Pulse of Heroes

by A. Jacob Sweeny

  A cool, gentle wind rushed through the tree branches. How long had she been there, she thought? Michelle knew these woods well enough to know that nothing in them could hurt her, not really. But suddenly she started thinking about every menacing wild animal that took refuge in the Northern California hills. There were bobcats, foxes, wolves, even brown bears. A raccoon could do a lot of damage if she was protecting her young. Michelle stood up immediately after that thought. She looked towards her house and then towards the school. She saw nothing, heard nothing but the rustling wind and the occasional pinecone dropping to the ground. She should go home. He wasn’t going to show up, and she was stupid to even hope that he might. Was she going to cry? No, she wasn’t. Michelle looked upwards and noticed that the sun was traveling west and the woods were rapidly being converted into shadowy images of arms reaching up towards the sky, towards her. Michelle got spooked, and once the feeling of apprehension got a hold of her she became angry, angry with Elliot but mostly at herself.

  Michelle stomped and even kicked the dirt as she dragged her feet towards home. She did her best to control her emotions. She was definitely too angry to cry. Not hurt, angry. Michelle could see her backyard fence, which to her turned into a symbol that the ‘Elliot’ chapter of her life was going to be over as soon as she crossed that line. She lazily raised her arm to unlock the gate when she felt a gush of warm wind at her back. Just as she turned around, Elliot was reaching out to grab at her shoulder in order to prevent her from opening the latch. He was half smiling and half panting.

  Michelle was flabbergasted by the sudden change of events, and by the emotional rise that put her right back on the roller coaster she thought she was stepping off from. “I’m sorry. We were in a meeting and I couldn’t just run off,” Elliot said, steadying his breath. God he was beautiful, Michelle thought while looking at his face, the blush of his warm blood under his cheeks, and the intensity in his eyes. She had always read those magazine articles about how men cared more about physical attractiveness in a potential partner than women did, but that generalization did not seem to apply to her, she was sure of that. She could have just stood there staring at him all day. “What is it?” he asked, confused as to why she hadn’t said anything back to him.

  “You startled me,” was all Michelle could think of to say. From beyond the fence they heard Michelle’s mother calling for Crumb. “It must be close to six o’ clock,” Michelle whispered, “We can’t stay here. Crumb climbs this fence all the time, and if he sees me he’ll start meowing and then my mom will see us.”

  “Lets walk,” Elliot said, turning around and heading into the woods. Michelle followed him.

  Inside, Michelle was lively with gratitude that Elliot had actually showed up. She was also cursing herself for not trusting him. Did she have such low self-esteem, she wondered while shadowing his every step? It was getting darker and Michelle was still spooked about going deeper into the woods, so she stopped walking, waiting to see how long it would take him to notice that she was no longer behind him. It didn’t take more than a second; Elliot turned around almost immediately. Michelle took her stance and let him know that if he hadn’t shown up when he did that she was never going to speak to him again. But Elliot just shrugged and answered that he was there now, so there was no use in talking about if’s or maybes. Michelle could sense that he was a bit short with her, and she feared that she had insulted him.

  “So?” Michelle asked.

  “So?” he answered back. Michelle thought that Elliot looked tense.

  “Are we arguing?” she asked.

  “I’m not. Are you?” he asked her in return.

  “Are you angry with me?” she asked him point blank, but he told her he was not. “Then why do you look like that?” she asked, confused. The warm sensitive guy that she remembered from the night before was nowhere to be found.

  “Because I’m thinking that maybe this is not such a good idea for us to be meeting here like this,” he answered. Michelle reminded him that it was he who showed up in her bedroom, not the other way around. Elliot relaxed and exhaled. He repeated to her that he felt really bad about her losing her job, and admitted that he had over-reacted at the school. “I explained to Xander that I was in the wrong, and if you want he said that he’d talk to Mr. Meyers for you.”

  Michelle didn’t answer because she wasn’t sure how involved in her life she wanted Elliot, or Xander to be. “I don’t understand what happened that day. I really just wanted to take a picture of that bottle. I wasn’t going to show it to anyone. I just wanted to compare it…”

  The small bottle was very dear to Elliot, and he tried to explain that when he saw her trying to photograph it he thought that she was going to show the picture to everyone.

  “It’s an antique from Rome, and very expensive. I got that piece of glass you sent. Kahl gave it to me when he went through the mail.”

  “He must think I’m crazy,” Michelle said, embarrassed. But Elliot told her that Kahl thought nothing of the sort, and neither did he. Of course, that didn’t make Michelle feel much better, considering who the statement was coming from. When Elliot asked her where she had found the glass, Michelle repeated the story her mom had told her, and asked if he thought that it really was antique glass like the bottle. Elliot replied that he definitely thought it was.

  “But how would my mom find something like that out here in the woods? It makes no sense,” Michelle argued.

  “It could have belonged to someone from that olive oil factory that used to be here. Weren’t the owners immigrants from somewhere else?” he asked Michelle innocently.

  “Yes,” Michelle answered, “they were Portuguese, but they left before I was born.” Michelle looked at Elliot’s intense features and wondered if she should ask him what he was doing at that school to begin with, but she didn’t want to put him on the spot. When Elliot sensed Michelle’s apprehension he took a step closer to see if she was afraid of him, and to his disappointment she took several steps backwards. Michelle saw a hint of sadness on his face and swallowed hard.

  “The Learning Center is not what you think. We’re not on medication, although maybe some of us should be,” he smiled and Michelle smiled back. “I can promise you that we’re not dangerous, not the way you think we are. I don’t want you to feel scared or worried because we’re so close to your house, and you shouldn’t judge everyone there by the way I acted.” Elliot told her that Hekademos was a sort of continuation / college prep school, and that the students were there because they had problems concentrating on their education due to various things that were happening in their lives. It was his own choice to be there; he needed to put distance between his regular life and his academic pursuits. “I can leave if I want to. So could everyone else.”

  Michelle’s uncertainty turned to sympathy. She felt bad, and apologized for thinking that he was insane. “How old are you?” she asked him out of the blue, still avoiding eye contact.

  “I thought this was going to be about things that you didn’t understand, not a third-degree interrogation about my personal life,” he answered, annoyed.

  “I’m sorry, I was just curious,” Michelle answered back, hurt by his callous reply. But Elliot sensed her injury and gave her a small smile of assurance, telling her that he would never ask someone their age unless they volunteered it, and besides he was older than her by more than a few years. Michelle wondered by how many years, and Elliot must have read her mind because he gave her a look that implied ‘don’t go there’. Michelle didn’t really care how old Elliot was. He was perfect in her eyes just as he was. But what about her? If Elliot was normal, than she must be the one that needed real help.

  “Then I guess I’m seeing things,” Michelle said in a crushed voice. “I still don’t understand how you came into my room and left without setting off the alarm, or how it is that you appear out of thin air, and your eyes… I guess I’m the one who needs to see a doctor.” Michelle looked away. There she was in fr
ont of the most beautiful guy known to mankind and she was confessing to him that she was losing her mind, that she was seeing things that weren’t there. Elliot walked over to where Michelle stood and this time she didn’t step back. He bent down so he could look at her face but Michelle turned away. She didn’t want him to pity her. He told her not to feel so bad because he was going to show her something, so she raised her eyes to look at his, feeling more confused than before. Elliot laughed and began walking around the area while scanning the ground below his feet. He picked up three small green pinecones and began juggling them in the air. Michelle just looked at him, trying to figure out if he was trying to make her feel better when he suddenly stopped and hid the cones in his fists.

  “How many?” he asked Michelle?

  “Three,” she replied casually. Elliot opened his hands to show that they were empty. “How did you do that?” Michelle asked, smiling in disbelief.

  “Do you believe in magic?” he asked her, and she shook her head. “Good, because there’s no such thing,” he said as he emptied his pockets of the missing pinecones. Michelle clapped in astonishment. “I’m really fast. I’ve been practicing my whole life. Guess you could call it a hobby. You’re not seeing things, Michelle. You’re perfectly sane,” he told her, and a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. Michelle’s cell phone rang and broke a long silence between them. Elliot became visibly agitated and asked Michelle not to tell anyone that she was with him. It was Anna calling to let her know that her mother had called to see when she would be returning home.

  “What did you tell her? Ok. I’ll head back soon. Thanks for covering for me. Bye.”

  Elliot was a bit surprised that Michelle had been forced to concoct an entire lie about where she was just to meet with him, but he didn’t share those thoughts with her.

  It was almost completely dark by now, and the evening chill had begun to set in. Michelle hadn’t noticed that the sky had turned dark until Elliot mentioned it. “You’re cold,” he said, after noticing that her body would involuntarily shiver every so often. Michelle on the other hand couldn’t really tell the difference between feeling cold and feeling excited. If she was cold, she didn’t want to say anything. She didn’t want the evening to end. She could have stayed there with him forever. The wind howled between the treetops and Elliot took off his jacket and wrapped it around Michelle’s shoulders. Things were good again. She was sane and so was he. And now she was wrapped in his scent and that was the best feeling she had ever felt in her life.

  Elliot told her that he should get back to the school before anyone noticed that he was gone. It wasn’t as if he’d be in trouble, but it showed badly in terms of respect. There were many people who had tried to get into the program and he didn’t want to take the opportunity that had been given to him for granted. But Michelle was no longer listening to him, because when he stood so close to her she lost almost all her thoughts, besides the one that repeated in her head like a flashing neon sign: I want to hold him. That was all that Michelle could think about. Nothing else existed, just Elliot and his scent wrapped around her body like a warm comforting blanket. She felt herself lean in towards his body, but she wasn’t sure if she really was or if it was just a sensation. She didn’t want him to leave; she wanted to scream and beg him to stay with her.

  “What about the photo? Why does he look like you?” she finally asked as a means to keep him talking. In her own head, her words sounded like they were slurred.

  “I actually have something to show you,” he said, looking down at her. “It’s on the inside pocket of my jacket,” he said while gently reaching towards his jacket with his hand. Michelle looked up at Elliot just as his arm rounded above her waist. She tilted her head backwards. She wanted him to kiss her. Elliot was also feeling drawn to Michelle. His hands, however, were unsure. He couldn’t make up his mind if he should hold her or not. Having her so close to him made him uncomfortable. He looked down at her face, then at her hair, and her eyes, and then her lips. She was very pretty, he had to admit that to himself, and he also had to admit that to avoid kissing her was a battle. Michelle closed her eyes, which only gave Elliot even more time to look at her up close. He could feel her warm breath reaching up to his, inviting him to join hers.

  They stood like that in an embrace that wasn’t for what felt like an eternity. Michelle slowly began to open her eyes just as Elliot closed his and leaned in to kiss her. She closed her eyes again and waited to feel his lips on hers. Their lips touched, but just barely, when Michelle’s cell phone sprang into life again. Within less than a millisecond both Elliot and she were standing apart from one another. She was sadly awakened from what would have been the world’s most passionate kiss, while to him it seemed that such a kiss would have been the world’s most horrible mistake.

  Michelle pressed the ignore button on her phone, but by looking at Elliot she could tell that there was no going back to that magical moment. The sweet sea mist scent was gone and her head was no longer comfortably faint. She was awake again, and Elliot was walking back and forth just a few feet away from her with his hands over his head in agitation. His back was turned in her direction; he wasn’t even able to look at her. Michelle’s heart was dying a slow and torturous death. Every breath she took in felt as if she was breathing in ice.

  Elliot finally turned back to face her. As dark as it was outside, his eyes were glowing like blue fire. He suddenly moved rapidly towards Michelle with his finger pointing at her. She was guilty? But how, she wondered?

  “This can not happen,” Elliot scolded in a low and angry voice. Michelle couldn’t say anything, she was frozen and she was mortified. “I might not be in this school for emotional problems, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have them. The reason I chose this location is because I need to be away from everyone that interferes with what I’m doing, away from people like you. I don’t want to lose control, and I don’t want to hurt anyone. It happed before and I’m not about to let that happen again.” Elliot let out a scream of pure anger and Michelle was shaking just watching him. She wondered if she should run away? But what was the point? He was hundreds of times faster than her, and would undoubtedly catch her if that was what he wanted.

  After a few moments, Elliot tried his best to calm down, and when he had better control of himself he told Michelle that she needed to go home. Michelle felt ashamed, rejected and disposed of. She could feel the warm tears trying to burst out of her eyes, so she turned around. She wasn’t going to let him see her cry.

  “I’m sorry, Michelle,” Elliot said in a more neutral tone. “This is not going to go anywhere. I made a mistake. You made a mistake.”

  Michelle began walking away from him and towards her house. Her pace picked up speed the further she got from him. She shed his jacket off her shoulders straight to the ground without looking or caring where it landed. Elliot walked behind her, apologizing and telling her that it’s for her own good and that she needed to forget all about him; they’ve cleared everything up between them and there was no point to seeing one another again.

  Up ahead, Michelle could see the light coming from her living room windows. Elliot could see it also, and he stopped once the house was in view. Michelle didn’t look back to see if Elliot was still there, or if he had turned around. All she knew was that she didn’t hear his footsteps crushing the pine needles behind her anymore. Elliot watched as Michelle opened the backyard gate and then shut it behind her. He even heard her open the back door to the house. Only then did he turn around and walk back. He picked up his jacket off the ground, only to see that the photo he had wanted to show Michelle had fallen out of the pocket and lay in the dirt. He picked it up and looked at the familiar image, then angrily crumpled it into a paper ball. He looked for a place to throw it but there was none. So he stuffed the destroyed photo back into his pocket and disappeared into the woods towards the school.

  Michelle didn’t have the energy to cry. Everything was going wrong in her life, e
verything, and she wondered if she had done something in a past life to deserve such a beating. She was just not making it in anything. School was dragging and her grades were slipping again. She didn’t have a job anymore, and she didn’t have a boyfriend either. Why did Tim like her now but not before she met Elliot? And what was so horrible about her that made Elliot react with such hatred? Michelle was in a breakdown mode, numbering each and every one of her faults. She was too short, her hips were too big, her hair tended to frizz and tangle, she probably had to shave her legs more often than other girls, her lips were too thin, and her face was comparable to everyone else’s, basically boring. Elliot was just too good-looking for her. The list went on and on. Michelle covered her head with her blanket and quietly whimpered like a wounded animal until she finally fell asleep.

  The next morning, Michelle stayed in bed and told her mom she wasn’t feeling well enough to go to school. She said she would call some friends to get the day’s lessons in the afternoon. Since Michelle was not known to call in sick often, her mom didn’t think anything of it. Crumb remained by her side most of the day, looking confused as to why they were staying in bed for so long. But since he was getting so much attention, nuzzling and caressing, he stayed put and purred like a little engine. “You don’t care what I look like,” Michelle said to him, while lovingly almost squeezing the life out of her little cat.