Hopeless

by Cheryl Douglas

  Mike grinned. “You look just fine from where I’m standin’, darlin’.”

  Jay clenched his fists at his sides and tried to ignore the soft pressure of Victoria’s fingertips biting into his skin. He closed his eyes and imagined her hands clenching his back in the heat of a passionate moment. Damn, he had it bad for this woman. “Get outta here. We’ve got work to do.”

  “All right, I’m goin’.” He walked toward the lobby, but turned around to face his brother just before he reached the door. “Hey, we okay, man?”

  Jay nodded. “Yeah, we’re good.”

  It wasn’t his brother’s fault the nagging voice inside Jay’s head wouldn’t give him a pass just this once. Sometimes he wished he could be more like his brother. The only rules Mike followed were those defined by the lawmakers. When it came to his personal life, anything and anyone was fair game as long as she wasn’t wearing another man’s ring.

  Mike winked at Victoria. “Don’t keep me waitin’ too long, beautiful.”

  Victoria chuckled as her date walked out the door. “Why do I get the feeling he’ll be chatting up some other woman by the time I get there?”

  “Probably because he will.” Jay started breaking down the packing boxes so he could take them out to the recycle bin when Victoria grabbed his arm.

  “I’ll say it again, if you have a problem with me going out with your brother…” She looked up at him expectantly, as though she was almost hoping he would object. “Just say the word, Jay. The last thing I’d want to do is cause problems between you two.”

  Jay knew he was the one with the problem, not his brother, and certainly not Victoria. “Tell me something, you ever dated anyone you worked for?”

  “No, that’s a line I know better than to cross.” She squeezed his forearm. “Look, I think you’re a great guy, and I’m obviously attracted to you, but I don’t do relationships.”

  He took a step back. He needed to put some distance between them if he had a prayer of resisting the overwhelming urge to kiss her. “What do you mean, you don’t do relationships?”

  “I go out for dinner with guys like your brother. I have sex every once in a great while, but I make sure my partner knows the score.”

  “Let me get this straight. You’ve never had a serious boyfriend? Ever?”

  “No.”

  Jay couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She was a gorgeous woman. It was hard to imagine she hadn’t turned down dozens of marriage proposals already. “How old are you?”

  She smiled. “Did you even look at the paperwork you had me fill out earlier?”

  “I haven’t had a chance. Just answer the question. How old are you?”

  “Twenty-eight.”

  She seemed so strong, but Jay was perceptive enough to see through the façade to the scared little girl hiding out just beneath the surface. He knew Victoria was afraid that little girl would shatter if she ever let anyone get close enough to break her heart again.

  He couldn’t even imagine what it had been like for her, growing up alone, knowing there wasn’t a single person in the world she could count on to look out for her. No wonder she’d taken up martial arts. He had no doubt she’d been looking for the sense of empowerment she thought karate could give her.

  “What were they like, your foster parents?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Which ones?”

  Jay was almost afraid to ask. “How many?”

  Victoria shrugged and he could tell she was going for indifference, but she fell miles short. “I don’t know, six, I guess. The last one was the worst.” She ran her hands up and down her arms as though she was suddenly chilled to the bone. “But for the most part, they just kept their distance. They did their thing, and they let me do mine. As long as the government kept sending the checks, they gave me a roof over my head and food…” She smirked. “When they didn’t lose the grocery money at the casino.”

  He wanted to pull her into his arms to comfort her, but he knew she would only resist. “It must have been tough growin’ up like that. I can’t even imagine. I mean, my parents split when we were young, but they were both there for us, always.”

  “Then consider yourself lucky.” She bit her bottom lip. “It wasn’t so bad. Hell, it was the only thing I’d ever known. I think it was better in some ways.”

  “How so?” he asked quietly.

  He was almost afraid to spook her. His gut told him she’d never opened up to anyone the way she was opening up to him, and he didn’t want her to stop. He wanted to know everything there was to know about her, and he knew even then he wouldn’t be satisfied. He imagined he could spend the rest of his life getting to know this woman and never tire of learning more about her.

  “Sometimes I think if I’d been able to remember my mother, it would have been worse, ya know? At least this way, I’ve never had to miss her.”

  Jay knew that couldn’t possibly be true. He had no doubt Victoria still grieved the loss of the mother she never knew. “You ever think about havin’ kids of your own someday? I bet that experience would make you a great mama.”

  She scowled. “How the hell do you know? I don’t know the first thing about being a parent.” Her voice trembled when she said, “And to answer your question, no, I never think about having kids of my own.”

  Jay sensed he’d crossed an unseen line and he reached out to touch her. “Hey, I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean…”

  She held her hand up and took a step back. “No apology necessary. I guess I should go. I wouldn’t want to keep your brother waiting.”

  Victoria was still reeling when she walked into Jimmy’s an hour later. She stood in the shower longer than necessary, replaying the day’s events in her mind. How had she allowed herself to let her guard down with Jay? She’d never done that before, let someone in so quickly. How had he managed to break through the wall she’d erected without even trying?

  Mike waved to her from a booth in the back, and it struck her how much he and his brother looked alike on the outside, yet she could already tell in the short time she’d known them, their personalities couldn’t be more different.

  Mike was a safe bet, someone she could trust to make her laugh and fill the lonely hours between work and volunteering at the shelter, but Jay was dangerous. She knew he would never hurt her intentionally. He was a good man. Kind, compassionate, loyal… but she could fall in love with a man like Jay before she even had time to realize it was happening.

  The few brief moments he’d held her in his arms were already creeping into her consciousness far more than they should. Their near kiss left her craving more… it was too risky. She had to send Jay a clear message, for both of their sakes… Mike was her type, not him.

  “Hey there,” she said when she reached Mike’s table. “Sorry it took me so long to get here.”

  He leaned in to kiss her cheek. “You’re worth waitin’ for, darlin’.”

  She had no doubt the same comment had reduced dozens of women to putty in his hands, but she’d heard all those tired lines too many times. She reached for the menu. “I’m famished. How about you?”

  “We can just grab a drink here and go somewhere a little more romantic for dinner, if you like.”

  She knew her relationship with Mike would never extend to the bedroom. She couldn’t sleep with him without thinking about his brother, which wouldn’t be fair to either of them. “I don’t mind eating here. If you’re okay with it?”

  He reached for the plastic menu. “Sounds good. I got tied up at work, so I skipped lunch. I sure could go for one of their burgers.” He looked up. “You ever had one?”

  “Can’t say I have.”

  “You don’t know what you’re missin’.”

  She grinned. “I think I’ll stick with a grilled chicken breast and tossed salad.”

  He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Don’t tell me you’re a health nut like my brother.”

  “I like to take care of my body.”

  Hi
s eyes drifted to her cleavage before he smiled. “I can certainly see why.”

  No, he had no idea. Her reasons for taking care of herself had nothing to do with vanity. For her, it was a choice between life and death. She knew she was already living on borrowed time, but a healthy diet and exercise might buy her a few more years.

  She didn’t want to dwell on her problems tonight, not when she had a handsome man willing to entertain her. “So, tell me about yourself, Mike. I know you’re a detective, right?”

  “Yes, ma’am, detective sergeant.”

  Victoria waited for the waitress to take their order before she asked, “When did you decide to become a cop?”

  “Hell, I was just a kid when I started in on my old man and his buddies to tell me everything they could about their calls. I thought it was just about the coolest job in the world.”

  “Yeah, Jay mentioned your dad used to be a cop, and your step-father still is, right?”

  Mike laughed. “Yeah, Derek’s my boss, in fact.”

  She smiled before taking a sip from the water glass the waitress set down in front of her. “How’s that workin’ out for ya?”

  He shrugged. “Derek’s a great guy. We’re tight now.” He took a long pull from his beer bottle before he said, “I gotta admit, it was a long road.”

  She sensed there was more to the story, but she didn’t want to pry. “Your father works for Trey Turner, right?”

  “Yeah.” Mike frowned. “Jay filled you in?”

  She nodded. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

  “To tell you the truth, I am. He usually keeps stuff like that under wraps. He must trust you.”

  She didn’t want to read too much into his comment, but it pleased her to think Jay deemed her trustworthy. “I hope so, since we’re gonna be working together.”

  “How’s it goin’ so far?” He grabbed a few peanuts from the bowl in the center of the table. “My brother can be pretty hard core sometimes.”

  “I don’t mind. So can I.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Then you two should be perfect for each other.”

  She didn’t want to acknowledge that loaded statement, so she took a sip of water, hoping he would let it pass.

  “Tell me something, why are you here with me instead of him?”

  Victoria knew she shouldn’t be surprised by his direct question. She could tell the first time she met Mike he was a straight shooter when he prefaced the dinner invite by saying he wasn’t interested in pursuing a serious relationship with her or anyone else. “Your brother doesn’t think it’s a good idea to date people he works with. I happen to agree with him.”

  “Look, why don’t we just put our cards on the table here, Victoria? I like you. I think you’re smart, beautiful, sexy…”

  She could hear the ‘but’ ringing in her ears as she waited for him to fill in the blanks.

  “But I can tell you’re into Jay, and I know he’s into you. I don’t want to be the middle man.”

  She knew with a guy like Mike, there was no way around the truth. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to him, but I meant what I said last night. I’m not interested in a relationship. Your brother… he’s the kind of guy a girl looks for when she’s ready to settle down.”

  Mike chuckled. “And I’m the guy you hook up with for a good time?”

  Victoria hated that she’d offended him, but the look in his clear blue eyes told her she had. “I’m sorry.” She reached across the table to cover his hand with her own. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”

  “Yes, you did. I gotta admit, I appreciate your honesty.” He slipped his hand free and reached for his beer. “So, be straight with me. You and me…where do you see it goin’?”

  The waitress chose that moment to set their food down, which gave Victoria a few minutes to decide how to respond.

  “Well?”

  “I’d like to keep doing what we’re doing right now, if it’s okay with you?”

  He bit into his burger and took a moment to chew before he asked, “What are we doin’ right now?”

  “Getting to know each other. If we hit it off, maybe we could get together for drinks or dinner whenever we have a free evening, share a few laughs…”

  He grinned. “Damn, I don’t think a woman has ever given me the ‘friends’ speech on the first date before.”

  She laughed, relieved he was teasing her. “So we’re on the same page, right?”

  “Depends. Does this arrangement have any fringe benefits?” He stroked the stubble on his chin and leered at her. “’Cause if it does, you can definitely count me in.”

  She burst out laughing at his pathetic excuse for a come-on, knowing full well he was baiting her. She knew instantly Mike was someone she could count among her friends. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

  He snapped his fingers and did his best to look disappointed. “Darlin’, when they look like you, ya can’t blame a guy for tryin’.”

  She smiled and shook her head. “I won’t hold it against you.”

  “Why do I get the feelin’ there’s more to this friendship than you’re tellin’ me?”

  Mike was a seasoned detective. Of course it wouldn’t take him long to figure out she had an ulterior motive for pursuing his friendship. She knew she wasn’t going to be able to fool him, so she decided full disclosure was her best option. “Maybe because there is.”

  He set his burger down, waiting for her to continue. “Okay, let’s have it.”

  “I like your brother, a lot, but…”

  “Trust me; I know Jay feels the same way about you. The way he acted last night, and again today, it was pretty obvious he’s developing some pretty strong feelings for you.”

  “That’s just it. I don’t want to get involved with him anymore than he wants to get involved with me.”

  Mike smirked. “So you wanna use me as a buffer? You think if Jay assumes there’s somethin’ goin’ on between us, he’ll back off?”

  When he spelled it out, she felt guilty for trying to use him to keep his brother at a safe distance.

  “Okay, I’m game.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Really? Just like that?”

  He laughed. “You don’t have any siblings do you, Victoria?”

  She shook her head. There was no way she could confide in him the way she had Jay. “No.”

  “I didn’t think so. If you had, you’d know the score. Any chance I get to one up my brother, you better believe I’m gonna take it.”

  Victoria laughed. “You’re so bad.”

  “But if I do this for you, you need to do something for me.”

  She should have known he’d expect something in return. “What is it?”

  “My father and step-mother are havin’ a birthday party for my little sister on Friday night. Everybody’s been on my back about findin’ a nice girl. You’d fit the bill perfectly.”

  “So you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend to keep your family off your back?”

  “You gotta admit, it would go a long way toward convincin’ Jay we’re a real couple.”

  She didn’t want to deceive Jay, and she didn’t think she’d have to. If he knew she was spending time with his brother, he would just assume they were sleeping together. She just wouldn’t bother setting him straight. She knew a lie by omission was still a lie, but she could justify it by telling herself it was for the greater good.

  Jay was a great guy. He deserved a woman who could give him a houseful of kids and a long and happy marriage. The only thing she could offer him was a few good memories and a broken heart. It was best to let him go now, before she was the one who ended up with a broken heart.

  Jay had been riding around for the past hour, trying to ease the rage eating at him. But the more he thought about some pushy bastard putting his hands on Victoria against her will, the angrier he got.

  He finally pulled his bike into the parking lot and spotted a vanity plate that told him the owner of the st
udio was still there. He wanted to bust in and take him down without benefit of an explanation, but he had too much respect for the students and instructors to act on impulse and disrupt their classes.

  The pretty blonde seated at the reception desk looked up when he walked in. Her mouth dropped open. “Oh wow, you’re Jay Cooper, aren’t you? I saw the article about you in Triple M magazine this month. It was awesome.”

  He smiled. “Thanks.” He glanced into the studio. “Is your boss around?”

  “He’s in his office. You want me to call him out here?”

  “No, I’ll just go back there and see him. Thanks.”

  Jay bowed before entering the open space where the class was being held. He was careful to walk around the perimeter of the room and not across the floor as he made his way to the narrow hallway leading to the restrooms and what he assumed was the main office. There was a closed door at the end of the hall with a black and gold sign that read ‘Office.’

  He lifted his hand and tapped his knuckles on the door. It took everything in him not to raise his motorcycle boot and kick it in. He didn’t wait for a response before he threw the door open.

  The middle aged man on the other side of the door jumped up from his desk. “What the—”

  The words died on his lips and Jay knew he must look like a dark and dangerous storm cloud intent on turning his orderly world upside down. “You messed with a friend of mine.” He braced his hands on the desk and leaned forward. “Big mistake.”

  Rob swallowed and held his hands up in self-defense. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, Jay. I didn’t do anything, I swear to you.”

  Jay wasn’t surprised the guy knew who he was. The martial arts community was tight knit, especially in Tennessee. “Like hell you didn’t. You drew first blood, and you know what that means, don’t you?”

  He kept backing up, his hands still out in front of him until he butted against a bookcase and couldn’t go any further. “I’m not a violent man. I would never hurt anyone. I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

  “I’m talkin’ about what you did to Victoria.”