I'll Show You

by Derrick Rose

  Yes, I’m gonna talk about it. Why not? Who isn’t also playing for the money? And I always said I wanted to stay with the Bulls, not be some free agent running around to teams, which is any player’s right. My goal is to achieve so that the kids watching me are like, “Damn, y’all got something going on over here.” I’m not into money like that. I love it because I can take care of my family, I can do things for people, for the kids. So how come with me they say I’ve got enough? Not the business guy or the computer guy or the Apple guy? That’s why I say, “Why are you watching my pockets?” You want me to play dumb to the fact that $24 billion is coming into the league next year?

  I know you’re not supposed to talk about money, and money isn’t what drives us into this game, but players talk about money. I’ve been around working people. Who at your job isn’t talking about money, what this one makes, what that one makes? How about the big corporate CEOs and the money they make? How much you hear people saying they shouldn’t make that money? So why shouldn’t basketball players make money? I know the amounts are crazy, but we’re working for someone, too. The people should feel closer to us than they do the owners.

  I watch a lot of documentaries and you see about the stuff with the railroads and the oil companies back in the old days and how the owners took advantage of the workers, and then they’d give some workers more to try to turn the workers on the bottom against them so the owners were safe on top. Same thing. Like what Oscar Robertson and those guys did for the players back in the ’70s, fighting for the right to be free agents. If you didn’t stand up and say something and talk about it, then the owners get to keep everything. I know NBA players are not like regular union guys, but we work for people and we talk about money. It doesn’t mean we don’t care or don’t work hard or play hard. We do.

  Like when I got that first big contact from the Bulls after winning the MVP and after the lockout, I didn’t understand how big it was at the time. But I’ll tell you one thing I’ve always been proud of is having a rule in the league from that, the Derrick Rose Rule, in the CBA. I have to thank my agents, Arn Tellem and BJ, for that. They always treated me like family. You know how close I am with BJ, and Arn is still like family for me. It was the rule they put in where a guy could get 30 percent of the salary cap. I was the only one eligible at the time because of the MVP award. Others became eligible, but it’s more than just the money. It shows that if you grind you will get a percentage of what the cap is, a percentage of the profits of the business, which is the right thing.

  This is what guys like Oscar were fighting for. Everyone was saying they were crazy or greedy, but they were fighting to control their own careers, fighting for us, for the future. How lucky we were that players so long ago understood what this all would mean. The Rose Rule? It probably still won’t hit me until I’m gone, but to know I actually have a rule under my name is amazing, an honor.

  Just getting my rookie contract was amazing. To get that kind of money, I couldn’t fathom that, and when I got the Adidas deal I actually started to get nervous. Me and my friends were talking in a room and they were saying how after I got this money everything was gonna change. Saying I wasn’t gonna be able to walk down the street, do this anymore, do that anymore. We were laughing about it, but it scared me.

  But you know how it works. At that time my name was headlines, injuries, was the MVP. “Is he done?” Anything with my name at that time was hot, anything I said. Especially if I talked honest. They love when I talked honest. It’s like, “Alright, now we got ya.” But what could I do? Players like MJ could go to Ahmad Rashad for a special interview and all his stuff was straightened out. Kobe could go to Stephen A. LeBron can go to who, the guy from Sports Illustrated, to say what he meant. Who was my reporter?

  I’m in a market where if I say something—no matter what it was—it seemed like they were gonna twist my story. I don’t know why. It’s my hometown. I’m telling you the honest truth. I hear players now say, “I want to be able to walk when I’m older.” When I said it, it was like, “You’re thinking about yourself and not your team. Hey, you’re not fully invested.” And I’m working like that and going through rehab and rehab and rehab. What was the point of me harping on it when they kept coming up with shit? So, I said the truth sometimes.

  I got quiet, quieter, and just talked to my friends a lot. I’ll admit it. “They’re trying to trick you,” they’d tell me. Certain times, when you heard me stand on certain issues or say things, it’s like, “I’m not letting nobody control me. I’ll say what I want to say. I’m not harming nobody but being honest. Y’all say y’all want this honesty. But in reality, you don’t. You want to hear what you want to hear.” I’m playing on this uneven, unbalanced field. Like, you don’t know who to trust, you just want to play ball. I know it’s just some people in the media, but you hate it for your family when your name is out there like that.

  Players understand. I appreciated what Jabari Parker said when he had his press conference in July 2018, when he came to the Bulls. Said I was one of the best from Chicago, appreciated what I accomplished. It’s big to hear that compliment. My relationship with the media is different than with a lot of other players. I watch what I say. But to hear him say that and hear other people comment about it, it made me feel good.

  I was in a different state of mind back then, after the injuries, and I felt like I couldn’t back down. You know, how I was raised in Chicago, I felt like I was being attacked, so I wasn’t backing down to enemies. I decided I wasn’t giving no elaborate answers. I changed. I decided, “I’m gonna act like I don’t want to be there. Because you’re fucking harassing me every day on purpose.” I was mad.

  I never really thought about how I was supposed to be the Chicago favorite until I got to New York. Looking back on it, I felt fortunate to be in a new environment, being there with new people. I was cool with it. The media in New York asked questions—and yeah, some were crazy questions—but outside of that it wasn’t an everyday thing like back in Chicago, where they were trying to investigate you or trying to figure out some shit that wasn’t there.

  Was it the money? “You’re making $20 million. Why ain’t you playing?” Nobody felt like they had control over me, and I think that bothered them. So, I decided I’m not giving special interviews, or giving them little hints about what’s going on with the team.

  You see, these are just men and women in the media who write about you every day. They’re human, too. And some of them are maybe jealous and they just show that jealousy through what they type on a computer. At your interviews, asking you bullshit where you know it’s gonna start something. Some were just blatant with it. I’d never had that anywhere. Where someone asks you a question like that and everybody’s like, “Damn, I can’t believe he asked you that.” But then no one says anything. They wait to see, “Oh, what’s he gonna say?” Clickbait, I guess.

  I knew what was going on. But I’m not big on Instagram or Twitter or any of that. I’ll look at my friends’ sometimes to see what’s going on, but that’s it. The people on there talking shit, like, who cares? But it did get to a point where I felt like I had to defend myself.

  If I was mad at anything, I was mad nobody had my back. I felt like I was fighting it myself. I felt like, I’m a part of your franchise, I’m a part of your association, one of your players that you’re making money off is getting harassed by the media, and you can’t say anything? Put a memo out saying, “You guys can’t do this to him. Just stop.” They can’t do that? That’s how I felt. Maybe it’s not possible for them to do that, but I felt I was by myself. I felt like if it was a situation where somebody was talking about someone in the league, then the league would say something. But if I mentioned it, they’d make it a big problem.

  It was getting crazy. I get my face smashed to start that last season in Chicago, a bubble under the eye, but they criticized me for that, too. Come on, man. You got one eye and they s
till talk shit about you? Makes me laugh when I think back about it. Really?

  It made me think, even if I would have accomplished something great there, would it be the same anymore? What would it be like? That’s why I realized I was the one who had to get a grip. “Alright, don’t drive yourself crazy, because these people really don’t know what’s going on. They don’t know what you’re really going through.”

  After a while, I stopped listening. My family members knew, don’t bring anything up to me that’s gonna drain me, stress me out. I don’t wanna hear about no articles. If I stumble across that article, let me handle that.

  We all know media is a part of this life, and with the media comes the attention and everything, and the league makes money and we make money. I get it. But you always hope it’s at least fair.

  It got to, for me, “Why should I open up and tell them? Why should I give you something when you’re just gonna shit on the story, anyway, and tell it the way you want?” But at the same time I didn’t like what it was doing to me, the person I was becoming. It wasn’t me. But that shit can change you. I learned that. Don’t let it. You’re still the one to be the model for your family, for the kids, for your son. You be the better person, the one who treats others right even if you feel you don’t get treated that way. I get it. It’s cool.

  I think of those people asking me for autographs and talking shit behind my back. I think of Shaq and Charles and them on TNT telling me to go away and then when I play better acting like they were always behind me. And I think of the way I was being at that time, keeping it all in, hiding my real self. For me, I never want to be that type of person. That’s the message I want to send to others, period. Be who you’re gonna be. It’s a lesson. Don’t go in that direction. They can see that I’m not perfect, but they also can see somebody that’s trying. That’s who I want to be.

  I regretted the way I acted. I was wrong. I got caught up. With me having that attitude in Chicago, the way that I handled that whole situation, I should have been the bigger person. But I was too young at the time. I learned to take that higher road. Don’t let them bring you down. Sure, I can give my son money, but it’s also these lessons that are important. I had to learn. Chicago will always be in me, who I am. It’s home.

  It was tough. It did hurt, I’ll admit that. But you have to go through the pain sometimes to get where you want. It changed me, to where I wasn’t so aggressive anymore. Not that it’s my music, but I took a quote I once read from Frank Sinatra. He said the best revenge is success. That’s what I decided I would do. I took that anger and decided to prove people wrong, but not say anything. You can cheer, you can down-talk. For me, I’ll just show you.

  12

  I really thought we were going to have a special team in New York. We’ve got Carmelo Anthony and Kristaps Porzingis, signed Joakim, some good guys off the bench, had Phil Jackson running the show, and Jeff Hornacek’s a good coach. Plus, Jo’s from New York, it’s his hometown, and we played numerous years together in Chicago, so now I don’t have to worry about trying to blend in or really go out there and try to force myself on someone when I’ve already got a friend.

  Phil was always good. We didn’t talk that much, but the times we did talk he talked like he felt I knew the game. So that always felt great. Whenever I did talk to him, it would be little things like him talking about feeding it to the post. He’d ask what type of pass you got to throw. I’d finish his sentence, like, “Not a bounce pass, a lob pass. You don’t want a big bending over and all that.” So he knew that I saw the game and he talked to me like I was a coach.

  We had that game early in the season in Chicago, me and Jo going back, and we won a tough game against a good team. But every game really was big for me. Every game felt like that because I felt it was going to be a big year, for leaving Chicago, for going to New York, the Garden, where everyone loves to play, great fans, big media. I had such high expectations for the team before I got there. I really wanted to perform every game. New York is the biggest market. Why not try to spark something there and have the chance?

  I thought things were lined up for us to have a hell of a year. It turned out to be the total opposite. So that was kind of devastating. But I did love the way I performed that year. Played 64 games after playing 66 the previous year in Chicago. And didn’t play those last two in Chicago. So, I was playing consecutive games again, which is what I wanted to do. Lots of people didn’t see it that way, thought I still was injured. But I was playing regular. To go somewhere else and play 60-something games in back-to-back seasons, I felt I finally had put that behind me.

  But it was a late start to that season with the trial, the assault case when we were found not liable by a jury in Los Angeles.

  I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, because there still are appeals. A California Court of Appeals, I know, heard oral arguments in November 2018. It was reported that the judge said to the plaintiff’s attorney, “The defendants, as I look at the record, had powerful defenses to that presentation, which at the end of the day, the jury bought. You had a nine-day trial and this jury was out what, 15 minutes? And you lose on every single claim. The jury just didn’t buy your case. No trial is perfect, but your evidence concerning the night in question came in and the jury had an opportunity to hear that.”

  Remember, I did go to trial. I know it was a civil trial, but I went before a jury. I stood up to it. I guess you could say going through it was good, from the standpoint that it helped me focus my energy on what’s important, my priorities. That’s life changing. Just the way I go about things.

  I don’t want anything to ever be like that again, where they’re saying that about me. I don’t want my name near that kind of stuff at all. I’m quiet, but it did open my eyes to what’s going on in the world and what can happen to you.

  This was a woman who wasn’t telling the truth. Look, I was raised by my mom and my grandma. Any woman who I have ever encountered, ever, who I’ve ever been with, ask them, I would never be the aggressor. Because of my mom and my grandmother, it’s my respect for women. I feel like with them raising me and their character, what that imparted to me, I’d never be over a woman, like groping a woman, where I have to use her. I never approached women that way.

  So, I didn’t see it coming, that this could happen. I learned from that. But it’s also what my mom had to endure. She just knew it wasn’t the truth. It was something where she didn’t harp on it. Told me to focus on what I need to focus on.

  I also had my son to think about. Probably, if I had no kids, I wouldn’t have cared. But me having him, I don’t want him to ever stumble on what was said. And then if you settle or don’t say anything, it’s like you’re admitting you did something wrong, raped a woman. I didn’t.

  People were telling me to settle, and some sponsors walked away. That’s okay. People just step away, which they have every right to do. I don’t blame them, even if she had no evidence—zero. She was lying about this whole story. Makes it bad for other women, because this is no joke.

  But this wasn’t me. Not who I am or ever was. And you shouldn’t have to pay off someone just so they won’t lie about you. Is that right? That’s why I went to court. There were a lot of bad articles that were going to be written, but I didn’t have anything to hide. If things were fair, I knew I would be alright. I also knew I had my whole contract on the line. But I was just thinking about my pride, my integrity. I was raised by my mom, my grandmother, my brother. This was about them, too.

  At first, I’ll admit I didn’t take it serious enough. I didn’t know anything about court. I’m thinking we’re gonna go there and they’re gonna easily see. We’re gonna go there for a day and that’s gonna be it. I don’t watch 48 Hours, CSI, Law & Order, none of those shows. I didn’t watch the O.J. case. I was too young to keep up with it. I was a novice to all of it. I don’t know anything about defamation and all this stuff they’re talking
about. I’m just fighting like I didn’t do it.

  When they started telling me about it, I’m like, “Alright, this is gonna be over quick.” I’m not thinking it’s gonna be out to the public like that. So when it happened, I just had to deal with it. I was thinking it was gonna be two days; ended up being two weeks.

  But it did open my eyes. I just wanted to know what I had to do in court. No, I’m going to fight it for me, for my family, for my son.

  They told me I could settle for this amount, but I told them, “No, I didn’t do anything.” First off, I’m not thinking about paying you, because I didn’t do what you said. And second, I felt like, “If I settle, she’ll always want more.” That’s what I’m thinking about, too. I ended up telling BJ that I wanted to fight it.

  He told me, “It’s gonna be a lot of press that comes with it.” They tried to talk me out of it.

  It’s integrity, really. Part of being raised by my mom and my grandmother. Growing up with my grandmother, we learned how to treat women. My mom was so hurt. She knew it was fake right away. Come on, man. I’m the enabler. I’m the one who’ll let you get away with a certain amount. But there’s a boiling point with everyone. There were all the charges, the accusations. But I felt like it was worth it to try to clear my name.

  It was hard prepping for it. You’re in the room with your lawyers and they’re going over questions as if they’re her lawyers, not yours. Not to be rude, but our lawyers were beating them every day in court. But the media, the way they were putting it out sometimes, they made it seem like she had a chance. If you were in that courtroom every day, you wouldn’t think so.