Worthy

by Ryan, Syd

  “OK, are you totally sure about this? If you have any doubts about me driving your car, it’s OK if you want to change your mind, I will not hold it against you.”

  “I’m completely sure, it’s not a fifty-thousand-dollar car. Is the bar on your itinerary for the night?”

  “No, not at all. My itinerary includes a shower, wine, take-out food, and my bed. What about yours?

  “Shower, beer, take-out food, and your bed is on mine.”

  “I think you are full of jokes tonight. Give me the keys to the Charger, and you can follow me back to my apartment. No comments about the boxes, or I will send your ass home. I’m going to start looking for a new place next week when I have a couple of days off in a row.” Gavin tosses me the keys.

  “Hey, pick up some food, and I will take a quick shower before you get there.”

  Gavin nods.

  It takes me a few minutes to get myself situated in Gavin’s car. The Charger is four years older than his Honda SUV. I have no doubt that I will enjoy driving his black beauty. I decide to name his car the Black Widow because it can outperform all the other vehicles on the road.

  I listen to pop radio and think about the day I had. Regan brought up a good point about the bar. I love the bar and the atmosphere of alcohol and sex. The bar doesn’t have any real expectations of you; that’s why people end up there. It’s about releasing the toxins of the day through alcohol, sweat, dance and, if you’re lucky, sex.

  But I haven’t been there for a while. The only bar crowd I hear from is Alyssa. She is my go to person at the bar if I’m up to trouble. Alyssa at the bar is a disaster waiting to happen, and Regan will rip me a new asshole if she finds out I’m anywhere near her in a bar. The most alarming thought is that I have no desire to go to a bar. I don’t miss it, want it, or have any desire to go. Considering I spent most of my off time at the bar, I’m afraid of what this truly represents in my life.

  I do a walk through my apartment, but I am no longer waiting for the other shoe to fall. Yes, I know Dickhead Doug is in Vegas, but it’s more than that. I think Karmen and Doug are going to work out. I can’t wait to hear the details of the Vegas vacation.

  The apartment is in the same order I left it in. I tidy up before Gavin gets here. He has not spent the night here, and I want to make sure all my naughty toys are out of sight. Gavin’s dick will be plenty for me tonight.

  He takes his take-out food seriously, so I have time to get things in order. I change the sheets. The last guy I had sex with was Chris, and the last time we slept together in my bed was about three months ago. We usually ended up having a quickie against the door. The apartment looks about as good as it is going to get with all the boxes around here. Looking at them helps cement the idea that it is time to move on.

  I take a quick shower, making sure I’m shaved in all the areas that count before he gets here. Otherwise, my beauty regimen is nonexistent except for the lotion I apply to my body. The shower is the highlight of my day, except for the auto repair he arranged for Gold Dust. I make myself a glass of red Moscato wine and put a couple of beers in the freezer for Gavin. I make use of the time I have before he arrives by checking my social media accounts. A few books from some of my favorite authors went on sale, and I one click them on Amazon. Just as I’m about to shut it down for the night, Julia checks in with me.

  JuliaYourFavSis: How are you? I want you to tell me about that hottie who answered your phone. Are you avoiding me?????

  Me: No, so not avoiding you. I worked twelve hours today. I’m on call tomorrow, and I was going to text you and see how the implant went.

  JuliaYourFavSis: The implant is in place. I was sore the day I got it. Hottie...I WANT THE INFO LIKE YESTERDAY.

  Me: Gavin is just a friend of mine, we work at the hospital together.

  JuliaYourFavSis: BULLSHIT. Why did he answer your phone at night? I know he is your boyfriend. Now you can tell me the truth.

  Me: OK. I like Gavin a lot. I’m not sure what we are. I love spending time with him.

  JuliaYourFavSis: Jamie, if you want him to be more than just a friend then just tell him. Don’t settle. #you’reaqueenbelieveit.

  Me: When did you get so smart?

  JuliaYourFavSis: I was born that way, don’t forget it. Get the forever you deserve. I will text you tomorrow. 5:00 a.m. is early.

  Me: The days of 5:00 a.m. should be over soon, you will be going off to college.

  JuliaYourFavSis: I applied to several colleges, but I doubt I will make it.

  Me: Julia, you are going to college one way or another. I promise. #futurecollegegrad2023

  JuliaYourFavSis: Thanks, Jamie, for everything. Talk tomorrow.

  I hear a little tap on the front door. Gavin usually sounds like a beast when he is at the door. I look through my peephole to see his hands are full of food. Can the man buy food for just two people? I don’t think he has it in him do it. I giggle at the thought. I open the door to a Gavin with several bags of take-out food with no room left to carry anything if he had a nickel left to his name.

  “Let me help you.”

  Gavin pushes a few bags toward me and shuts the door hard with his foot. He got a variety of food from Taco Bell. We carry it to the kitchen, and I put it out like it is Christmas dinner.

  “Everything looks so good, I don’t know where to start,” I say. “How much did this cost you?”

  “The cost is not an issue, Jamie.” He sounds annoyed.

  “It’s not about the money. I’ve just never seen someone purchase so much at Taco Bell.”

  Gavin just shakes his head as mumbles “$37.52” under his breath. My mouth hangs open, ready to catch any fly in sight.

  “The shower helped, it looks like it made you a brand-new person,” he says.

  “I feel so much better. Let’s eat and then you can take a shower.” We make our plates and head back into the living room, which is only four steps away. I turn the Kardashians on just to hear him grumble about it under his breath. “OK, I was just messing with you. I wouldn’t put you through the K’s just for my entertainment. I’m still not in a good place with them since they didn’t accept my offer to join the Dash annual Christmas card.” Gavin really chuckles at that one. I pull up Netflix on the television, and we go from there.

  “My sister asked about you. Actually, she inquired about the hottie that answered my phone.”

  “Is everything OK?” I appreciate the concern on his face more than I would ever let on.

  “Yeah, just the usual. We enjoyed a conversation about being sisters.” We eat the rest of the Mexican buffet and try to stay awake, but the food we ate has different plans for us.

  “I can’t keep my eyes open, I feel like I just ate Thanksgiving dinner.”

  “Go ahead and climb into bed, I’m going to take a quick shower.”

  “I’m just as tired as you, it has been a long day.”

  “Towels are in the linen closet in the bathroom. Help yourself.”

  “Are you sure I don’t have to go through these boxes and find one?”

  “Gavin, I told you I’m going to start looking for a new apartment in the next couple of weeks. I can’t believe it is bothering you that much.”

  “James, it’s not bothering me. I like messing with you, that’s all.”

  “Alright, keep your jokes, Mr. Rodgers.”

  As I lie in bed, I’m trying to decide if I want to stay awake or call it a night. Gavin emerging from the shower with only a towel around his waist makes the decision clear. The dripping water coming down his gorgeous six-pack, as he dries his hair with another towel, puts my body on high alert. “Like what you see?” I nod. He drops both the towels and jumps into bed.

  “You are getting me all wet.” The laughs roll out of me, one after another, as he kisses down my neck. “That will teach you to take a shower without me.”

  Within the next few minutes we are making out like teenagers, and before we know it, we are screaming in ecstasy before we bot
h call it a night.

  Gavin spoons me from behind. I love his body wrapped around me. Usually, I’m not a fan of having someone touching me. I didn’t get much affection as a child because I was too busy taking care of children. Did I get it from the kids? Yes, but Jodi and Julian are something else entirely. In their eyes, I had a job to do until I was no longer of service to them. Some people might say that they made a sacrifice for me, but the way they left was a chickenshit move. Gavin gives me feelings of warmth, care, and affection when his arms are wrapped around me. The sex between us is phenomenal. With him, I feel like I’m at home. A home I have never been given. I love the carefree feeling between us tonight. It showed me that what I want with Gavin is more than I ever imagined.

  Chapter 27

  We both slept like rocks last night; the alarm was the only thing waking us up. Gavin being wrapped around me had me waking up all sweaty and looking like a hot mess. “What time is it? I ask him as he shuts off his happy morning alarm, which will be replaced by a different greeting of my choosing.

  “Jamie, it is only 8:30 a.m. Honey, go ahead and lay back down.” I love his sweet offer, but I would feel guilty if I didn’t see him off this morning. Gavin kisses me lightly on the cheek as he climbs out of bed. “I’m going to shower at home this morning.”

  “What time are you due in at work?”

  “I hope to be there by ten o’clock.”

  “At least let me make you some coffee to take with you.”

  “Sure, I have time for that this morning.”

  Gavin is in the bathroom relieving his morning wood. I could think of all kinds of things we could be doing about his morning wood right now, but I will respect his need to go to work and keep boundaries between us. I start the coffeemaker and get a to-go cup for him; then I pull a coffee cup down for myself. I stare into the empty mug in my hands. Gavin wraps his arms around me and I soak it all in, wanting it to never end.

  “What is on your mind this morning?” I know that he knows, but I appreciate the fact that he asks me instead of just assuming.

  “I’m on call today.”

  “Jamie, we both know there is more to it.” He never lets me get away with bullshit.

  “If I’m not called into the emergency room, I’m planning to have lunch with Regan.”

  Gavin stands beside me quietly, waiting. His eyebrows arch, encouraging me to say more. Damn, his nonverbal cues are good.

  “I plan to tell Regan about my family. Putting it off any longer is not going to make it any easier for her to accept. Gavin, she is my best friend. I can’t lose her over this. Regan is my go-to for everything. She accepts the shitty decisions I make and is always there to be my backup.”

  Gavin rubs my hand in a calming gesture to relax my nerves. “I have no doubt Regan is going to be hurt by this, because she wouldn’t have wanted you to go through this on your own for years. But she needs you just as much as you need her, and this information is not going to change it.”

  “I’m going to be in and out of my office today. Text me if you need me or if you just want to feel better. Do you want me to go with you?”

  “Thanks for the offer, but this is something I need to do on my own.”

  His mouth curves up in a smile. I swear Gavin has a way of getting me to do the right thing without saying a word. It must be the therapist in him, the tricky shit that he is. He is always one up on me. “Call me after you have lunch, so I know everything is OK. Thanks for the coffee, Jamie, call me if you need me.” I walk him to the door. I open it, gesturing for him to go, and he swoops in, bringing me to him. He kisses my neck, trying to leave a bite.

  “No funny business...Gavin Rodgers.” I move away from him. He pinches my butt, and I start laughing. “I think you have somewhere to be, I don’t know...maybe work?”

  As Gavin leaves, he yells, “Call me!” Another one of his finest moments. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  Gavin always has a way of getting me out of my thoughts. I consider it a rare ability. Alcohol and casual sex are my only strategies for getting out of my head.

  I make a mental note to text Chris today. I need to check in with him. I do appreciate his friendship, but my gut tells me that Gavin does not. His giving me an orgasm in the restroom when I was out with Chris spoke volumes. Chris enjoyed the teasing I gave him, and he could give it back and then some. I’m not willing to give up on his friendship.

  Today is a day of mending or maintaining friendships. After talking with Rowan the other day, I think she is very lonely. I know it is not the same by any means, but when I was taking care of the kids by myself I felt alone often. My friends at school didn’t have the problems I did, so I never shared them with anyone. I didn’t participate in sports because we had no money for it. The only school dance I attended was the prom, because Regan pushed me to go. I spent more time at home than any other teenager, and I don’t want that for Rowan.

  Rowan’s ex-husband, Christian, thought his sperm donation dictated what was going to happen and how it was going to happen. I’m sure he came up with this arrangement so his ass didn’t have to pay child support. Maybe she can take him back to court. I’m going to talk to Regan and see if we can get Rowan a massage at her house when all three kids are at school. She has two and a half hours to herself during the week, and half an hour is spent in the car. Next year, all three kids will be in school full time.

  Chris and Rowan are the easy friendships to deal with today. Regan is the wildcard in the picture. Thinking about lunch, I need to pick a place that is quiet and secluded. I don’t want Regan feeling uncomfortable because of the environment we are in. I want to chickenshit my way out of this, but that is not an option. Lying to Regan is not possible, especially when I start to spend time with my siblings. I’m going to take a more significant role in their lives, so it is time for me to put my big girl panties on. I can no longer hide behind the hurt. It is time to move forward, and this is part of my life plan. I have no clue what part of the plan is only that one needs a life plan.

  I text Regan and tell her I made reservations for lunch if she is feeling up to it. Reservations are not usually a necessity at Rosie’s Deli, but I want to make sure we have seating in the back. Hopefully, I will be able to eat after I tell her. The Reuben sandwich is to die for, a mouthful of flavors and plenty of cheese. It is messy but delicious. Regan always gets roast beef and swiss, although meat is not really her friend right now. My guess is that she will order a cheesy veggie sandwich.

  I am tidying up the apartment to the best of my ability when a text comes in from Gavin.

  Gavin: I want to tell you that you can do this today. I have your back, always remember that.

  Me: Hmm...have my back, I prefer your cock inside me.

  Gavin: I prefer my dick fucking you.

  Jamie: Like my pic?

  Gavin: You are not playing fair...

  Gavin: I can’t work knowing I could be fucking your tits. I’m going to be distracted all day.

  Jamie: Stop worrying about me. Enjoy your distraction.

  Gavin: Payback is a bitch.

  Jamie: I look forward to it. 1 point me. Game On.

  Gavin ends our text communication with a picture of his tented dress pants. I can’t wait to get a dick pic from him. I will add it to my collage of naughty thoughts courtesy of Gavin Rodgers. Gavin is just worrying about me. I admit I love it because, other than Regan, he’s the only one who does. But he has work to do and doesn’t need to be worrying about me. If he needs a distraction, my picture of my tits pressed together with just enough room for his cock will be plenty.

  It seems like I haven’t had any reading time lately, so I carve out an hour in the morning to accomplish just that. I’m reading an erotic/ménage/political romance in Washington with flashbacks to prior wars. Sierra Simone is one of the best storytellers; I get so caught up in the story I feel like a character. She has a way of making people think outside the box. Sierra is a history buff, so I learn from
all her books. I’m on book three of a trilogy, praying she doesn’t kill anyone off, when time gets away from me. Soon I’m getting ready forty-five minutes later than I had anticipated.

  When I was tidying up the apartment this morning, I picked my outfit for lunch. I’m going to wear my black Forever 21 snap button sailor shorts with a matching black striped sailor shirt. The shirt has three-quarter sleeves. I add my black wedges; after all that is my go-to shoe. My shower is a quick one and I apply a little makeup and add some earrings, and my job is done. The goal of dressing casually is accomplished. I switch my purse to a crossover. Of course, it is black, coordinating with my outfit. My hair is an unruly mess again, and I put it into a bun. I’m running fifteen minutes late, and I fire off a text to Regan telling her I’m on my way.

  The drive to the deli is quick. I decide on my way that I will be taking this car out for a spin after lunch. I like how it feels on the road, very different from my Gold Dust. When I pull into the parking lot, Regan is already here. I have the jitters, which is the last thing I need considering I want to eat a sandwich that is built for a man.

  I join Regan in the ordering line. “Hey girl, sorry I’m running late. I’m reading the book you recommended by Sierra Simone.”

  “The New Camelot trilogy, I loved it. How many times did you use your vibe?” she whispers. If it were me asking the question, I would put it on full blast.

  “Girl...I could have kept going and going, instead I’m having lunch with your pregnant ass.”

  Regan gives me a full-fledged smile.

  “I’m getting the usual, you?”

  I can see the wheels turning in her head. “I’m going to have the veggie on wheat with extra cheese.”

  I start laughing out loud.

  “What is so funny?”

  “I predicted that’s what you’d order.”

  “We are besties...”

  I smile awkwardly at Regan thinking, I really hope so after today.

  We place our orders at the counter and walk toward the back of the restaurant. Our table has a reserved sign. “Are you sure we should be sitting here?”