Homesmind

by Pamela Sargent

  The villagers waited. Even Leito had left her hut to join them in the meadow. The smaller children were restless, fidgeting and tugging at one another impatiently. Many of the older people had abandoned their various escapes for now, shamed by Luret's anger, but Anra was sure that the desire for dreams or a drunken oblivion was never far from their minds.

  Dark specks appeared in the cloudless western sky. As the specks grew larger, Anra could make out the runners underneath them. She shaded her eyes, trying to count the shuttlecraft; there were at least a hundred, and possibly more.

  Luret clasped her hands together; Wiland, seated next to her, stared ahead blankly. Geve was supporting his son with one arm; the older man gazed sorrowfully at the younger one. VViland had begun to heal, but his mind had been scarred, and his thoughts were weak. Jen, wearing a clean blue tunic, stood with Areli; the muscles under the old man's eyes twitched as he licked his lips nervously.

  The vessels floated over the river. Twenty landed in the meadow as the others alighted around the village, enclosing it within a circle.

  The doors of the shuttles nearest to the villagers opened. Lydee, dressed in her silver suit, stepped out. Reiho and Etey emerged from another. Jerod appeared, then Tuela and Chilon, along with a few other skydwellers Anra did not recognize. She glanced from one face to another, suddenly disappointed; Rulek was not with them.

  Marellon called out a greeting. Daiya, clinging to Chal's hand, was about to step forward when Lydee held up an arm.

  Leito stood, leaning on her stick. —Have you come to help us?— the old woman said.

  —Yes— Lydee replied, but her answer seemed tentative.

  —Others are here with you. Have the skydwellers found more courage than we have been able to?—

  Lydee's face was stern. —Many still have not. Some have chosen death and others live in dreams. I have to tell you that. But we have some hope to give you now, if you choose to stay here. The Minds were built to serve you, and They can't turn from a call for help. They know you're now in greater danger than before and need protection. With Their aid, you can shield this village with an invisible wall. They'll give you as much power as They can spare, and Homesmind will do Its best to preserve Their Net—

  —Once another wall stood around us— Areli said, —but it was our enemies who put it there, to imprison us. Now you're saying we should imprison ourselves—

  —It's to protect you— Reiho said. Daiya was gazing at him intently, but he did not seem to see her. —You'll be able to pass through it if you wish; the Minds can provide a passage. But only those who want peace with you will be allowed to enter, since the Minds will be able to read their intentions—

  —But what about distant villages?— Luret asked. —We can't reach out to them if we wall ourselves in—

  —The Minds will try to tell others of the new world that awaits you— Reiho replied. —Perhaps some will be convinced. That is all They can do—

  —But do They have enough strength to do that?— Leito said.

  Reiho did not reply; Lydee was staring past the crowd. Shadowy shapes were forming near the skydwellers; blurred images of robed people began to appear. The ghostly forms wavered, as if they might fade at any moment.

  /We shall help/ the Minds whispered. /Some of Us may not survive, for We need much of Our power now to keep from drifting. But We cannot save Ourselves only to abandon you. Some of Us will still live on to serve you/

  The images flickered out. Anra's eyes stung; she swallowed, moved by the unhappy words.

  —The Minds could have spoken to us Themselves— Leito said. —You didn't have to return to tell us this. Why did you come back? Are you going to stand with us now?—

  —We can't stay— Lydee replied. —Our own people need us, and we have to save as many as we can. But we thought— She paused. —You can choose to leave Earth now. If you think remaining here will serve no useful purpose, you are free to go, as you always were—

  —Do you think us such cowards?— Jen called out. His thoughts were wild and unrestrained; Anra was sure that the man's newfound courage was fueled by some of the wine that had once been his escape.

  —Some may still find their way here— Luret said. — There are people in other villages who once lived among us, and maybe some of them will seek us out now— Her green eyes narrowed. —You could have sent the vessels without coming yourselves if you wanted to give us an escape. Why are you here, Lydee?—

  —We came for the children— Lydee replied.

  Daiya knelt next to Chal, drawing him close. —What do you mean?—

  —The smallest children should return with us to our world. They're young enough to adapt to a new home and they'll be safer there. Here, you'd have to guard them, and they're too young to protect themselves—

  —You said a wall can protect us—

  —A wall can still fail. Would you risk them in a battle?—

  —You want to steal them from us— Daiya protested.

  —Don't be foolish, sister— Lydee said. —It's better this way. Surely it would ease you to know that they're safe with us. We want only the youngest. The older ones who can take care of themselves can stay here if they wish—

  —I see— Leito said. —The end of our time on Earth is near. We had prayed to avoid it. I believed that a way would be found to keep the Minds here somehow and that in the end we wouldn't have to go to the sky. Now that you've come for our children, I can no longer deceive myself with that dream— Her words were clear and forceful; she was speaking for many of the villagers.

  Lydee waved an arm at the shuttles surrounding the village. —We'll leave all those vessels with you. You'll need them when it's time to retreat. I'm sorry— She looked at Anra and her friends, as if expecting the young people to support her. Olin moved closer to Anra and took her arm.

  Daiya suddenly strode forward. —Take him, then— She thrust Chal at Reiho, then turned and left before Reiho could speak to her. Anra watched as villagers filed forward; a few were weeping. Barla led her foster brother and sister to Jerod; Mila was handing little Naise to Etey. Children whimpered as they were lifted to the doors of the shuttles.

  —If anyone else wants to leave— Leito said, —go now. I won't condemn you. We'll need clear, strong minds now, not the weak— No one moved, though Yvela and the children near her looked uncertain. Even those whose courage was wavering were clearly intending to stay, but Anra knew that they could always flee later when others would not notice and could not talk them out of running away.

  Marellon spun around and walked quickly back toward the huts. Lydee took a step after him, looking as if she were about to call him back.

  —Leave us now— Leito said. —We must build our wall—

  —Farewell— Lydee murmured. The skydwellers entered their vessels and the shuttles lifted, humming as they soared toward the sky.

  Leito tugged at the Net, drawing everyone in as she drew on the power of the Minds. A wind rose, rippling the grass and swaying the trees on the hill overlooking the meadow. The wall now forming around them was invisible, but Anra could sense it, and felt as though she was being locked inside herself with no power to reach out again.

  Anra put out her hand. The invisible wall held, then flowed over her like a warm wave of water as she stepped through it. She took a few steps along the riverbank, then looked back at the huts. The wall would remain around the village as long as a few villagers kept their channels open to the Minds; Anra had taken her own turn at maintaining the wall earlier that day. She had felt the drain on the Minds. Their strength might fail sooner than the village expected.

  The shuttles also stood in a circle around the huts, more than enough vessels to carry them away from Earth. She wondered what would frighten other Earthfolk more— the wall or the sight of so many alien craft. She sighed. Someone inside might be calling to her, telling her not to linger too long outside the wall's protection, but the wall would cut her off from the plea. She pulled in her mental
tendrils, feeling as though she still carried the wall inside her.

  They all should have left with the skydwellers, she thought. The reasons Leito and Luret and others had given for remaining had been surface thoughts. They only wanted to postpone the inevitable departure for as long as possible. Anra was beginning to think that, in the end, a few of the old ones would refuse to leave at all, whatever the consequences, even if it meant being solitary for the rest of their lives.

  She sat down, watching the ducks feed among the reeds. She could now feel the thoughts of another; someone else had passed through the wall. She recognized the mind without turning; in a few moments, Olin's moccasined feet were at her side.

  He sat down. "I spoke to Daiya earlier," he said. "She's hoping that your parents may return here now."

  "They won't. My mother clings to old ways." She glanced at him. "You seem to like communing with my aunt. How much has she shown you?"

  "She told me about how your parents left you here, and about her own life—how she was the first to meet the skydwellers and chose to share her life with one of them. Can't we mindspeak instead of talking this way? No one will hear our thoughts now."

  "I'd rather speak this way."

  "You're afraid to open your mind to me because you're afraid of what you might feel if you do."

  She opened her mouth, about to deny it, then took a breath. "It's true," she said at last.

  "But why? You know how I feel. If you didn't like me at all, I could understand why you hold back from me, but you hold back because you do have feelings for me."

  "Giving in to certain feelings makes a person weak."

  "Not if they're returned. The bond can make you stronger."

  She wrapped her arms around her legs. "You're clever, Olin. You could probably argue me into believing whatever you'd like me to believe."

  "I wish I could."

  A few of the tame ducks the village had freed earlier swam toward the reeds. I he wild ducks squawked and flapped their wings, driving the tame birds away. "Did you want to leave with the skydwellers?" Anra asked.

  "No. I wouldn't return the kindness you've shown me by running away." Olin was silent for a moment. "Why did you think I might?"

  "Another boy who came to our village did. I found him in the desert beyond the mountains. We welcomed him, but he left anyway."

  "I know a little of him—I saw it in the thoughts of your friends."

  'The skydwellers feed him dreams." She had not meant to speak of Rulek; now she was afraid that she would not be able to stop speaking of him. 'They'll weaken him. He'd rather dream than live his life. What a cowardly fool he is."

  "He's the one who keeps you from reaching out to me."

  "You're touching my thoughts!" She was about to stand when Olin grabbed her arm.

  "I'm not touching your thoughts, Anra. I guessed it from your words."

  She rested her head on her knees. "Anyway, he means nothing to me now."

  "Then why can't you forget him? I care about you, and I won't seek dreams." He paused. "Your friends Fiella and Paeter may soon make a pledge as partners. I'd gladly make such a pledge to you."

  "It's too soon. Paeter and Fiella have known each other all their lives."

  He touched her cheek, turning her face toward him. "We may have to fight soon. We won't have many chances like this to share our thoughts. If we open our minds fully to each other, we'll know all we have to know. You feel something for me already."

  "Yes, I do," she said, forcing the words out. "But maybe it's only because he—" She could not say Rulek's name. "Because the other boy didn't return my feelings. Maybe I would have turned to anyone now who was kind and seemed to care. Maybe I'm afraid I might hurt you the way he hurt me."

  Olin put his arms around her. She rested her head against his shoulder. "Instead of sharing your thoughts and letting your feelings flow freely, you hold them inside and pick at each and put it on a shelf so that you can stand apart from it. Is that what the skydwellers taught you? Anra, I won't ask you for a pledge—only for your companionship. I can at least give you some joy during whatever time we have. Maybe I'm also reaching out to you in part because of my own loneliness, since I have no one now, but does it matter?"

  "Perhaps not."

  "Then share your thoughts with me." He took off one of his strings of blue beads and put them around her neck.

  She opened her mind. His warm thoughts flowed into her as their minds entwined. His thoughts were hers now, his light dissipating her shadows. They embraced.

  NINE

  A man and a woman were crossing the field, striding quickly toward the village. The two stopped outside the ring of shuttlecraft; as Anra watched, they walked between two of the vessels and passed through the wall.

  Anra stood up, still holding the tunic she had been mending. A synthesizer could have given her a new garment, but she needed tasks to occupy herself. She stared at the strangers silently until Nenla suddenly rushed from the hut, where she had been visiting with her daughter.

  —Hiya— Nenla cried out. She ran to the silver-haired woman and embraced her. —Raef— The man took her hand. —You've come back—

  —We should never have left— Raef was a tall, balding, gray-bearded man; Hiya was nearly as tall as he. They loomed over the shorter woman as she babbled her welcome.

  —No one else has returned?— Hiya said, touching Nenla's thoughts. Nenla shook her head. —It doesn't surprise me. And now there is a wall around this place again—

  Nenla released the couple's hands and went to Anra. —This is Anra SillaHarel— She waved at Fiella as she came out of the hut. —And my own daughter, Fiella—

  Hiya and Raef nodded at the girls; the couple's pale, sad eyes were rimmed with red. —We knew your grandparents— Hiya murmured, then closed her mind.

  Nenla led the two people to the hut, seating them on a bench outside as Fiella disappeared inside for a bit, then emerged with a jug of wine and some bread. —If you've returned— Nenla said, —then others will come—

  Raef shook his head. —If they do, they'll have much to overcome— He broke off a piece of bread and passed the loaf to Hiya. —The village where we've lived these past years is no more—

  —What happened?— Nenla asked.

  "We must speak out loud of it," Hiya answered. "Our thoughts would be too unhappy to bear. First, our Net grew weak and we could no longer reach out to other settlements. The Minds showed us images of what They called another world and told us we must prepare to leave Earth or be trapped in solitude here. We thought it was a lure, a deception designed to trap us—some thought it might even be a way to test our faith and that those who succumbed would lose their souls. Then the oldest ones among us began to hear the Voice." Hiya's voice rose on that last word.

  Anra, sitting at the couple's feet with Fiella, twisted the fabric of the tunic she held, pricking herself with the needle.

  "What Voice?" Nenla asked softly.

  "They called it the Voice of God," Raef said.

  Anra sucked on her bleeding thumb; Fiella was plucking nervously at her hair. "The Voice of God was calling to them, or so they claimed," Raef continued. "It spoke of the end of a great cycle, of a gathering of all minds. It was what our old faith had always promised—that we would be united in God's thoughts. In the beginning, only those near death heard the Voice, but then others claimed to hear it, too. Those who heard it welcomed death. They began by refusing food and water. When others tried to force these things upon them, they hanged themselves with ropes or turned their knives against themselves, and some even murdered their own children. The village stank of death. Bodies rotted with no one to bury them, and others grew ill from the stench." He rubbed at his eyes.

  "Go on," Nenla whispered; her freckled face was pale.

  "A friend came to us," Hiya said. "She was one of those who were willing to open their minds to new ways— she had welcomed us to her village—but we could see that the madness had seized her, too. S
he could hear not only the Voice, but also the voices of those who had died. The call, for her, was impossible to resist. She begged us to join her in death, saying that if we opened our minds completely, we would hear the Voice's promise of a unity of minds."

  "She must have been deluded," Nenla said forcefully.

  "She was not," Raef said wearily, "or if she was, then so was I, for I opened my mind to hers and heard the Voice and felt its power. Only Hiya's desperate pleas were enough to drag me back from the pull of that Voice. We had to leave the village then. I knew I couldn't resist a second time."

  Nenla covered her mouth, wordlessly denying the man's words. Raef gulped some wine as Hiya put her arm around his shoulders. "I've communed with the Minds many times." His voice was growing hoarse. "I often lost myself in Their visions of the past and even sought to master some of Their knowledge. I might have touched Their thoughts even more often than you here have, for somehow They consoled me. I came to know the Minds and felt Their drifting even before others were aware of it. Now I must tell you this. That Voice isn't just calling to us, but to the Minds. They can't hear it, but 'They feel its pull, and if They weren't struggling to hold 'Their Net together, they would be open to its thoughts. They and that skydweller Mind are struggling for no reason, for the Voice will claim Them, too."

  Nenla leaned forward. "We've heard no Voice here. We don't feel the pull on the Minds you talk about."

  "Then your fear hasn't yet made you desperate enough to open your minds fully. You'll hear it in time, though. Those near death and those who have nothing left to fear except death will hear the Voice and its promise, and seek to be joined to it. There's nothing we can do. I've come back only to die here."

  Anra pressed her lips together, thinking of Cerwen and Urran and the tale Olin had told of his people. Several villagers had already gathered in the road near her hut to listen to Raefs story, and she could sense their apprehensive murmurings. "What is this Voice?" she burst out before Nenla could speak. "We're not fools here— we know it can't be God speaking to us. God has never spoken, in spite of what old stories say—at most, the Merged One would only leave signs for us to interpret."