The Winning Side

by C. M. Doporto

  “Hello?” I answered in a rushed tone.

  “Lexi?” Shawn said in a low voice.

  “Is Raven okay?” I gripped the edge of the chair and waited with baited breath. “Please tell me he’s okay.”

  “Lexi, calm down. Raven is fine.” Shawn tried to put my frazzled nerves at ease by using a calm and steady tone.

  “Thank God.” I let out a huge sigh as my body slumped on the table. It felt like a ton of bricks released from my chest and I could finally breathe. Barely holding myself up, I took in small inhalations as I tried to focus. “Where is he?”

  A door closed and it sounded like Shawn stepped outside. “He’s here with me at my parent’s house.”

  “Oh.” I relaxed in the chair. “Why aren’t you at your apartment?”

  “Um, you see, he got kind of drunk last night... I didn’t want anyone seeing him, so I brought him to my parents.”

  “Oh, yeah, I guess that would’ve been bad. Good thinking.”

  “He’s really hung over and still beside himself,” he whispered in a low voice, making it hard to hear him.

  “I understand. Is he mad at me? Is that why he won’t talk to me?” I had to know. “I mean, you heard him, he said it was over.” My heart beat faster as I recalled the scene from yesterday.

  “No, Lexi. He doesn’t blame you. He blames himself, if anything. Trust me, he loves you, girl.”

  “Good.” My heart let out a soft sigh and my shoulders relaxed. Raven still loved me. He wasn’t blaming me. He wasn’t mad at me. I just hoped he still wanted to be with me. “When are you bringing him home?”

  The line was quite for a moment and I heard a lady talking in the background. I listened for a moment to see if I could hear Raven, but the sound was muffled. “Lexi, I gotta go. Just give him a day or two. Let him work through this on his own. He’ll be back.”

  “Alright.” I might have agreed verbally, but physically, I needed to see him. I needed to know he was okay. Most of all, I needed to hear directly from Raven’s mouth that it wasn’t over between us.

  “Okay, talk to you later.”

  “Shawn, wait.”

  “Yeah?”

  In a desperate plea, I said, “Promise me you won’t let anything happen to him.”

  “I promise.”

  “Thanks.” I hung up the phone and then sent everyone a message, telling them that Raven was with Shawn and he was okay. After texting back and forth with everyone, I finally decided to try to get some work done.

  With a renewed purpose, I was able to finish the edits for the two students. Diving nose deep into something I enjoyed seemed to help the time pass. How I concentrated, I don’t know. Maybe it was because I was going on Shawn’s words, in true faith, that Raven would be home soon. Maybe it was because the two papers were by students taking a creative writing class and their stories really sucked me in.

  I stayed at Raven and Josh’s apartment one more night, hoping that I’d awaken to Raven standing over the bed. But that was wishful thinking. Instead, I woke up to the alarm on my phone. I really didn’t want to go to class, but I’d already missed Tuesday because of the hearing and I had a test next week in two classes. If I didn’t go today, I’d be screwed.

  A knock came at the door and for a second, I got excited. But then I realized if it were Raven, he would’ve walked in. “Are you up, Lexi?” Shelby’s voice filtered through the door.

  “Yeah, come in.” I tied the laces on my black Chucks and stood up.

  “Need a ride to class?” Shelby stood in the doorway, a smile touching her lips. I guess she was glad to see me up and moving around, instead of crying in bed.

  “Yeah, if Josh doesn’t mind.” I shoved my laptop into my book bag and grabbed my purse.

  “I don’t mind.” Josh slipped by Shelby and walked in the room. “I’m watching out for Raven’s girl.” He wrapped his arm around me and gave me a slight squeeze until I finally smiled. Hearing those words struck a chord within me. A lighthearted chord that only Raven could make sound beautiful. More beautiful than my fingers hitting the keys on the piano. “Quit worrying, Lexi. He’s going to come back. Just give him some time.”

  “I know.”

  I went to class, but it was pointless. All I did was think about Raven. Whether he was okay. When he was coming home. Why he wouldn’t text or call, despite what Shawn had told me. After class, I met Josh, Shelby, and Delaney at the student union dining area. I hadn’t been in there since Raven proposed to me. It brought back all the good memories until I noticed that all eyes were on me — once again. Word spread fast about Raven and everyone was talking about him. He was the main topic of conversation and I was the second.

  “Are you okay?” Delaney asked. “You haven’t even touched your salad.”

  “I guess I’m not hungry.” I shrugged, twiddling with the diamond on my engagement ring. Every time I turned it a certain way, the light would hit it just right, causing it to sparkle. Just like Raven’s eyes when he asked me to marry him. “I guess I hate all of this gossip going around.” I looked over my shoulder and immediately caught Abby, the brunette Silicone Triplet, whispering to one of her friends. It was obvious whom they were talking about.

  Delaney pivoted in her chair and rolled her eyes. “Forget about those bitches.” Delaney stood up and shot them the finger. “That’s right. Mind your own fuckin’ business.”

  “Laney.” I pulled on her scarf until she dropped to her seat.

  “Oh my God, those girls are going to come over here and want to start something.” Shelby glared at Delaney. “I already got one ticket, I don’t need another. And I surely don’t need to get kicked out of school.”

  My eyes closed. It was so easy for people to joke about that, but it was something else entirely when it impacted you or someone you loved.

  “Lexi, I’m sorry. I—”

  “It’s okay.” I held up a hand, telling her to stop before she said more damaging words.

  “Seriously, girl, calm down,” Josh told Delaney. “We’re all walking a fine line here.”

  And he was right. We didn’t need any more drama.

  “Sorry. I’m just trying to watch out for my girl.” Delaney leaned her head on my shoulder. It seemed like everyone was watching out for me, except for the one person I wanted to most — Raven.

  “Sorry, Lexi. I guess we should have eaten off campus.” Josh gave me a heartfelt smile. “We can go, if you want.” He started to grab his backpack.

  “No, it’s okay. Let’s just eat and go back to the apartment. I want to see if Raven is back.”

  Everyone finished their food, except for me. The voices, everyone staring at me, the whispering behind my back — it was too much. All I could think about was Raven. I had to talk to him. I had to see him. I couldn’t wait any longer. It had been nearly two full days.

  It seemed like it took forever to get back to the apartment. I held onto the back of Shelby’s seat, my leg bouncing with anticipation as we pulled into the parking lot of the apartment. Immediately, I noticed Raven’s car was gone.

  “Stop the truck. Stop the truck.” I unfastened my seatbelt and flung the door open before Josh even had a chance to fully stop.

  “Lexi. Wait!” Josh demanded, but I ignored him.

  I jumped out of the truck, scanning the parking lot for Raven’s Charger, but it was nowhere in sight. I fumbled for the keys in my backpack as I stumbled across the gravel and onto the sidewalk. My pulse raced, feeding my blood with the adrenaline it needed to get me up the stairs. I took them two at a time, slipping at the very top. My chin clipped the edge of the metal step and I let out a yelp.

  “Lexi. Let me help you!” Shelby called.

  I didn’t wait for her. I pulled myself up, holding onto the railing. Leaving my backpack behind, I stumbled to the front door. My hand shook as I tried to get the key in the hole. After several attempts, I finally shoved the key in the opening and unlocked the door. I turned the knob and pushed the door open.
<
br />   “Raven?” I hobbled in the front door, holding onto my leg. “Are you here?”

  My eyes darted around the living room and then the dining room, but there was no sight of him. I limped my way into his bedroom and pushed the door open. The room was stripped bare. The pictures of us on the nightstand were missing. The alarm clock and lamp were taken, too. Everything was gone, except for the furniture. The closet door was left open, revealing only my clothes. All of his belongings were gone. My body heaved forward and I fell on top of the barren mattress. Tears gushed from my eyes as everything I had feared came true. Everything was over, just like he’d said. Raven had left me again.

  Σ

  Chapter 17

  “Lexi?” Dr. Phillips called to get my attention.

  “Yes, sir?” I shut the book I had been staring at for the last ten minutes. For the past four weeks, I had managed to get by without Raven, devoting all my efforts to studying. Graduating from college was all I had left. I was hanging from the gallows of heartache with a heart that was barely holding together. But life went on, and I was doing my best to try to get my life going again. Finals were in two weeks and graduation in three. I was getting the hell out of PHU with my degree.

  “Do you have a minute? I’d like to talk to you about a few things.” He stood in his doorway, chewing on the tip of his eyeglasses.

  “Yes.” I gathered my stuff and walked into his office. I shut the door and sat on the worn pleather chair. It was like déjà vu and I immediately felt sick. For his sake, I hope he didn’t have another athlete for me to tutor. If so, I’d lose it.

  “How’s everything going?” He reclined in his chair and it squeaked as he rocked back and forth.

  I shrugged. “Okay, I guess.” Dare I tell him that I had actually gone a full five days without crying? That this was the first week I had actually felt a little stronger? That I was going to make it without Raven? I was definitely making progress in removing myself from The Raven’s trap. “I mean, as good as I can be.”

  I caught him glancing at my ring finger. Using my thumb, I casually slipped the diamond under my palm. Even though I had come to terms with the fact that Raven left me, without even as much as a text, phone call, or a letter to say why, I still couldn’t take my ring off.

  “Do you have a job lined up? You haven’t asked for any referrals or spoken with me about working this summer. I know you’re graduating in a few weeks.”

  “No.” I sighed. “I haven’t had time to look.” Truthfully, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I was barely making it through school. I needed to get my shit my straight, because I really didn’t want to go back home. As of now, that was my only option.

  “Have you thought about grad school?” He folded his glasses, set them down, and leaned against the desk. “Because I could sure use a part-time Senior Writing Consultant and it would be perfect for a grad student.” He winked.

  “Seriously?” The world immediately seemed brighter and so did his offer. I hadn’t even considered grad school. I had just wanted out of PHU, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. If I was going to take my editing career seriously, a master’s degree would definitely make it possible. Not only that, but it would give me time to get my grounding. I was used to school, studying, and editing papers. Keeping up with that pace wouldn’t be a problem. Going out into the world, working for some corporation, scared me a little. Maybe it was because I didn’t feel like I was ready for that big of a change yet. Thanks to Raven.

  “Yes, and as long as you’re accepted for the fall semester, you can work here during the summer.”

  My throat tightened and without warning, my eyes watered. I was crying again.

  Shit.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just that—” With the pads of my thumb, I wiped under my eyes, completely overcome by the fact that I wouldn’t have to move back home as long as I could find a roommate and somewhere to live.

  “It’s okay. I know you’ve been through a lot lately.” He handed me a few tissues. “I also have something else for you to consider.” Stalling, he gauged my reaction, as though trying to determine whether he should tell me, probably fearing I’d break down sobbing.

  “Okay,” I sniffed, “what is it?”

  He shifted in his chair and then said, “I got a call from an alumna that graduated about five years back. She’s working on self-publishing a young adult book and is looking for an editor. I immediately thought of you.”

  “Wow.” A new emotion surfaced, transforming my sadness into tears of joy. “Really?” I had been thinking about doing some freelance editing for writers, but hadn’t taken the time to look into it. Recently, there had been a huge explosion of indie writers, and I saw posts occasionally on Facebook and Twitter asking for editors.

  “If you’re interested, I’ll let her know.”

  “Yes.” I wiped my nose and straightened in my chair. “I’d like that.”

  “Great.” Dr. Phillips smiled. “Think about grad school and the part-time job offer and let me know what you decide.” He scribbled her name and email on a sticky note and handed it to me.

  “Okay. I will.” I stuck the note in my backpack and headed for the door. “Thanks, Dr. Phillips. You don’t know how much I needed this.”

  “My pleasure, Lexi.”

  I laid in bed that night, thinking about what Dr. Philips had presented to me. It seemed logical and like a good move for me. The only thing to consider was how the hell I was going to pay for grad school. My parents had paid for the past four years, I wasn’t about to ask them to send me to grad school, too. I was also tired of being at PHU. The rumors, the snickering, the memories, both good and bad — it was all here, every freakin’ day. It was as though Raven was staring me in the face. Everywhere I turned, I saw images of him — of us. Everything reminded me of him. The library, the stadium, and especially the damn piano I had to pass every day in my dorm. There was no escaping it. PHU lived and reeked of The Raven’s trap. But I had choices. I could finish school and get as far away from the memories of Raven and me as possible or learn to deal with them.

  One thing was certain. I didn’t run. No, Lexi Thompson wasn’t afraid to face her fears. If I wanted this, I would have to learn to overcome them. Then I could start living life for me. Raven had made his decision, and it didn’t include me.

  A renewed purpose filtered through me and by the end of the week, I had made my decision. I had officially applied for grad school and a personal loan to cover the cost. The part-time job at the writing center would cover my living expenses. If I landed a contract with the indie writer, it would only sweeten the deal. Only thing left was finding a place to live. Everything was falling into place, I just had to wait and see what happened.

  The best part was I had never felt so strong in my entire life. There was a new Lexi Thompson and I liked her even better than the one that was with Raven. I had officially broken free of The Raven’s trap and it felt so damn good.

  ***

  “It’s official!” I smiled, unable to hide the gleam radiating from within me. “You’re looking at the newest PHU grad student.”

  “Are you serious?” Delaney jumped off the couch, taking down the curtains. “I can’t believe it!”

  I held up my official acceptance letter. “It just came in the mail today.” I shut the door to our dorm and weaved my way through the boxes of stuff. We had four days to pack everything and get out. It was amazing how much stuff two girls could accumulate over the years.

  “So, does that mean you’re moving in with me?” Delaney grasped the curtains tightly as she waited for my answer.

  “Yes. I mean, where else would I go?” I dropped the envelopes on the coffee table cluttered with pictures she’d taken down. After informing Delaney that I’d applied to graduate school, she told me that she was getting an apartment fairly close to campus. Luckily for me, she got a killer deal on a one year lease for a two bedroom. Her parents were giving her one year to get her phot
ography business going, agreeing to support her financially. I had a roommate and a place to live.

  Delaney jumped off the couch, nearly tripping on the scattered boxes as she grabbed my hands. “We’re going to have our own apartment. We’re getting our own place.” She danced around with me in the narrow space.

  I laughed. “Delaney, we’ve had our own place for the past two years.”

  “The dorm doesn’t count.” She released my hands. “I don’t know how you feel about going back to school, but if that’s what makes you happy, go for it. In fact, I haven’t seen you this happy in a very long time.”

  I caught her looking at my ring finger. My bare ring finger. Last night, after I took a shower, I decided I didn’t want to wear it any longer, so I put it in a safe place. It was part of breaking free from Raven. Even though, deep down, I still loved him. He would always own a part of my soul. Despite my efforts to eradicate him from my life, I cared about him and found myself thinking about him constantly, but not enough to call him. I knew where he was, or at least, I had an idea.

  Trish called me after he’d showed up at her house and told her that he was leaving town and moving to New Orleans with his grandmother. She begged me to call him and I told her I would think about it, but I never did. He was the one that walked out on me. I had done everything to stay by his side. I had deposited all my trust in Raven’s bank and he drained it.

  Spent it.

  Every single bit of it.

  Regardless, I didn’t hate him. I hated the demons that had successfully won the battle in ripping him from my life. They were the true enemy, not Raven.

  “I am happy, actually.” I giggled. “I’m going to be going to grad school, working part time in the writing lab and…” I paused.

  “And?”

  “Editing for J.S. Christensen.”

  “Who’s that?” she gave me a dumbfounded look.