Caught in Between

by Alison L. Perry

  “Sadie, did you say something? I thought I heard you say something, but I couldn’t make it out.”

  Trying my hardest to calm down, I took a few slow, deep breaths. “You l… love me?” I stuttered out.

  “Yes. Yes, I do. There’s no question.”

  “Kade, I… I love you, too.” I stopped to take another deep breath and said, “Is this really happening?”

  A low chuckle, the one that always gave me goose bumps, thrilled my ear.

  “Yes, my love. It’s really happening.”

  We sat in comfortable silence for a while, basking in the moment we’d just shared. But, I was jarred out of my reverie when I heard the front door open and close again. Unsure if it was my parents or Nathan, I reluctantly told Kade I had to go.

  “I’ll call you again, later. After I’ve had time to talk with my parents. I don’t know if I’ll be going to the meeting with them tomorrow.”

  “That sounds good. About calling me later to let me know, I mean. I’ll be thinking of you while you talk with them. It’s going to all work out.” His confidence in me was blowing me away. But it was working. I felt calmer and more prepared now.

  “I’ll talk to you soon… I love you, Kade.”

  “I love you, too.”

  After hanging up, I leaped from the bed and headed downstairs.

  “Mom? Dad? Is that you?”

  Nathan popped his head out from the kitchen. “No, it’s just me,” he said around a mouthful of bologna sandwich.

  Disappointed, I followed him back into the kitchen to grab a soda from the fridge.

  “Why are you asking if I was Mom and Dad? Where are they?” His eyebrows knit together.

  “Dad’s car broke down so Mom had to go get him. They should be back any minute now. I need to talk to them.”

  He must have heard something in my voice because he looked at me with uncharacteristic worry.

  “Was your progress report not good?”

  “Eh, what’s a progress report say about a person, anyway.” Trying to be nonchalant about it, I took a huge gulp of my soda and secretly prayed he would drop the subject. But to my dismay, he didn’t back down.

  “Sade”—he used my childhood nickname—“what did it say?”

  I didn’t want to discuss my failure status with my “golden child” brother, but he did look concerned and… compassionate? Hoping I wasn’t making a mistake by telling him, I took the plunge and confessed my fears.

  “I think I did so poorly, they’re going to kick me out. Nate, I’ll be the first ever in our family to get thrown out of University. One of a small handful since time began! Mom and Dad are going to be livid.”

  Ignoring my panic, he poured a glass of milk and drank it slowly. I watched and waited, wondering what he was thinking. When he finished, he took his time rinsing and putting the glass in the dishwasher. Finally, he turned around and looked at me.

  “I don’t think they’re going to be nearly as upset as you think.” He looked like that was all he planned to say, but I wasn’t going to let something like that dangle in the air between us.

  “What makes you say that?” I pressed.

  “Well. It’s not like we don’t know you’re different. We’ve all watched you reject blood over and over. Mom tried everything when you were little… from the bagged stuff to fresh from the vein… but you gagged every time. You don’t enjoy hunting. You’re pretty clumsy. And, you know, you do have a different look from the rest of us. Mom and Dad aren’t blind to any of that. So, I’m just saying that maybe they won’t be surprised by this, and there won’t be a huge confrontation like you’re expecting.”

  He took another huge bite of his sandwich and stood there chewing. It seemed as good a time as any to ask him something I’d been wondering for months but had dreaded bringing up.

  “Are you ashamed of me, Nate?”

  He looked surprised. “Ashamed of you? Like, how?”

  “I mean, are you ashamed that I’m your sister and a laughingstock of the whole school? You were pretty mad the first day, so I guessed your friends were giving you a hard time because of me. And let’s not even talk about the other thing. I’m sure you’ve caught a lot of crap because of who I am. I’m… I’m sorry for that.”

  He stared off into space while he finished eating. Finally, he said, “You’re my sister, Sadie. I was frustrated that first day, yeah. But, I got over it fast enough. I felt terrible about leaving you there and making you walk home. Boy, did I get my butt chewed for that one.” He smiled. “And I won’t mention the ‘other thing.’ But am I ashamed of you being my sister? No. No, I’m not embarrassed to call you family.”

  Love for him swept through me, and before I realized what I was doing, I’d walked over to him and we were hugging. It felt good to let go of the competitive feelings between us, at least for the moment. Right then, we were just brother and sister, both recognizing that maybe the other wasn’t such a jerk, after all.

  That’s how Mom and Dad found us. They came through the kitchen door, surprising all four of us. Nathan and I hastily backed away from each other, the wall going back up between us, though it wasn’t nearly as solid as it once was. Mom looked from me to Nate and back again, clearly unsure of what she’d just walked in on.

  “Hi, Mom,” I said brightly.

  “Guys, is everything okay? Did someone die? Oh my God, it’s Aunt Delia, isn’t it?”

  I wanted to laugh. It was obvious at times like these where I got my flair for the dramatic. My mom could fly off on a tangent faster than me.

  “Relax, Mom. Nobody’s dead. Nate and I were just reaching an understanding is all.” I wanted to downplay it, knowing if we admitted our moment of sibling love, she’d want to have an embarrassing celebration.

  And I had bigger fish to fry.

  Nathan and I exchanged a knowing glance, and he slipped out of the room so I could talk to my parents alone.

  I didn’t know quite where to start. I watched as they put their belongings down and Mom started pulling out pots and pans to make dinner. I was afraid if I didn’t open my mouth and say something soon, I’d lose my courage.

  “Mom, Dad, I need to talk to y’all about something important.” Immediately, a frown creased my mom’s face. “I promise, nobody died,” I said to keep her from jumping down that rabbit hole again. “But this is serious. Can you sit down, please?”

  With uneasy faces, they sat down at the kitchen table, holding hands, and I sank into a chair across from them. I smiled at their clasped hands, suddenly aware of all the love that was in this house. I thought briefly of Kade and my smile grew a little bigger. I can do this. It’s going to be okay.

  I cleared my throat. “Okay, so here’s the deal. Y’all know that the first semester is over and progress reports went out today, right?”

  “Oh! Oh, honey, in all the mess from this afternoon, I’d completely forgotten about that!” Mom’s face went from animated apology to cautious. “That’s what this is about, isn’t it?”

  At this point, my dad hadn’t said a word. Instead, he kept his eyes on my face, a calmness radiating from him. His relaxed posture and patient expression soothed me. It was in this moment that I knew I didn’t have to worry about him flying off the handle. Bolstered by this realization, I marched along with what I wanted to say.

  “Instead of a progress report, I got a letter from the Assistant Dean, Madame Kringsly. It’s addressed to you, but I went ahead and opened it. She wants to have a meeting with you guys tomorrow during first period.” I tried to look upbeat, but shame was starting to creep back in. “I think she’s going to say I’m not welcome there anymore.” There, I said it.

  My mom closed her eyes, but Dad just continued to watch me with that same Zen expression. Even though I was pretty sure there wasn’t going to be an explosion, I still held my breath as I waited to see what they were going to do.

  Dad pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number. I heard a voice on the other end pick up. “Ro
bert,” Dad said, “I need to cancel my nine o’clock meeting tomorrow. I have a pressing matter to attend to, but I should be in the office later in the day.” He listened a moment as Robert said something and gave his thanks and hung up. “All right, I’ve cleared my schedule. The twins are old enough to stay here for a few hours by themselves.”

  “Do you want me to go with you?” I asked. I wasn’t sure which answer I wanted. A huge part of me yearned to see Kade, to feel his arms wrapped around me, but there was another part of me that never wanted to set foot on that campus again.

  “Yes, I think it would be appropriate if you come with us. Alice, what do you think?” he asked, giving my mom’s hand a squeeze.

  Her silence so far was unnerving, but she also had a soothing expression.

  “I agree. If you won’t be allowed back next semester, then I think you should take this opportunity to say good-bye to your friends.”

  I wanted to say I didn’t have any friends, but I knew that would upset her. It would be easier to agree and slip away for a bit to see Kade while they thought I was off saying good-bye to dozens of people. My stomach clenched at the thought of no more Kade lunches, but then I realized how ridiculous that sounded. He had a car, and there would be plenty of chances to see each other before and after school. Suddenly anxious to talk to him again, I asked to be excused.

  “I’m tired and not all that hungry. Is it okay if I skip dinner and go to bed?”

  Mom looked like she wanted to argue, but I saw my dad put his hand on her arm.

  “Of course, honey. Go get some rest. We’ll figure this out.”

  I started to leave the room and remembered the fight between Sophia and Josh. “Um, Mom, I don’t know what’s going on, but when you dropped the twins off earlier they came bolting upstairs like a herd of elephants. Sophia was going to town on his door, screaming her head off. I had to calm her down, but she was mad. I think Josh was hiding from her. Just thought you should know in case you need to go intervene. She wouldn’t tell me what it was about.”

  Mom heaved a sigh of exasperation. “Good God, I never would have thought she’d get so upset about this.” She left the room, muttering something under her breath. I looked at Dad, but he just shrugged, clearly just as confused as I was. Glad to have pushed the problem onto someone else’s shoulders, I grabbed an apple from the bowl on the table and headed back to my bedroom. When I reached the landing, I heard raised voices from behind Sophia’s door. I cringed. From the sound of it, it was turning into a doozy of an argument, so I scampered into my room, wanting no part of it.

  I called Kade back and told him about my conversation with Nathan and my parents. We talked for over an hour and made plans to meet up the next day in our spot behind the gym. When I finally crawled into bed, I drifted off, dreaming of golden hair and sea-green eyes.

  Chapter 14 - Kringsly and Kissing

  When the door to Madame Kringsly’s office closed behind my parents, I headed straight for the gym. My feet flew over the lawn on a cloud of happiness. The relief and joy flooding through me as I realized this was the last time I’d have to walk these steps made me oblivious to my surroundings. When I rounded the corner of the building, Kade was already waiting for me. I stopped a few feet away from him, suddenly shy. Last night’s words, “I love you,” floated in the air between us.

  I examined his face, looking for any sign he hadn’t meant it, or worse, had changed his mind. But one look into his eyes offered me the reassurance I needed. I could see his love for me and sadness at the loss of this precious daily time together in our secluded spot. I saw something else, too. He had confidence in me. I could see all of it, and suddenly I knew. I knew what we had was genuine and life altering. That we would find a way together. The overwhelming realization of these truths flooded my body with joy, and I launched myself at him, wanting nothing more than to feel as much of him pressing against me as possible.

  He caught me, laughing, and twirled me around in circles until I was gasping for air and pleading for him to put me down. Still chuckling, he lowered me slowly to the ground. With my hand in his, he led me to the trees and laid me down so I wouldn’t lose my balance. Following me down to the ground, he reclined on his side with his head propped in his hand and watched me.

  We stayed like that for a while, neither of us in a hurry to break the magic of the moment. I rested there, content, as his fingers played with a wisp of hair that had come undone from my ponytail. He wrapped it around and around his finger and let go, only to repeat the process.

  Finally, I broke the silence. “Kade, what are you going to do with this time of your day after I’m gone?”

  He took his time answering, still playing with my hair. When he did respond, he surprised me. “I’ve been thinking about that. I have a car.” He stopped to allow me time to absorb what he meant.

  “You want to come have lunch with me at… well, wherever I end up?” I asked incredulously. “But, you can’t do that. They don’t allow first-year students to leave the campus during lunch hour. That’s reserved for the upperclassmen.”

  “Mmm,” he said, “I may know somebody who can be swayed to speak on my behalf to bend the rule for me.” A smile played about his lips and I waited for him to say more, but he left it at that.

  Happiness swirled inside me. “You’d actually do that for me,” I said in wonder. He simply answered by looking into my eyes and leaning down to tease my lips with his. Suddenly forgetting the conversation, all I could focus on were the incredible feelings zipping through my veins. His lips ignited my senses and my body responded by trying to get closer to him. I snuggled into his warmth and he pulled me in closer still. Our kiss grew deeper, more urgent. Our tongues met and I could taste the heady sweetness of his breath.

  I lost all track of time, and when he broke contact, I moaned as if to say “No, not yet.” Seconds later, I was delighted to feel his lips tracing down my neck, to just below my ear, where he settled in to kiss and nibble. My toes curled and I dug my fingernails into his arm, overcome by the new and unfamiliar sensations coursing through me. I grew warm as shivers raced up and down my back. Twisting and arching my body toward him, I tried to give him as much of me as possible. I could tell he was enjoying my reaction immensely by his murmurs of appreciation between kisses. Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more, he stopped for a moment. But before I could protest, he made his way to the other side of my neck and gave it the same loving attention. I was filled with such longing for something… I just didn’t quite know what it was.

  When we heard the lunch bell ring that indicated it was time for students to head to their next period, we broke apart. I was still reeling from the myriad of feelings his lips had created in my body.

  “You’re going to have to let go of my arm now.” He chuckled softly again. “Your knuckles are so tense they’re white.”

  Surprised, I looked down at my hand. He was right. I’d been unaware of how tightly coiled I was until he mentioned it. I mumbled something through an embarrassed laugh and loosened my grip.

  I think he could tell I was feeling shy again. He used one finger to lift my chin up so I was staring straight into his eyes. “Sadie, I know what we do together is all new for you, and I don’t want to make you feel embarrassed or anything less than good about it. It’s all in your hands. We’ll do as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. Okay?”

  I nodded, still a little embarrassed, though. He was talking as if he’d done everything there was to do hundreds of times. And he was right about me. I was completely new to this. Before I could stop it, a little trickle of doubt crept into my mind. Is he going to get tired of how inexperienced I am?

  He shocked me by responding as if I’d said that out loud. Very firmly, he held my face in his hands, forcing me to continue looking at him. “I mean it, Sadie. You’re refreshing and genuine. Every time I touch you, I can see the wonder on your face and feel it in your responses. It makes me fall a little deeper in love w
ith you each time. I am not going to get tired of you.”

  I kissed him. No words could have done justice to how he made me feel, so I reached up and let my lips tell him instead.

  When the second bell rang, I reluctantly pulled away. “I just made you late.” I forced a look of apology on my face.

  “You’re not sorry, and neither am I. Being late to one class isn’t a big deal. This time with you… you are a big deal to me.” He stood and held his hands down to help me up. When I was on my feet again, he picked me up and twirled me once more. I giggled, happier in this moment than I’d ever been in my life.

  I sighed when my feet touched the ground again. “Okay, you have to get to class and I need to get back to waiting for my parents to finish with Kringsly. For all I know, they were done within the first five minutes and are wondering where I am.” I checked my phone, just in case, and was relieved when all I saw was a text from Molly asking where I was. Surprised she had reached out, I thought for a second about answering her. But Kade was more important. I stuffed the phone in my back pocket, immediately forgetting everything but him.

  He patted my rear and gave me a quick kiss. “I’ll talk to you later. Let me get some things worked out here and I’ll tell you what the plan is, okay?”

  I gave him a big smile and nodded, watching him as he walked away. Damn, he looks good in those jeans. I hugged myself and twirled again, this time staggering without his arms to steady me. I laughed, amused now at my clumsiness, and made my way back to the waiting room outside Kringsly’s office. The secretary looked up when I walked in and gave me a nice smile.

  “Would you like something to drink, dear?” Her voice was warm and soothing.

  Probably an ace at Persuasion.

  “No, thank you, ma’am. But can you tell me if my parents are still in there?”

  “Yes, hon. I’m not sure when the meeting will be finished. Madame Kringsly specifically requested I leave it open-ended—I suppose to allow for anything extra your parents might want to discuss?”