To Love and to Cherish

by Leigh Greenwood

  “The way you boys talk, Laurie might think you wanted to marry her.”

  “I would marry her if she would live in the bunkhouse,” Nick said.

  “None of us has enough money to buy more than a tent,” Loomis explained.

  “Miss Laurie has a house,” Steve reminded them. “You could live there.”

  “A man likes to think he can provide a house for his wife,” Jared said. “Not the other way around.”

  “What’s wrong with a wife having more money than her husband?” Laurie asked. “Why would you condemn every woman of means to spinsterhood?”

  Another problem Jared hadn’t thought of until now. Not only would Laurie own more of the ranch than he would, but she had inherited her husband’s estate. Norman was the richest man in Cactus Corner. It was doubtful his brother had been far behind. “I don’t mean that a rich woman should never marry. I just mean that a man likes to think he can provide for his wife and children.”

  “But they would be her children as well. Shouldn’t she be allowed to contribute to their support?”

  Jared could feel himself sinking deeper and deeper into the hole he’d dug for himself. “A wife contributes by taking care of them and feeding them. According to my mother, that was more than enough for any woman.”

  “In Sicily, there is no such thing as a wealthy woman,” Nick said. “Before she marries, the money belongs to her father. After she marries, it belongs to her husband. A man never has to feel dependent on his wife.”

  “I wasn’t talking about a man depending on his wife,” Laurie said. “I was talking about sharing.”

  “There is no sharing in Sicily.”

  “I’m glad I don’t live in Sicily.”

  “But you would be a goddess there. Men would fight duels over you.”

  “I’d rather be a mortal and keep my money.”

  “I wouldn’t care if my wife was rich,” Steve said. “Would you care if your husband was poor?” he asked Laurie.

  “I haven’t given it any thought because I’m never going to marry again.”

  Thirteen

  The men stared at Laurie in shock.

  “Why not?”

  “Never?”

  “That would be a terrible shame,” Loomis said.

  “I’m not sure about that,” Laurie told Loomis, “but I am sure I won’t marry again. My father and husband controlled me in life, and now Noah’s trying to control me from the grave. I’ll never put myself in that position again.”

  The men engaged in a lively attempt to convince Laurie to change her mind, and Jared was surprised he didn’t join in immediately. He intended to marry someday so why not consider Laurie? They weren’t in love with each other, but he liked her, she liked him, and he certainly wouldn’t find a more beautiful woman. She was an excellent cook and housekeeper, the men liked her, and she seemed happy working at the ranch.

  He knew why not. With her money and looks, she could attract the attention of rich and powerful men. Why should she settle for a husband like Jared and a life of hard work?

  But if she’d wanted to do that, why hadn’t she moved to Tucson or even San Francisco? With all the gold discovered in northern California, the city would be flush with wealthy men looking for beautiful brides. She could end up living in a mansion with a dozen servants and a husband wealthy enough to buy thousands of Herefords rather than the few hundred he hoped to buy.

  Would he want to marry Laurie if money wasn’t an issue?

  He didn’t know. He hadn’t seriously been thinking of marriage to anyone. He’d been too involved with his career in the army, trying to find his brothers, taking care of Steve after the death of his parents, and looking for a ranch that could support the two of them while providing his friends with the money to build lives of their own. The appearance of a woman like Laurie hadn’t been in his plans any more than marriage had.

  How could he marry a woman with more money than he could hope to have? People would believe he married her for her money. But that wasn’t the worst of it. How would he feel knowing she was supporting him rather than the other way around? Would other men respect him? Could he respect himself? Since it was her money holding up the ranch, would she believe she ought to make all the business decisions? Could he endure that? Would the men continue to work for him? He hadn’t been in the West very long, but he knew that Westerners believed a man had to be in control of his life or he wasn’t a man. It hadn’t been any different in Texas.

  It looked like this was one thing he wouldn’t have to worry about. None of the arguments the men advanced had succeeded in changing Laurie’s mind.

  “I think you’d make a charming husband,” she said to Clay. “Odell would be steady, Nick would flirt outrageously without meaning a word of it, and Loomis would be as fine a husband as any woman could want, but I’m still not going to marry again.”

  “What about me and Jared?” Steve wanted to know.

  Laurie tickled Steve under his chin, which caused the boy to blush vividly. “You’re so sweet you’d do anything I asked.”

  “What about Jared?”

  Laurie directed her gaze to Jared. She sat considering her answer for so long Steve grew impatient.

  “Don’t you like Jared?”

  “You asked what kind of husband I thought he would be, not whether I liked him.”

  “Am I so terrible you have to ponder your answer for so long?” Jared asked.

  “You’re more complex,” Laurie told him. “You have grand ambitions and are certain you know how to accomplish them, but you have to be the creator of your own destiny. At the end of the day, you want to be able to stand back and say I accomplished that, not we. You’ve seen what life has done to other people, and you’re determined not to let it happen to you and Steve.” Her gaze narrowed. “You don’t intend to let anyone stand in your way.”

  Jared was shocked that Laurie understood him so well when he hardly knew anything about her.

  Loomis looked from Laurie to Jared and back to Laurie. “A shrewd analysis. You’re a dangerous woman.”

  Laurie shrugged. “I only see what everyone else sees.”

  “Yes, but you’re able to see beyond that. Be careful. Some people won’t forgive you for seeing what they can’t see and wouldn’t admit if they could.”

  “I’m a woman. Nobody ever asks what I think.” Laurie stood. “It’s time for me to go home,” she said to Steve. “I’ll put away the food while you bring the buggy.”

  Conversation lagged before turning to the work needing to be done tomorrow, but Jared couldn’t forget what Laurie had said. Did he want to be the sole architect of his success? If so, did that mean he wanted a wife who would depend on him in every way, or did he want a wife who was a partner and companion, someone he would see as an equal?

  Much to his shock, he didn’t know. Without really thinking about it, he’d assumed his wife would be much like his mother, his sister-in-law, all the women he’d known growing up. He’d never had any reason to question that, probably because he’d never bothered to think about it. Laurie might not be interested in marrying, but the question of whether he would marry a woman like Laurie had made it clear he had to reevaluate his thinking. Or start really thinking for the first time.

  And he’d better start doing it soon. If he had to be married, or at least in the process of getting married, to get the loan from Norman, he had to decide what kind of wife he wanted and start looking for candidates. He was reasonably good-looking and part owner of a ranch, but there were other men who were equally attractive as potential husbands. No woman was going to marry him just because he asked.

  He hadn’t worked everything out in his mind, but he knew he wanted more than a wife who would agree with everything he said, who had no opinions of her own, and who didn’t want any. He wanted his wife to be young, innocent, and attractive. But even that wasn’t enough. He’d never been in love so he didn’t know how that would fit into the equation—his parents hadn�
�t been in love with each other and his brother had married his best friend—but he wanted the kind of closeness he felt with Laurie, the give and take, the sharing.

  There was something very natural about the relationship between them. It was easy, comfortable, and enjoyable. He also wanted a woman of firm character. He was haunted by the specter of his mother who had dwindled into little more than a kept woman after his father died, sleeping with any man who would take care of her. He also needed someone who wouldn’t balk at hard work or the roughness of ranch life yet was intelligent enough to be a companion rather than a drudge. He wanted someone like himself.

  How was he supposed to find such a woman in the short time left before he had to decide whether to accept Laurie’s money, gamble on Norman granting the loan, or go it alone?

  ***

  Laurie felt guilty for not having finished the cleaning, but not enough to leave Jared’s embrace. He would have to go back to work soon, so she wanted to take advantage of every possible minute. This was the second time they’d made love—she didn’t count the time they were interrupted by Steve’s return—but it was unlike the first because this time she’d been able to approach it, knowing what to expect and how to enjoy it to the fullest.

  As much as she loved it when Jared made love to her, she enjoyed being cuddled even more. It gave her the feeling of closeness, belonging, being valued, that she’d missed most of her life. She burrowed into Jared’s embrace, getting as close to him as physically possible. The thought of Norman’s reaction if he could see her now surprised a chuckle out of her.

  “What’s so funny?” Jared asked.

  “Nothing. Just a silly thought.”

  “Not about me, I hope.”

  She kissed him on the end of his nose. “Certainly not about you. I have only wonderful thoughts where you’re concerned.”

  Jared pulled her closer. “I have impossible thoughts about you. How it’s impossible to stop thinking about you even for a few moments. How it’s impossible to stop wanting to make love to you. How it’s impossible to imagine holding a more beautiful woman in my arms.”

  “You’ve got to stop telling me I’m beautiful.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ll start to believe it. It’s nearly impossible to admire a woman who’s impressed with her own looks. Only Cassie has managed it.”

  “Cassie is pretty. You’re beautiful. It’s not the same.”

  “Nevertheless, I’d rather you tell me about the ranch. When are you going to show me around? Since I’ll own half of it, I ought to know how to run it as well as you.”

  Laurie felt Jared stiffen, but she’d expected that. She didn’t know anyone except Colby who was willing to accept a woman as an equal partner, and he’d fought against it in the beginning. She expected Jared would be even more reluctant, but she wasn’t going to back down. Making love to him was pleasure. Being partners in the ranch was business, and she didn’t intend to confuse the two.

  “It would take several days just to give you an idea of what we do. Like I told Norman, you would have to spend the whole day in the saddle.”

  “I don’t have to see everything at once. Besides, I can’t cook supper if I’m gone all day. I can take a couple of hours one day and you can show me one of the things you do. Then I’ll take a couple of hours another day and you can show me something else.”

  “You don’t know how to ride. There are lots of places you can’t take the buggy.”

  “Then I’ll learn to ride. Colby bought Naomi a sidesaddle. I’m sure she’ll let me borrow it.”

  Apparently Jared had lost all desire to cuddle. He pulled away and sat up. “We’re not doing much right now beyond taking a count and making sure all the herd survived the blizzard and the flood. That’s not a situation that’s likely to occur again anytime soon.”

  Laurie wasn’t ready to give up. “I don’t want to see everything you do right away, but I have no idea what it’s like to spend the day on a horse or where to look for cows and what to do when I find them. I’ve spent my life inside a house or inside a store. I think it would be wonderful to spend time in the fresh air, under a clear sky with the cool breeze on my face and the scent of flowers in the air.”

  “It’s not nearly that romantic.” Jared sounded grumpy.

  “Neither is cleaning house and cooking meals, but you seem to think it’s important.”

  “I don’t have a horse that would be safe for you to ride.”

  “I can borrow Naomi’s when I borrow the saddle.”

  Jared got out of the bed and reached for his clothes. “Won’t she need it?”

  “I doubt she’ll be riding until after the baby’s born.”

  Jared stepped into his pants and reached for his shirt. “It will be a little awkward to explain to the men.”

  “I’ll have a half ownership in the ranch. Surely they expect me to want to know what’s going on.”

  Jared sat to put on his socks and pull on his boots. “That’s what makes it awkward. I don’t have the money yet so technically you aren’t a partner yet.”

  Laurie was beginning to feel irritated. “If they can put up with Norman riding all over the ranch, being rude and asking stupid questions, they can put up with me watching them while they work. I won’t get in their way.”

  Finished dressing, Jared stood. “I think it would be best to start with a ride over the ranch to familiarize you with the herd and the limits of our range. Not all of the range is by the river. The cattle forage in the canyons and sometimes on the top of the rim.”

  “I would love to see the valley from the rim. Colby says it’s a beautiful sight.”

  “He’s right. The pine forest is wonderfully cool in the summer. It would be a great place for a summer picnic.”

  “I would like that.”

  Jared bent over to kiss her. “I’d better be going. I don’t want the men wondering why I’m so late joining them. We’ll talk about this later. But before we go anywhere, I have to make sure you will be safe on that horse and using a sidesaddle. Some of the trails are treacherous.”

  “Naomi stayed on a runaway horse using a sidesaddle the first time she was on a horse. I feel sure I can stay in the saddle at a walk regardless of how treacherous the trail.”

  Jared’s smile was strained. “I’m sure you can. Now I’d better go.” He kissed her again, then left the room.

  Laurie didn’t move right away. There was a lot going on that she had to think about, and she didn’t want to be distracted by work. The cleaning could wait until tomorrow, and she would have plenty of time to fix supper later.

  She had expected Jared to resist showing her the ranch and teaching her how it was run. Every man she’d ever met assumed women were good only for having children, doing housework, or selling in the shops. The real work required a man. She was willing to admit she couldn’t fell a hundred-foot tree, drag it out of the forest to a sawmill, or lift a twenty-foot beam. She had no desire to shoe a horse or break a wild mustang to saddle, but she didn’t consider either impossible.

  She absolutely could understand profit and loss statements, plan a budget, and make orders. Noah had thought he’d done all the financial work for the mercantile, but she’d prepared the figures he used to reach the final decisions. She had done the same for payrolls, so she had no doubt she could understand the operation of the ranch as well as any man. However, she doubted she’d ever get a man to agree to that.

  Yet that wasn’t what disturbed her the most. She understood why Jared wanted to protect his sphere of importance. What worried her more was the effect Norman’s offer to reconsider giving Jared a loan was having on him. She didn’t have access to Jared’s figures, but it was obvious that her fifty percent of the ranch would dramatically reduce his income, an income that had to be shared with Steve and the other men. That had to weigh heavily on him. It would for any man.

  She was certain Norman was using the offer of the loan as a means to persuade Jared to send her away f
rom the ranch. It wouldn’t surprise her if Norman refused to give Jared the loan even if he did fire her. She hated the pressure it put on Jared to try to hide what was going through his mind. She couldn’t blame him for the choices he was considering any more than she could the decision he would make. It was a business decision, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.

  Nor did she like the very real possibility that she could soon have no job and no way to invest her money without moving away from Cactus Corner. She couldn’t depend on the possibility of a new bank causing Norman to change his mind. The man thought he was infallible. If Jared got his loan, she would be right back where she’d started—in Norman’s heartless clutches and unable to do anything about it.

  There was also a third problem. She was afraid she was becoming too fond of Jared. There was so much to like about the man it would have been unusual if she hadn’t grown to like him. Setting aside the fact that he was breathtakingly handsome and a spectacular lover, he was kind, considerate, responsible, and ambitious, and he thought she was beautiful.

  Okay, he didn’t want to give up his monopoly on running the ranch, but she couldn’t hold that against him. He’d unbent far enough to take her as a full partner though she was sure it went against the grain. He’d peeled potatoes, helped with some of the heavy cleaning, and comforted her when she was upset. But he didn’t love her, and she was never going to marry again. The prudent thing to do was halt this attachment before it could turn into something troublesome. She had to face the possibility that he wouldn’t need her if he got the loan. And if her instinct was right, firing her would be a condition of Norman giving him the loan.

  Laurie sat up and reached for her clothes.

  Saying she ought to put a stop to her infatuation and doing it were two very different things. She really did like Jared. They were comfortable together. He gave her support and confidence. He valued her contributions. And he was jealous of the attention the other men paid her.

  That was a guilty pleasure. During her marriage, she’d gone out of her way to avoid attracting attention. She would have been petrified to have caused anyone to be publicly jealous of Noah. That would have made her life even more miserable.