A Heart's Forgiveness

by Joanne Schwehm

  “You bitch! I knew it. Motherfucker! GodDAMMIT!” I spun and cleared off my desk in one swipe including my phone that crashed to the floor. I was sure Alex heard the commotion. When I turned back, her mouth was agape. “Is this a joke to you? Get this through your brainless head—I will never marry you. Do you understand me? Never!” I shook my head in utter frustration and anger.

  “Fine.” Her hand made circles on her stomach. “Then you won’t be with her either.”

  “The fuck I won’t!”

  My door swung open, and Alex and Tyler were staring at us.

  Alex tilted his head toward Tyler. “Call a cab and escort Nikki out of here.”

  Ty left with Nikki, and before she could say anything, Alex closed the door. My hands grabbed my hair, and I tugged on the roots until I felt pain.

  Alex looked at the papers strewn all over the floor. “I don’t need to ask what the results were, do I?”

  “No. You don’t.”

  “Brett, I know this isn’t what you wanted, but in about a month, you’re going to have a daughter.”

  “Yeah, I know. I need to call my attorney and find out what my rights are.” I let out a long breath. “Jesus Christ, Alex, she admitted to fucking with the condom. You heard her! I thought I was fucking her, and she totally fucked me. Did you notice she wasn’t even upset? She thinks she’s won. Little does she know the battle she started. Fuck!” I bent down to pick up the mess I’d made and noticed the picture of Julie and me. “Do you think the baby heard me?” I hated that I’d yelled and sworn. I prayed my daughter had been sleeping in her happy place and didn’t understand the hell I was going through.

  Alex gathered some papers from the floor. “Brett, why don’t you get out of here? Go home and relax for a bit. Figure out where you go from here.”

  “Yeah, let me clean this up, and I’ll go.” I looked at the picture of a happier time. I knew I needed to tell Julie before anyone else—except for my lawyer. He had to be my first call.

  “Take a few days. You’re going to need them. Smart move getting witnesses,” Alex said.

  “Yeah, I don’t know what good it will do me.” I could barely breathe. “Thanks, man.”

  I called my lawyer on my way to Julie’s. She told me that I had rights and could sue for joint custody, but since I worked nights, that might be hard to get approved. Another blow to my day. There had to be a way.

  I ran through various scenarios that could work. I could schedule myself to go in later when the baby was asleep and have someone stay with her. Maybe I could hire a live-in nanny. Maybe I should have the guys buy me out and get a day job. All questions and no answers.

  However, I would file an “Acknowledgment of Paternity” petition with the court to establish my parental rights. I had rights, and there was no way I would relinquish them. I was this baby girl’s father, and although the circumstances weren’t ideal, she’d always know I loved her and would protect her until the day I died.

  When my cab pulled up to Julie’s apartment building, I thought my heart would escape through my ribs. A pizza guy was leaving, so I went in and made my way to Julie’s door. Before I knocked, I heard her singing. I couldn’t make out the lyrics, but she sounded so happy.

  I knocked on the door, and she opened it. Her eyes went wide as I studied her. Her hair was in a high ponytail, and she was wearing a pale blue tank top, which she filled out perfectly, and white shorts. She looked completely flustered and stunned as she removed the earbuds from her ears.

  “Brett, I wasn’t expecting you.” Her lips turned down. “What’s wrong?”

  “Can I come in?”

  “Yes, I’m sorry.” She quickly stepped aside. “I was cleaning and must not have heard the buzzer. Did my neighbor buzz you in? I’m sorry if you were waiting long.” She was rambling and finally took a breath.

  “No, I walked in when someone was walking out. I need to talk to you.” I lowered my head and walked across the room to sit on her couch.

  “Would you like something to drink?”

  “No. Can you please come sit with me?” I wanted her to know about the baby, and I needed her to….well, I just needed her.

  She took the iPod band off her arm and laid it on the table with her headphones before she sat down. Her eyes widened as I watched her chest rise and fall. How I wished things were different. If only I could turn back the clock.

  “I got the results today. She’s mine. I’m going to be a father.”

  Her breath hitched, and her eyes glistened before a tear streamed down her cheek. She quickly whisked it away.

  I stood and paced. “The doctor said our DNA was a match. Jules, I’m going to be a father. What am I going to do? My lawyer said I could fight for custody, but my job may hinder me from winning.” My hand scrubbed my face. “I’m going to have a daughter, and her mother is a conniving bitch. She’s so awful, and I truly can’t believe how stupid I was.” I glanced at Julie. She swiped tears away and broke my heart.

  A father. The baby was his. Brett continued his rant, and I let him get it all out.

  “And want to hear the best part?” He looked at me, anger flashing across his face. “As bits and pieces of that disastrous night came back to me, I remembered I did wear a condom. How about that shit? I knew I’d never have had unprotected sex, no matter how drunk I was. But I also recall her giving it to me, and she admitted she tampered with it. What do you think about that?” His hands flew in the air, and he threw himself into the chair next to my couch. He huffed out an exasperated breath. “Why? Why did I sleep with her?”

  He wore a condom? What did he mean she tampered with it? I’d save those questions for another time. He was hunched forward, and his body was trembling. I crouched in front of him. My hands went to his knees, and he wrapped his arms around me. I brought myself up to sit in his lap, and he burrowed his face into the curve of my neck.

  I rubbed his back in an attempt to comfort him. I had no idea what to say, but I didn’t shed any more tears. He needed strength. I’d told him I’d be there for him to lean on, and that was what I intended to do.

  He raised his head. “Thank you, Julie. Sorry I fell apart.” His eyes were rimmed in red.

  “Have you told your family?”

  “No, the only ones who know are Alex and most likely Tyler. I flipped out on Nikki in my office today.”

  I quirked my lips to the side. “I’m sure she loved that.”

  “Well, she’s completely delusional and deserved every word I said to her. I just hope my daughter didn’t hear me.”

  “Your daughter.” I smiled at his confident voice. He probably didn’t even realize how protective he was of his little girl already. “Want to know what I think?”

  “Of course.” He laced our fingers together.

  “I think you’re going to be a wonderful dad. You’re funny, loving, genuine, and kind. She’s a very lucky girl. You have your family and your friends… and that includes me.”

  He nodded. “Thank you. I’m going to need all of you. My brother is in London, but I need to go see my parents.”

  “It’s getting late. Why don’t we order dinner and chill out? It’s a long drive out to your parents’ place. You can even crash here tonight if you’d like.” I was being completely selfish. If he left, I’d worry about him all night, so staying with me was a better option.

  “Are you sure?”

  I smiled and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “I’m more than sure.”

  “Thanks, Jules.”

  “Come on.” I scooted off his lap, grabbed his hands, and pulled him upright. “Let’s get some menus and order.”

  He called his friend Pirro and had a platter of different Greek dishes sent over. We laughed as we fought over the last piece of spinach spanakopita then decided to share it. Well, Brett took a bite then fed me the rest.

  It was great to see him laughing and not thinking about everything that had transpired today. He had been so amped up when he spoke of Nikki
that it concerned me. Together, we cleaned the dishes—I washed, and he dried. Then we decided to watch a comedy.

  “Why don’t you go pick out a DVD while I change?” His eyes boldly raked over my body, sending a flash of heat through my veins and between my legs. “I’ll be right back.”

  I walked into my room and closed the door. The magnetic force between us was in full power. Not giving in to our feelings would be our next hurdle. After we’d heated up Aubrey’s pool, it had become more and more challenging to avoid telling him that I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

  I put on a pair of sweats and a fresh tank top. Horror struck me as I looked in the mirror. I looked like a disheveled disaster. I brushed my hair and left it loose. I brushed my teeth and was about to put on some lip gloss but opted not to.

  When I got back to the living room, Brett was sitting on my couch with a beer in hand. He glanced over and smiled. “Even in comfy clothes, you’re gorgeous.”

  I sat down and tucked my legs underneath me. “So what are we watching?”

  He turned on an episode of Friends, and I laughed.

  “It just started and you’re laughing already?”

  “When Luca went to the wax museum, he sent me a picture of him and his new friend Rachel.” I scrolled through my pictures on my phone and held it out to him. “See?”

  He looked over and smiled. “You like him, don’t you?”

  “I do. He’s a good man, and it was nice being around someone who wasn’t caught up in the drama of my life.”

  His eyelids lowered, and he nodded.

  “Sorry to put it that way, but when I went to Italy, I wasn’t in a good frame of mind. That flight over was horrible. All I did was replay our last night together, the things we said and how we ended. But when I hung out with Luca, it was relaxed, easy.”

  “I’m glad he was there for you. I truly am. I only wish he was fat and balding… or a woman.” Brett chuckled. “Wait, he isn’t gay by any chance, is he?”

  I smacked his arm. “No, he isn’t gay. Jeez!”

  “Did he hit on you?” He took a swig of his beer.

  My mouth dropped open. “No! Of course not!”

  “Then he’s gay.” He chuckled.

  I shook my head and focused on the television.

  After the fifth or so episode in the Friends marathon, we were exhausted. I’d been nestled into Brett’s side, and his arm rested around my shoulder. When I let out a yawn and sighed, he shifted.

  “Why don’t you go to bed?” He stood and held his hand out to me.

  I took it, and he pulled me up. My legs felt like lead. I’d been sitting on them for far too long. His arms wrapped around me.

  “Thank you for tonight.” He gave me a squeeze and released me. “All I need is a pillow, and I’m good to go.”

  “Are you sleeping on the couch?”

  Wrinkles formed on his forehead. “Yeah, that was my plan. Did you have a different one?”

  Embarrassment washed over me. I’m such an idiot. “No, but you’re longer than my couch. It won’t be comfortable. You take my bed, and I’ll take the couch.” Great save, Julie.

  “I’ll be fine, but thank you. You have to work tomorrow, and I don’t.”

  “Okay, there’s a pillow and blanket in the hall closet. If you need a toothbrush, there’s a new one in the bathroom cabinet above the sink.”

  “Thanks.” He smiled. “Good night, Julie.”

  “Sweet dreams, Brett.”

  My body jolted as I woke up from a nightmare that could become a reality. I sat up and tried to rid my mind of all things Nikki. The clock on the cable box read four in the morning. I was so drained, but when I closed my eyes, all I saw was Nikki taking my daughter away from me.

  I tossed the blanket aside and went into the kitchen for a bottle of water. When I closed the refrigerator door, Julie stood in the doorway, rubbing her eyes and looking more adorable than ever. She was a mess—hair all over the place, a small amount of eye makeup smeared under her eyes—but she was still sexy as hell.

  “Did I wake you?” I cracked open the bottle and took a swig.

  She blinked a few times, probably to adjust to the light, then stared at me.

  It dawned on me that all I had on was my navy boxer briefs. “Jules?”

  She shook her head. “Um… no. Sorry, you caught me off guard. I wasn’t sleeping, so I came in here for some water. I wasn’t expecting you to be standing here.”

  The tip of her tongue moved across her lower lip. The knowledge that I still affected her went straight to my dick. If I wasn’t careful, I’d have a raging erection in zero point two seconds.

  I handed her my bottle. “Want some?”

  She took a generous sip and handed it back to me. “I should go back to bed. Why are you up?”

  I leaned against the counter. “Bad dream.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?” She attempted to stifle a yawn.

  “No, go to bed. We can talk tomorrow.”

  “It is tomorrow.” She smiled warmly. “Come on, you can lie down with me for a bit and tell me all about it.”

  We walked into her dimly lit bedroom and lay on our sides, facing each other. Her head was propped on her hands, which were in the prayer position. I told her about my nightmare and how scared I was that it would come true.

  “Brett, no judge in their right mind would refuse to grant you your rights as a parent. If you can’t get a nanny right away, I’ll stay with the baby while you work. See? Problem solved.” Her cheeks rose as she grinned.

  “You’d do that?” This woman never ceased to amaze me. What a stupid asshole I had been to push her away. If given the chance, I’d never do that again.

  “Of course I would. What are friends for, right?” She exhaled, and her long lashes rested on her cheekbones.

  “I love you, Julie.”

  With her eyes still closed, she softly said, “I know. Go to sleep, Brett.”

  Her breathing evened out as she fell back asleep. I didn’t move. I just stared at the beautiful woman lying next to me and realized how lucky I was.

  When morning came, I drove Julie to work and headed to my mom’s house. I tried calling Bentley, but according to Andi, he was critiquing a play. So telling him would have to wait.

  I pulled into my parents’ driveway as my dad was walking out. “Hey, son. I didn’t know you were coming over. It’s early for you, isn’t it?”

  “Hi, Dad. Yes, I suppose it is. Can you come with me for a minute? I need to talk to you and Mom about something.”

  He nodded, and we walked inside. My mom was sitting at the table, reading the paper and drinking coffee. She looked as surprised as my dad had when he saw me. I walked over and gave her a kiss.

  “Sweetheart, I didn’t know you were coming. Would you like a cup of coffee?” She began to stand, but I stopped her.

  “Not right now. I came here to tell you and Dad something.”

  My dad sat next to my mother, and her face softened as she held my father’s hand. She knew.

  “What is it, Brett? Are you okay?” My dad’s voice was deep and laced with concern. He didn’t know.

  I took a deep breath. “You’re going to be grandparents. We got the results yesterday, and the doctor confirmed it.”

  My father was rendered speechless, but my mom threw her arms around me.

  “How are you doing? Are you okay? Do you need anything?” She leaned back to look at me.

  “I’m okay. I have to figure some things out, but I wanted to tell you.”

  “If there’s anything we can do, we’ll do it. Your family is here for you.” My dad came over and hugged me. “Family sticks together, and I know you’ll be a great father.”

  I nodded. “Thanks. You both set the example that I know will help guide me through this.”

  “How much longer until her due date?”

  “A couple of weeks.”

  “We’ll get a special room ready for her.”

  I s
miled and thanked my parents before I headed back into the city to deal with all that came next. In the car, my phone chimed with a voicemail from Nikki.

  “I thought you’d like to know that my doctor will be inducing me next week.”

  That was it. I pushed “call back” on my phone.

  “Brett, I knew you’d call.” She didn’t sound worried. Instead, her voice was buoyant.

  “What’s going on? Is the baby okay?”

  “Yes, she’s fine. The doctor thought I should have been bigger when I went to my routine appointment. So, I had to have another ultrasound. My amniotic fluid is low, so the doctor wants to induce me.”

  “You had an ultrasound and didn’t tell me? Is the baby okay?”

  “I tried calling you, but you didn’t pick up. The heartbeat was strong, and the doctor said she looked good.”

  I glanced at my phone and saw she had, in fact, left me another message. “Fine. What’s next then?”

  “Well, we need to go shopping so we can get her room ready. I’ve been thinking we should live at your place because it’s bigger than my apartment.”

  Have I entered the Twilight Zone? With every fiber of my being, I tried to remain calm. “Nikki, can you hear me okay?”

  “Yes.” She giggled as though this was all fun and games while I was worried about her being induced. Apparently she didn’t realize how serious I’d been over the past few months. But I didn’t want to upset her and risk anything happening to the baby.

  “I don’t know how else to say this to you, so I’m going to speak very slowly, okay? We… are… not… a… couple. We… are... not… going… to… live… together.” I prayed she caught on.

  “Are you still on that kick?” She let out a breath.

  I wanted to throw my phone out the fucking window. This was a lost cause. “It’s not a kick, Nikki. I’m going to set up my apartment for what she needs, and I suggest you do the same.” Then I realized that Nikki may not buy the best things. She’d be more inclined to go to Saks and buy herself an expensive outfit to wear home from the hospital. There was no way in hell my daughter was getting anything but the best. “I’ll tell you what—when I buy what I need, I’ll have some necessities sent to your place. But don’t misunderstand my generosity. I’m doing this for our daughter and only for our daughter.”