If You're Willing

by Ivy Symone

  The sensation became immense as it always did. But this one was really intense and forceful. As her body forced out a stream of ejaculate, it shook. Normally he would watch the fluid spurt, but he kept his eyes locked on hers. She looked so vulnerable, so wounded, scared, and in her eyes she was asking him to rescue her.

  Instead of re-entering her, he placed affectionate kisses all over her body. He wished he could rescue her, but he couldn’t. Not right now. But for tonight he would make her feel good.

  For the rest of the night, he made slow, sensual, aggressive love to her.

  She remembered drifting off to sleep with his arms around her. She wasn’t sure when he left, but when she woke up he wasn’t there. The only thing that reminded her that he had been there, was how sore her body was and how her sheets had captured his smell.

  She finally got out of bed, took a shower, dressed, and shuffled to the kitchen with her phone in her hand. The sight of Colette passed out on the sofa angered her.

  “Letty! Get up and go to the room,” she yelled. “All your parts are spilling out your clothes. Ugh!”

  Colette groaned and mumbled something.

  “Get up!” Cassie shouted.

  “Okay! Damn, you ain’t gotta do all that yelling,” Colette said. She slowly picked herself up from the sofa. She staggered down the hallway.

  “Letty, you need to be finding somewhere else to go.”

  “Don’t think cause you got that job that you don’t need me,” Colette called.

  “I really can think it,” she retorted.

  Colette stood outside the bedroom door and said, “So now that you don’t need my money I’m not good enough to stay here?”

  “You’ve been here for two months. You can’t go stay with Gerald or Eddie Lee, whatever their names were.”

  “I don’t stay with no man,” Colette sneered.

  “That’s cause you can’t just fuck one,” Cassie said under her breath but loud enough that Colette caught some of it.

  Colette walked back down the hall. “What did you say?”

  “You know what I said,” Cassie said. She started moving about in her kitchen, not caring about Colette.

  “And what about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “Why is it that you ain’t got a man?”

  “This ain’t about me. I’m trying to get you out of my place. Besides, I’m considering moving and you’re not coming with me.”

  “And why is that?”

  “Cause I don’t want you in my house!” Cassie said adamantly. Her phone rung from the counter. She answered it, “Hey.”

  “Hey Cass,” Nicole said. “What are you doing today?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Granny asked about you. She cooked and wanted you to come by. She made your favorites since your birthday is tomorrow.”

  “And I haven’t had Granny’s cooking in a while,” Cassie said. She could feel herself salivating already. “Let me get ready and I’ll be over there.”

  “Okay. I’ll tell her.”

  Cassie ended the call then stared at Colette. “What are you looking at?”

  “You’re such a hateful ass girl,” Colette said shaking her head.

  “You helped to make me that way,” she countered.

  “You going over Mama’s?”

  “Stop being nosy,” Cassie said rolling her eyes.

  “Tell everybody I said hello,” Colette said nonchalantly as she walked away.

  Then there was a knock on the door. What the fuck! Cassie thought. She went to the door and opened it without checking. “What?”

  “Damn, that’s how you answer doors now?” Rock asked as he stepped inside.

  “What are you doing over here?” she asked eyeing him suspiciously.

  “I’ve been texting you and you ain’t responded. So I just came by,” he said. Colette coming out of the bedroom caused him to turn that way. “Hey Letty.”

  Colette smiled and waved.

  “You should have called then,” Cassie said. “What do you want? Cause I’m bout to leave.”

  “To talk to you…” his voice trailed as he looked back at Colette. She was still standing in the hallway. He looked back at Cassie. “Let’s go in your room real quick.”

  Cassie led the way. They closed the door. She crossed her arms over her chest. “What is it?”

  “Remember I mentioned to you about a favor.”

  “Yeah. What is it?”

  “You got two thousand you can let me hold?”

  Cassie’s eyes widen. “Are you serious?”

  “I’m dead serious. I really need it,” he said desperately.

  “For what?” she asked.

  “I gotta go to court and the judge ain’t gon let me walk away without having those two stacks to apply to my arrears.”

  “Arrears? Like in child support?”

  “Yeah.”

  Cassie let out a wry laugh. “You shit out of luck.”

  “C’mon man, I know you got it. You bring that home in a week,” he said.

  “How the hell you know what I bring home?” she asked.

  “I know. Shit, Tanya told me.”

  “Me and Tanya don’t get paid the same thing. So you don’t know what I bring home.” If he really knew the truth, he would know that Cassie got way more than Tanya. She just let Tanya believe they were in the same pay bracket.

  “Do you have it or not?” he pressed.

  “Maybe,” she said. “When can I get it back?”

  “Next month. I just don’t wanna go to jail.”

  “And I guess you’re expecting for me to care?”

  “Something like that. Would you help me if I was your man?”

  Cassie gave it some thought. “Probably. But you’re not my man.”

  “C’mon Cassie,” he whined.

  Giving in, she said, “Okay. Give me a minute and we can go to an atm. I should be able to give you eight hundred today, unless you wanna wait until tomorrow.”

  “Naw, I’ll take eight today,” he said. He smiled with relief.

  Cassie looked at Rock waiting for him to leave. “Can you get out?”

  “Damn, I can’t stay in your room now?”

  “Not while I’m taking a shower,” she said. “Now go on.”

  He sucked his teeth and reluctantly walked out. She shut and locked the door behind him. As she gathered her things in preparation for her shower, Eli popped in her head. She wondered if he had already taken off for Italy. And why hadn’t he called or text to let her know he was gone? Feeling a little hopeful, she thought maybe he changed his mind altogether.

  _____

  Rock eased his way across to Colette’s room. The door was opened and she was standing there about to remove her clothes. She looked up and saw him. She grinned. He motioned for her to come to him.

  “Come in here,” she said.

  “I can’t,” he said glancing back at Cassie’s bedroom door. He eyed Colette’s body, licking his lips.

  Colette could see the lust dancing in his eyes. She teased, “You want one for the road?”

  “Come out here,” he whispered.

  She listened for Cassie’s shower. She looked at him seductively. He was such a trifling ass, but she loved it. She dropped to her knees before him. He eagerly obliged, unfastening his pants to release his dick. Colette devoured it.

  Everybody knew Cassie loved taking long showers, but they still had to listen for her. Being sneaky excited the moment and Rock got a kick out of it. On top of it, he was about to get the two thousand dollars for Colette from Cassie.

  Without wasting more time, he motioned for Colette to stand up and bend over against the hallway wall. Once Colette got this money, he was cutting her off. That’s what he kept telling himself. If he didn’t, then giving her this money was a waste. So he enjoyed it as much as he could.

  Colette panted in a breathy whisper. “Don’t you cum in me this time.”

  “Well, get ready to cat
ch it,” he said. He felt his nut coming but then the shower stopped. The thought of getting caught threw him off and released inside of Colette.

  “I thought I told—”

  “Ssh,” he cut her off. He removed himself from her and fixed his pants. He shoved her in her room and closed the door. He walked back to the living room and sat on the sofa to wait for Cassie.

  Five minutes later, Cassie was opening her door. She walked to Colette’s room and knocked on the door.

  “What is it now?” Colette said as she answered the door.

  “Did you take my black sandals?” Cassie asked.

  “Hold on,” Colette huffed. She spun around and went to the closet. When she bent over, Cassie got an eyeful of her naked bottom and her ran-through vagina. The wolf bat Arby’s pussy flashed in her mind at the sight of Colette.

  Cassie turned away. “Ew! Letty, you need to stop doing that. And spray some freshener in here. It stink. It smell like stale balls and rancid pussy.”

  _____

  When Cassie got to her Granny’s she was a little thrown by a special guest. Waiting for her, was Charles Stephenson. No one had to tell her who he was or make any introductions. She knew she was looking at her father.

  She didn’t know what to think or what to say. His presence didn’t move her one way or the other. She spoke and moved on to speak to everyone else. It wasn’t that she was ignoring him, she just didn’t care to say anything to him.

  Charles approached her cautiously, “Can we talk?”

  She looked at Nicole and her granny. They gave her subtle encouraging nods. “Okay.”

  They stepped out on the front porch. Before he began to speak, he studied her. With an appreciative smile, he said, “You look like my mother.”

  That was probably true, giving that she resembled Charles so much, she probably looked like his mother.

  “You two are about the same height,” he said.

  Cassie remained quiet. The vibe was awkward for him.

  He released a nervous breath. “Well, I came by just to see how you were doing.”

  “Why now?” she finally asked.

  “Because the two of us having some type of relationship is way past overdue,” he replied.

  “But I’ll be thirty tomorrow. It’s taken you twenty-five years to see me again. What is so special about now?”

  “I don’t know Cassandra,” he said with a shrug. “Maybe because I’m trying to right all my wrongs in my life. And I thought maybe I could begin with you.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “I know that doesn’t mean much to you. And I can see that you could care less about me showing up now. I don’t know what I expected…Is it possible that we can establish a relationship?”

  “It’s possible, but I don’t know if I really want to,” she said.

  He got quiet this time.

  “I’m really hungry,” she said. “And there isn’t much I’m prepared to say to you. So if you don’t mind—”

  “I was there when you graduated high school,” he blurted out. “Whites Creek High School, out there on the football field. You had on your blue cap and gown and got embarrassed when your granny, aunts, and cousins screamed your name.”

  She halted. He had been at her graduation?

  Charles continued, “Remember that big arrangement that your granny gave you for graduating? That was from me. The bike you got when you were six, ten, twelve…from me. I even sent Christmas gifts every year.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” Cassie asked. She couldn’t stop the vexation building. “If all that came from you, then why couldn’t you have given it to me yourself?”

  “Between Brenda and Colette, I felt stuck.”

  “Who the hell is Brenda?”

  “My wife.”

  Cassie sat down in the rocker and her knee started bouncing. “I can take a guess at what part your wife played in this. What did Colette do except want you to take care of your child?”

  “Colette didn’t want you. She wanted me to take you but I felt like I was stuck between a rock and hard place. Brenda wouldn’t have gone for that. She would have made things difficult for me.”

  “So you picked your wife over your child?”

  “I’m not proud of it. There were other things to consider as well.”

  “Like what?” she asked with an attitude.

  “My career. It was her father that made me partner at their firm. And there were your siblings—”

  “Siblings? How many do I got?”

  “You have two brothers and a sister.”

  Cassie asked, “So your family, career, and all that prevented you from being my father?”

  “Cassandra, I’m admitting I was wrong. I’m asking for an opportunity to fix it.”

  She let out a mocking scoff. “Let me guess, Brenda is dead, huh?”

  Charles’ silence was enough for her to know the answer.

  “So now that you’ve gotten everything you wanted out of life including a dead wife, you figure you could come into my life and make it all better?”

  “No. I know it will take some time,” he said.

  “What if I said leave me the fuck alone and to never come by here looking for me again?” she asked.

  “You know your mama used to tell me that every time she found out I came by your granny’s,” he chuckled. “I tried Cassandra. I even confessed to Brenda that I had another daughter. She didn’t care and she didn’t want me to care. I went along with it because she had my life in her hands. But I tried to do what I could. I don’t know what your mother told you about the gifts. I’m not even sure of what she told you about the money I gave to her for your college tuition. She—”

  “Hold up!” Cassie interrupted. “What money for college?”

  “Your mother would tell me to stay away one minute but then ask me for money when things came up. She said you didn’t have all of your tuition money. It didn’t cover room and board. I gave it to her as long as it meant you being able to do whatever it is you wanted.”

  “I didn’t go off to college. I tried a semester of community college and that’s it. She never told me about having tuition money,” Cassie said flabbergasted. That must’ve been how Colette was able to stay nicely dressed, getting her hair and nails done, and drive around in nice cars.

  They both fell into silence.

  Cassie couldn’t stand Colette. Charles was just as wrong, but she would give him credit for trying. But Colette was the absolute worst.

  She suddenly lost her appetite. She got up and mumbled, “Tell my granny I had to leave.”

  “Wait, Cassandra,” he called out.

  She ignored him and hurried to her car. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to go to her apartment and punch Colette in the face.

  Chapter 16

  Cassie didn’t get to confront Colette that night. She could only assume that Colette got drunk somewhere and passed out there. She was glad that she wasn’t there the following morning ruining the start of her birthday. Since it was Memorial Day and her actual birthday, she spent it house hopping. She celebrated both occasions a little here, and little there consuming as much barbecue food as she could.

  After the day she had, she was glad Colette still hadn’t found her way back to her place. When she got to work Tuesday, she was delightfully surprised that her desk had been decked out with colorful decorations and balloons. There was even a banner going across her overhead cabinets that said Happy Birthday Cassie. She really appreciated it since her birthday had fallen on the day before, but the office was closed for the holiday.

  The only sad thing about the day was looking at Eli’s dark office with him not in it. It was after lunch when she heard from him. It wasn’t a call or a text, but he had a floral arrangement with balloons and a teddy bear delivered for her birthday. The gesture was touching. She sent him a text: Got your gift, thank you…Hope all is okay with you

  He hit her right back: You’re welco
me and I hoped you enjoyed your birthday

  That was it. She kept staring at the text waiting for it to turn into different words. His message seemed so impersonal. She wanted something there between them that didn’t exist. She needed to get it out of her head before it consumed her.

  But she couldn’t help it.

  Here it was at night and she was preparing for bed. Still nothing else from Eli. She dialed Jazmin.

  “What?”

  Cassie grimaced. “Why you answering Jazz’s phone?”

  “Cause I can,” Jah said. “What the fuck you want? Juicy in the shower.”

  “Can you tell her to call me when she gets out,” she asked.

  “I will. By the way, happy birthday hateful ass girl,” he said.

  She smiled, “Thanks.” Then a thought crossed her mind. She asked meekly, “Have you talked to Eli?”

  “I think Jazz did earlier. It was like midnight there or some shit. Why?”

  “I haven’t spoken to him since he left. Do you know when he plan to come back?” she asked.

  “He ain’t,” he answered.

  Her heart dropped. “He isn’t?”

  “No,” Jah said. “He’s listing his house for sale this week.”

  “Why? I mean…did he say why he’s not returning?”

  “Naw. You know that mothafucka weird too. All ya’ll mothafuckas crazy,” Jah said with a chuckle. “I’m just fuckin’ with you though. I don’t know what his ass doing. That’s yo nigga ain’t it?”

  “Why you say that?” Cassie asked taken aback.

  “I see shit,” was all he said.

  “Whatever. Tell Jazz to call me,” she said.

  “Bet.”

  She laughed to herself. Jah was crazy. She looked at the phone. If it was ten at night now, then it was five o’ clock in the morning there. She wanted to talk to him and attempt to tell him how she felt again. The only thing was she was terrified of him rejecting her.