Forever & Always (Always & Forever Book 2)

by Crossley, Lauren

  “Is that why you’ve done this?” He enquires gently. “Is it to get back at me? Some sort of revenge for her being pregnant?”

  “No! I swear it isn’t.” I blurt out loudly. “I just panicked and the only person I could think of was Callum. I knew he would help me.”

  “So you ran to him instead?” He snaps bitterly. “You didn’t even give me a chance to fix things or figure any of this shit out before you left.”

  “What is there to work out? If you’re the father of her baby then you’re going to be there. You won’t walk away from your child, Jake. I don’t expect you to.”

  “But you’re making me choose?”

  “No.” I claim firmly. “I’m walking away so you don’t have to.”

  “I’d choose you anyway. I can’t live this life without you and I don’t even want to try.” He groans, hanging his head in misery.

  “Don’t say that.” I beg him, resisting the urge I have to touch him.

  “It’s the truth.” He murmurs sombrely. “If it comes down to a choice between this woman’s child and you then it will be you every single time.”

  “But you wanted our baby. It broke your heart when I had the termination and you were devastated when Sarah had her miscarriage. What’s different for you now?”

  “Bethany, I was in love with our baby because it was ours. It was yours and mine. It was our future and everything that I ever wanted with you.”

  “And Sarah?”

  “That baby was conceived before I met you. Her miscarriage broke my heart but not half as much as your decision to end your pregnancy did. I felt like I lost a piece of myself and that’s why I’ve been do distant from you. My heart was breaking.”

  “So if you felt like you lost a piece of yourself, can you imagine what it felt like for me? Jake, I felt like I lost my entire self. My whole being was torn apart and my very soul was destroyed. Don’t even try to compare your pain with mine because you have no fucking idea what it’s like to have a life end inside of you.”

  He says nothing but nods his head slowly, acknowledging my own torment and deep-rooted sadness for the first time.

  “Tell me what to do.” He pleads, imploring me with his eyes to help him.

  “Do… do you still love me?” I blurt out, surprised by my own question.

  He jerks his head as though I just slapped him, amazed I could ask him such a thing.

  “Bethany, I don’t even know how to stop loving you. I’ll be in love with you until the day I die.”

  “Oh, Jake.”

  I take hold of his hand and although his fingers don’t interlace with mine, he doesn’t pull away from me.

  “Do you love him?” He asks, turning his head to face me when I sit down beside him.

  “Callum?”

  “Who else?” He quips sharply.

  “No.” I reply truthfully. “No, I don’t love him.”

  “But you have feelings for him?”

  “Yes.”

  “And do you want to be with him instead of me?”

  He’s watching me closely, observing my expression as he waits for my answer.

  “I…I’m not sure.” I admit, struggling to make sense of my mixed up thoughts.

  “Bethany, do you want to be with me?”

  He places his finger underneath my chin and turns my face towards his. We’re nose to nose and he breathes in slowly, savouring our closeness.

  “I thought we were indestructible.” I say, speaking quietly. “And then this tragic thing happened to us.”

  “So how do we move past it?” He demands, desperation in his voice.

  “I don’t know if we can ever go back to how we were before.” I confess, moistening my lips.

  “Wow, I’ve really gone and ruined this, huh?” He scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief.

  “Don’t say that.” I plead with him, placing my hand against his cheek.

  “I pushed you away and now I’ve lost you forever.”

  “You haven’t lost me, Jake. I’ll be here for you always.” I remind him, meaning every word.

  “And forever?” He whispers, smiling weakly.

  “Always and forever.” I repeat, remembering the promises we once made to one another.

  “Forever and always?” He asks, finally taking hold of my hand.

  He gently kisses my knuckles before letting go, causing my heart to ache.

  “Of course.” I assure him, longing for the same amount of faith I once had.

  “I guess I better go.”

  He stands up, hesitating for a moment before he makes his way across the kitchen.

  “You’re leaving?”

  “It’s obvious to me that you need some space so you can figure all of this out. I’m just in the way here.”

  “Jake…”

  “Goodbye, Bethany.”

  He turns to go, shoving his hands in his pockets and reaches for the door.

  “Wait!” I exclaim loudly, chasing after him. “Will… will you kiss me before you go?”

  I can’t believe I just asked him that… it probably makes me the most selfish human being on the planet but the question just slipped out before I could control it.

  “You… you want me to kiss you?”

  “Yes.”

  I expect him to laugh in my face or at least tell me to get lost. Instead, he strolls towards me and circles my face with his hands, studying me with a great deal of intensity.

  “It will never be like this with him… you know that, don’t you? You will never have this with anyone else but me.”

  He rests his hand against my chest, aware of my accelerating heartbeat. The intimacy of his touch takes my breath away as my whole body begins to tremble.

  “How do you know that?”

  “I just know.” He says, moving his lips down to my ear. “If you leave me for him then you have to know what you’ll be giving up. In a year from now you’ll be wide awake at night, staring up at the ceiling as he sleeps soundly beside you. Your body will crave me when he’s touching you and your mind will picture my face every single time you close your eyes. Your body will ache for mine and you will live to regret this decision for the rest of your life. I need you to know what it will be like. It won’t compare to what we have already, nothing in this world ever will.”

  He sighs deeply, resembling a man who has already been defeated. I think about my future, trying to imagine one without Jake…

  It’s impossible.

  “We’re so complicated.” I say, covering my face with my hands. “It’s always been so crazy and intense, I just don’t know if I have the energy to continue. I don’t know what else I can give you and that’s what scares me.”

  “You.” He growls, grabbing both of my wrists in his hands. “You can give me you.”

  “You still want me?” I gasp, feeling astonished.

  “I already told you, I don’t know how to stop.”

  Neither one of us says anything as the seconds tick by, heightening the climatic tension which exists between us.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I whimper, battling against the tumultuous thoughts swirling about inside of my head.

  “Because you can’t walk away from me, don’t you understand that? You really think I’d just let you go?”

  “You might not have a choice.” I point out, daring to look up and meet his gaze.

  “Don’t I?”

  He lifts me up, wrapping my legs around my waist before walking towards the kitchen table. He places me on top of it and leans over, covering my mouth with his own. His tongue makes its way inside my mouth, touching mine until they tangle together.

  I moan loudly, arching my back as I crave more from him. His hand reaches for my hair, pulling it roughly so my neck is forced backwards. My neck is exposed and so is my collarbone, showing enough skin to entice Jake.

  “We can’t do this… not here.”

  “Frightened lover boy will hear us?” He taunts me, pressing his arousal ri
ght against me.

  Knowing how turned on Jake is turns me on even more. I don’t have the strength or the willpower to say no to him and as sickening as it is, I would let him make love to me on this very table.

  His lips caress my skin as his fingers unzip the hoodie I’m still wearing. My quivering body is exposed to him and it doesn’t take Jake very long to cover my fair skin with smouldering hot kisses.

  “We… we should stop.” I pant breathlessly, writhing against the table’s surface in ecstasy.

  “We stop when I say so.” He replies gruffly, stroking me through the soft material of my panties.

  He inhales sharply, realising how ready I am for him. My body is an absolute traitor and I can feel myself turning crimson with mortification and embarrassment.

  “Jake, if you care for me at all… please don’t do this.”

  He freezes on top of me, searching my face for an explanation or at least a sign that I’m being serious.

  “I’m sorry.” He whispers, lifting his weight off me. “I shouldn’t have done that and I shouldn’t be here.”

  “What are you talking about?” I demand, trying to cover my half naked body with Jake’s hoodie.

  “I should give you your space and respect your decision to stay here.” He says, sounding robotic and mechanical.

  It’s as though he’s reading from a script he doesn’t quite understand, struggling to make sense of the words he’s just spoken.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “All I ask is you don’t let him touch you. I’ll kill that son of a bitch if he lays so much as one finger on you again.”

  Jake turns his back and leaves, slamming the front door behind him as he walks away from me.

  All I can do now is pray it’s not forever…

  Chapter Nine

  Jake

  My heart is bleeding. My soul has been torn apart and my happiness has just been destroyed.

  That’s exactly how it feels to walk away from her. I can hear my heart thumping inside my head and each step feels like a knife has just been plunged inside my chest. I thought I knew pain. I thought I understood suffering but nothing compares to this agony I’m consumed by as I leave her behind.

  I realise I have to do this… I know I made the right choice but that doesn’t mean it’s not excruciating. I figured out that the only way to get her back is to let her come home by herself. She needs to decide that it’s me she wants and that’s what I pray will happen.

  She’s mine.

  She belongs to me.

  I will never let her go.

  I will destroy anyone who tries to take her from me.

  I will annihilate those who try and come between us.

  I will protect her with my life.

  Even if it means sacrificing my own...

  I can’t face going back to our empty apartment and decide to head over to the bar where I work instead. I’m not sue in today but all I want to do now is forget… forget her.

  I barge past the crowds of people waiting outside the club and ignore the friendly greeting from one of the doormen as I step inside. I head straight for the bar and place my order, deciding that alcohol is the only thing which will help numb the pain I’m consumed by.

  A group of girls try to catch my eye but I ignore them, throwing countless shots down my throat as I demand more liquor. My sight becomes a little blurry and I can feel my body become weightless. I feel numb and that’s exactly what I wanted.

  I feel a slender hand stroke my back and my hazy thoughts become a little clearer. I spin around to find Sarah, gazing up at me in concern.

  “Oh, Jake. I’m so sorry.”

  I glare at her in contempt, battling the urge I have to hit a woman for the first time in my life.

  “Bullshit.” I growl, invading her personal space.

  “I really am sorry.” She lies, trying to use those blue eyes of hers to win me over. “No one deserves what you’ve been through.”

  “Fuck off, Sarah. Leave me alone.”

  I turn away from her, placing another order at the bar. I don’t want to hear her voice, see her face or even have this conversation with her.

  “Why are you being like this?”

  “You think I’m really going to forget everything that happened? Just because you told me where she was, that doesn’t mean I’m going to run straight into your arms.”

  “I was trying to help you see what she’s like. I knew she was wrong for you from the very start.” She argues, trying to act all innocent.

  “You don’t know anything!” I yell, slamming my fist down on the bar’s surface. “I don’t want to hear you speak her name, do you understand?”

  “I can’t believe you still choose her. She’s cheating on you and you still want her?”

  “Yes, I still want her and I always will. I’m in love with her, Sarah… something I’ve never been with you.”

  I turn away from her again, hoping she will finally take the hint and leave me the fuck alone.

  “You know she’s with him right now, don’t you? They’re alone together in his house and she’ll be sleeping in his bed tonight. You’re the one I feel sorry for, Jake. You’re the one who is sitting at a bar getting drunk by himself. I pity you.”

  I clench my jaw in an attempt to keep myself from saying something sinful and wait for her to walk away. She does so eventually and I exhale slowly, trying to dispel some of the tension which has been building up inside of me since Bethany ran out on me.

  A part of me wants to blame Marissa, the girl from my past who suddenly decided I have a right to know I’m going to be a father. However, another part of me realises that this isn’t her fault. I told her she should come over tomorrow afternoon so we can discuss things properly, even though I’m dreading it.

  I really wanted Bethany to be there but now I know she’s going to be with him, I don’t think I have the strength to go through with this alone. I don’t want a baby with Marissa, I don’t want to be a father unless it’s with the woman I love but how the hell do I tell that to the mother of my child?

  I don’t know how long I’m there, knocking back the hard stuff like its water. I’m wasted and can barely stand up, let alone see straight. Someone guides me away from the bar towards a private booth and I sit down, relishing in the comfort of the leather seats.

  I close my eyes and picture her face.

  Bethany.

  I imagine that she’s with me. I pretend it’s her hand stroking my hair back from my face, I pretend it’s her voice whispering in my ear and that’s when it happens.

  I grab her waist, pulling her towards me and say her name, whispering it over and over and over again. I can’t think straight, I can’t even move without exerting a great amount of effort.

  “Shh…” She whispers, trailing her lips across the skin on my neck. “It’s going to be ok.”

  “Bethany?”

  “Uh-huh.” She murmurs, acknowledging my question.

  “Come here.” I growl, dragging her petite body on top of mine.

  The next thing I know we’re making out. My tongue is in her mouth and my fingers tangle in her hair, forcing her to moan and cry out in pleasure.

  “Yes…” She moans, arching her back and grinding her hips on top of me. “More, give me more, Jake.”

  “You want this?” I taunt her, thrusting my arousal right against her.

  It’s straining against my jeans, demanding to be released as she continues to tease me. I’m fighting against the urge I have to flip her over and fuck her right here on this very couch.

  “Yes! Yes, I want it. I’ve wanted it for years.” She whispers, blowing softly against my ear.

  “What?”

  “I’ve wanted you for years, Jake. I was just waiting for you to open your eyes and notice.”

  “What the fuck? Who are you?” I demand, trying to ignore the fact that the room is spinning.

  “Does it matter?” She enquires, pressing her breasts up against my ches
t. “Just close your eyes… I’ll be whoever you want me to be.”

  I want to throw her off my lap and get the hell out of here but I still can’t figure out how to do it. I’m intoxicated, pissed off, heartbroken and horny as fuck. I need my baby girl with me, I need her to tell me everything will be ok. I need to get lost inside her and forget… I need her here.

  My eyes burn with fury and despair, trying to make sense of what’s happening and clear my vision. The girl on top of me has dark hair, she’s telling me all of these things and the animalistic part of me is responding to it.

  I grab her neck, dominating her as I picture Bethany’s face. If I try really hard I can almost convince myself that it’s her. I picture my brave, brilliant and beautiful girl on top of me, aroused, turned on and pleading with me to fuck her.

  It feels so good, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. Why the hell did I resort to alcohol when I could have turned to this instead?

  Things really start to heat up when she slips her fingers underneath my shirt, scratching my stomach gently. I respond enthusiastically, grabbing her ass so I can control her movements and her rhythm. She’s riding me and I don’t stop her, encouraging her as she throws her head back and reaches her climax. She’s trembling and shaking uncontrollably, completely lost and consumed by her blissful state.

  “Jake?”

  A horrified voice reaches my ears. I don’t know where it’s coming from but it somehow manages to penetrate through the fog which is surrounding me. I freeze, stilling the unknown person on top of me. I swear to God I just heard her voice. I heard it…

  “What’s wrong?”

  “B...Bethany?” I murmur, longing for her so badly.

  “I’m whoever you want me to be.” She coos, trying to initiate our intimate moment once more.

  “Jake?”

  I shove the woman aside, peering through my bleary vision. I can see a silhouette in front of me, standing so close I could almost touch her.

  “Bethany?”

  “My God…” She whispers, taking a step back.

  The sickening realisation hits me like a truck.

  The girl I just made out with isn’t her… she’s a complete stranger and the woman I love is standing right in front of us.

  With a heartbroken look on her face…