Long Slow Second Look

by Marilyn Lee

  "That doesn't answer my question. Are you in love with me?"

  "I don't know."

  "Well, that's what I need and want from you. Love. When you can tell me you're in love with me, we can talk."

  "Why the hell do you keep raising the bar on me? First it was come see me when marriage and kids are on the table. Now it's tell me you love me and we can talk?"

  "That's what I need from you, John. Love."

  "Are you in love with me, Amber?"

  I shrugged.

  "If you're not in love with me, why do you need me to be in love with you?"

  I tried to stand up but he wouldn't let me. "Let me go, John."

  "Answer my question."

  "Let me go!"

  He sighed. "Even if I'm not in love with you, I want and need you more than I ever have any other woman. Why can't that be a starting point on which to build? Why must you wring a confession from me that I'm not prepared to make?"

  "Because I want…I need you to be in love with me."

  "I'm as close to being in love as I've ever been. Stay with me and we can see where we end up. Given the actual amount of time we've spent together, that's not an unreasonable request."

  I knew he was right but I loved him and ached to hear him say he loved me too. "I know. I'll sleep on it and—"

  "Fuck that sleep on it shit, Amber. Sleep with me and let me convince you."

  "I don't want to be convinced."

  "Yes you do," he said, sliding his hands up from my waist to cup my breasts.

  When I turned to look at him, he kissed me with enough passion and force to coerce my surrender. I parted my lips and accepted his tongue in my mouth.

  While he continued to kiss me breathless, I felt his hands slipping under my blouse and up my back. Seconds later, my breasts spilled out of my bra and into his warm, eager hands.

  Yes. Yes. Oh, yes!

  He massaged each mound and pinched my nipples

  I arched into him, feeling hot all over.

  He continued his attention to my breasts until my pussy flooded and I ached to have his cock powering inside me. Despite my intentions not to sleep with him again, when he lifted me to my feet and took my hand in his, I eagerly followed him to the bed.

  He quickly undressed me and then stood staring at me in silence for so long, I cupped one hand over my pussy and placed the other arm over my breasts.

  "No. No. Don’t hide your body from me," he said, his voice thick with passion.

  "You're staring at me as if you've never seen me naked before and aren't sure you like what you see."

  "I haven't ever seen you completely nude before," he said.

  Of course he hadn't because he'd always just pushed my dress up and fucked me against the nearest wall.

  He blew out a breath, still staring at me. "Damn. I had no idea what I was missing when I allowed my impatience and need to be inside you to lead me to making love with our clothes on. You have a…damn, Amber, you're even sexier with your clothes off."

  His mama hadn't raised a fool. He knew how to close a deal. I smiled and relaxed.

  After brushing my hands away from my body, he stroked his palms down from my breasts to my belly.

  I tensed. He was almost certainly used to bedding women without an ounce of excess weight. "My belly is—"

  "Perfect—like the rest of you." Placing one hand on my stomach, he slid the other hand between my legs and eased two fingers inside me.

  I bit my lip and closed my thighs to trap his hand. "Johnny."

  He removed his fingers and stepped back to take off his clothes.

  I walked over to the bed. Sitting on the side, I watched him undress. Lord, he had a big, muscular body with wide shoulders, an impressive chest and abs, long legs, and a thick cock beckoning my pussy from a thick mat of dark hair. Although he was only semi-erect, just looking at him made me wetter.

  "Oh, Johnny, you have a beautiful body."

  He stepped close to the bed and drew me up into his arms. "Touch me," he invited.

  Feeling his nude body against mine for the first time sent an absolute jolt of need through me. I reached between our bodies to place my hand over his cock.

  "Get me hard," he whispered, bending his head to rain kisses on my neck.

  I closed my eyes and pumped his cock until he lengthened and grew against my fingers. Then, eager to be fucked, I lay on the bed with my legs parted.

  He bent to press a long, moist kiss against my mouth while he fingered me. "You are so sexy."

  With my pussy burning for the invasion of his shaft and thoughts of insisting he use a condom a distant one, I reached for him. "And all yours, Johnny," I whispered.

  He hesitated and then earned my gratitude by bending down to pick up his pants. He quickly removed a condom from his wallet before he sat on the side of the bed. He silently handed it to me.

  My hands shook and I was a breath away from telling him we didn't need it when I caught myself and reluctantly rolled it over his hard flesh.

  "You're the only woman I want and need," he told me as he slipped between my thighs and pressed his warm lips against mine.

  A jolt of love, need, and passion filled me as I returned his kiss.

  When he finally dragged his mouth from mine, I gasped and struggled against the urge to tell him that I loved him. Seconds before I would have whispered the truth to him, he kissed me again.

  We lay with our legs entwined and his hard shaft lying against my body as we kissed and caressed each other. Then as the need for him grew, I reached between our bodies to close my fingers around him and positioned the head of his cock against my entrance.

  I shivered in anticipation of the sweet wonder of feeling him sliding into me.

  He lifted his hips slightly and then eased forward.

  I closed my eyes and inhaled as he slowly pressed his shaft into my pussy.

  Oh Lord, the pleasure I felt when he was fully seated inside me and I experienced his weight on me for the first time was totally delicious. Filled with his cock and surrounded by what felt like a wall of bliss closing in on me before he had even started to move in me was mind numbing.

  He lay unmoving on top of me for several minutes, filling my ears and heart with whispered words of need and desire that bound me to him even more. "You're so sexy…I want you…I need you…I have from the moment I saw you…I've never felt like this with anyone else. I'm not going to let you go back to him. You're mine…and I'm yours…all yours, sweet."

  By the time he pushed into me, I was already so aroused I shuddered, moaned, and greedily fucked myself on him. "Johnny…oh…Johnny mine."

  He gripped my hips and held them still. "Slow down, sweet, or you'll make me come too quickly. I want to savor lying on top of you for the first time."

  "You can savor it another time." I dug my fingers into his tight ass. "Fuck me…please…fuck me."

  "No. I want to show you this isn't just sex for me and never has been." He brushed his lips against my neck. "I'm going to make love to you."

  I clutched him closer. "Only people in love make love. Everyone else fucks or has sex."

  "I'm going to make love to you," he said again.

  And he did. He was gentle, sweet, and unhurried. He kissed, licked, nipped, and caressed me until my entire body was as sensitive as a raw nerve. Then he slipped his hands under my ass and increased the movement of his cock inside me. Each stroke and caress intensified my rapidly approaching climax until he shifted his body, tilted my hips, and hit my spot with a series of deep, rhythmic thrusts.

  Oh God. I blew apart into countless tiny orgasmic pieces. Sobbing with pleasure and careening out of emotional control, I came hard.

  My climax was the most enjoyable and powerful of my life. Its' aftermath left me lying limp but happy under him as he continued to push and pull out of me until he ground his hips roughly against mine.

  I was so lethargic I couldn't muster the strength to hold him as he came. I just lay under him
like a very happy lump on a log, wishing he were coming inside my pussy instead of spilling his seed in the condom.

  When he pulled out of me, I moaned in protest and tried to clutch him closer.

  He disentangled himself from me and slipped behind me. "Give me a moment."

  I nodded happily.

  He removed the condom before settling back against me. "Damn. That was off the charts." He pulled the sheet over our nude bodies and brushed his lips against my neck. "How long are you staying?"

  "We're leaving Monday morning."

  "Who is we and why the hell did you sleep with him last night when you knew how much I need you?"

  "We is me and my friend Sherlyn and for your information, buster, I slept alone last night."

  He turned me around to face him. "You're not here with a man?"

  "I'm here with my friend who happens to be female. Her name is Sherlyn."

  "Why did you let me think you were with a man?"

  "Because you deserved it."

  "So there is no man?"

  "The only man in my life is you."

  He rolled on his back and pulled me on top of him. "I'm here to Monday as well. Share this room with me."

  Darkwater would probably say I'd succumbed too quickly. And he'd be right, but I was a woman hungry to spend as much time as possible with the man I loved. "I think we should keep separate rooms."

  "And I think you should stop thinking and just feel how right we are together." He yawned.

  "Am I boring you already?"

  He nipped my ear. "I spent last night worrying about you with another man. I don't think I slept for more than an hour or so."

  "Why don't you grab fifty winks while I shower and go make a few phone calls?"

  He pulled me closer. "Make them here."

  "That wouldn't be a good idea."

  "Why not?"

  I rolled away from him and sat up, clutching the sheet to my breasts. How much should I tell him? "I need to cancel my date for tonight."

  He sat up behind me. "With who?"

  I sighed. "Deandre."

  "You have a date with him? You said you were here with a female friend."

  "I am. But since I lost interest in him, he's been hounding me to go out with him. I finally said yes and we agreed to meet here tonight for dinner and a show."

  "And?"

  "And nothing. Dinner and a show."

  "You weren't going to—"

  I turned to look in his eyes. "Dinner and a show, John. Nothing else. How many times do I need to say it?"

  He lay back on the bed. "Then cancel your date and come back to bed."

  "I think I'll take a shower and go back to my room."

  He caught my hand and pulled me back to sprawl on top of him. "No. Make your call and stay with me."

  "Nothing's changed. I still need to think."

  "What the hell is there to think about, Amber? We both want the same thing; to be together."

  "But we want it with vastly different degrees of commitment. I know I want to be your wife and have your kids. You only want that if it can't be avoided. That leaves a vast gulf between us. I need to decide if I can handle that divide and still be happy."

  "You're making too big of an issue of our minor differences."

  "They're not minor, John. What if the shoe were on the other foot and you wanted marriage and kids and I didn't? Wouldn't that bother you?"

  He released me. "Have it your way but you know how I feel about you."

  "No I don't because you haven't actually said."

  "I've said as much as I'm comfortable saying for now."

  I nodded. "I know. Hopefully we'll see each other later." I kissed him and slipped out of bed. I put my clothes on and quickly left before I could change my mind. I was a little disheartened because he made no further effort to convince me to stay with him.

  Chapter Eleven

  John

  By the time I got up, showered, and redressed, I was pissed. Granted, I hadn’t told Amber how deeply my feelings ran for her because I wasn’t prepared to admit that to anyone at that point. Nevertheless, I’d told her I was prepared to get married again and have more kids. Didn’t she realize how big a commitment it was for me to start raising another set of kids with my current two within smelling distances of adulthood?

  Agitated, I decided to go unwind. I was surprised to find Shane seated on the casino floor watching his date Myra gambling his money away. When he saw me, he rose and walked over to me. "So? How did things go with Amber?"

  I frowned. "How did you know I saw her?"

  "When Myra told me you dumped her for someone named Sha, I knew you must have run into Amber."

  I blinked. Had I called her cher? "She wants time to consider her options."

  "Why? Because you haven’t told her you love her?"

  "I haven’t told you I love her," I pointed out.

  He nodded. "I know you haven’t, but the difference between me and her is that I know you’re in love with her. So if I were you, I’d admit it to yourself and her and move the hell on."

  "Look—"

  He held up a hand. "Spare me your nonsense, Johnny. You’re in love with her. Deal with it or risk losing her to some other asshole."

  "Are you calling me an asshole?"

  "Any man too stupid to know when he’s in love is an asshole. So yes. I’m calling you an asshole."

  "Look, you—"

  "No. You look. Remember you’re talking to the brother you’ve told that you’ve never called any woman cher."

  "I haven’t told you I called her cher!"

  "But we both know you have." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "You’re in love with her. If you won’t admit the obvious, how can you expect her to forego pursuing her other options? Don’t wait around until he decides to offer her what she wants and you lose her."

  "If he touches her, I swear, I’ll plant my foot so far up his ass—"

  "You could do that or you could just admit you love her. She falls into your arms, totally yours. Problem solved. Johnny's happier than he’s ever been. What’s not to love?"

  "I’ve never said I love you to a woman."

  "That’s because you’ve never been in love. Now you are. Where’s the difficulty? Sleep on it and get with the program before she decides you’re more trouble than you’re worth."

  "She wants me to go running after her like—"

  "A man in love? You are. Put your running shoes on and go after her so she'll know you think she's worth jumping through a few hoops for. Unless, of course, you don't think she's worth the effort. In which case, I'm sick to death of hearing about a woman who means so little to you."

  I glanced past him to where Myra was happily pushing buttons. "Would you and Myra be interested in joining us for dinner sometime next week?"

  He shook his head.

  "Why not?"

  "Because we're no longer a couple. We haven't slept together in over three months."

  I frowned. "Then what are you two doing here sharing a room?"

  He shrugged. "Believe it or not, we're just friends now. We're sharing a room but not a bed."

  "Why bring her at all if it's over?"

  "She wanted to come and I had nothing better to do." He smiled. "Besides, she seems to think that remaining close to me might help her cause."

  "What cause?"

  "Latching more successfully onto one of you."

  "You mean Gave, Lee or me?"

  He nodded. "I told her it was hopeless as you were already interested in someone else, but I think she has her eye on you."

  I glanced at her again and found her looking in our direction.

  She smiled and waved at me.

  Oh hell no. I nodded and turned away to face Shane. "Tell her she's wasting her time with me."

  "Got someone else in mind you'd rather have chase you? If not, she can be very diverting."

  "Let her ply her charms with someone else. I'm definitely not interested. I'm going
for a walk to think."

  He smiled. "You do that."

  * * *

  Amber

  My plan to cancel my date with Deandre went awry when he insisted since he was already in Atlantic City that I had to have dinner with him. Of course I didn’t have to, but considering how uncertain my relationship was with John, I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to at least hear him out.

  We had dinner at a different casino hotel than the one we were staying at. I quickly discovered he was funny and attentive. And I liked him. The dinner that I had reluctantly agreed to have with him turned out to be enjoyable. At the end of the night when he bent to kiss me, I briefly returned his kiss before stepping away from him.

  He sighed. "No go, huh?"

  I shook my head. "I’m afraid not."

  "It’s him. Isn’t it? The big, disrespectful groper from Grace’s party?"

  I nodded. "Yes."

  "He doesn’t deserve you."

  "Maybe not, but I want him."

  "Lucky bastard." He caressed my cheek. "Good luck."

  "Thanks. I’ll need all the luck I can get to land him."

  "Not if he has half a brain."

  "I’m not so sure he does," I said.

  We shared a laugh before he offered me his arm. "I’ll walk you back to your hotel."

  "Thanks." I smiled and slipped my arm through his. He was going to make some lucky woman a hell of a husband when he finally settled down.

  * * *

  John

  I was with Shane later that night when I saw Amber and Dr. Don't Know Shit kissing and then walking off arm in arm.

  I felt a rage like none I had ever experienced. During those seconds I could easily have stalked after them, grabbed him by his neck, and happily choked the life out of him with little remorse.

  I might have actually started behind them.

  Shane gripped my arm and swung me around to face him. "Tell her what she wants to hear and you won’t have to worry about him or anyone else. Or leave her alone to get on with her life, Johnny."

  I jerked away. "If he thinks he can take her from me, he’d better think again."

  "She didn’t look as if he was holding her hostage. Since you’re not interested in giving her what she wants, she appears to be prepared to get it from him. And why shouldn’t she? You can’t really expect to refuse to give her what she wants and dictate who she sees. Even a man as in love as you are, must see that’s not fair."