A Dish of Stones

by Valentina Hepburn

  “Mum worked there before she had us,” Kate said.

  “'What about your father? Did he work at Butterfields?”

  “No, he didn’t,” answered Emma. “He worked at the farm, but he lost his job. Then he left.”

  “You must miss him.”

  Emma looked sad, then as she remembered how he'd gone without a word the spitfire temper unleashed again. “Miss him? He left us on our own with her,” she cried. “He doesn’t care about us. We could be dead for all he knows. I know you missed your dad, Mrs. Barton, but at least you had other things. Kate and I have had nothing for so long. No treats, no outings, no security. Mum beat Kate time and time again. She swore at us and took all the money we had for the offy. Sometimes we didn’t even have a proper meal, maybe just soup. We couldn't even have a free school dinner because you have to register and Mum wouldn't. We'd have to plug up our hungry feelings at night with bread. I know you’re sad about your son and your dad but I don't think you can know how we feel.”

  Diana glanced quickly at Kate. I've pushed them too far, she thought, but I needed to tell them. Kate placed Christina back in Diana’s arms. “She wants her bottle. I’ll make it for her. Emma, why don’t you and Mrs Barton talk? It can’t do any harm for you to get to know each other a bit better, can it?” Kate looked hard at Emma.

  “No, it can’t do any harm.”

  Satisfied that she could leave them alone for a while, Kate busied herself in the kitchen making a bottle for Christina and tea for herself and the others. She cut a cake into slices and arranged them on a plate. She folded serviettes into triangles left over from a birthday party long-forgotten, and placed them on three tea-plates. Diana and Emma were smiling when she went back to Emma's room, their mutual love for Christina the catalyst of a common bond. Diana told Kate and Emma she’d never spoken of her son’s existence to anyone and that it was painful for her to remember the day she lost him.

  “I know he's living with another family and I pray he's happy,” she said. “But I'm his real mum and I'll always love him. One day I hope to be able to tell him in person.”

  She went to Christina's cot and smoothed the cover across her slumbering body. “That's something hopefully you’ll never have to do, Emma. Christina is rightfully with her family. God willing she’ll always know that love. The best place for her is here.”

  Chapter 35

  “Let’s go to the meadow today.”

  “That’d be lovely, Jack, although it looks like it’s going to rain.”

  “Don’t worry, baby. I’ve had a word with Apollo. The sun’ll be shining very soon.”

  Kate and Jack strolled quietly through the meadow with their arms loosely around each other. The sweltering day had begun with showers and an overcast sky, but the dark clouds burgeoning with rain had cleared by mid-morning and a bright, shimmering August sunlight threw down hot rays. Wild flowers and grasses rippled in the occasional breeze. The meadow was at its most beautiful, beckoning lovers to dawdle through its wild flowers, perhaps to settle in a shady spot where they could love each other, safe in the knowledge that they wouldn’t be seen by the outside world.

  “It’s so lovely here,” breathed Kate, closing her eyes as they walked. She could feel the sun on her eyelids, warming them and turning the darkness into bright reds and oranges through her skin. “Shall we stop soon?” Jack who had been watching her, laughed. “You'll bump into someone in a minute.”

  “What, out here? This must be the biggest meadow in the universe.”

  Throwing her arms around his neck she placed her lips on his, then pulled away looking into his eyes. “I love you, Jack Daly. Do you love me?”

  “You’re all right, I s’pose. In small doses.”

  He turned and ran towards the stream at the bottom and she followed him, yelling at him to stop so she could skin him alive. He stopped abruptly to face her, hands on hips, the strap of the picnic basket hanging from his shoulder. As she reached him she spread her arms out and ran straight towards him.

  “Why do you always do that when we come here?” she panted. “It’s too hot to run anywhere.” He put an arm around her shoulders. “It’s so you have to lie down with exhaustion, and then I can have my wicked way with you.” She smiled with a far off look in her eyes and Jack frowned. “I was only joking, Kate. When you're ready is when I'm ready.”

  “I am ready,” she said looking up at him, her violet eyes sparkling. “I’ve been ready for ages but I didn’t want to push you into anything. All I know is that I love you and I never want to be without you.”

  He picked her up and whirled her round and round until she was dizzy and begging him to stop. “Put me down,” she cried. “Jack for heaven’s sake, put me down.” He set her down on the ground and then took her hand, placing it to his lips. “I’ll never make you sorry you’ve chosen me, Kate. I’ll always love you and I’ll look after you the best I can, you know that?” She nodded, smiling.

  They walked in silence again, swinging the picnic basket between them. When they found a spot by the stream shaded from the sun and prying eyes they stopped and spread the blanket out on the grass. As Kate took the food out of the basket she looked up and found Jack gazing off into the distance, his expression unreadable.

  “You're quiet all of a sudden.” He kissed her. “Just happy.”

  After their picnic they stretched out lazily on the blanket, the warmth of the sun making them sleepy. The droning sound of bees all around them was hypnotic and soon Kate’s eyes began to close. Jack rolled over onto his stomach. He picked a blade of grass and began to tickle her nose until she tried to rub the tickle away. Again he trailed the grass round her face until she opened her eyes and sat up quickly. “Jack Daly, will you ever let me rest? I was dozing off into a lovely dream just then and now you’ve spoilt it,” she said, pretending to be annoyed.

  “Were you dreaming about me? You must’ve been if it was a lovely dream.”

  “I was dreaming about Dad.” He moved closer to her, allowing her head to rest in the crook of his arm.

  “He seems so far away now,” she said sadly. “I know it sounds silly but it’s almost as if he never existed.”

  “Maybe he’s in Ireland. It seems a logical place for him to go. His family are there, aren't they?” He looked down at her, wincing. “Well, some of them. And wouldn’t your mum have wanted to contact the police about him? I know I would’ve if a member of my family went missing. Can you imagine if my dad didn’t come home? Mum would be out there searching for him, although she’d probably start at the bookies and then his life wouldn’t be worth living anyway.”

  Kate smiled thinking how lucky Jack was to have parents he could trust; a family he could turn to. “I’ve written to Granny McGuire a few times and the letters were returned unopened. I wondered if they’d moved, but … oh I don’t know. And as for telling the police, Mum was convinced Dad ran off with someone so there’s no way...” She turned her head away impatiently and began stacking the picnic things. Jack reached for her hands and held them tightly, pulling her towards him. “Don’t be like that,” he said. “You’ll find him one day, I know you will” He forced a reluctant smile out of her.

  “I just get a bit down sometimes.”

  Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He hoped this was the best time to deliver his news. Will any time be a good time, he thought. All his practicing at home with Ivy and Ray suddenly felt useless, and at that moment, even as he began to tell her he wondered if he should leave well alone. “Kate, I need to talk to you about something.” She frowned. “Is it bad?”

  “Well,” he sighed. “It depends which way you look at it.”

  “Tell me then. Don’t leave it like this or I’ll worry. I hate it when people do that.”

  He took a deep breath and told her about Michael and how he’d lost his life so prematurely. As he spoke her eyes widened; first with horror, then utter sadness at the loss of the brother she never knew.

  When he to
ld her of Joe’s grief, tears streamed down her cheeks. At times she turned away not wanting to hear the story. When Jack had finished telling her she fell into his arms and sobbed, her mind exhausted from her struggle to understand it all. Gradually her sobs subsided. Jack stroked her hair and face, allowing her to take her time.

  “It all makes sense now,” she said. “The little photograph I found. It wasn’t me, was it? It was Michael.” She shook her head, trying to comprehend the heartache Joe and Angie must have gone through. “Why didn’t they tell us? Emma and I should’ve known we had a brother.” Jack smoothed her hair back from her face. “Perhaps they grieved for him so much they couldn't talk about him. Bereavement takes people differently and he was their child. It must’ve been awful to have him for just a few months and then lose him. They must have felt so empty.”

  “No wonder Mum was so unhappy, but it doesn't explain why Dad left the way he did. I thought he loved us. It wasn’t our fault Michael died.”

  “No, Kate, it wasn't your fault, but everything started to go wrong for them afterwards. They were bad for each other, each trying to win the war by hurting the other. Do you know what I mean?”

  “I guess so. Something so tragic would bind some couples together. I suppose if the cracks were already there...it must’ve just ripped them apart.”

  “He has a little grave y’know,” he said gently. Jack pulled her closer. He couldn’t bear to see her so distraught again. “I can take you...but only if you want to go. It’s up to you.” She put his hand against her cheek. “I’m glad it was you who told me about Michael. I hope we’re never pulled apart like that.”

  “Never,” he said firmly. “It would take a lot more than something even as awful as that to separate us. You’re stuck with me.”

  Together they packed the picnic basket and folded the blanket. She hadn’t given him an answer about seeing Michael’s grave and he didn’t want to push her. Just as they were about to leave, she picked some wild-flowers. “I can’t go to Michael empty-handed,” she smiled. “I’ve got a lot to tell him.”

  “Are you sure you want to go today. We can always go another time. Whenever you want to.”

  “I’d like to go now. I have to go. Someone has to take care of his resting place and I want it to be me. It’s only right isn’t it? He’s my big brother, and where ever he might be now I need to show I care.”

  They walked hand-in-hand across the meadow. Jack took her to the churchyard and Kate wept when they found Michael’s grave. She comprehended now that her parent’s lives had been intricately woven with a grief so deep it had entwined around every part of their lives, choking any passion they had for each other; destroying the love they should have kept for Kate and Emma. “I’ve missed you, Michael,” she whispered as she knelt down, placing the wild-flowers on his grave. “I’ll find Dad and we’ll all be together again as we should be. Give Mum a kiss for me and tell her I love her. You won’t be forgotten again.”

  Chapter 36

  Dawn was just breaking. Joe McGuire turned over and banged his hand down on the alarm clock to stop its irritating jangle. “That thing’s enough to wake the dead,” he murmured under his breath as he swung himself out of bed. “Hey, Daniel. It’s time you were up, man. We’ve to get them cows out early today.” The other man grunted, annoyed at being woken when all he wanted to do was sleep off his hangover. “Aw, it’s not that time already is it? I’ve only just put my head on the pillow and you’re waking me. Are you sure you got the time right?” Joe laughed. “Come on, now,” he said as he pulled thick woolly socks over his long johns and fastened the buttons on his fleecy shirt. “How you can sleep through the racket that clock makes beats me. Marie knew what she was doing when she bought it.”

  “OK, I’m convinced. The thought of her temper coming down on my head like a ton of slate is enough to make any man tremble. She’s got a fearsome gob on her as well.”

  “Only if you don’t do what she says. She’s the boss round here since Kenny died and she takes it real serious so I’d be watching meself if I were you.”

  A silence fell between them as they dressed. The autumn was in full swing and the early mornings were bitter. “These mornings are enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey,” said Joe. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.” He looked across to his room-mate. “You look terrible, Dan. What time did you roll in last night? You've been seeing a lot of that lass from the village, I’ve heard. Is this the one or are you just sowing your oats still?”

  “Mary, Mother of Jesus. Can you do nothing round here without half the bloody world knowing? I bet that scabby old cow from the Post Office has been jawing again hasn’t she? No wonder she’s known as the News of the World, nosy old bitch.”

  “It wasn’t her who told me, Daniel. It was Marie. She said you were getting cosy like with this girl and she thought this was the one. I mean, you’re nearly twenty-six. You could do a lot worse than Ellie. She’s a good-looking girl and brainy. She won’t saddle you with a ton of kids before you’re ready. She’s got ambition and she’ll wait until the time is right.”

  “You know her then?” Daniel asked him, his face lighting up at the mention of her name.

  “I knew her Mam and Dad. We were all at school together until Granny and Granddad McGuire decided to go to England. It’s funny. When I came back home I saw Debbie and Louis Ross in the corner shop and d’you know it was as if we’d never parted. Would you credit it? They recognised me straight away and I them. After all those years he still looked like the fat kid with glasses I knew at school. He was always first in the queue for the dinners they dished up, although God knows why, it was like pig swill. The cows eat better than we did then, but when you’re so hungry your belly thinks your throats been cut you’ll eat anything, believe me.”

  “When are you going back to England, Uncle Joe? Y’know, I was thinking I might go with you. There’s opportunity over there for doing something different to farming and I could do with seeing a little bit of the world before I settle down. I thought it would be a good place to start.” Joe glanced at him with a furrowed brow. “Don’t knock the life here, Daniel. It’s better than working in a filthy factory. Anyway, I don’t know if I’m going back, and even if I do it won’t be yet awhile. You’ll be long married by then. You see if I’m not right.”

  Joe finished dressing and went downstairs to the farmhouse kitchen. Marie was there in her usual place; frying eggs and bacon and putting the porridge on to boil. Five other men sat at the scrubbed pine table, helping themselves to thick hunks of bread and butter. Huge enamel mugs of hot sweet tea were placed on the table in front of the men by Sarah, Marie’s twenty-year-old daughter. Joe was glad to get into the kitchen. It was warm and welcoming and he and the others were always ready for their huge first meal of the day. They needed it to see them through the morning.

  “Where’s Daniel?” Marie asked him, as she passed his loaded plate to him.

  “He’s on his way. Had a bit of trouble stirring himself this morning.”

  “Ah, well,” she said, her eyes twinkling. “That’ll be the company he’s keeping lately.” She smiled knowingly and her plain face was transformed by her smile. Joe nodded approvingly. “I’m glad to see that again,” he said to her. “I thought it had gone forever. I was getting worried.”

  Daniel ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. Marie had his bacon and eggs ready and she passed it to him, grinning. “Feeling tired this morning, are we?” she teased. “You have mighty dark circles under your eyes, Daniel Clarke. I’ve some pan-stick in my make-up box if you want to borrow it. It’ll hide the smudges under your eyes...and the love-bite on your neck.” Daniel’s hand instinctively flew to the side of his neck then realised she’d been pulling his leg. The men laughed their heads off as his face coloured up.

  “Our Daniel’s in love,” said Joe. “He’ll be dragged down the aisle before the end of the year. You wait and see.” Daniel bit off a large mouthful of bread. “No,
Uncle Joe, I’m not marrying yet awhile. She’ll have to wait for me a bit longer because I’m coming with you to England when you go. I’m not ready to be married off just yet.”

  Marie threw Joe an anxious glance and he returned it. “What’s this nonsense you’re talking now, Daniel?” she asked him. “You should be thinking of your future, lad, not gallivanting over in England. Everything you could possibly want is here.”

  “No, Mam. It is not.” He pushed his plate away from him. “I’ll make a start, Joe. See you when you’re ready.”

  One-by-one the men left the table and the convivial warmth of the farmhouse kitchen until there was just Joe left.

  “Sarah, can you start stripping the beds, me darlin’. I’ve already put the copper on ‘cos I want to do a boil-wash today. The sooner we start, the sooner we finish.” Marie poured herself a mug of tea and sat next to Joe. “You still haven’t told him, have you?” He shook his head. “Joe, for God's sake. You’re going to have to tell him eventually. You should’ve told him years ago, you know that. My Kenny was never happy with it. He said we had enough with ours but... Daniel was only a baby then. He’s a grown man, Joe. It’s time he knew who his parents really are, can you not see that?”

  Marie was tired. The death of her husband three years before didn’t mean the work would stop. She had to run the farm as he did, better if she could find a way and she hadn’t had time to grieve for her lost love. “I can’t help you anymore, Joe. I know you’re my brother but...well I’ve got enough on me plate to be going on with. What will you do if he insists on going with you, and let’s face it he could go on his own if he’s a mind to?”

  Joe left the table sighing and took his empty plate across to the sink where he dropped it into the soapy water. “Everything you say is right, Marie, but it doesn’t make it any easier to tell him. I haven’t seen his mother for over twenty-five years. What’s he going to think of me, his father running out on his mother because she was pregnant? Not that her family would have had a hair of me? Her mother made sure of that.”