Caspers Ghosts

by Victoria Hyder

  “Well if you want we can leave now …”

  “No, no,” I cut her off suddenly feeling flushed, “If you want dessert you can order something. I’ll be okay.”

  She sent an uncertain glance my way and after Casper denied her offer of dessert, we decided to call it a night. Casper and I slid into the backseat whilst Camilla started the engine up and turned the heaters on. She pulled out of the parking lot and turned onto the main road back to campus. As soon as the campus gates passed by, I felt a little lighter as the illuminated windows of our dorms loomed in the darkness like fireflies. Tilting my head back, I hummed as I watched a few lights flick out.

  Something tickled at my thigh. I squirmed, looking down in time to catch Casper moving his hand back into his lap. Feeling lightheaded made the journey back to my bedroom easier and quicker than normal. Not that I minded. It was almost as though I’d started to float out of my own body.

  It was nice.

  *

  “Are you going to be alright here?” Casper asked as he watched me take my pills. He’d handed them to me along with a tall glass of water. He wasn’t buying into my weak excuses of simply not feeling well. We both knew it had been a lie, not to mention I was sure he’d researched the symptoms and side-effects of the tablets I took.

  Gulping down another few mouthfuls of water I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. What’re you going to be doing?”

  He jerked his head behind him at the door, “I need to go and pack some things to take to yours, don’t I?” He rolled his eyes at me. “Look, just try and sleep okay? If you really can’t sleep, my door will be open.”

  Biting down on my lip I waved him off. “I’ll be fine. Thanks though,” I added as he straightened up.

  He offered me a stiff little smile before turning slowly on his heel and heading out of my room to his own down the hall. My door closed before he’d reached his.

  A shiver passed through me as I was left staring at the blank wood. Making short work of changing into my pyjamas I crawled into bed flicked the light off and pulled my laptop over my legs. I logged onto Facebook, my eyes straining against the sudden brightness. I scrolled through the onslaught of notifications that had piled up since the weekend, deleted most of them, ignored the photos from the party that people had uploaded and instead went directly to the Event page for said party.

  There was a photo album of that evening.

  Most of the shots were of the band and were really rather good, if a little blurred in places. Clicking through each of the photos, I trained my eyes on the faces until I found what I was looking for.

  “Gotcha,” I hissed, moving the mouse over the photo. The name ‘KEVIN MITCHEL’ appeared in a little pop-up box. Clicking on the name took me through to the guys’ profile. His phone number was easy to find. Saving the number to my phone, I leaned back against my pillows and let my mind wander for a little while before tugging the duvet up around my chin I drew my knees up to my chest and tried to shut my brain off.

  Nothing seemed to work; tossing and turning in the darkness could only do so much. Down the hall the appliances in the kitchen hummed softly. The radiator on the other side of the room clicked as it cooled down. Sighing heavily, I pushed myself up against my pillows and looked around through the gloom. Despite knowing that the following three weeks would be nothing but Casper and I stuck together at my house, I couldn’t shake the coldness creeping up inside my stomach. I felt queasy and heavy-headed. My brain simply wouldn’t shut off. Chewing the inside of my cheek I made a choice; kicking the duvet away I almost welcomed the cool air as I stood and shuffled around the objects piled on my floor until I safely escaped into the freedom of the hallway. The lights flared and burned my eyes as I stumbled down the hall until I came face to face with Casper’s door. Would it be open like he said? Would it ease open if I pushed? My heart was in my throat as I reached out and knocked.

  “Come in,” called out a low voice. I pushed the door open and edged into the room.

  I hunched up and rubbed my arms as I leaned back on the door. “Hey,” I murmured, shifting my eyes so that I didn’t look directly at him.

  Casper lazily let his book drop down on his chest. His eyes ran over me. I felt even more exposed as his mouth twitched into a half-smile. “Hey bedhead,” his low voice made the hairs on my arms stand up on end as I swayed in the doorway.

  My hands jerked up to my head to claw my red curtains down into place. Casper chuckled and shifted in the bed as he marked his place. His smile made my mouth twitch upwards. “Couldn’t sleep?” he asked softly. When I shook my head, he shuffled over on his bed and patted the mattress, “Climb in.”

  My feet guided me over to the bed. He tugged the duvet over to one side and shifted over more so I could climb in beside him without much touching. The warmth of his body rushed through me as he dropped the duvet over my chest. I suddenly felt so small, curled up on the edge of his bed, wary of the distance between us, as he opened his book back up. The pillow was soft and warm from where Casper had been laying on it. It smelled of him. Snuggling up into it I let my eyes drift over to the soft crinkle of the pages.

  “What’re you reading?” I murmured gently.

  “Just an old book I found. It’s ‘WATCHERS’ by Dean Koontz. You ever read that one?”

  “No, I don’t think so.” I skimmed over the few sentences I could see before wriggling down into the pillow. “Mmm could you read to me?”

  “Out loud?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.

  I nodded, my hair rasping against the cotton of the pillowcase. The smile he gave me made me tingle inside as he stretched an arm around over the top of my pillow. It was as close to a one-armed hug as I was going to get. I and relaxed into the mattress as Casper’s low voice started to read as he turned the page. It was soothing as I slowly felt my overactive brain quieten down. My eyelids grew heavy and I liked to believe that Casper’s arm fell lower on the pillow, brushing over my hair. I clung to the delusion that he even let me curl up against his chest before I finally drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty

  Friday dawned with an explosion of thunder and a torrent of rain smacking against the tarmac. It matched my mood perfectly as I shuffled about from one end of campus to the other, my eyes shaded by my hood. My earphones had been in all morning, the volume turned up to drown out the mundane noises of everyday life. I’d woken up feeling jittery. Everything inside me burned and my mouth tasted sour. My eyes had been straining all day for that face. It took a while, but I soon found him rounding the corner outside the library.

  Kevin Mitchell.

  Just as he was taking a sip from his coffee and strolling along under the bridge, I yanked his jacket until he stumbled back against the wall I’d been leaning against.

  “Jesus Fuck dude!” Kevin yelled as he bumped against the brick wall. His coffee spilled and stained the cuff of his jacket. “What the fuck is your problem?”

  “Me?” I sneered, leaning into him and barring my teeth, “What about your problem shithead?”

  He frowned, “I don’t know what you’re on, man, but leave me the fuck alone!”

  Glaring I pressed him further against the wall and ground my teeth, “You know bloody well what. You were the one giving my boyfriend drugs last Saturday weren’t you?” I sneered. Casper wasn’t my boyfriend, true, but that tosser didn’t need to know. He floundered for words so I gripped his shoulder tighter. “Well!”

  “Yes, alright, yes! I didn’t know he was your boyfriend!” he cried out hoarsely.

  “Who gave you the drugs and what were they?” I snarled.

  “I –I don’t know, some girl gave them to me!”

  “Who was she?” When he tried to squirm away, I dug my nails right into his clavicle and he yelped. “WHO WAS SHE?”

  “I –I don’t know! Some girl with blue hair!”

  It could have been anyone.

  That’s what the logical part of my brain yelled at me as I let my arm drop
from Kevin’s neck. He hurried away, almost tripping over his feet to put some distance between us. I sank back against the wall and let out a shuddering sigh. Grabbing a cigarette from my pocket –I’d been smoking like a chimney since that morning –I fumbled for my lighter before flaring up. I almost swallowed the cigarette as I turned everything over in my head. It could’ve been a coincidence. There were a lot of people who dyed their hair different colours. It didn’t mean it was Isabel. However, she had been one of the few girls with blue hair to make it all the way through the evening.

  My teeth chattered around the butt of the cigarette as I puffed away at it. I was cold and feeling tired as I stood there against the stone wall, deliberating on what to do next. My neck muscles were tense and felt twisted as I flexed it back and forth. Choking on the smoke, I ground the butt out under my shoe, buried my hands in my pockets and marched away.

  For the rest of the day I packed the last of my things into my suitcase, although my mind was on other things. Isabel had niggled at the back of my mind; every text I sent her, I had to force myself not to ask her about the drugs. It could have been an accident. Taken out of context most things would sound bad. Regardless, I had to hide my phone under my pillow to stop myself asking her outright. Thoughts crashed and exploded inside my head as I tried not to think about it. Reaching out I raked a hand tightly through my hair and ground my teeth together so hard I was sure I heard a tooth crack. A knock on the door snapped me out of my musings. Feeling wired-up with nowhere to throw the unwanted energy, I stood on quaking legs and went to answer the door.

  Casper stood in the doorway and raised his eyebrows when he saw me. Did I look like a mess? I needed to be more careful about my outward appearance. I rubbed a hand down my face and leaned against the doorframe, “Hey what’s up?”

  He shrugged a stiff shoulder as he leaned against the doorframe. I felt my irritation flare up. Why knock on my door and bother me for no good reason? Suddenly, his mouth twitched up in a smirk before he closed the gap between us in a smooth, warm kiss. I almost staggered back but a quick hand on my jumper tugged me closer. His mouth was hungry but gentle before he eased away, his eyes looking bright and amused. I stood there, frozen, with my mouth hanging open a little. He chuckled low in his throat.

  Swallowing, I stammered; “I –I thought you didn’t like PDA.”

  Rolling his eyes he leaned in a little closer, “One; this isn’t really a public place this is the door to your room. Two; it wasn’t ‘affection’ it was a kiss and three; you looked really angry stalking through campus so I thought I’d put my bullshit aside for two seconds and make you feel better.”

  I stroked my fingers over my lips. They tingled from the loss of pressure. He’d kissed me of his own vocation and not cared?

  “Did I really look that miserable?”

  “Yes,” he nodded, his eyes gleaming. “Don’t worry, I think the look suits you.”

  “You like it when I look angry?” I asked.

  “Mhm,” he touched his tongue to one of his canines, grinning. “Just cheer up. What’s gotten you so down?”

  I shook my head before letting it drop down against my shoulder, “Nothing. Just … feeling low.”

  Cocking his head to one side he hummed. His gaze unnerved me a little. “Tell you what, go inside and lie down. Try and nap, okay? I’ll finish packing my stuff and then we can watch some movies.”

  “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  “Forgive me for being concerned. You haven’t been sleeping properly for over a week and I got worried. Dick.”

  A laugh threatened to burst out of my mouth. Despite his dry humour and extensive use of sarcasm, I couldn’t help but smile at him. Insults were quickly translating into affectionate terms in my head. I smiled weakly down at him and his eyes softened a little. “Okay. I’ll leave my door open for you if you want?”

  He nodded his head and then made to turn to go back to his room. Excitement flared inside me as I called out, “Hey Casper?” He turned back to me. I didn’t hesitate. I simply stepped forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth. My cheeks were blushing bright red as I slid back through the safety of my bedroom door. “Thanks.”

  I closed the door, leaving him outside standing like a statue. My cheeks were burning and hurt a little from smiling at my own bravery. I’d kissed him! I’d finally initiated a kiss between us, even if it was a simple peck! My stomach flipped a couple of times as I hurried through stripping down to my boxers and a t-shirt. I didn’t care that it was early afternoon. I wanted to try and sleep when I was floating on a high instead of sinking lower and lower into my mind. I was pretty sure that my smile stayed on my mouth as I drifted off to sleep.

  *

  “Hey bedhead time to wake up.”

  Groaning I buried my head deeper under my pillow. A hand shook at my shoulder through the duvet. The motion jarred my head and made me groan again. “Go ‘way!” I grunted, swatting at the hand. My fingers brushed against warm skin. I turned over and peaked out from under my blanket to see Casper crouching beside me bed, his usual blank expression staring back at me. Tucking the duvet around my face, I blinked to get the sleep out of my eyes. “What time is it?” I slurred.

  “Just gone six,” he murmured quietly.

  “Why’re you waking me up then?”

  “Well I’ve already let you sleep for four hours. If you don’t wake up now, you’ll wake up and bug me at three in the morning.”

  “But you don’t sleep,” I mumbled.

  Cocking his head to the side he realised an eyebrow, “I sleep sometimes. Just not always at night. Plus,” he plucked the duvet away from my mouth, “I’ve been sleeping more than you lately.”

  “Liar.”

  “Oh, I assure you it’s the truth. Next time I’ll even film you.”

  “Creep.”

  “You love it,” he winked before straightening up, “Now get up and get dressed. Isabel’s waiting for you.”

  Just as I was thinking that I did indeed love everything about him, imperfections and all, his words caught up with me. “Isabel? What’re you talking about?”

  He rolled his eyes, “I bumped into her outside the library. She told me to ask you to join her for coffee.”

  “Told you?” I grunted as I forced myself to sit up and rubbed my hands over my face.

  “Yeah, you might want to put a lead on that girl. She seems to think she owns you,” he muttered darkly.

  I snickered, “Yeah well she can think that all she likes because it’s not true.”

  Standing up, I was crossing the room to my bathroom when I felt Casper tug at the back of my shirt. I stumbled back almost bumping into his chest. “Hey watch it!”

  Casper looked at me and smirked. I felt my stomach knot as the air between us crackled. My throat was dry as he loomed near me, as though tasting the air between us. Just as I was sure his mouth was going to press to mine, he turned his head to the side. My breath hitched when I felt his thumbnail graze down the length of my throat. I shuddered at the touch, feeling blood rush south to my cock and had to bite down on my lip to stifle my groans. “I should go and get dressed,” I breathed in his ear.

  He nodded, his dark hair tickling against my jaw, “Yes, you should.”

  “I don’t really want to go, though,” I hedged making no indication of moving.

  “So don’t go.”

  “I can’t be rude.”

  “Why not? It’s worked for me.”

  He leaned back a little, enough so that I could see the teasing gleam in his eyes. My heart skipped a beat at how close we were. I felt his breath running over the graze on my neck and I trembled again. ‘Say it!’ the voice in my head screamed, ‘Say that you love him!’

  “Casper I …”

  ‘SAY IT!’

  “I uh …”

  ‘JUST FUCKING SAY IT YOU WIMP!’

  I was interrupted –or saved –by my phone suddenly blaring out Isabel’s ringtone. I cursed under my breat
h as I ducked around Casper and swiped my phone off the bedside table. Pressing the green button, I held it up. “What?” I snapped irritably.

  “Don’t ‘what’ me, Avery!” Isabel snapped back good-naturedly before a light chuckle softened the tone, “Did Casper tell you that I wanted to meet up with you?”

  “Yeah he mentioned it,” I stated.

  “Well? Are you coming?”

  “I don’t know Izzie, I’m sort of tired.”

  “Oh come on, Avery! I’m not going to see you for three weeks! I have to say goodbye to you at some point and if you want a decent lie-in in the morning, then you should come out tonight.”

  I sighed into the mouthpiece. She had a point. The fact that I needed to wake up early was a priority. I couldn’t help but feel disheartened about spending time with Isabel as my mind kept racing to the question I needed to ask her. Had she really brought drugs to the party? I scrubbed a hand down my face, “Alright, alright, I’ll meet you at the café in twenty minutes.”

  “Don’t sound too happy,” she pouted.

  Rolling my eyes I hummed and settled down on the bed. “I’ll see you soon,” I ended the call before she could respond. Raking my fingers through my hair I ground my teeth together. My brain was buzzing with knowledge that I didn’t.

  The mattress sank underneath me as Casper settled beside me. “There’s something you’re not telling me,” he stated. How did he know? Was I that easy to read? “You don’t have to tell me,” he said slowly, “but I would prefer it if you did tell me what’s bothering you at some point.”

  He slipped his fingers between my own. I shivered at the contact. The feel of his thumb brushing over my knuckles made me giddy and nervous all at the same time. I looked up at him and smiled softly, “I promise I’ll tell you –when I figure out the words.”

  We were both speaking about different things and we knew it. The giddy feeling didn’t abate. I was more than happy to simply stay there in my room and hold Casper’s hand whilst listening to his low, rasping voice. The calm I was experiencing was rare and I didn’t want it to shatter. With a final squeeze he let go of my hand. To mask my obvious disappointment, I stood up and shuffled about getting dressed.