If You're Willing

by Ivy Symone

  He continued to pump but she couldn’t take it. She tried to get up, but he had her locked down. She tried to pry his arms away and raise to her knees. He wouldn’t let her go. She hit him in the chest with her fist. “Let me go!”

  “I ain’t done with you!” he yelled at her.

  “So,” she said and tried to hop off of him. For a second she thought he was going to let her get away, but he got up with her and grabbed her by the throat from behind. It shot tingles through her body.

  He growled in her ear, “Did I tell you, you could get up.”

  Her heart pounded, her nipples stiffened, and her center ached. The sternness in his voice commanded her body to react. She wasn’t ready to stop. Her body needed more. But she wasn’t going to let him have it that easy. It would be no excitement in that.

  She pushed his arm away and glared at him. He returned the same glare, grabbed her and threw her down on the bed. She tried to get up but he caught her by the throat again. He was able to force her body around and put his weight on her.

  “Stay down!” he ordered.

  She squirmed under him, but he wouldn’t let her up.

  “Are you ready to behave?” he asked. He continued to hold her down by the back of her neck.

  She could only respond with heavy breathing.

  He loosened his grip. “You must want me to hurt you. Is that the kind of girl you are Princess? You like to fight…Damn, you got my dick hard as fuck…” he placed a delicate kiss on her shoulder, “…and I’ma beat this pussy up. You know you fucked up, right?”

  She closed her eyes and moaned as his tongue and lips sensually caressed her neck and behind her ears. He nipped at her earlobes and traced her ear with his tongue. She could feel his thick piece of meat grinding on her ass and she was ready for him to take over her body once more.

  He worked her over with so much vigor. He brought about two more powerful ejaculations. Once it was over, Cassie lay there breathing hard and heart racing. Her head seemed to be spinning or it was the room spinning around her head. This could be addictive. This was the freaky side of her that she tried to suppress and keep under control. She was afraid if she enjoyed sex too much she would become Colette. A hoe she was not, but here she was fucking this man when she could have been doing all of this with Rock. That was one of their issues; the sex had fizzled. But Rock never made her feel this satisfied.

  Maybe it was the excitement of doing this undercover act, or that he actually fucked her hard enough to get her to squirt, but he was able to bring all of that out of her which was something Rock failed to do.

  She turned to look at him. His eyes immediately captured hers. It was something in his that was asking her what did she want. A part of her knew they couldn’t do this anymore unless they were ready to deal with the addiction. And with addiction came strong cravings.

  Chapter 9

  Romyn sat back and followed his mother’s movements throughout Cassie’s apartment. She carried on as if she didn’t have a care in the world. She laughed and talked with his sister, Cassie. Neither questioned his silence, nor did they wonder why his stare was so cold and held disdain.

  What both of them were unaware of was that when Romyn came by the night before on one of his uninvited surprise visits, he himself had been surprised. He saw Cassie’s car in front of her building so he assumed she was inside. Using his spare key, he let himself in. No one was in the living room but he heard a lot of moaning going on. He peeked around the corner to see if it was Cassie’s bedroom it was coming from, but it wasn’t. Her door to her bedroom was wide open. It was their mother making all of the noise. Repulsed, he backed out of the house and went back to his car.

  He dialed Cassie to see where she could possibly be, but he got no answer. He grew a little perturbed, because he had a feeling he knew where she had gone. She mentioned it but hadn’t confirmed if she was actually going. Although he said he didn’t want to go back to Jouissance, a part of him wanted to. He wanted to stare at how pretty Eli was and salivate over him and Kreme. But he knew it would only lead to him getting in trouble with his boo Lonzo.

  Instead of leaving right away, he sat in his car gossiping with his friend Corvell. Before he knew it, he had been sitting there for an hour. As he was telling Corvell he needed to get off the phone, he watched as someone came out of Cassie’s apartment. He was curious to know what man was fucking his mama now. And nothing could have prepared him for who it was. So that’s why he was disturbed right about now.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Cassie asked.

  Romyn shook his head. “Nothing.”

  “Man troubles?” Colette teased.

  He shot his mother a contemptuous look.

  Colette chuckled, “Well damn. It must be serious. Is it the new person you’re seeing?”

  “What new person?” Cassie asked. She was curled up in the corner of her sofa with her pajamas still on.

  “It’s nobody.” He tried to suppress the smile that wanted to spread on his lips.

  “What’s Sarah’s son name?” Colette asked. “The one you were talking to at that cookout.”

  Cassie’s eyebrow went up in question. She looked at Romyn. “Eli?”

  “No,” he said adamantly with a blush.

  “Are you fucking Eli?” Cassie wanted to know.

  Again, Romyn shook his head.

  “I seen you and him together,” Colette teased. “Ya’ll looked rather…gay together. Is he another down low one? I know how you like them down low niggas.”

  “I wouldn’t know Letty,” Romyn said smartly. He cut his eyes at her. “What about you? I know you like messing around with them sneaky niggas. Who’s your latest victim?”

  “I don’t have victims, sweetie,” Colette said with arrogance. She walked into the living room with a cigarette dangling between her fingers. “I have willing and eager participants.”

  Cassie eyed the cigarette. “I hope you don’t plan to light that up in here? Letty, what I tell you about smoking in my apartment.”

  “I’ma go out on the balcony,” Colette snarled. She sashayed towards the sliding glass doors and stepped outside.

  Romyn turned to Cassie and asked, “How are things between you and Rock?”

  Cassie shrugged. “I really have no idea. We haven’t really been around each other like that. I told him to leave me alone for a minute. He think I’m fucking around and ain’t nobody got time for that.”

  Romyn gave her a knowing grin. “But aren’t you?”

  Cassie denied it. “No. I’m just having fun like everybody else at that place.”

  “That’s not what I saw Cassie.”

  Cassie’s mouth dropped as she gasped. “What did you see?”

  “You weren’t fucking Rock, I know that,” Romyn teased.

  “Please don’t tell nobody,” Cassie pleaded.

  “Your secret is safe with me sis,” he said. “But to be real, anybody is better than Rock. I don’t really like him Cassie.”

  “I know you don’t,” Cassie said in a passive tone. “I still wouldn’t mind being his friend, but this trying to have a relationship with him ain’t working. I think when he started working at BevyCo and making real money, he got the big head.”

  “And you’re a bitch, so that wasn’t gonna work,” Romyn joked.

  “Whatever,” Cassie giggled.

  Romyn’s eyes shifted to the balcony. He lowered his voice and asked, “So what’s up with her?”

  “She won’t leave,” Cassie said. “All she does is drink, sleep, go to the club, and have sex.”

  “Still the same Letty,” Romyn said shaking his head. “She needs some intervention.”

  “She needs more than that. Have you talked to Nicole lately?”

  “Yeah, last week. She seemed okay.”

  Cassie nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I spoke to her the other day. She refuses to come over here while Letty is here. Her and Parker are talking now.”

  “Parker just didn’t seem l
ike the type.” Romyn was disappointed.

  “He isn’t. Letty just a hoe,” Cassie said. She thought back to her conversation with Eli and laughed aloud.

  “What’s funny?” Romyn asked.

  Cassie shook her head. “Nothing. It’s just that—” She was interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing. She looked over at it lying on her end table. When she saw the name that popped up she started laughing even more.

  “Hello?” she answered as she hopped up from the sofa. She headed to her bedroom for privacy.

  “You heifa!” Eli screamed into the phone. “Don’t you ever do that shit no more. Not while you’re with me.”

  “What?” she giggled innocently.

  “Hee hee hell! Why in the fuck didn’t you tell me you left? I was looking all over for you. Shit, I got worried and thought somebody done carried yo’ nappy headed ass off somewhere.”

  “I left with my friend,” she stated. She wasn’t sure if he was really angry or just being playful.

  “And you couldn’t come find me to tell me that? And what friend?”

  “Uhm…remember Sean?”

  Eli got quiet.

  “You know Sean, the one that work at BevyCo and was fucking around with Jazz?”

  “Him?” Eli sounded disgusted. “Is he the person I saw you with the first time you went to Jouissance?”

  “Yeah. He was there,” she answered. “He was there last night too. I left with him. He brought me home.”

  “So is that why you didn’t answer the phone last night? I called you.”

  She was guilty of ignoring his call. “I saw it…I just…didn’t feel like answering.”

  “Okay,” Eli said quietly. “You couldn’t text me at least?”

  “Eli!” She screamed into the phone. “I won’t do it again, so I’m sorry. But there will be no again cause I ain’t going back.”

  “That’s fine too,” he responded.

  It fell quiet. Cassie wondered what he was thinking and why he was still on the phone. Then it crossed her mind to ask him how he was doing. “Are you okay?” she asked sincerely.

  “I’m fine,” he sighed. She could hear that he was bothered.

  She cleared her throat with uneasiness. She asked, “Where is your family?”

  “The twins and Avani are here in the house with me. And she’s gone with lil man as usual.”

  “Why do you refer to him as lil man? You never call him by name anymore.”

  “Because it just don’t seem right to refer to him as Elijah. I really hate that she did that,” he griped.

  “Have she talked to you about those test results?”

  “She won’t say a word to me.”

  “Why is she being so difficult? What are your plans? I mean, you have evidence of her infidelities.”

  He sighed with defeat. “I don't know. I married her after she told me she was pregnant. All she had to do was tell me she wasn’t sure who the baby’s daddy was. At least I would have gone into this aware of the situation. But she tried to pull some Sarah bullshit.”

  “Maybe she thought you wouldn’t want to marry her if she told you that,” Cassie said.

  “I wouldn’t have cared. You know why?”

  “Why?”

  “‘Cause I felt like I found the only person that understood me and didn’t question if I was gay or not.”

  Cassie fell silent but she was very curious about that subject matter. Carefully she asked, “Eli, why you let people believe you’re gay if you’re not. But wait…are you?”

  “It ain’t nobody’s business unless I’m fucking them. And if I’m fucking them, it annoys the hell out of me for them to keep questioning it. As far as letting people believe it, I don’t know…The mystery of it all just took on a life of its own. It started when I was younger I guess. I wasn’t like my brothers. I was labeled effeminate; had no idea what the fuck that meant back then. I don’t really think it applies to me in that sense though. I’m just more metro than anything. But when I was a kid I always had a smart mouth. So when other kids would tease me and ask if I was gay, I would throw it back at them asking if their pissy ass grandmama was gay. And if that aggravated them, I would run and get Ike or Abe,” he said with a half-hearted chuckle.

  “Pissy ass grandmama?” Cassie giggled.

  “Yeah, it was this one boy named Bobby that always used to pick on me. I think he wanted my booty for real though. But his grandmama smelled like cat piss all the time. Bitch smelled like she was the litter box and all the cats in the neighborhood just came over and pissed on her ass. Then she had the nerves to want everybody to give her a hug. I was like I ain’t hugging you, you funky bitch.”

  Cassie was dying laughing.

  “I’ma let you go cause I’m sure you got more important things to do besides talk to me all day,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. You are coming to work right?”

  “Yeah,” she said. “But Eli, if you need anything I’m here. You don’t have to get off the phone if you don’t want to.” She didn’t know what it was, but her heart was really going out to him. She felt they had a special bond going on and he let her see a side of him that not many people got to see.

  She could hear him hesitating, but he finally said, “Well…can you just come over and keep me company?”

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

  “I know you ain’t worried about Kris. She thinks I want your brother anyway. Just come on and if you get uncomfortable, me, you, and the kids can walk around to Jazz’s house.”

  “Speaking of my brother…why did Colette say she saw you with Romyn?” Cassie asked.

  Eli responded, “Because she probably did. And stop being so damn nosy. If your brother want you to know what that was all about he would tell you.”

  “You’re such a smart ass,” she said.

  “It ain’t what you think though.”

  “Mmmhmm,” she said with playful doubt.

  “You know it ain’t. Now are you coming over here or not?”

  She thought it over before smiling. “Give me a few minutes.”

  Chapter 10

  When Kris returned to the house that Sunday night, she wasn’t surprised that Eli had company. He told her he would start living a life without her. She had no problem with that. He had been living a whole different life anyway. What she was curious about was who all showed up in the purple Charger she parked beside in the driveway. She knew it belonged to Cassie, but she was aware that Romyn was Cassie’s brother. If he was indeed inside the house, then she knew she had to move on.

  She got out of her car and went inside the house. She immediately heard talking and laughter sounding off from the kitchen. She slowly made her way to them. She knew it. It was Cassie, Romyn, Tanya, and Eli. The ladies sat at the kitchen bar counter, While Eli stood on the other side. Leaning over the counter next to him was Romyn.

  Cassie and Tanya looking in her direction alerted him to her presence. He turned around and for a minute she thought she saw a glint of elation. But that was not Eli. He didn’t care about her like that.

  “Where is lil man?” Eli asked, after noticing she was alone.

  “He’s with Camilla,” Kris answered. She didn’t bother to speak to his company. She continued her journey towards the bedroom she once shared with him. Of course he had to follow her.

  “Kris, can we talk?” he asked.

  She was surprised at the soft, sincere tone of his voice.

  “There’s nothing for us to really talk about,” she said. She busied herself in her closet.

  He stood at the doorway and watched her as she picked through her belongings.

  “Are you planning to be away from the house for an extended time frame?”

  “Yeah,” she murmured.

  “Are you taking Avani?”

  “No,” she said.

  “You know, she asks where you are all the time. I don’t understand why you’re abandoning her but you drag lil man with you all the time,” he s
aid.

  “Well,” she said passively. “After you did that shit behind my back and discovered he wasn’t yours, I assume you wouldn’t want him around.”

  “Okay, you just made that about him and completely skimmed over the fact that you have a daughter that would like to spend time with her mama too.”

  She didn’t have an explanation for him.

  “Is it because she’s my child and not his?”

  She remained quiet.

  “I can’t believe I married my mama,” he scoffed.

  “I am not Sarah,” she spat.

  “I can’t tell,” he argued.

  “Fuck you Eli,” she said. She brushed past him with the things she wanted to take.

  “You haven’t done that in a long time,” he said under his breath.

  “And I’m not. Ever again,” she said curtly.

  “Why? I’ve been trying with you. I’ve given you space. I don’t hound you. I don’t even try to argue with you. I don’t know what happened, or how Yosef got in your head, but this isn’t what I wanted.”

  “No, you’ve proven that. I wasn’t what you wanted. I don’t know why you married me—”

  “Wait,” he interrupted. “Who told you that? Those aren’t my words. That’s that Malcolm X, Mahatma Gandhi wannabe nigga putting that shit in your head. You know where the fuck I messed up at?”

  “Yosef ain’t got nothing—”

  Raising his voice, Eli spoke angrily. “That fake fucka got everything to do with this. Isn’t he lil man’s daddy? But I fucked up when I tried to respect your beliefs and let you be you. I should have intervened when I saw the shit getting out of hand.”

  “Don’t raise your voice. Where are the kids?” she asked.

  “Why do you give a fuck?” He was now furious.

  “Because you’re being loud. Oh wait…that must be for your company. Go back to your boyfriend in there,” she said sarcastically.

  Eli let out a disbelieving chuckle. “Is that the only thing you’ve created to hold against me?”

  “It’s all I need,” she retorted.

  “I’ve been a good father—it took me a while, but I got the hang of it. I was a good husband—”