart and don’t let her break yours, Roman.”

  The prickly feeling of unease rose up my throat, choking me. I swallowed thickly.

  We said our goodbyes and I hugged her again. Jogging to the taxi, I slipped into the backseat. I lifted my hand in a wave and Elizabeth blew me a kiss.

  We weren’t out of the driveway yet before Bianca unclicked her seatbelt and inched her way closer to me. Putting her arm around me, Bianca rested her head on my shoulder. I looked down at the top of her head and I couldn’t help but think about Elizabeth’s words.

  This could be a disaster or it could be beautiful.

  I kissed her hair, pulling her closer. For the entire ride to the airport, I held her in my arms while she talked. I didn’t hear most of what she said and I could tell she knew I was in my own head, but she kept talking. Every now and again, she’d kiss me and then she would go back into the one-sided conversation. I just needed to hear her voice, feel her touch.

  As long as I have B, I’m okay. All I need is her.

  The taxi slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting a pedestrian as they crossed the street from the airport to the parking lot. The abrupt jerking of the car didn’t scare me as much as the realization.

  All I need is her.

  Shaking it off, I paid the driver and picked up our luggage. The extra time with Elizabeth left us rushing through the airport. We made it to our gate and on the airplane with thirty seconds to spare.

  Bianca lifted the arm rest and grabbed my hand. “We almost missed our flight both ways. We have to do better next time,” she pointed out with a yawn.

  I filled with hope that my dysfunctional family dynamic didn’t scare her off. Next time.

  “You’re right.” I lifted the back of her hand to my lips. “You keep yawning. Get some rest, baby.”

  “I want to be up in case you decide you want to talk,” she argued as she yawned again.

  I placed a kiss against her soft lips. I intended to give her a peck, but as soon as her mouth opened slightly, inviting me in, I wanted more. Tilting my head, I let my tongue tentatively explore her mouth. Our tongues touched, igniting my arousal. As the kiss deepened, my dick hardened. Her hand ran over my chest and abs and rested in my lap. When I felt her fingers flex against me, I tore myself out of the kiss.

  The whimper she let out made my dick even harder.

  Dammit, I groaned internally.

  Licking my lips, I brought my forehead to hers. “I told you not to start anything you can’t finish.”

  Giving me one last kiss, she countered, “You started it.”

  “Well once we get home, I’m going to finish it.”

  Bianca gave me a look that I couldn’t read before smiling and resting her head on my shoulder. A few minutes after takeoff, Bianca was fast asleep and I was alone with my thoughts. By the time we landed in Virginia hours later, I had gone back and forth with so many things I didn’t know where I stood anymore. Only having an hour of distraction from my stress when Bianca woke up during some turbulence, I felt on edge.

  I need to paint, I thought as I stood.

  Wiping her mouth and her eyes, Bianca opened her eyes enough to peek at me. “Already? That was fast.”

  Smiling, I stepped back so she could get out of our row and walk ahead of me. Although Bianca had energy as she bounded through the airport, I felt like shit. Between the long flight and the stress, I felt like a zombie following behind her.

  But the view is nice, I thought, tilting my head to the right as my eyes were glued to her ass until we got to the curb.

  There weren’t as many taxis in Richmond as in California or New York, but there were always a few hanging around the airport. Grabbing one, we were able to pull in front of my house in twenty minutes.

  “Finally,” I muttered as we walked hand in hand to the house.

  “Home sweet home,” Bianca sang, taking my keys and opening the door.

  I followed behind her and closed my eyes as the door shut behind me. Inhaling deeply, I smelled the vanilla in the air and smiled.

  “It smells like vanilla in here,” Bianca remarked, running up the stairs. When she got to the top, she turned and watched me climb the rest of the stairs. “It kind of smells like my perfume.”

  When I got to the top step, I leaned down to kiss her.

  “That’s exactly why I bought it.”

  I entered the bedroom and dropped both bags on the floor. Grabbing the bag of toiletrie
s, I took it into the bathroom, laying it on the sink. Looking at myself in the mirror, I noticed the dark circles under my eyes. I turned on the cold water and splashed it on my face. Using the hand towel on the rack, I wiped the droplets of water away. Looking at myself again, I sighed.

  I might not feel tired, but I definitely look tired. Rubbing my face, I sighed. I’m at home. I’m with B. Tonight should be better.

  Turning the light off, I strolled out of the bathroom and stopped in my tracks.

  Bianca was completely naked and leaning against the wall. Her arms were crossed under her breasts, drawing my attention to her brown, upturned nipples. Unfolding her arms, she ran her hands over her curves. While stimulating a nipple with one hand, she used the other hand to graze the smooth, hairless skin at the apex of her thighs.

  My gut twisted with desire. I wanted to touch her and taste her, but I was so captivated by her movements, I was immobile. I hated being unable to control my emotions, especially with Bianca. I also hated that just being around her made me crave her. I soaked in the sight of her and when our eyes met again, my pulse and body throbbed for her.

  Oh B…

  Pulling her hair tie out of her thickly coiled mane, she shook her head. Her hair was wild and sexy when it was unrestrained. My fingers flexed in anticipation of pulling it.

  Hard.

  Teasing her hair with her fingers, she cocked her head to the side. “You are so sweet, you know that?”

  Being asked a direct question, snapped me out of voyeur mode.

  I swallowed hard, pulling my shirt off. “Only for you.”

  Her gaze fell, eyeing my body. When she licked her lips, our eyes connected again. “And you are so hot, you know that?”

  Holding her gaze, I unzipped my jeans, letting them drop to the floor. “Only for you.”

  Breaking into a smile, she pushed off of the wall and made her way toward me. Her hips swayed with each step. She stopped about a foot away from me and I could see that her pupils were dilated. “I know you didn’t sleep on the plane and I can see that you’re tired. But if you have the energy, I—oh!” Bianca yelped as I pulled her into me. I wanted her to feel her effect on me.