Heart So Reckless

by K. C. Mills

  “That wasn’t a one night stand. That was a quick nut in the car and head in a club. You comparing that to what we had?”

  “Hell no,” left my mouth so quick and in an elevated tone that Red now had a full blown smile on display. “I mean, no. It’s not that same. At least not to me. Is it to you?”

  “You and Sasha are cut from a different cloth, so no. Sasha was just sex to me—”

  “But she was your girlfriend,” I interrupted because my mind was already making assumptions.

  “If that’s what you want to call it. I consider it more as a business deal. Supply and demand.” The devious grin he delivered had me rolling my eyes. “Real shit, though, that night with you wasn’t just about sex, even though we engaged in a lot of it.”

  “If you’re trying to prove a point, you’re doing a horrible job.”

  “Men and women are different. I get that. For instance, I could have sex with her right now…” He paused after pointing to one of the servers as she passed by. She smiled, exposing all thirty twos, but it quickly dropped when he continued. “Well, not her. Her damn teeth are too big, and that would have me distracted as fuck.” She hurried past us, and Red watched her ass as she weaved her body between tables. “Never mind, she could get it. I would just have to hit it from the back, so I didn’t have to see them big ass teeth—”

  “Is there a point to this?” I wasn’t trying to listen to him fantasize about having sex with another woman, which he found amusing by the smile that surfaced.

  “My point is, I could hit that and walk away like she never existed. Women don’t function like that. Y’all connect everything to emotions. Even something as simple as head in a bathroom or a quick nut in a car. If Sasha hadn’t hit me up when she did, I wouldn’t have given her a second thought, but with you and that night, shit was different. So, it was a first for me.”

  “Different how?”

  “Because I gave you a second thought, and a third, and a fourth, but it didn’t have shit to do with you giving me head.”

  “But you didn’t try to see me again.”

  “My ego wouldn’t let me. It damn sure wasn’t because I didn’t think about it or want to.”

  “Oh.” My voice was low and soft because I understood what he was conveying to me without him really having to say it.

  “You’re sexy as fuck, Peyson, and I’m attracted to you, so everything about you is sex to me. That cute ass smile you have right now, the way you drop your eyes, trying to hide that you’re feeling me, the way you walk, the way you smell, the white ass voice you have because you pronounce all your words the right way. I’m feeling all that shit. Intelligence is sexy, a woman about her business is sexy, and a woman who really sees me is damn sure sexy. You see me, and I appreciate that about you. I don’t get that all the time, especially not from a woman like you. I just hope that you will remember that when you get a glimpse of the worst parts of me.”

  Worst parts? How bad could it be? Instead of harping on it, I moved on.

  “You say a woman like me like it’s a compliment. There’s nothing special about me.”

  Red chuckled and then raked his fingers through his hair. “Don’t downplay who you are just because you don’t want me to feel bad about who I am. You’re special, and it makes me want to step my game up. Get my shit together and be better for you. That’s some powerful shit, and that’s how it should be.”

  “Would you stop?”

  “Why, your panties wet?”

  Yes, soaked, if we’re being specific.

  “You have too much arrogance. There’s not enough room for both of us and your confidence in this booth.”

  Red chuckled and nodded but didn’t verbally confirm. He knew it, and so did I. Everyone else there knew it also. We were in a restaurant full of strangers, but at some point, their focus was on him. It could feel them watching. Men and women. I simply returned my attention to my food and occasionally watched him between bites. With each minute that passed, we shared moments, enjoying each other and communicating silently as if we were engrossed in a deep exchange that was exclusive to just us. It felt good to be with him, but more than anything, it felt normal.

  “I don’t know my mother or my father.” Red’s voice was weighted, and when I looked up, the stare he delivered held the same heaviness.

  “Your grandmother raised you alone?”

  “Yeah. I’ve seen my mom a few times. I was young, though. She came to one birthday. I was like six or seven. She showed up with a plastic truck in a plain ass plastic bag. She didn’t even care enough to wrap it. When she tried to give it to me, I hid behind Nan and listened while Nan explained that this stranger was my mother. I didn’t care who she was, I had no desire to entertain her, and seconds later, Nan put my mom out.” He laughed to himself like he was amused by the thought.

  I watched him for a minute, taking in his features. The thick mass of spirals that sprang from his head, which were edged perfectly. His square jawline, which was hidden under the coal colored beard. His physical appearance was addictive, but more than anything, I was attracted to his aura. It was intoxicating in a way that you would drown in it if you weren’t careful, and he knew it. He wore confidence like most people wore clothes.

  “You didn’t or don’t want to know her?”

  “Nah, fuck her and my pops. They ain’t want shit to do with me, so why would I? Believe me, I’m not one of those dudes who’s all fucked up behind not having his parents. I never missed anything. I never even asked why they didn’t fuck with me like that because that’s just how little it mattered to me. Truthfully, I wouldn’t be the man I am if they had raised me. My grandmother gave me everything I needed. I didn’t miss shit by them not being in my life. I’m only telling you because I want you to know how important it is that Reid has both of us. I don’t want to be them. That’s why it fucked with me so bad knowing that you almost didn’t give me that. My daughter is gonna have the best of me, and she has you, Nan, and your family, so she’s good.”

  His eyes were dark, but there was not an ounce of regret in them. I just stared at him as his energy bounced from his body to mine while I willingly absorbed it. The next voice heard was mine.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I forgave you the minute I saw her take her first breath.”

  Wow! There was so much depth in that simple statement.

  “Can we go?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Will you stay with me tonight?”

  When I lifted my eyes to his, I had my answer even though he didn’t speak. Red wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was I.

  Red.

  “Aye, you sure she’s gonna be good today? I can keep her here with me.”

  I walked into the bathroom just as Peyson was stepping out of the shower. She froze and grabbed for the thick ass pink towel that was on the side, turning away from me like I hadn’t been enjoying every inch of her body for the past couple weeks.

  “When did you get here?” The disturbed look she gave me while she rolled the top of her towel and secured it around her body had me balling up my face.

  “I just got here. The fuck wrong with you?”

  “Nothing. You just caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

  “Nah, that’s not it. Why you hiding from me like you don’t want me to see you naked?”

  “Because I don’t.”

  “Why the fuck not? And I’m pretty sure you was just laying up under me last night butt ass naked, Peyson.”

  “That’s different.” She rolled her eyes and pushed past me to leave her bathroom. “Did you check in on Reid?”

  “Yeah, she’s straight. She’s in her swing drooling and shit, trying to shove her whole foot in her mouth. Now tell me why you think it’s different?”

  I caught her arm as she tried to bypass me and enter her closet.

  “Because it just is. I don’t want you looking at me like that.”

  “Like what?” I was g
etting annoyed, and I was sure it was all over my face.

  “Just leave it alone. I’m about to get dressed, so—”

  “So, get fucking dressed. You can’t do that and talk to me too?” My frowned deepened, and she shook her head, attempting to separate from me.

  I pulled her back and guided her to the bed, being sure to purposely hold her hostage between it and my body.

  “Red, it’s my first day back in the office. I don’t want to be late.” Her grown ass was damn near whining.

  “I don’t give a fuck about that. What’s your deal this morning? Why are you hiding from me?”

  “I’m not.”

  I angled my head and dropped my chin more to look down at her. We had a stare down until I tugged at her towel, and she yanked it from my grasp, holding it to her chest.

  “What the fuck you call this then?”

  “Red?”

  I looked around the room, attempting to calm myself, and noticed the piles of clothes that were all over the place. They hadn’t been there when I left late last night. They were also business clothes. Dresses, skirts, and shit.

  That’s when it clicked. She was damn near panicked about me seeing her naked. True enough, we had been together for the past few weeks, but it was mostly at night. Even when we showered together, she made sure the lights were low. I didn’t really think anything of it until now, and since she had to go back to work, leggings and T-shirts weren’t going to cut it.

  “I know you’re really not tripping off me seeing you naked.”

  “Yeah, I am.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I just am. I had a baby, and—”

  “And so fucking what? I’m not trippin off that. Shit, I love that you had a baby, my baby, and I love every inch of your body.”

  I eased my hands up to where she was gripping the towel against her chest. When I tugged at it, she held it tighter.

  “Stop and let that shit go,” I demanded, and reluctantly, she did.

  When the towel hit the floor, my hands moved down her sides to her stomach. “Ain’t shit wrong with your body, not this…” I moved my hands down the front of her thighs. “Or this…” My hands traveled to her ass and then back up her waist to her stomach again. “You carried my daughter in here. I love every inch of it and you. If you can’t feel that then I don’t know what to tell you, but I can give you something to feel.”

  My dick was already hard. Peyson was sexy, even with her imperfections, and a little weight didn’t change the attraction for me. In my opinion, it made her that much better.

  When our eyes met again, she smiled slowly and squealed when I had her by the waist, lifting her onto the bed. Her back crashed against the mattress while she tried her best to inch away from me.

  “Red, no. I just told you I don’t want to be late. It’s my first day back.”

  “You won’t be.”

  My plan was to fuck her until she was confident, but that would have to wait until later. Right now, I was just gonna make her cum once or twice. I knew it was important to her not to be late, and I didn’t want to fuck with that.

  “You wanna tell me how it happened?”

  I didn’t bother looking up from my phone while I waited for Nard to answer. My focus was on the photo that Peyson had just sent me of Reid. My baby girl was on her back with some colorful ass arch over her with a bunch of shit hanging from it. Her smile was big on her little face, and it internally pulled one from me, but I controlled the urge for it to show on mine. Now was not the time.

  I had a problem to deal with. Nard was my problem. Knowing that my baby girl was good on her first day at daycare allowed me to lock my phone and shut her out of my mind. I had to business to handle.

  “I… well shit…” I lifted my eyes to Nard and could see the fear in his. He was scared, and he should be. My drugs were missing on his watch. That meant he stole them, lost them, or allowed someone else to do it. That was not a good move.

  “You what? Yo’ ass stuttering real fucking hard right now, and that leads me to believe that you’re about to tell me a lie. I don’t respect muthafuckers who lie to me. That’s a death sentence, so let’s try this again. “What the fuck happened?”

  An amused chuckle flowed from the corner of the room. There was no point in me looking in that direction for confirmation. I knew it was Lobo. Boyce wouldn’t dare, he knew his role. Lobo, on the other hand, didn’t give a fuck. We respected each other’s positions, but he was also well aware that he could get away with things that others couldn’t.

  “I don’t know—”

  I hit Nard’s ass so hard in the face that it stunned him. It took a minute for him to realize that his nose was spewing blood. I could see the exact moment that the pain kicked in, and it made me happy. His pain made me happy.

  “Damn, nigga, you better tell him what happened before you fuck around and bleed out up in this bitch.” Lobo was now beside me.

  When I glanced at him, the smug grin on his face only further annoyed me. I wasn’t in the mood, but I also knew that he wouldn’t care.

  “It was Rich. He’s been moving funny for a few months now, and—”

  I punched his ass once more. This time, his hand covered his eye where my fist had just been.

  “Shit,” Lobo hissed and then stepped in front of me, becoming a barrier between me and Nard.

  “Look, Nard, you fucked up. This nigga is gonna fuck around and break every bone in your face, which is gonna be painful as fuck. You’re gonna die, just tell him the truth so it’s not painful.” Lobo glanced over his shoulder with a teasing grin before he stepped out the way.

  “Red… please—”

  My fist met his face again followed by Lobo’s voice.

  “Yo’ ass isn’t real smart, are you?”

  “I got kids, man.” Nard sobbed through red teeth and swollen lips.

  “And I have a daughter. You stealing my money from me, is you stealing her money, so tell me what the fuck I want to know and who all was involved.”

  I wasn’t going to waste my time putting hands on him anymore. Removing my gun from my body, I chambered it and pressed it right between his eyes. Nard was shaking uncontrollably, and that pissed me off even more.

  “How you do some dumb shit, and your ass is scared to die? You make grown man decisions then you better be prepared for grown man consequences.” I paused briefly and asked again. “Who?”

  Nard shut his right eye, being that the left one was already swollen shut. “Pac took the drugs. I didn’t have shit to do with it, but I didn’t tell you because—”

  I pulled the trigger, and his body dropped. While I looked down at my jeans and shoes noticing the blood that transferred to me, Lobo spoke. He fucked up my new Jays.

  “Why you ain’t let him finish? I wanted to hear that dumb ass nigga explain why he felt like losing his life over another muthafucker was a good idea.”

  I looked over at Lobo and grit my teeth. “Why the fuck are you here?”

  “Cause, you never get your hands dirty anymore. I wanted to see if yo’ ass still had it in you. Your new life has you soft, my nigga.”

  The smirk on his face brought one to mine. “Nigga, I ain’t soft. Just smart. I told you that I was stepping back. I don’t need to get dirty anymore. That’s what the fuck you and this nigga are for.”

  I lowered my gun into the open towel that Boyce had waiting for me. I watched him as he cleaned it thoroughly, dropped the clip, and then cleaned it also. He emptied the bullets from the clip and handed them over to me, and I eased them into my pocket.

  “I’m gonna be down for about four to five hours with this. You need to make rounds,” Boyce stated to Lobo as he searched Nard’s body for a gun and then his pockets to remove his personal items.

  “Damn, it takes that long?”

  Lobo and I both watched Boyce preparing things. He had a big ass tin that was filled with acid. I had never personally watched the process because it wasn’t my thing. I had
no issues taking a life. I had plenty of bodies under my belt but getting rid of the evidence wasn’t my thing. I paid good money to make sure it was handled with care by someone I could trust.

  Years ago, it used to be my man, O, but he was shot in the head leaving a club one night. We found out later that it was the dude of a girl was creeping with. We killed off his entire team a few days later. Now the job belonged to Boyce. I never questioned him about how because I didn’t have to. He knew his role, handled it with precision, and I never had to feel an ounce of concern.

  “Yeah,” was all he said.

  Boyce was robotic right now. He functioned like a machine when it came to shit like this.

  “Aye, let’s let this nigga do his thing. He done zoned out on us.” Lobo chuckled as he watched Boyce lay down plastic and then roll Nard onto it. He then proceeded to drag him across the room.

  I watched the process for a few minutes more before angling my chin to Lobo; a sign that I was ready to roll.

  When we made it outside, Lobo stopped me when I lifted my helmet. Tucking it under my arm, I got comfortable on my bike and waited for him to step beside me.

  “Some niggas robbed Narco’s people. The same area that they say we’re intruding on. We had push back about it. Word on the street is that we put money behind it.”

  “Did we?”

  “Hell nah. We don’t move like that. We don’t have to.”

  “So…”

  “So, I sent word for them to suck my dick.” Lobo grinned, and I clenched my jaw. “Nigga, I’m just fucking with you. I shut down the whispers, but that don’t mean it didn’t get back to Narco. I know you’re keeping your distance, but I think its time to make a statement. This yo’ shit, everyone knows that, so like it or not, until you officially put word out that you’re done, your say is the only one that matters.”

  “This is not a good time for this shit.”

  “Understood, but problems don’t show up when it’s convenient. They just show up, Red. You of all people know that.”