Caught in Between

by Alison L. Perry

  Me. Going to human school. Establishing a human life. It made just as much sense as anything else. But this plan had advantages. For starters, I wouldn’t be held to a standard I was doomed to fall short of. Unless I tried out for the gymnastics or cheerleading teams, my general clumsiness would blend in. And, I’ve always looked the part of the average human teenage girl. Blond and freckly. Cute. For once, my outward appearance could work for me. But best of all, the general subjects human high school students studied were a strength of mine. History, science, math… they all fascinated me. I doubted I’d have any trouble keeping up with the academics.

  The only problem I could foresee was the obvious one. The sun. I’d have to figure out a way to get in and out of the building without going POOF in a pile of ash. But even that didn’t seem like something that could stop me. If I was determined enough, surely I could find a way around that inconvenience.

  My heart raced and giddiness washed over me. What if I could get my high school diploma and go to college? What if I could get a degree and actually participate in the world? It was something to think about.

  Chapter 16 - Decisions

  A few days later, Kade and I sat in his car parked under some trees at a nearby playground. Our hands were intertwined, and all I could focus on was the sensation of his thumb rubbing circles in the palm of my hand. Tingles rippled outward toward my fingers and up my arm, sending shock waves of need skittering down my spine. I closed my eyes, wishing the moment could last forever.

  But, this was my only chance to see him in person and get his opinion on my new plan before my deadline to tell my parents. I needed to focus. I took a deep breath and reluctantly loosened my hand from his grip, turning sideways in the seat so I could look him full in the face.

  “I’ve come up with a plan and I want to know what you think about it before I tell my parents. I’m positive they’re going to object all over it. But it’s your opinion that I care about.”

  His sparkling green eyes grew darker as he focused on the seriousness of my tone.

  “I’m all ears, Sadie. What are you thinking of doing?”

  I took another deep breath to steady my nerves. The more I’d thought about this, the more I realized how much I wanted to do it. And though I planned to fight for my idea even if nobody liked it, I honestly did want Kade’s support.

  “I can’t work at The Nursery. That’s out of the question.” He nodded in understanding. I’d told him a bit about my experiences in that place, so he knew my reasoning there. “I also can’t imagine moving out of state to go to another finishing school that we all know I’ll probably fail at. The only difference would be that I won’t know anybody there. So, I’m nixing that option, too.”

  He continued to sit still, captured by my words, waiting for me to finish.

  You can do this, Sadie. I breathed deeply for a few seconds, then took the plunge.

  “I’m going to convince my parents to let me try Jefferson High School.” There. It was out in the open now.

  Kade sat still as a statue, but I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. I waited, my fingers fumbling together in a nervous tic. I looked at the dew collecting on the leaves of the trees outside the car. I watched an owl swoop down from his perch on a high tree branch to catch something in his beak from the ground. I heard the whispers of the trees as they blew gently in the night air and the twitterings of birds saying good night to each other. I took it all in as I waited for Kade to say something.

  Finally, he moved his shoulders up and down as if to stretch them. I turned to him, half afraid he was going to blow a million holes into my idea. But, the look on his face was encouraging.

  “I think you could really pull it off, Sade. With some adjustments, of course.”

  I whooshed out the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding and grabbed his hand back in mine.

  “You do? I mean, I do, but I thought maybe I was crazy for even thinking of it in the first place. But it just makes sense, ya know? I look the part already. I won’t have to hide my blood intake because it’s just pills and I can take those during any trip to the bathroom. Even my clumsiness would be normal because I won’t be in a school chock-full of vampires who are expected to be graceful, lithe gods. It’s the perfect solution.” I was jabbering now, my relief at his acceptance and excitement for this new adventure getting the better of me.

  He was chuckling under his breath as I chattered on. Squeezing my hand, he took his other and ran a finger softly down my cheek until he was tracing the outline of my lips. That shut me up. The scorching trail his finger left was igniting other parts of my body, and I began to breathe faster as I leaned into his warmth. My eyes were closed as I concentrated on the tip of his finger against my skin. He drew light patterns across my cheeks and nose before ending it with a soft kiss on my forehead. I sensed him pulling back and I opened my eyes, disappointed at the distance suddenly between us.

  “When are you going to tell them?”

  I tried to switch gears, back to the conversation and away from the feelings that swirled inside me whenever he was near. “Um, today. Now. As soon as I get back home. I was just waiting to run it by you before telling them.”

  “Then, I think we’d better get you back home, don’t you think?”

  I didn’t understand the sudden change in his mood but nodded. Something had just happened, but I didn’t have a clue what it was. Anxiety squeezed my heart, but I fought to keep it from showing. I needed to concentrate on the conversation with my parents. Whatever had shifted between Kade and me would have to wait.

  ***

  I was sitting at the kitchen table when my parents walked in for breakfast. My fingers squeezed my cup of orange juice so tightly the glass was beginning to crack.

  “Good morning!” Mom said brightly.

  Dad came over to drop a kiss on top of my head, but when he saw my tension, he immediately sat down across from me. When she realized I hadn’t responded to her, Mom turned around to see what was going on.

  “From the looks of it, you have something heavy on your mind,” she said.

  I still didn’t say anything, wanting their full attention before I started talking. Taking Dad’s cue, she concentrated on getting the coffee started and came over and took a seat, too. They sat there, watching and waiting for me to speak. I eased the pressure off the glass and silently ordered myself to relax.

  “Mom, Dad, I’ve made a decision about what I’d like to do.” I paused, waiting for some sort of reaction. My parents quickly glanced at each other, but that was it. Muttering a quick prayer under my breath, I marched on, false strength in my voice. “I don’t want to work at The Nursery or go to an out-of-state school. I want to go to Jefferson High.”

  My announcement was met with utter silence. There wasn’t a single movement from either of my parents, and I wondered for just a moment if they’d even heard me. But my concern was short-lived.

  Dad’s voice was soft. “What. Do. You. Mean. Jefferson. High?” he said, drawing out the sentence as if the extra enunciation would help it sink in better.

  “I mean, I want to go to high school like a normal human kid.”

  Mom blinked. “You’re not human.”

  “No, I’m not, but I’m not entirely convinced I’m a vampire, either.”

  That got their attention. Dad’s voice rose. “What do you mean you don’t think you’re a vampire?”

  I started to get mad. I couldn’t help it. “I mean that the only things I have in common with vampires are the physical fangs and vein shadows. And a need for blood to survive.” My voice was rising, too. “But I don’t share any other qualities! Surely over the years you’ve come up with your own theories. So, what are they? Are you even my parents?” I was shouting at them, my anger, frustration, and lack of support fueling the outrage pouring through my veins.

  They didn’t say anything, though their faces registered shock. After all this time, I’d never flat-out asked them what they tho
ught was wrong with me. And now, when my question was finally floating between us, they still didn’t offer any explanation. I waited, but nothing happened. Giving up on them, I started talking to fill up the silence.

  “It makes sense, guys. Maybe I was born a vampire, I don’t know. But I’m awful at it. When I think about it, I’m probably more human than anything. Aside from having to find a way to get through the day without getting into the sunlight, I think it’ll be pretty easy.” Still battling the quiet, I continued. “Look, I never intended to live my life the way you guys do. I don’t drink blood, so I don’t have the urge to stalk my prey before feasting on it.” I shivered at the idea. “I’ll continue making blood capsules and take them on a break during school. You don’t have to do it anymore, Mom. I can take it over.” I paused to give them time to say something, do something, react in some kind of way. But when they still didn’t respond, I kept going. “I don’t think it’s going to be a big deal. And I can learn the skills I need to live normally in society. There’s only so many things vampires can do. High school will prepare me to find a real job.”

  Finally, my mom broke from her stupor. Bristling up, her voice held that edge I was oh so familiar with. “I don’t even know where to start. The accusation that you’re not our child is… it’s… well, it’s preposterous! I was there from day one. We both were! You think we wouldn’t notice if you weren’t full pedigreed? And beyond that, do you actually think if we did know something like that, we’d keep it from you?”

  “Well, gee, I don’t know, Mom. I just asked you what you think is wrong with me and you just sat there! What the hell do you want me to say?”

  “That’s enough, Sadie,” my father roared. “You will not speak to your mother like that. I won’t tolerate it.”

  I glared at him, too enraged to temper my words. “I’m talking to you, too! Please! If I’m wrong, tell me! If I’m right, tell me! If you honestly don’t know, tell me! But at least tell me something!”

  He started to say something back at me, but Mom put a hand on his arm.

  “Sadie,” she began, “there is far more to hiding your true self than staying out of the sun. If you don’t have regular blood, your body responds in a more dramatic fashion than humans do without food. And when your temper gets the best of you, you know what happens. There would be no way to explain your fangs and the vein shadows. What are you thinking?” She sounded bewildered.

  “How can you act surprised by this, Mom? You’ve watched me for sixteen years and you know that I’m different! Way different,” I exploded, my chest heaving. “It’s not like I just have a little bit of a problem hunting a person or need to have a special type of blood. I’m different in every way from you guys. From every vampire. Don’t just sit there and act like this is flying in from out of left field. You said it yourself… that you’ve been with me from day one. So, we’ve all seen this coming for years. I just don’t think anybody ever wanted to address it until we were forced to when University kicked me out. I should never have gone there in the first place. I know it and I know you guys know it, too.” Exhausted by the anger I’d just blasted at them, I slumped down in my chair, glaring at them in a way I’d never done before.

  Silence filled the room again, the only sound the ticking of the grandfather clock from the living room. Mom stood and poured herself a cup of coffee. Dad fiddled with the newspaper sitting on the table.

  “So are you guys just not going to talk to me now?” I couldn’t keep the anger, the outright disgust, out of my voice.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Sadie,” my dad snapped back. “You’ve just accused us of keeping major secrets from you. And on top of that, thrown us a huge curve ball about school and you expect us to be on board immediately. Did you honestly think we would have a different reaction?”

  “Well, yeah, Dad, I did. It just seems so obvious to me. It’s the only logical thing for me to do. If I were to go to another finishing school, do you believe I’ll have different results? Truly?” My question must have caught him off guard because his eyebrows narrowed and his shoulders slumped slightly. I softened my voice a bit. “I just want to fit in somewhere. And I think Jefferson High might be the place.”

  I could tell something in my voice had gotten through to him. I could see it on his face. Instead of the anger that was there moments ago, something like resignation took its place. For what, I didn’t know. Maybe he realized they needed to come clean about my heritage. Or maybe he was accepting the idea of me living life on my terms. He didn’t say anything, but at that moment, he didn’t need to. When I looked at him, I saw love. Right then, that was all that mattered.

  But Mom wasn’t ready to give in. “Sadie, listen to yourself. You’re a vampire. And a young one at that. I don’t think you’re old enough to make this kind of decision and understand the possible consequences. If someone were to discover what you are…”

  She didn’t have to finish her sentence. I knew. It was the most important rule our kind lived by. If a human discovers what we are, they can’t be allowed to live freely. They must either die or be Persuaded to live as a Feeder. I’ve always detested the idea. Bringing harm to anyone has never been easy for me to understand, much less do.

  “Then I’ll make sure nobody finds out.” My defiance resonated loud and clear.

  She sighed. “It’s not as simple as that, Sadie. And it’s not something to take lightly.”

  “I’m not taking any of this lightly, Mom! I know the risks. I know what happens if someone discovers my secret. But I also know that continuing to pretend that I’m just like everyone else, when I’m clearly not, isn’t a choice anymore!” My nostrils flared and heat flushed through my body. “My time at University showed me just how much I don’t belong in that world—your world. I’m tired of feeling like that. So, I’m making a choice to try something new.”

  She opened her mouth to reply, but Dad put his hand on her arm. “Alice, why don’t you take some time to think on it. We’re all emotional about this and before anybody says something they’ll later regret, I think we should take a pause.”

  I held my breath.

  Finally, she nodded her head and left the room, taking her coffee cup with her.

  Dad looked at me with an expression I’d never seen from him before. It was empathy. And all of a sudden, I saw him as a person instead of just a parent. His brown eyes were kind, etched at the corners with laugh lines. Why had I never noticed that before? In the space of one conversation, I finally felt a connection to him. Sure, we had yelled, but more importantly, he had listened to me. Really listened, and I realized that’s all I had ever wanted from them. To be seen and heard. To have my feelings acknowledged.

  “Dad, thank you for seeing my side of this—”

  He cut me off. “Honey, there’s no need to thank me for something I should have been doing all along. I’ll talk to Mom and help her get there. Just have a little patience with her. This is uncharted territory and she’s not too good at taking risks… especially when it comes to her children.”

  I flushed at his words, slightly ashamed at the accusations I’d thrown around. He saw it and gave me a small smile. Overwhelmed with the huge breakthrough we were having, I gave him a hug, letting it tell him what I suddenly couldn’t say. He squeezed me back.

  “It’ll be okay,” he whispered, before leaving the kitchen to, I presumed, find my mother.

  Chapter 17 - Pen

  I waited. Without University, it was difficult to fill up my free time. I saw Kade on his lunch period, but that was it. A subtle awkwardness hung between us ever since our moment together in his car when I told him my idea. I didn’t have the courage to bring it up, scared of what he might say, but it bothered me. Even our phone calls and texts had slowed down, becoming impersonal check-ins on how the other was doing. Despite my efforts to brush it off as paranoia, my gut told me something was definitely wrong.

  Molly and I hadn’t spoken since our last argument on the phone. Which was fi
ne with me. She was thriving at school, and I was beginning to see what had been there all along. She and I were different, but I had thought it wasn’t a factor in our friendship. Now, though, the subtle barbs she had been so good at poking me with stood out clearly in my mind. All it took was an environment focused solely on developing vampirism for her true colors to start seeping through. I found it ironic that it was the same environment that opened my eyes to what had been there all along.

  It had been three days since my argument with Mom. Dad was working on her; I could tell because I heard their hushed voices behind closed doors and could see the strain in her body language afterward. She was tense and snappish and avoided talking directly to me. I was beginning to worry that Dad wouldn’t be able to convince her, and fear about what I would do in case he didn’t began to overtake my thoughts.

  I woke up on the fourth day tired and frustrated. Mom was dragging her feet on this, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I dressed, taking more care than usual to present a confident and assured appearance. I was going to confront her one last time, make her see my way, or I was going to move forward without her blessing. I looked in the mirror, hoping to see strength staring back at me. And yeah, I did see some. But I saw more anxiety than anything else. As I brushed my hair, I practiced what I was going to say.

  “Mom, I know you are still unsure and think this is too dangerous for me. I understand you don’t think I appreciate the seriousness of the situation or what the risks are. But, I assure you, I do know. I know exactly what I’m doing.”

  Do I know what I’m doing, really?

  Trying to block out the sound of my subconscious question, I looked in the mirror one last time and marched out of my room and down to the first floor. But my mission abruptly ended when I ran into Mom on the stairs. She wore a look of determination on her own face.

  “Sadie, good, you’re up. We need to talk.”