Caught in Between

by Alison L. Perry

  With nothing to say in response to that, I just gave her a quick thanks and dug in my bag for the latest book I’d been reading. Soon, I was lost in the pages, completely swept up in the storyline. I was so absorbed in it, I didn’t hear my parents come out until Dad said my name pretty loudly.

  I looked up, blinking at the sudden shift in worlds, and brought myself back to the present. My mom was saying a gracious good-bye to Kringsly and Dad was motioning for me to gather my things so we could leave.

  Once I was ready, I started to trail behind my parents, but Kringsly’s voice stopped me. “Ms. Criswel… Sadie… I do regret things ending this way. I wish you well in your future.”

  I looked back, my dislike showing plainly on my face. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Things are working out just the way they should.” And with that parting shot, I marched through the door and walked with my parents to the car.

  ***

  “Well, that’s over and done with,” Dad said, throwing his keys in the bowl by the front door. “I have to say, I didn’t care for the way that woman spoke about you.” He hadn’t said much in the car on the way home, and I remembered how he hadn’t said good-bye to Madame Kringsly when we left the campus.

  “She was pretty harsh, I’ll admit. But, she is the assistant dean of the school, and it’s her final decision. I’m guessing she felt a little bad about it and wanted to get the meeting over with as quickly as possible.” Mom, always defending and looking for the silver lining, straightened her skirt and headed toward the kitchen.

  “Sophia, Joshua, we’re home! Time to practice spelling words!” There was loud thumping on the ceiling, followed by a huge crash. “What in the world are they up to now…” Mom’s voice trailed off as she disappeared upstairs.

  Dad sighed and shook his head. “C’mon Sadie, let’s see what’s on TV in the middle of the day. I don’t get to check this out too often.”

  “Thanks, Dad, but I’m gonna head up to my room. I’m not feeling well.” The lie slipped out easily. In truth, I just wanted some alone time to absorb the magnitude of the moment.

  I’m free. But as soon as I thought that, another thought slammed into me. What does that even mean?

  He nodded at me, already busy finding the remote and settling into his chair. When it was clear he was firmly occupied, I scampered up to my room. As the door closed behind me I let out a deep whoosh of air. I had no school, no job, no obligations. I didn’t know how long that would last, so I was going to enjoy the hell out of it while I could.

  Chapter 15 - Bad to Worse to Human?

  “Sadie.”

  Someone was calling my name. I ignored it and drifted back to the dream I was having, but the voice persisted.

  “Sadie, wake up. Wake up! Mom wants you.” This time the voice was accompanied by rough shaking of my shoulder, and I groaned loudly at the disturbance.

  “Go ’way,” I grumbled.

  “Sadie, Mom wants you right now!”

  This time I peeked one eye open and saw Joshua getting ready to start jostling me again. But before he could make contact, I rolled to one side and sat up with a glare.

  “What is your problem?” I demanded.

  “I don’t have a problem. But, Mom’s been asking for you for, like, thirty minutes. She needs help with the laundry.” I glared harder and he held up his hands in mock surrender. “Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.” Satisfied he’d done his duty, he ran toward the open door. I threw a pillow at his retreating back, aiming for his head, but the little brat was quick and dodged it as he made it to safety.

  “Dammit,” I said to the empty room.

  I stumbled out of bed and headed for the kitchen in search of a cup of coffee. I was just pulling a mug out of the cabinet when Mom walked in and saw me.

  “Well, it’s about time you decided to grace us with your presence.” I rolled my eyes at her but she ignored it. “Sit down. We need to talk about what you’re going to do.” I heard that edge in her voice. The one that meant she was going to say something I probably wouldn’t like. I stared at the silvery sheen of the coffeemaker and steeled myself for an unpleasant conversation.

  “What I’m going to do about what?”

  “Do as in occupy yourself for the time you’d normally be in school. You’re not going to sleep all night and become some sort of lazy bum. You have a couple of choices, but ultimately, you’re going to have to find something productive to do.”

  I thought about it as I poured coffee into my cup. “What choices do I have?”

  “You can take a job with Dad, or—”

  “No!” My abruptness caught her off guard and she didn’t say anything for a minute. My heart pounded at the thought of working with my dad, and I was sort of surprised my parents even thought it was a possibility.

  “Sadie, you can’t possibly still be bothered by The Nursery.”

  “Yeah, actually… I can. You know what a nightmare that place was for me.”

  Mom scoffed a little. “You were so little. Surely, you don’t remember the treatments. And it wasn’t a bad place, Sadie. You were just different from everyone else. The staff assumed you’d acclimate with enough exposure.”

  “You mean, they figured if they pumped enough blood down my throat, I’d eventually cave and suddenly like it? I remember all of it, Mom. Every last drop.” My voice was bitter with the memories.

  She sighed. “To be fair, it was a natural assumption for them to make. There aren’t too many vampires walking around with an allergy”—she air quoted with her fingers—“to blood.”

  “There wasn’t anything natural about it, Mom! They force-fed me and watched as I threw it up over and over. There’s a word for doing the same thing and expecting different results. It’s called insanity.”

  She must have finally heard the revulsion and hate in my voice. She cocked her head to one side and studied my face. “Are you truly that traumatized? I mean, you had good times, too. That’s where you met Molly. The two of you did everything together.”

  At the mention of Molly’s name, a ripple of hurt washed through me. We still weren’t speaking much. Ever since our argument, there’d been a silent divide between us. I couldn’t help but wonder if it had always been there and I’d just been too blind to see it. I pushed the hurt away, still not able to cope with the thought of Molly’s judgment of me.

  “Mom, I’m not going to work at The Nursery. I just can’t. What are my other options?”

  “If you don’t work with your father, then we’ll send you out of state to another University… and pray that you improve enough not to get kicked out.” She sighed again. “I don’t mean that as harsh as it sounds, honey. I just mean we’ll be keeping our fingers crossed that a different school can teach you in a way you can better relate to. We want you to be successful.”

  I mulled over my choices. I knew I wouldn’t work at The Nursery. There was no way I could walk into that place day after day. Aside from the awful memories, a strong smell of blood permeated the building, making me nauseous and faint the few times I’d ever visited my dad. I shuddered. That was definitely not a choice.

  But to go to another school… out of the state! I thought of Kade and my heart stuttered. I couldn’t leave him. Things were just getting started between us and suddenly moving out of state was sure to be the kiss of death. I couldn’t bear the thought.

  “Can I take a few days to make my decision? Or do I have to answer right now?”

  “You can have until the end of the week to think about it. Your dad and I support either decision. Now, once you finish your coffee, I’d like some help with the laundry. I might as well make use of the extra pair of hands while they’re here!” She walked out of the kitchen with a pep in her step, leaving me behind to wonder what the hell I was going to do.

  I went back upstairs, grabbing a basket of laundry along the way, and shut myself in my room again. As I folded clothes, I thought about what my mom had said. The two “options” they were gi
ving me weren’t much better than a permanent grounding. Were they actually trying to punish me? Even though she was doing her best to hide it, I knew Mom was embarrassed that I was kicked out of University. I mean, as far as I knew, I was maybe only the third or fourth vampire to ever be asked to leave in the school’s history. There was a part of me that agreed with my mom. It was embarrassing. But… it’s not like I hadn’t told them this would happen.

  I picked up my phone and dialed Kade’s number. I guessed he’d be in the middle of Maneuvers right now, so I took a chance he had his phone on him and was bored. My hunch paid off.

  “Hey, beautiful,” his warm voice murmured. As always, my knees trembled slightly and I melted a little. I was never going to get used to him calling me that.

  “Hi, Kade. Are you in class? Can you talk? I don’t want to get you in trouble.” My words tumbled over each other, neatly giving my feelings away.

  He laughed softly on the other end. “Sadie, how many times do I have to tell you to relax. I’ve got things well under control. You can call me anytime you want to and I promise I’ll pick up unless there’s something drastic preventing it, okay?”

  His reassurance settled the nerves, and I relaxed. “Okay. I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to get into any trouble because of me.” A thought struck me. “Um… have you had any run-ins… with… you know, Jill?” I had a hard time getting her name out and I hated myself for it.

  “A few. She’s been bluffing a lot and acting like she was personally responsible for you leaving school. Most of the kids know the truth and ignore her, which makes her even madder. She tries to take it out on me, but it doesn’t work.” I could hear the layers of context beneath his words and was dying to ask more. But I didn’t want to waste my phone time with him discussing her.

  “Just try to stay clear of her, okay? I don’t like it. It still feels dangerous.”

  “Sadie, she’s not dangerous to me. She’s a bully and a mean girl, who took her aggression out on you because she could. But she’s not going to do anything to me. I’m not saying you’re clear, though. You may not be here every day, but she can find where you live, what you do. She could have you followed. So, I’m the one telling you to be careful. Understood?” His tone had stiffened and I knew he was serious. This was the protective part of him that I secretly loved, even though as a progressive woman vampire, I should be insulted by his insinuation that I needed protecting.

  But I do need protecting.

  “I understand, Kade. Truly.” I heard him sigh, and I wanted to drown in the sound, to be swept away by him, never to feel alone or out of place again. I knew it could be possible. Someday. But not right now. Right now, I had to tell him about the choice I was being forced to make. I drew in a breath, hopeful he’d help me see a way out of this disaster.

  “Listen, my parents are sort of laying down the law for me. They don’t want me being a ‘lazy bum’ all my life, so they’ve given me a week to decide if I want to work with my dad at The Nursery or go to another University out of state.”

  His silence reaffirmed my feelings on the matter. It stretched out between us and just as I started to think we’d lost the phone connection, he finally spoke. “Those are terrible choices.”

  “I know. But, when you think about it, what other options do I have? I’m a vampire, Kade. A terrible one, yeah, but a vampire all the same. I have no idea why I’m the way I am or what I’m supposed to do with it, ya know?”

  “I know,” he whispered.

  I heaved a deep sigh. “Can we see each other sometime before I have to make my decision? I’d like to see your face and talk more about it with you before…” I trailed off and tried again. “I mean, it sort of affects you, too.”

  “Yes. I’ve almost got the green light to be able to leave campus at lunch. I’ll be able to tell you more tonight. I gotta run. Jake wants me to demonstrate something for the class. Talk soon, k?”

  “Okay,” I said, before hanging up.

  With the phone still in my hand, I sat there and let my thoughts run wild. For sixteen years, I’d felt like an outcast. But never more so than now. It was almost like I was homeless, but without the not having a home part.

  During my homeschooling years, Mom had taught the history of our species. It was part of the standard curriculum that the “powers that be” of the vampire world mandated parents use. In those lessons, I’d learned about the First Families and how we all stemmed from one of their familial lines. And of course, I’d been taught the battles we’d fought over the centuries when those in the human world discovered our truths. But it occurred to me that in all the stories and lessons Mom had shared, nothing had ever been mentioned about a vampire’s actual purpose. According to what I was taught, we were the superior species, to be held above all others. We “allowed” the humans to live here. But in reality, what were we doing? We were feeding and growing our covens… our families. To do what? To eventually rise up and proclaim our power over the world? Or to just “be?”

  And where did that leave me?

  All the questions swirling inside were making my brain hurt. I put my earbuds in and turned the music up as loud as it would go. The chords and melodies echoed around inside my brain as I tried to block out the one conclusion I kept coming to. It stared me in the face, forced me to look at it, turn it in my mind, and examine all its angles. It was a terrifying conclusion, and I desperately wanted to talk to Kade about it, to confide in him about my theory. I wanted him to look at it factually, rationally, and tell me I was freaking out over nothing.

  I mean, surely I’m not a misfit in a whole community of misfits who don’t have any real purpose in this world? That’s like, misfit squared. Jill’s words came rushing back to me. “So, if you’re not a vampire, or at least not a pedigreed vampire, then what are you?”

  I could hear muffled banging on my door. I turned down the volume and took out the earbuds just as Mom walked in. She was dressed in black slacks and a nice sweater, totally unlike her normal around-the-house attire.

  “I’m taking the twins out to get something for lunch. Do you want to go?”

  “Where’s Nath—” I stopped, realizing I was about to ask a stupid question. She raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for my answer. “Um, no. Thanks, though. I’m not very hungry.”

  “Okay, that’s fine. The laundry looks good. There are about three more loads in the laundry room for you to get to. We’ll be back in a while.”

  Three more loads? I groaned, hating housework. Looking at the clock, I was suddenly aware of the burning in my throat. It had been more than twelve hours since I’d had blood. I ran downstairs to get a glass of water and downed three capsules in one gulp. On my way back upstairs, I stopped by the laundry room to take a look and groaned even louder. Seriously? How much clothing does one family need?

  I heard my phone ringing and bolted up the stairs. I rooted around on my bed trying to find it. Following the sound, I finally unearthed it from beneath a pile of towels. Breathless, I answered. “Hello?”

  “Sade? It’s me.”

  “Oh.” Molly? “Um, hey, Molly. What’s up?”

  “I know it’s kind of awkward for me to be calling, but I just found out that you’re not coming back to school.”

  I didn’t know what kind of response she wanted from me, so I just sat there. When it was obvious I wasn’t going to say anything else, she continued.

  “I… I just wanted you to know that I feel terrible about that day at lunch. Our fight. I don’t like the way we ended things, and I just wanted to… um… apologize.”

  I was surprised, but I could hear the sincerity in her voice. “I didn’t like it, either, Molly. Thanks for reaching out. I appreciate it.”

  Her voice was a little less strained now. “So, I guess you’re probably glad you were kicked out, huh? It’s not like you were thrilled to be attending in the first place, and now you don’t have to worry about acting like a fool in front of everyone.”

  I win
ced at the harshness of her words. That was Molly for you. Blunt and to the point. I took a deep breath and tried to let it roll off my back. The fact of the matter was, she was telling the truth. I might not have said it quite so frankly, but… there it was.

  “It’s a little mortifying to be asked to leave your parents’ alma mater. I mean, I never wanted to let them down or disgrace their name. But yeah, it’s nice not to have to showcase my freakiness now.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  “Well, I’ve been given a couple of choices. Work at The Nursery or go to another University out of state and try again.” Saying it again, out loud, helped me quell the panic brewing inside. The more I said it, the more control I had over it.

  “Oh,” she said, “I know The Nursery is out. There’s no way you could go back there. Why would your parents even think that’d be okay with you?”

  “They’re in denial that it was that bad. Which is easy for them, because they weren’t there. They put their trust in the facility to issue the ‘treatments.’ Dad works in a different division, so, you know, he never saw any of it happening.”

  “That’s awful.” I heard a tiny layer of judgment in her voice again and my spine stiffened.

  “Yeah, well, they didn’t know, and I’m not sure that I’d have done it any differently if I were in their shoes. It’s not as if vamps like me are a common occurrence. Everyone was trying their best in circumstances that were foreign.” I hated defending the whole thing, but something in Molly’s voice had ticked me off.

  “Okay, okay, backing off. I do want you to be happy, ya know? I’m sorry I keep pissing you off.” She laughed a little. “Maybe you should just forget about being a vampire and pursue the human school thing we were talking about.” Her giggles bubbled through the speaker and something inside me clicked.

  “You know what, Molly? Maybe I’ll do just that. See you around.”

  Click. I hung up, irritated, but it faded quickly. My mind was already taking the idea of a human life and twirling it around, looking for holes or weaknesses.