Time to Trust

by Rosemary Badger

  She felt his presence too late! Also she was at an obvious disadvantage, what with her hands raised to her head as she furiously worked the suds into her tingling scalp. Gerard's hands slid around her slender waist, pulling her towards him. Kate gasped. Her eyes had been squeezed tightly shut against the sudsy stream of water, but now they flew open, with cruel results.

  He reached for the shower nozzle and directed it straight on to her, rinsing the suds from her hair before gathering her close and kissing her hard. Kate responded with a passion which matched his own.

  Gerard trembled against her, his steely arms bending her to his will, his mouth leaving hers to burn a fiery trail across her jaw.

  'Kate!' he groaned. 'This is insane!' He raised his head to look at her, saw the love in her eyes, the fever burning in her cheeks. His eyes filled with a wretched misery as he suddenly grabbed her close, burying his face in her throat. 'Kate!' and it was as if her name was torn from the depths of his tortured soul.

  Instantly, Kate stiffened, her desire rapidly fading as once again he set her away from him, a shadow masking the deep blue of his eyes while he ran a rueful hand through the dark wetness of his hair. Without a word she stepped from the shower, wrapped herself in a towel and ran to her bedroom, where she threw herself on to the bed and lay huddled in a cloak of misery.

  Gerard took his time in following. She listened to the sound of the water running and knew he was calmly continuing his shower. Using her hot water, her soap and probably her shampoo and—yes, when he sauntered into the bedroom she saw he had taken a fresh towel from her linen closet. Never mind that she was wrapped in the green towel he had worn into the bathroom. It wasn't that she didn't want him using her things; in fact she liked the feeling of intimacy this sharing gave her. What hurt was simply this: he didn't want her.

  'Get out of that wet towel,' he growled as soon as he saw her shivering on the bed.

  Kate muttered something unintelligible and snuggled deeper into the cold, wet towel. She would probably catch pneumonia and die, she thought miserably, when suddenly the towel was snatched away and she was forced by very strong hands to stand on her feet. She glowered up at him while he made no effort to conceal his impatience. Just as he had done the night before, he got her into a fresh nightdress and warm dressing-gown. She refused to look at him, riveting her eyes to the silky black hairs splayed across his naked chest.

  'How do you feel today?' he asked gently, and she couldn't believe he was asking her this almost as if he had forgotten what had happened in the shower. She felt a moment of panic as hysteria rose in her throat.

  'How do I feel?' she shrieked. 'As if I'm going to die! Do you hear me, Gerard Hunter?' she continued shrilly, her hands pummelling his bare chest. 'That's how I feel and it's your fault!'

  He grabbed her hands and swung them behind her, holding them with one of his own while his other cupped her face. An angry flush was evident on the hard planes of his cheeks as he looked down at the fiery green daggers flashing in her eyes. His hand slipped behind her head and his mouth came down hard on her own. She fought to resist him, but in vain as he continued to plunder the sweet interior moistness, punishing her for her outburst and perhaps something more, far more.

  When he finally let her go, Kate sank on to the edge of the bed, raising her hand to her mouth weakly.

  'You . . . you beast!' she whispered, eyes wide in a very pale face as she looked up at him.

  'Let that be a lesson to you,' Gerard ground out the words. 'I haven't time for tantrums.'

  'T-tantrums?' She might have overstepped her mark with him, but he had set her aside once too often. She had to know why.

  'I love you, Gerard,' she said softly. 'You must know that. How can . . . how can you just turn away from me?' She looked appealingly up at him, tears shimmering in her beautiful eyes. Gerard clenched his hands and unclenched them as a small muscle hammered alongside his jaw.

  'You don't know what you're talking about, Kate,' he said raggedly, and the naked misery in his eyes tore at her heart. She reached for his hand and pressed it against her cheek.

  'Oh, Gerard,' she whispered brokenly. 'Don't you realise you're just like Matthew was before . . . before he let out his hurt?' Tears sparkled like jewels on her silky lashes. 'I love you, Gerard, you must see I do.'

  She wasn't prepared for the bitter laugh that sprang from his throat. 'Love?' he spat out the word as if it had a vile taste. 'Love belongs in the movies or in romantic novels—it doesn't belong here!' and he slammed his fist against his chest. 'If it's love you want, Kate, then look for someone else. You won't find it with me!'

  If he had struck her it would have been far kinder. His words tore at her, breaking her, knocking the wind from her lungs and settling like a knife in the pit of her stomach, twisting, turning, edging upwards to her heart, threshing it into a million pieces. Her cheeks lost their colour, her lips paled and her eyes became dark hollows in her head.

  Without another word, Gerard got dressed while Kate watched, believing she was sitting on the edge of the worst nightmare of her life. With his jacket slung over one broad shoulder he stood in front of her. She hadn't moved.

  'You'll be all right?' he asked quietly.

  Kate didn't look at him. She couldn't. All she wanted now was to be left alone with her broken heart.

  'Kate?' He knelt in front of her, taking her cold hands into the warmth of his. 'Kate, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so hard on you, but . . .' He drew her hands upward to press them against his forehead. She could feel the thick unruly hair against her skin. She dragged her eyes up to his face and saw that his eyes were closed, the black brows drawn tightly above them. Was it possible that he was hurting as much as she was? Kate wondered while she ached to hold him in her arms.

  The telephone rang, brutally interrupting their stillness, perhaps destroying whatever chance they had to begin a new understanding. It rang several more times before Gerard rose to his feet, pulling Kate up with him. He followed her into the lounge and picked the phone up for her, their hands touching as she took it from him.

  While she spoke, Gerard busied himself in the kitchen boiling water for coffee and preparing soft-boiled eggs for her breakfast. Several minutes later, Kate stood just inside the kitchen door, her hand on the frame for support. Gerard looked up and frowned immediately.

  'What is it, Kate? Not bad news, I hope?'

  She was amazed to hear herself laughing. 'That was my father ringing from Western Australia. Business is bad, in fact it's terrible. He and my brother need capital. You'll be glad to hear he wants to sell the cottage.' Tears streamed down her cheeks. 'Isn't that wonderful news, Gerard?' she sobbed. 'You won't have to put up with me being your neighbour any longer!'

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Gerard made Kate eat the soft-boiled eggs he had prepared for her and drink the coffee he poured into her cup.

  After she had eaten he placed a tablet in the palm of her hand. The doctor had left them the night before and Gerard told her they were to be taken after meals. She was to have today and tomorrow off work and use the weekend for the rest of her recovery. According to the doctor and Gerard she would be fine by Monday.

  But Kate knew something that they didn't. She would never be 'fine' again. Gerard had thrown her out of his heart, not that she was sure she had ever been there in the first place, and her father would be selling the dear little cottage at Bargara, her only link to Gerard and the place she had loved since childhood. Fate had dealt her a double blow. She bowed her head while she allowed herself the luxury of a few minutes of self-pity, savouring it, before firmly casting it aside.

  She picked up her breakfast dishes and carried them to the sink. 'I wish you'd have some breakfast too, Gerard,' she said as she tilted her head back to look up at him.

  'Coffee will do for now,' he answered in a tone which wasn't nearly as pleasant as her own. 'I'm catching a flight to Melbourne and will have breakfast on the plane.'

  Kate stiffened. '
Melbourne?'

  Gerard nodded and put his coffee cup on the draining board alongside her dishes. 'Yes.' He glanced at his watch. 'I'll barely have time to change before I head for the airport.'

  Kate's throat felt dry. 'I didn't realise you'd planned on going to Melbourne.'

  'I hadn't planned on it,' he said moodily, 'but circumstances have arisen which require my attention.'

  'With Ria, or your business?' The words rolled off Kate's tongue before she even realised she was thinking them. 'I'm sorry,' she sighed. 'I ... I had no business asking you that.'

  'That's right,' he told her coldly. 'But since you did you may as well have your answer.' He straightened and took in a deep breath. 'Most of my time will be spent on business, and I might drop in on Ria. Does that satisfy your curiosity?' he added cruelly.

  Anger flared within her at his coldly mocking tone.

  'Not in the least!' she snapped back, her eyes flashing. 'I fail to understand why you'd want to see Ria after she has caused you and your son so much pain.'

  'And I fail to understand why you should think it's any of your business!' Gerard snarled back.

  His words chilled her. Hadn't she already confessed her love to the man? Hadn't she witnessed Matthew's heartache and been on the receiving end of Gerard's bitterness? Of course Ria was her business. Wasn't it Ria who stood between them now? Suddenly Kate realised she held Ria personally responsible for Gerard not loving her!

  'Gerard, please, I have to know,' Kate whispered, her eyes searching his for the truth, 'do you still love Ria?'

  His eyes fastened on to hers, holding them with a blinding light. 'She is the mother of my son, after all.'

  Kate could feel herself shrinking under Gerard's penetrating gaze. 'Yes, yes, I know, but does that give her licence over you for . . . for ever?'

  The light faded from his eyes. He looked tired and much older than his thirty-four years. 'Yes, it does!'

  Kate felt numb. The sink was behind her and she leaned against it. There was still one question he hadn't answered, and she had to know the truth.

  Summoning all her willpower, she pushed herself away from the sink and squared her small shoulders, her eyes fixed bravely on his.

  'Gerard,' she said softly, 'I know Matthew will always be the bond between you and Ria, and I can accept that.' She took a deep breath. 'I've tried not to love you, but I can't help myself. Once the cottage is sold, we'll probably never see each other again unless -' Kate gazed helplessly up at him, but it became evident that he wasn't going to help her. 'Gerard, please tell me. Are you still in love with your ex-wife?' She couldn't bring herself to say the woman's name.

  The silence which followed was ear-shattering. Kate's heart was thumping so loudly she felt certain Gerard could hear it. Her eyes never wavered from his face, but it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. Like so many times in the past, his features were carefully masked.

  'Gerard?' she prompted gently.

  His shoulders slumped and he stuffed his hands into his pockets. 'Let it drop, Kate,' he sighed. 'I have neither the time nor the inclination to discuss my former wife with you, or with anyone else for that matter.' He brushed past her towards the door. 'The only thing you should be concerned with is getting better.'

  Kate rushed after him. 'I wasn't after a discussion,' she hit out angrily, grabbing his arm. 'A simple yes or no would do!'

  He glanced pointedly down at the small slender hand on his arm, but she made no effort to remove it. If anything she had the desire to dig her nails into his, to hurt him, to . . .

  His gaze went slowly to her flashing eyes and then down again to her hand. A harsh grin spread across his ruggedly handsome features. 'Feeling the urge to scratch my eyes out, Kate?' he asked softly, his tone taunting.

  Instinctively her hand left his arm and she slapped him hard on the cheek, stinging her palm. Horrified by her action, she stood trembling in front of him, wildly wondering why he hadn't stopped her. Already she could see the mark of her hand on his cheek and she felt deeply ashamed.

  'Now that you've got that out of your system,' he said softly, his eyes raking her face, 'perhaps you'd like to kiss me goodbye!'

  Kate's eyes widened in dismay. 'Kiss you?' she gasped, feeling the urge to strike him again. 'Never!'

  He shrugged and turned towards the door.

  'Wait!'

  Gerard slowly turned, his smile cruelly mocking her.

  'I thought you'd change your mind,' he growled, while tears of outrage flooded her eyes. Kate angrily brushed them aside, her body trembling with fury.

  'Why must you be so insufferably arrogant?' she lashed out at him. 'How can you be so cruel?'

  The mocking smile deepened, carving dimples into his hard cheeks. 'And why must you poke that cute little nose into areas it doesn't belong?' he returned icily, raven-black brows arched over deep, blue eyes. 'Now kiss me.'

  Kate's heart was skipping erratically all over her chest as the enigmatic light in his eyes held her captive.

  'Gerard,' she whispered achingly, her mouth trembling. 'Please, Gerard, don't -'

  A hardness crept into his eyes while a pulse beat frantically alongside his jaw. 'Kate.' Her name was drawn out warningly and she dared not refuse. She stepped closer and raised her mouth to his, standing on tiptoe. He made no effort to help her.

  'Put your arms around me,' he commanded, and she put her hands on his chest, working them slowly up to his neck, and then her arms were around him, her body pressed to his.

  'Kiss me!' he groaned, and his voice was hoarse.

  Kate touched his mouth with hers. Her body trembled, betraying her urgent need for him. His eyes gleamed down at her, knowing what this was costing her.

  'You can do better than that,' he commanded, his tone lightly caressing. 'You said you love me. I want to feel it in your kiss!'

  Kate dropped her arms and pressed her hands against his chest. She didn't deserve this humiliation, she didn't! Gerard's arms closed around her, pinning her against his male hardness, hurting her. He wanted to hurt her, this she knew.

  'Gerard!' she gasped. 'Let me go!'

  He held her at arm's length for several seconds before swiftly drawing her against him, kissing her savagely, while his hands roamed freely over her body, her muffled cries falling on deaf ears. When he finally released her, her body was on fire.

  'Now tell me you love me!' he commanded harshly. 'Tell me!'

  Tears welled in her eyes as she stared silently up at him. The fiery anger died in his eyes, replaced with bleak despair. Slowly his hand slipped from her head and fell to his side.

  'Kate,' he groaned, 'did we ever have to meet?' When Kate didn't answer he sighed. 'You're right,' he agreed tautly, 'that question doesn't deserve an answer.'

  'Perhaps it does,' Kate whispered tearfully. 'Perhaps we were meant to meet.'

  He studied her in silence for several long seconds while she stood quietly in front of him looking small and fragile in her bathrobe. Fresh pain filled his dark eyes. 'But not to love. It's no use, Kate,' he declared thickly. 'I've hurt enough people in my life. I don't want to hurt you.' He turned towards the door. 'I'll ring you from Melbourne to see how you are.'

  After he had gone, Kate wandered aimlessly around her flat. She felt exhausted, but when she lay down it only seemed to increase her restlessness. Finally she dragged herself out of bed and got dressed. She spent the day in the park, a pale lonely figure wandering through the gardens and resting under purple-flowering orchid trees, while it seemed all around her young couples in love strolled by, holding hands or with their arms wrapped around each other. Their love had brought them happiness, while the love she had for Gerard was one-sided and doomed not to expand. He would never love her—she knew that now. His broken marriage had taught him something Kate didn't know how to change. It had taught him not to trust in love or marriage.

  By nightfall Kate returned to her flat. Friends popped in after work but left soon after when they saw how sick she w
as. She didn't tell them what was really wrong with her. How can you explain a broken heart? The television was turned on for company and she found herself watching one of Matthew's favourite programmes, remembering the times the three of them had munched popcorn from a communal bowl while they sat in front of the set, laughing, Gerard's arms around her and Matthew on his lap.

  Kate switched off the television and walked over to the telephone. She picked it up and dialled Mrs Abbott's number. When she heard dear old Abbey's voice she felt peacefully reassured. There was still some warmth left in her world. They talked for several minutes before the telephone was handed over to Matthew, and Kate smiled at the eagerly happy voice coming to her over the wire.

  'Guess what, Kate? Daddy called just before you did. He called all the way from Melbourne and now you're calling all the way from Brisbane!'

  We're all so far away from one another, Kate thought, woefully, connected only by a fragile coil of wire. She swallowed convulsively and tightened her grip on the phone.

  'Did you get those cards I sent you?' she asked, forcing a cheery note into her voice.

  'I sure did, and I loved them!' Matthew exclaimed, before bursting into a fit of giggles. 'I loved the drawing too, of me feeding the rosellas. You do draw funny, Kate.'

  Kate chuckled, feeling better now than she had the whole day. Matthew's happiness was contagious and she gave in to the joy of just listening to his voice.

  'What about old Mr Kit-Kat?' she asked, still chuckling. 'Did I do him justice or not?'

  Fresh laughter tumbled through the wire and into her lonely ear. 'Was that old Mr Kit-Kat?' Matthew squealed with childish glee. 'Abbey and I thought it must be one of her old roosters!'

  'Hey, that's not fair. I put a lot of time into that drawing,' protested Kate, grinning from ear to ear. 'I thought he looked a real treat.'