Heart So Reckless

by K. C. Mills

  “Do you know who the fuck I am? Niggas avoid problems with me. They damn sure don’t bring them to me.”

  “I know who the fuck you are just like you know who the fuck I am. Nobody fucks with you because they know how it ends. You’ve ruined enough lives and shed enough blood to ensure that. Your name means something out here, but some niggas just don’t respect that, regardless. Narco is one of those niggas. This ends one way. You get rid of him before he comes for you.”

  “I’ll holla at you,” was my response.

  I needed time to think. After sixteen years, egos weren’t an issue for me. I had come across enough to know that a bullet was an easy fix for an ego. The reason my name meant something was because I didn’t fuck with anybody unless they brought a problem to me. When that was the case, I had very little conversation because my actions were the only thing required. Niggas did a lot of talking. That wasn’t me. I was also very understanding of the fact that there was enough money out there for anyone who was willing to put in work to get it.

  Street wars never made sense to me. Why would a nigga waste time arguing and fighting when they could be making money? I never had to prove that my dick was bigger than the next man’s. Money was more important to me. My only goal was to be on my grind enough to secure my future. The past two years I had stacked enough money to do that. I wanted to give myself a little more time just to make sure, but I could see now, that wasn’t an option. It wasn’t just about me anymore. I had a family now.

  Peyson.

  “Shit!”

  I grabbed my chest when Red’s front door opened, scaring the shit out of me. I wasn’t expecting him to be here since neither his bike nor his truck were in the driveway. They both must be in the garage. I had texted twice to let him know that I was on my way to his place and didn’t get a response, so I assumed he was busy.

  “I texted you,” I blurted out after trying to get myself together.

  “My bad. I hopped in the shower as soon as I got home.”

  With one hand, he lifted Reid’s car seat from where she was her positioned at my feet and removed my leather duffle from my shoulder with the other. Once he had them both secure, he moved out the way and waited for me to step inside.

  “How’d she do?” His eyes were on Reid, who was smiling at him with her little arms and legs going wild at the sight of her father and the sound of his voice.

  “She did great. I was the one struggling.”

  Red frowned at me after we made our way to his master suite, and he tossed my bag on the bed. Right after, he placed Reid’s carrier next to it, wasting no time removing her and showering her little face with kisses.

  “Struggling how?” Red gave me his attention once he found a spot on the foot of his bed with Reid propped up in his lap.

  “I kept calling and going down there to check on her. I didn’t get much work done, and I think the daycare blocked my number after lunch.” I pouted, causing him to grin.

  “Ain’t shit wrong with that. It’s your first time really being separated for an extended period of time, but you told me she was straight. You have to believe that too.”

  “I do believe that. My company made sure the daycare is five star. I received amazing reviews from my coworkers whose children go there. I just missed her, and I couldn’t focus. At this rate, I’m going to lose my job.”

  “Stay home if you want more time.”

  “I need to work.” I frowned again, kicking off my heels and then leaning over to lift them.

  When my eyes met with Red’s again, he had a scowl etched on his face.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “You don’t need to work, Peyson. I got you and Reid if want more time with her. I’m cool with that shit. It’s not a big deal.”

  Oh, that’s what the issue is. He thinks me needing to work is insinuating that he doesn’t have the ability to take care of us.

  “Me needing to work is not about money. I have plenty of money in the bank, and I’m well aware that you can help—”

  “Help?” He laughed arrogantly and then lifted Reid from his lap, holding her out in front of him so that their faces were inches apart. “Your mama thinks she fucking with a broke nigga, baby girl.”

  “I do not.”

  I watched the two of them, annoyed that this was his first thought. Red ignored me since his focus was on Reid, and that didn’t help my mood.

  “Reid, tell your sexy ass mama that your daddy makes more in a week than she makes in year, and if she wants to stay home with your little fat, greedy ass, then she can. Oh, and you might want to tell her to stop looking at me like she wants smoke because she don’t want them type of problems.”

  He makes more in one week than I make in a year? That couldn’t be the truth, could it? Wait, did he just call me sexy and threaten me in the same breath?

  The frown on my face must have given my thoughts away because he chuckled and winked at me.

  “I have money, Peyson, plenty of it. I also have no issues with you and Reid spending it.”

  To the average person, Red was just a fine ass man who stopped everything around him from moving because he was just that handsome, but I knew more. Not much more, but I knew how he paid for the house he lived in, the one he purchased for his grandmother, and the cars that filled his garage. Red wasn’t the type to flaunt his wealth. Everything about him was low key. He wore simple clothes, never draped himself with lots of expensive jewelry, and even though he had expensive cars, Red was perfectly content riding around town on his bike.

  I had no doubts about him having money. On more than one occasion, I had witnessed him filling the safe that was in the floor of his closet. I had no idea how much it was each time, but I knew it was a lot. I just didn’t care about that part of him. Maybe I should, but it was like the elephant in the room that we didn’t discuss. Illegal money. Drug money.

  “I’m sure you’re more than capable. Me wanting to work is because I love what I do, and I have clients that depend on me. It’s not about me lacking faith in your ability to take care of us.”

  Red stared at me skeptically for a minute. “Aight, you got that, but the offer is there.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You staying?” Red’s eyes moved to my bag before they found their way back to me.

  “If you don’t mind.”

  We didn’t have a routine. There wasn’t anything normal about how we functioned. For instance, last night he sexed me crazy and then left at two in the morning. I was annoyed because I was still in a weird space with what we were, but then he showed up this morning unannounced just to see us. I still read too much into that because it was my first day back to work, which meant Reid’s first day at daycare. Of course, he would want to be there before we left, but after he spent thirty minutes between my legs, that confused things even more. Was this just sex? That’s how we began, so why would that change now?

  “Why would I mind you staying here?”

  “You left last night. I just want to make sure you have space when you need it.”

  Red stared at me intently for what felt like forever before he exhaled a short sigh. “You didn’t ask me why I left.”

  “Should I have?”

  “It’s not a matter of should you have but more about you could have. You can always ask me anything about me or us. I’m never gonna lie to you. That’s not my style. Even if I feel like you won’t approve of or like my answer, I’m always going to keep it G with you, Peyson.”

  “Where did you go?”

  “To handle business. It was important, Lobo and Boyce only call me when it’s something that I need to handle.”

  “Business? Things that you can’t talk to me about, right?”

  “Do you want me to talk to you about that?” His stoic expression had me questioning myself about the answer. Did I want that?

  A few more moments passed, and when I didn’t answer right away, he lifted Reid into his arms and stood at the same time.


  “Come with me for a minute.”

  “Huh?”

  “Why is your ass looking all crazy? Come on. I want to show you something.”

  With all the confidence in the world, he started to the entrance of his bedroom and waited for me to move. When I was near, Red left his room, moving through the house until we reached the kitchen and then entered the laundry room. After we were inside, he flipped on the lights and pointed to a black trash bag that was positioned on the tiled floor in the corner. Motioning to it with a nod of his head, Red kept his eyes trained on me.

  “Look inside.”

  “What’s in there?” I clenched my jaw, narrowing my eyes just a bit before they left him and landed on the bag.

  “Business. The type I deal with.”

  “Just tell me what’s in there. I don’t need to see it.”

  “Yes, you do, so look inside.”

  Hesitantly, I moved closer and kneeled slowly. Red watched me from a few feet away while he smiled at our daughter making faces that had her babbling away.

  “Is this…”

  “Blood on my clothes and shoes. Yeah.”

  “You… you killed someone?”

  I wasn’t sure why I asked the question. I knew the answer.

  “I do a lot of shit that you probably wouldn’t agree with, or at least I hope you wouldn’t agree with. Things that will make you second guess being with me. I can’t help that because it comes with who I am and what I do. It also means that occasionally I have to leave the house at two in the morning to do those things. If you’re not okay with that then this won’t work. I don’t want to feel like you’re second guessing my moves. I damn sure don’t want you insecure about your position in my life. I will never leave your bed to go to any other than my own.

  “Shit like this is new to me. I’m not used to having to explain my moves or to be considerate of someone else’s feelings, but where you’re concerned, I will be.” He paused and then released a short sigh. “Or at least I’ll try to be, but you have to give me some room there.”

  “I didn’t think that you were with another woman.” I stood slowly and just stared at him.

  “Then what did you think?”

  That you were unsure about me… about us, was the first thought that popped in my head, but I refused to speak it out loud.

  “I didn’t know what to think, so I didn’t think anything. I just went to sleep.”

  Once again, I was met with that damn look that had me frustrated and my panties soaked at the same time.

  “You can’t lie for shit. Change your clothes, though, because we’re about to roll out.”

  “Roll out?”

  I frowned slightly at the thought of having just gotten home and Red wanting us to roll out. All I wanted was to order food and spend time with Reid that I missed while she was at day care and I pretended to work when I was really thinking about her. Red, however, had a much different plan for my evening, which was evident by the smirk on his face.

  “Yeah, shorty, roll out. You’re fucking with a street nigga, so you have to be open to my ways, and that means really knowing who I am. I’m about to show you a little of that.”

  “I know who you are.”

  “Nah, you don’t, but you will after tonight. At least you’ll have a better understanding.”

  “So, how should I dress? Where are we going?”

  I had no idea what rolling out meant to him, so I wanted to be certain that I dressed the part. Maybe he was about to go fill another bag, and I was supposed to be at his side to witness it.

  Red took a minute to lustfully take in my body from head to toe. He lingered momentarily at my hips and then again when he reached my breasts. My body warmed because that look was usually followed by me riding through multiple orgasms. Any insecurities that invaded my mind, he quickly washed away.

  “I like this on you, but I’m not trying to fill another bag tonight, so just put on something you’re comfortable in, but something that won’t have me checking muthafuckers. Niggas are gonna look, but that doesn’t mean you need hand it over to them.”

  “Should I be amused right now?” Or worried?

  Red shrugged nonchalantly. “Nah ’cause I’m dead ass about all of it.”

  His attention left me and moved to Reid. “Come on, fat girl, I know it’s about time for your greedy ass to eat. Daddy is gonna hook you up while your mommy tries to tone down her sexy so that Daddy doesn’t have to body another muthafucker tonight.”

  “Red, please don’t talk to her like that.”

  With a cheesy grin that was just as sexy as the seductive ones he offered, his eyes lifted to me then right after, landed on our daughter. “She has no idea what I’m saying. She just likes the sound of my voice. Long as I’m smiling at her when I talk, it’s all good. Now go get dressed so we can go.”

  “Do I need to see if Pree will keep her or maybe my parents?”

  “Nah, she’s rolling with us. My people want to see her.”

  His people?

  Red left the laundry room, and I was right behind him. Being that he only claimed his grandmother, I wasn’t sure what meeting his people actually meant, but if it was something he wanted to happen, I was down for it. I was down for him and anything that came with it. The crazy thing was that didn’t change for me even after witnessing the evidence from the dark side of his life just moments ago.

  The first thing I heard once Red tugged open the huge, glass door that we were about to enter was a deep, gruffy voice that was laced with doubt.

  “That shit don’t make no sense. I know your ass is lying.”

  “Nigga, I ain’t lying. She for real dropped on her knees and sucked my—”

  “Aye.” Being that he was holding the door open and one step behind me, it took a minute for Red’s voice cut through the one who was speaking, bringing all eyes on him, and immediately halting the conversation that was taking place.

  “Stokes.” The gruffy voiced man announced with admiration. My attention landed on him, where a cheesy grin surfaced as he took in the scene before him. First Red and then down to Reid, who was in his arms, and lastly me. The smile stretched a little wider when his eyes moved back to Reid.

  “My bad, Red. I ain’t mean to disrespect to your lady. We wasn’t expecting you. Shit, I apologize to you both.”

  The other participant to the conversation we interrupted with our presence and one word from Red anxiously stood a few feet away rattling off his apology. He was nervous as he looked only at Red. Unlike the older man with the gruffy voice, this one kept his focus strictly on Red, dropping his eyes occasionally.

  “You’re good, Mack.”

  With three words, his body posture relaxed, and it was like everyone else in the shop released a breath all at once. The feeling was so strange that I looked around and noticed about ten men of various hues and statures. All eyes were on Red, not a single one made its way to me. It reminded me of children who were disciplined to behave in a certain manner.

  “You got next. I can wait.” The man identified as Mack stated backing away. He took a seat in one of the metal chairs that lined the wall, pulled out his phone, and dropped his eyes to it.

  “Tell these niggas to relax, Stokes. You got all of them clenching their asses and waiting for permission to breathe and shit.”

  Red’s face loosened as a smile inched across it. He chuckled under his breath, and then turned to me, handing over Reid but not before sprinkling her face with kisses.

  “They’re straight.” Red offered a one shoulder shrug, but I noticed that his eyes moved around the building, silently giving permission for everyone to lighten up without verbally communicating it. What the hell? Is this what he meant by showing me who he really was?

  “So, pretty lady, my nephew here is rude. I’m Earl Jones. Everybody calls me EJ.” He moved my way, offering a wink before pressing a kiss to my cheek.

  “Easy, old man,” Red announced in a teasing tone before he worked his long
body into the barber chair that was beside EJ.

  “What I need to be easy for? You might scare these little young niggas, but I’ll get with you, Stokes.”

  Red chuckled before leaning forward and pulling me to him. Stopping and positioning me right between his long legs, a hand was placed protectively on my hip.

  “I’mma let you make it today because I have them with me. This is Peyson, and my baby girl, Reid.”

  “Peyson,” EJ repeated with a bit of a frown. “That’s interesting. But then again, it fits because so are you. And that baby is all him. I’d be inclined to ask if you really had her because she don’t have none of you in her. She’s all Stokes.”

  EJ grinned as he inspected Reid, who was shoving her little fist in her mouth, unbothered by the attention that she was receiving.

  “The fuck? EJ, how you say some shit like that?” Red laughed slightly under his breath from behind me, gripping my hip a little tighter.

  EJ waved him off and then focused on me.

  “What I need you to tell me is how you did it.” His eyes shined while he stared at me. I was confused by the question, which he picked up on because, right after, he elaborated. “Do you know how many women tried to be where you are? You not only got his nose wide open, you got a baby out of him too.” A serious expression etched on his face when his brows piqued, and he waited.

  Was I supposed to answer that?

  “This why I didn’t bring her around your nosy ass before now. Don’t answer that shit and ignore his disrespectful ass.” Red addressed me before he went back to EJ. “All you need to worry about is edging me up. My personal shit is not your business.” Red’s tone was light, and his voice didn’t convey that he was angry. In fact, he seemed more amused than anything. The two men had a friendly relationship. They considered each other family.

  “You can chill over there. It shouldn’t take him long.”

  Red nodded toward the wall where there were a row chairs and a leather sofa. When he made eye contact with the two men who were on the sofa, they immediately hurried to their feet and moved down, filling the metal chairs and freeing up the sofa for me. I frowned at the gesture because it felt awkward. They didn’t seem to be afraid, but there was no mistaking the fact that everyone present had respect for Red. He hadn’t spoken a word to them, but they had an understanding about how things worked in his presence.