tippingthescales_GEN

by Michelle Hoppe

  Eugene stood to shake hands with Joe, before turning to Mary and making introductions. “Mary, this is my friend Joe.”

  Joe reached across the table to take Mary’s hand in his. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mary.” His voice reminded her of fingernails on a blackboard.

  “Yes.”

  Now that was just lame, Mare. You could at least try to be friendly.

  Go to hell!

  Joe pulled over a chair from another table and sat down. He tried several times to scoot closer to the table, each time knocking it a little harder. When coffee finally spilled over the top of a cup, he seemed to give up and settled down. He turned to look at Mary, smiled, and in a voice that could cut glass, started asking questions. “So, how long have you known Eugene?”

  “I just met him a few days ago.”

  “Do you like coffee?” Joe continued.

  Mary didn’t know what to say. This guy needed serious help in the small talk arena. “Yes, I like coffee.”

  “Do you come here often?”

  “A couple of times a week.”

  Can the date be over yet?

  Stop!

  Every answer she gave encouraged him to ask another. “So, what’s your sign?”

  Oh, for the love of Pete, is this guy real?

  Stop, stop, stop, already!

  Mary looked over at Eugene. He was sitting back, sipping coffee, totally unaware of how angry she was becoming at this stupid conversation. “I’m a Libra. You?”

  “Capricorn.”

  “Did you know Capricorn is the worst match for a Libra?”

  Nice! Score one for our side.

  Do you think it would be rude to stamp that on his forehead?

  I doubt he can read. The voice laughed.

  “Really.” Joe looked a little disappointed.

  “It’s true. Eugene, do you believe in astrology?” Mary desperately wanted this conversation to end.

  Eugene looked surprised she would ask him a question. “Sure.”

  For the love of Pete, Mare, why are you still sitting here?

  Aren’t you the one who told me to be nice? Mary replied snidely.

  Don’t get snotty with me, young lady. I’m just wondering how long you plan to continue this stupid conversation.

  Long enough to tell them I’m leaving.

  Before Mary could tell Eugene she was going, Joe leaned across the table, “How about you and I go grab a bite to eat?”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m here with Eugene.” Mary tried once again to get Mr. Adonis to join the conversation. He just sat there sipping coffee, and smiling as if he’d brought two lovers together for the first time.

  Asshole.

  Ditto. Mary agreed.

  Joe didn’t seem to take the hint. “Mary, I’m sure Eugene won’t mind if we want to be alone and after dinner we can go back to my place for a little hanky panky.”

  The sound of Mary’s chair scraping backwards on the ceramic tile floor seemed to pull Eugene out of his passive mood. “Joe, it might be a little early in the relationship to ask the lady to your place.”

  What fucking relationship? Are you having a relationship with Joe I don’t know about?

  Oh for pity sakes. You know I’m not having a relationship with Joe, don’t be dumb.

  Don’t call me dumb, Mare.

  Than offer some helpful advice or go away.

  Getting to her feet, Mary tried to move away from the table, unaware Eugene had also stood and was blocking her path to the door. As she turned to flee, she plowed smack into Eugene’s chest and his arms wrapped around her to keep her from falling.

  Mary felt the hard muscles of his abs. Tightly pressed against him she could smell a hint of Old English cologne. Her body relaxed into his embrace, her head coming to rest on his shoulder.

  “Hey, take your hands off my girl,” Joe yelled.

  His girl. Mary, this guy's a nut case, you need to leave.

  Mary didn’t want to listen to her stupid little head voice anymore. She was in heaven in Adonis’ arms, but the voice wouldn’t stop.

  Mare, you get yourself out his arms this minute and leave. Mare, are you listening to me?

  Mary pressed harder into Eugene’s chest.

  Mary Lynn Smith, you quit that right now.

  Oh God, please make her stop!

  * * * *

  “This is too much fun.”

  “Hera, I’m surprised at you.” God sounded like he could barely contain his laughter.

  “No, you’re not!”

  “Okay, so I’m not. Just remember, we’re trying to teach Cupid a lesson here.”

  “Have no doubt; he’ll learn a lot of new things before this experiment is over.” Hera assured him.

  God laughed, “And so will poor Mary Smith.”

  “She’s a smartass and this head game we’re playing is a lot of fun. I like how fast she comes back at me.”

  “Poor girl must think she’s going crazy.” God replied.

  Hera turned away from the vision pool. “Not really, Mary has always talked to the voices in her head. It’s the reason I picked her.”

  “I see. So what is phase two of your plan?”

  “That depends on what Cupid does next. I can’t believe he brought Joe on a first date.” Hera shook her head.

  “Not the smoothest move, I’ll admit.”

  Hera laughed. “Cupid’s never dated before. In the past, he’s used arrows to make women fall in love, so he has no clue. Pretty entertaining, if you ask me.”

  “Just don’t go too far.”

  “Why not? It might do Cupid some good to see…”

  God cut off her words. “Hera, you know Cupid hasn’t loved anyone in centuries. You need to take it slow.”

  “I can’t. We only have three weeks left before Valentine’s Day.”

  God considered this for a moment, before issuing a warning. “Just make sure this ends with happily ever after, Hera.”

  “Count on it, Sir.”

  * * * *

  Eugene felt Mary snuggle into his chest. Her body was soft, warm, and damn she smelled good. Looking over at Joe, he tried to let him down easy, “Sorry, buddy, I don’t think she’s interested.”

  Mary’s body stiffened at his words. She pushed back from him, her angry eyes locking with his. “You ass. What the fuck do you mean?”

  “Mary…”

  “You asked me out so you could hook me up with this jerk.” Mary pointed at Joe.

  “Hey, wait just a damn minute,” Joe whined. “I thought you said…”

  “It doesn’t matter what he said,” Mary found it hard to control her mounting temper, “it’s what I say, you idiot.”

  “But…”

  “But nothing. I never agreed to date you and even if I had, you can’t honestly believe I’d fall into your arms in two-point-five seconds!” Mary stepped back. “As for you, Eugene, I hope you and Joe are very happy together.”

  Eugene watched as Mary walked out the door. Turning to Joe, he tried to find something to say. “Joe—um, sorry, buddy.” Without further words, Eugene headed for the door. Scanning the street, he spotted Mary’s retreating back. She was walking briskly, putting as much distance between them as possible.

  “Well, damn!”

  “You blew it, Cupid.” A familiar voice spoke from behind him.

  Eugene spun around to find George standing next to him. Fuck, he didn’t need this right now. “Ya think?”

  “Yes, I…”

  “George, do me a favor and shut up.” Without waiting to see if George was following, Eugene started walking home.

  Twenty minutes later, he walked through his front door to find George already sitting on the couch. Great! “Someday you should try walking, George. It’s good for the heart muscles.”

  “My heart is just fine, Cupid.”

  “Oh yeah, I forgot, yer dead.”

  “Don’t be rude. This is your plan, not mine.”

  Getting
a little tired of the reminders about his plan, Eugene responded, “That’s right. My plan. My way of doing this, so stop pestering me.”

  “I’m not here to pester you, Cupid. Guinevere asked me to come by and tell you taking Joe on your first date with Mary might be a mistake.”

  Eugene ground his teeth, softly biting the tip of his tongue in an effort to control his rising temper. “Well, thank you very much for the warning! Next time you might want to be a little quicker on the uptake.”

  “Next time you might want to turn your brain on.”

  “George!”

  “I know. I’m leaving.”

  Eugene plopped down on the couch, hitting the on button for the television as his ass landed on the soft leather. Flipping channels, he tried to find something interesting to watch. He needed to zone out and forget the rush of heat he’d felt when Mary turned and landed in his arms.

  Why was he so attracted to her? He needed to get a grip. His job was to find a man for Mary, not get involved with her himself. But there was something about her he couldn’t put his finger on. The sway of her hips when she walked, the way she talked to herself, and her smile, oh boy, what a smile.

  It had surprised him when she’d walked out of the store this evening. Mary had changed her clothes and put on make-up. She’d been wearing a pair of skin-tight jeans, a slinky little knit top, and heels. He hadn’t seen her dressed like that before and had to admit to himself she looked damn sexy with her hair done and make-up on.

  Okay, Cupid, knock it off. Get your mind back on business. He turned his attention to the television and concentrated on the police chase, screaming along at warp speed.

  Chapter 4

  What?

  You heard me. I’m not going. Mary didn’t care that Eugene had called the store fifteen times in the last two days. Apologized more times than she could count on her fingers and toes combined. He was a jerk and she wasn’t going out with him. Period, end of discussion.

  Don’t be stupid, Mare. So he made a mistake. It’s not the end of the world.

  Mary decided not to answer anymore. She’d been arguing with the voice for twenty minutes and they still couldn’t agree on anything. Besides, it was most likely a stupid movie anyway.

  Mary Lynn Smith, don’t you ignore me.

  I’m not speaking to you any more today.

  Right. You’re just going to sit here on your ass all day, eating popcorn and watching old-time love stories on the television.

  So what if I do. Why do you care anyway?

  Why do I care? Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve had sex?

  I don’t have a clue when you had sex last, but it’s only been four months for me.

  Mary could almost hear the voice choke and sputter. Four months! No wonder you’re so bitchy.

  I am not bitchy!

  Mare, come on. When was the last time a guy turned you on like this one does?

  You’re the know-it-all, why don’t you tell me.

  Just give the guy another chance. The voice was almost pleading with her.

  Why?

  Because I have a feeling about this.

  What kind of feeling?

  The good kind.

  Mary would never admit to the voice she was getting through to her. Nope, this was a lot more fun.

  All right. I’ll go. But you have to promise to go to sleep and let me do the talking.

  But…

  No! If you want me to do this, we do it my way. With you in my head distracting me, I’ll never get past first base with this man.

  Oh, so not true.

  Voice!

  What?

  Shut the fuck up or I’m not going.

  Zipping!

  * * * *

  Mary laughed to herself. The voice had been silent for two hours and she had finally decided it was time to get ready for her date. She’d need to rush if she wanted to arrive at the Cineplex on time, but she had to make sure her bitchy friend was going to stay away. As she stripped out of her clothes to take a shower, Mary thought about a commercial she’d seen several years ago. A man was trying to decide if he wanted to kiss his date at the end of the evening and he had two little replicas of himself, one sitting on each shoulder. On the left side was a devil, poking and prodding the man to not only kiss the girl, but to get himself invited to stay the night. There was an angel on his right shoulder working overtime to convince the man to take it slow. Mary wondered which shoulder her little friend sat on.

  Shaking herself out of her thoughts, Mary stepped into the shower, letting the hot water pour over her body. After dressing in a sexy little red blouse with a black lace bra underneath and a short black skirt with a slit up the side, she curled her hair and put on makeup. She looked in the mirror, sprayed her hair one more time for good measure, and declared herself ready to go.

  Thankfully, the mall wasn’t far and Mary arrived at the theater with five minutes to spare. Eugene was waiting in the lobby, tickets, popcorn, and sodas in hand. He smiled at her. “Hi. I’m so glad you came.”

  “I almost didn’t.” Mary admitted.

  Eugene looked a little sheepish. “You ready to go in?”

  “Sure.” That’s right, stupid shit, avoid the subject, Mary thought.

  Mary followed Eugene into the darkened screening room. Taking a seat next to him, she settled into the chair and reached for some popcorn. Her hand connected with his and Mary allowed her fingers to linger on his soft flesh. Looking at Eugene’s face in the dim light, Mary couldn’t tell if he liked it or not.

  The next two hours were full of loud music, flashing lights, and gunfire as the movie played through a series of disjointed scenes. When the credits finally rolled at the end and the house lights went up, Mary was ready to run for her car.

  Walking beside Eugene, they moved with the crowd of people out the exit doors, into the late afternoon sun. Once free of the throng, Mary turned to Eugene. “Did you enjoy the movie?”

  “It was great.”

  “Someday you’ll have to explain to me why men think movies are great if they contain special effects and blood.” They continued on to her car. Mary hit the button on her key chain to unlock the doors and turned to Eugene. “Thank you. I had a nice time.”

  “You’re welcome.” Eugene seemed to be struggling for words. “Do you want to get something to eat?”

  Mary wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. All through the movie, she’d waited for him to take her hand or put his arm around her. He hadn’t. “If you want to,” she finally answered.

  “Great.”

  Gotta love a man of few words, Mare.

  You’re supposed to be out to lunch, so shut up.

  Brat.

  Bitch.

  Okay, Mare, I’m leaving, but don’t blame me if you blow it.

  Mary turned off the voice and concentrated on Eugene. “Do you want to follow me?”

  “I don’t have a car. I ride the bus.”

  “Hop in, I’ll drive.”

  Eugene waited while Mary climbed in the driver’s seat, then after closing her door, he dashed around the front of the car and climbed into the passenger seat. “How about we go to a little chowder place I know of down on the wharf?”

  “Sounds good.” Mary started the car and headed out of the parking lot into the flow of traffic. It was a short drive and Eugene didn’t say anything until they arrived on Bay Street, then he directed her to a parking garage. Several minutes later, they were seated at a table, overlooking San Francisco Bay.

  They ordered clam chowder and sourdough bread. The waitress brought their food and Mary knew it was time for conversation. Eugene beat her to the punch.

  “Mary.”

  “Yes.”

  “I want to apologize for the other day.”

  “All right.” Mary smiled. “Go ahead.”

  Eugene laughed. “I made a mistake. I should have told you Joe wanted to meet you, instead of surprising you.”

  No kidding.

>   Shut up.

  “Actually, if all you wanted to do was fix me up with your friend, you could have saved yourself the trouble.”

  “Why?” Eugene looked perplexed.

  “Because I don’t need you to fix me up with anyone. I’m more than capable of finding my own dates. Besides, we’ve only just met. How the hell do you know what type of man I’m interested in?”

  “Good question.”

  “Right. Also, in case you’ve failed to notice, I’m more than a little attracted to you.”

  “Me?”

  “Don’t sound so shocked, Eugene. You don’t honestly believe I get tongue-tied by every deli clerk I meet.”

  “Well, no. But I had no idea you were interested in me.”

  “That was painfully obvious the other day and I hate to say this, but your friend Joe is an idiot.”

  “I have to agree with you there.”

  “So now what?”

  “Excuse me?”

  Mary was getting exasperated. Was this man so dense he couldn’t see she wanted to spend time with him?

  Yep, he’s that dense.

  Don’t start.

  I’m just agreeing with you, Mare.

  Well, I don’t need your help.

  Fine, I’ll leave you to figure this out on your own.

  Good!

  “Eugene, remember the other day in the park?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I was there to apologize to you for having a blonde moment.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah. I’d planned to tell you I was sorry and ask if you wanted to go out sometime. You surprised me when you showed up at the store. I thought maybe you felt some attraction too.”

  Eugene shifted in his chair. “I do find you attractive, Mary.”

  “So why try to set me up with Joe?”

  “Because it’s my job.”

  “What? I thought your job was making sandwiches.”

  “It is…I mean, yes. I work at the deli, but I also like to play matchmaker.”

  Now that’s just wrong.

  Would you stop? Please.

  “And are you successful at it?”

  “Apparently not.”

  Mary laughed. She couldn’t help it. “I think you should stick to your day job, Eugene.”