A Heart's Forgiveness

by Joanne Schwehm

  I didn’t want to bring up tomorrow’s blood test, but I needed to. If we were going to be friends and honest with one another, then I had to be able to talk about it. “So Nikki and I are getting tested tomorrow. According to the brochure, the clinic takes walk-ins, so I’m not waiting.”

  The sound of flatware against plates ceased as all eyes turned toward me. Alex had already known, but the girls hadn’t.

  “I think that’s great.” Aubrey patted my wrist.

  “Me too.” Julie surprised me with her admission.

  I turned toward Julie, who was wiping the corners of her mouth with a napkin. “You do?”

  She nodded. “I think you need to know. Not only for you, but for Nikki.”

  “Nikki?” Alex’s voice was tense.

  Julie raised a shoulder to her ear. “Yes, Nikki. I’ve been thinking about her lately.”

  We all stared at her as though she needed an exorcist.

  Her eyes roamed across all of us. “Don’t look at me that way. I didn’t say I loved her. I just think if I got pregnant and the man I thought was the father didn’t want to believe that, I’d be hurt.” She took a sip of water and looked at Aubrey. “Wouldn’t you?”

  “Of course I would.” She placed her palm on her stomach. “I couldn’t even begin to think about that.”

  “And you’d never have to because you’re not like her.” Alex grabbed her hand and kissed it.

  I rubbed my hand along the back of my neck. “Look, I’m not trying to be the bad guy here, but how could I not wonder? If you walked into a random club in Midtown, there’d be a good chance she’d slept with or attempted to sleep with half of the men in the room. Shit, if she were here, she’d be at one hundred percent.”

  Aubrey’s mouth dropped open as Alex’s head whipped in my direction. It wasn’t a pleasant thought, but it was the truth.

  “I’m sorry I brought it up.” Julie gave Aubrey a sympathetic look.

  Alex stood and grabbed a drink out of the cooler. “The past is the past. We’ve moved on, so let’s not rehash shit.”

  I cleared my throat. “I didn’t want to start anything here. I just wanted my closest friends to know what’s going on.”

  The rest of afternoon was relaxing. I loved the way Julie’s porcelain skin took on a sexy hue of pink and the blond streaks in her hair became a shade darker than white from the sun kissing them. She was laughing and having fun—we all were.

  Today was the day Brett was having the DNA test performed. After the way things had gone yesterday, I wasn’t even sure how I felt about it anymore. When I’d heard Brett say he wanted to protect the baby because her mother was so vile, I almost hoped he was the father.

  I rolled out of bed and got ready for work. I would do my best to try to not think about what was going on with him today, though I knew that would be a challenge. I grabbed a cab and headed to the office.

  Mark was in the break room, holding the Times. He lowered the paper when I entered the room. “Morning, Jules. Did you have a good day yesterday?”

  I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down. “I did actually. Brett and I talked, and I think we’re finally starting to heal.” I took a sip of the delicious hazelnut coffee, then I nonchalantly said, “Oh… and we kissed.”

  His brows raised a fraction, and he grinned tightly. “I guess you are healing, but please be careful, okay? There’s nothing I’d like more than for you to be happy, and if getting back together with him is what you want, then I support you. But if he hurts you, I will inflict so much pain on him that he’ll feel as though he was run over by a truck.”

  I smiled in approval. “Thank you. But let’s hope inflictions of pain aren’t necessary.”

  Mark stood. “Let’s hope not.”

  As usual, work was busy, and before I knew it, it was close to noon. My desk phone rang. “Good morning, Julie Michaels speaking.”

  “Hey, it’s me. You’re not answering your cell.”

  Brett’s voice was so deep it sent excitement through my veins. Then I remembered where he’d been, so I kept my voice upbeat. “Hi. I left my phone in my purse. How’s it going?”

  “We just finished taking the test.” He sounded strained but relieved.

  “Are you okay?”

  “It’s funny, but yes. I’m so glad I’ll be getting answers soon, but I’m nervous.”

  “I’d be terrified.”

  “Do you have time to grab lunch? I’m craving a chili dog and some fries.”

  The humor in his voice made me smile. I relaxed into my chair. “I’d love to.”

  “Good, I was hoping you’d say that.”

  My body jolted up, and my hand went to my chest. Brett stood in the threshold to my office, holding a yellow rose.

  “God! You need to stop sneaking up on me.”

  His hearty laugh filled my office. “Actually, I’m Brett, and this is for you.” He strolled toward me and handed me the flower. “Be careful. There are thorns on it.”

  My teeth grabbed my bottom lip as I studied the stem. “Thank you. I suppose every rose has a thorn.” I snickered.

  “Are you quoting Poison?” He chuckled.

  I smacked his arm. “No.”

  He pulled me close to him, and my skin ignited. “You know, if you put our names together, it makes sense.”

  My head tilted as I tried to decipher what he meant.

  “Put our names together—Brett Michaels.”

  “Haha, very funny. No, it was just something Luca said before he left.” I waved, brushing off the words. “So are we going to go eat some greasy food or what?”

  “Yeah, let’s go.”

  We walked outside, and thankfully a subtle breeze helped diffuse the hot, humid air. Brett placed his hand on the middle of my back to guide me to the closest food stand. A sense of familiarity and security engulfed me.

  He looked at the tilted menu hanging off the top of the vendor’s silver cart. “So what’ll it be?”

  The cook looked at me. “The usual, Julie?”

  Brett’s head turned toward me as I glanced at him. I couldn’t help but snicker. “Hi, Bernie. Yes, please.”

  “You’re on a first-name basis with the street vendor guy, and you’ve been away for months? Not to mention you have a usual and he remembers that?”

  “Yup. Don’t let this body fool you. I eat what I want and when I want it. Let’s not forget I’m pretty memorable.”

  Bernie looked at Brett with an arched brow, and I nudged Brett with my elbow. It dawned on me that Bernie was waiting for his order.

  After studying the menu, Brett said, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

  Once we had our food, we walked over to a small quad area where business people often took breaks. We found an empty bench and sat down.

  I peeled back the foil on my hot dog and inhaled. The aroma of spices filled my nose. “Mmm, it’s so good.”

  “You haven’t even taken a bite yet.” Brett took a sip of his soda and placed it on the sidewalk in front of the bench.

  “I don’t need to take a bite to know how good this is. Once you’ve had a taste, you’ll understand. Bernie makes the best sausage, and none will compare after this.” I took a bite. When I glanced up, Brett was staring at me. “What?” My mouth was so full of food that it didn’t even sound like a word. I snickered. Once I swallowed, I tried again. “Sorry, that wasn’t very ladylike. Why are you staring at me? Eat before it gets cold.” I took another bite and moaned.

  “Seriously, Julie, you’re killing me here.” He took a big bite and nodded. “This is good.”

  “Told you.” I grabbed my soda and took a sip. “So when will the results be ready?”

  He swallowed and wiped his mouth. “At least two business days, barring any problems with the samples.” He continued to eat as though it was the best thing he’d ever tasted—which could have been the truth.

  “Wow! I didn’t think it would be that quick.”

  Brett placed the last bit
of his sandwich in his mouth and crumpled the foil into a ball before tossing it into the can next to us. “I know. Nikki was surprised too.”

  “Well then, it won’t be long before you have your answer.” I finished my lunch and discarded my trash.

  “I need to tell you something else.” He rubbed his hands on the front of his jeans and took a deep breath. “I had the doctor test me for STDs.”

  I could almost feel my lunch churning in my stomach. “Oh.”

  “I feel sick that I need to worry about it, but I had to have it done. So I asked the doctor to have the lab run additional tests.”

  He turned his hand palm-side up, and I studied it before I placed mine in his. Once his fingers wrapped around mine, I felt my insides settle down and my pulse steady. We stood and didn’t release our grip. Being hand in hand was familiar, and although we weren’t together, it felt right.

  “Is this okay?” His voice was soft as our joined hands dangled between us as we walked back to my office. “I’m trying my best not to rush you. I’ve told you what I want, and I understand your reservations, especially because of my situation.”

  We stopped in front of my building and faced each other. I grasped his other hand and laced our fingers together. “I’m trying, Brett. To be honest, this is much better than being angry with you. The amount of energy it took to be mad and detach myself from our situation exhausted me. I’d like to move forward and not think about that night, but you could be a father soon. That’s why we need to stick to our ‘one day at a time’ plan.”

  “I think we’re on the right track, but I need you to talk about what’s going on with you. There’s no need to walk on eggshells because you think I’ll get hurt. Please be my friend—laugh with me, talk to me, let me help you if I can. If you need a shoulder, I have one for you to lean on.” I rolled up on the balls of my feet and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for lunch.”

  “You’re welcome and thank you for… everything.”

  I nodded. “You’re welcome.”

  My afternoon was uneventful and productive. I felt energized after my lunch, and I didn’t think it had anything to do with Bernie’s awesome sausage—it had to do with Brett. However, thoughts of the test results weighed on my mind. God forbid he’d contracted a disease.

  “Hey, chica!” Aubrey bounded in my office and sat down.

  My hand went to my chest. “Jesus, what is with everyone scaring me lately?”

  She laughed. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I had a doctor’s appointment in the city, and Alex dropped me off here so I could go over a few things with Brian.” She took a sip of her bottled water and tilted her head. “Wait, who else was here?”

  I matter-of-factly said, “Brett.”

  “Oh… hmm… you’ve been seeing a lot of him lately.” She winked, and I shook my head. “Why did he stop by?”

  “He was on his way back from the lab and stopped in to take me to lunch.” I placed my head in my hands. “Wow, how screwed up did that sound?”

  “It is a bit messed up, but it isn’t as though you two are back together…” Her tone was questioning though still understanding.

  “No, we aren’t together. It’s… I don’t know.” I sat back and looked at her hopeful face. “He’s so… Brett. I know that makes zero sense.” My thoughts were as scrambled as the storyboards I worked on.

  “It makes perfect sense.”

  “What?”

  She smiled warmly. “Alex isn’t always perfect, but he’s Alex. There’s no one else for me.” She placed her hand on her belly. “Even after our breakup, when I was in Paris trying to get over the hurt, it was always about him. He once said I could put an ocean between us, but it wouldn’t matter. All I needed was time and space, but no amount of time or space would ever make me stop loving him. So I do understand.” Her empathetic statement didn’t fall on deaf ears.

  “You and Alex were meant to be.”

  Aubrey laughed. “Well, from what I observed yesterday, I’d say so are the both of you. I don’t think I’ll ever look at my pool the same way again.”

  “Yeah, that was nice.” I sighed, and we both laughed. Then I thought of Nikki’s baby. “That can all change in a couple of days when he gets the test results.”

  “It doesn’t have to. Alex told me under no circumstances will he be with Nikki.”

  “Yes, I know. I suppose we’ll wait and see what happens.”

  “You’re a strong woman, Julie, much more than I am. I know you can handle whatever is next.”

  “Thanks. I’ll do my best. Now, enough about me. Tell me how your appointment went.”

  The radiance she exuded at every mention of her baby was how a loving mother should be. “Everything was wonderful. I can’t wait to hold this little one.”

  “I’m looking forward to meeting my godchild too. Can he or she call me Auntie Jules?”

  Aubrey laughed. “Of course. I thought you’d want them to call you their fairy godmother.”

  “Oh, that’s even better. Let’s go with that.” We broke out into a fit of giggles.

  It had been a perfect day… perfect.

  I strolled into the club with an extra bounce in my step.

  Alex’s eyes peered at me over the bar. “For some reason, I thought you’d be completely depressed and take the night off.”

  “Nope, I’m good. I’ll have answers soon, and I just saw Julie.”

  “Did you see Aubrey? I dropped her off at Walker-Stone so she could hang out with Julie for a bit.”

  “No, we must have missed each other.”

  “So you and Julie seemed comfortable with each other yesterday,” Alex said.

  “Yeah. I’m trying to be what she needs right now because she’s always what I need. We agreed to take it one day at a time. I don’t want to push her away.”

  “Good call. Okay, I need to get some paperwork done. I’ll catch you later.”

  Thankfully, the club stayed busy all night, and time flew by. I didn’t text or call Julie. I wanted to lay low and prove to her that I wouldn’t pressure her into anything she wasn’t ready for.

  The next two days dragged by. I must have looked at my cell phone over a hundred times per hour as I waited for a call about the results. I was off today and thought about going to the gym, but I opted to stare at my phone instead. I was about to put it down when it buzzed in my hand. Nikki.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, babe, the results are in. I’ll meet you there.”

  The sound of her calling me babe made my skin crawl. “I’m on my way.”

  I opted for a cab so I wouldn’t need to worry about parking, and my cabbie got me to the doctor’s office in record time. Nikki was waiting for me in the lobby, and we took the elevator to the sixth floor.

  “So are you ready to hear that you’re going to be a father?” Her patronizing voice broke the silence.

  “Let’s wait and see what the doctor says.”

  My heart jackhammered in my ribs, but Nikki seemed oddly calm. The car came to a stop and chimed. Once the doors slid open, I felt as if all the oxygen had evaporated. We walked through the glass doors, signed in, and after a few minutes, we were escorted to Dr. Franklin’s office. He was sitting behind a large wooden desk.

  “Good afternoon. Please have a seat.” He gestured to the two chairs in front of him.

  We sat down, and my knee bounced rapidly as we awaited the news that could change my life forever.

  He slid on a pair of black reading glasses and opened a manila folder. He read the papers inside then closed the file and looked at us. “Mr. Chambers, the test concludes that your DNA and that of the fetus are a match. Congratulations, you’re going to be a father.”

  Nikki screeched, and a chill ran through me. I stared blankly at him. My body was completely numb, and I wasn’t sure I was breathing.

  “I knew it!” Nikki boasted and turned to me. “I told you.” She put her hand on my arm, but I barely felt it. “We’re going to be a family.”
She stood and shook Dr. Franklin’s hand. “Thank you so much.” She looked at me and mockingly cocked her brows.

  “Mr. Chambers, as far as the other tests, they came back negative, but you might want to check again in about six months.”

  I nodded and stood. “Thank you.” What the fuck was I going to do now?

  We walked out of the office and got back into the elevator.

  “I think I should meet your family,” she declared.

  My head jolted toward Nikki. “What? No.”

  The door opened. I got out of that tiny box that had felt as though it was getting smaller with each floor we descended.

  “Babe, we’re going to be a family. Don’t you think it’s time you realize that?”

  Babe. That’s it. “Do not call me babe. And we’re going to have my daughter, but we aren’t going to be a couple.”

  She pulled my arm and stopped me. “What other tests did you have run? Are you sick?”

  “No. I wanted to make sure I didn’t contract a disease since you tampered with the condom.”

  Her laugh was pure evil. “I don’t know why you keep saying that. I didn’t do anything of the sort.” But her face turned three shades of crimson and her eyes never held mine as she spewed her lies.

  We were standing on a crowded sidewalk, so I grabbed a cab and told him to take us to the club. I rushed us into the club and didn’t look at anyone as we made our way to my office.

  I closed the door, tossed my phone on the desk, and pressed the “conference” button on my desk phone to link me to Alex’s office in case I needed witnesses. “Look at me, Nikki.”

  She propped her hands on her hips and cockily looked at me. “Okay, I’m looking.”

  “Look into my eyes and tell me you didn’t do anything to the condom you gave me that night. Tell me you didn’t poke holes in it or damage it.”

  “I didn’t do…” Her voice faltered, and her eyes shifted.

  “Go ahead, keep going.” My tone was stern, and my eyes bore into hers.

  “What does it matter?” She moved her hands to her stomach. “What’s done is done, and this baby is yours.” Her sarcastic tone grated on my nerves, but when her mouth twisted in amusement, I completely lost it.