Her Secret Thrill

by Donna Kauffman

  “Is that why he never remarried?”

  She nodded, then he heard the smile in her voice. “That and there wasn’t anyone else who could tolerate him. He’s very set in his ways. She didn’t push him as long as he took care of her, and he did a very good job of that.”

  “You said you’ve been trying to keep him from killing himself. Is that why you left your job? To take care of him full time?”

  She stiffened again, but only for a second. Then she nodded. “He actually died this time—they had to revive him.” She shuddered, and he pulled her around so she faced him, then tucked her against his chest.

  “I’m so sorry, Natalie.”

  “I am, too.”

  “I take it he’s not being a good patient?”

  “Hardly. And my sisters mean well, but putting them in the same room with him… Well, let’s just say they aren’t cut out to be nurses. As for my brother… Well, this kind of thing is really uncomfortable for Chuck. He never handled Mom’s illness real well, either. His idea of helping is to keep things running as smoothly as possible at work for Dad. And to stay as far away from a sickbed as possible.”

  There wasn’t any rancor in her tone, but there was resignation. “So you got elected. I’m guessing you’re the only one who can get through to him.”

  “You guess right.”

  “I’m also guessing he wasn’t thrilled with your decision.”

  “Give the man a Kewpie doll.” Now there was a touch of bitterness in her tone, but she quickly swallowed that. “I may have chosen to do things on my own and go my own way, but my dad has worked hard to provide us with everything we could ever want. Sometimes too much, although I’m the only one who saw it that way. And yet, he was there every day by my mom’s side.” She looked up at him. “Someone has to be there beside his.”

  He leaned down and kissed her. It was a long, lingering kiss filled with more emotion than he could ever re member feeling. “I know he appreciates it, Natalie, even if he resents having to accept the fact that he needs it in the first place.”

  “He wants me to work for him. He always has. In fact, he has been waiting for me to get tired of slaving my way up the ladder in New York and come home where I’ll be appreciated. He doesn’t understand that I want to stand on the merits of my work, not my name. Regardless, this isn’t how he planned to get me home, that’s for sure.”

  For the first time he heard the fatigue, the weariness in her tone, and pulled her more tightly against him, wishing he could infuse her with his strength. The very least he could do was provide a place for her to seek a bit of solace. He wanted to do so much more.

  They stood that way for a long time, her face turned out to the river, his bent down looking at her.

  “What about your family?”

  It was quietly asked, but nonetheless it set his heart pounding. A tentative step, but a step. And she’d made it on her own.

  He didn’t know where to begin. He felt uncomfortable telling her about his big, happy family, when hers was anything but. “Well, you already know how many brothers and sisters I have. And you’re right, we do all work for the family.” He paused, not sure where to go from there.

  She glanced up at him, a dry smile on her face. “You don’t have to feel guilty because your family is happily functional, you know.” She nudged him. “Come on, I want to hear how it’s supposed to work.”

  He shrugged. “I’m not sure why we all get along so well. My parents’ attitude, I guess, and we just all really enjoy what we do.”

  “But?”

  He looked surprised. “But what?”

  She moved back a bit and looked more closely at him. “But something. I can hear it in your voice. I know you like what you do, but…?”

  It was disconcerting to truly realize how well she’d come to read him. He wasn’t used to anyone questioning him about how he felt about anything. Outside his family, anyway. He liked it.

  “I, well, as I started to tell you earlier, I’ve made some changes recently.”

  “What changes?” She shot him a look. “Don’t tell me you’re going renegade like me and leaving the family fold.”

  He shook his head, wanting to laugh with her but realizing that even more, he wanted to talk with her about what was really going on inside him. “I’m not leaving. I guess I’ve just come to a crossroads. I hired some people to help me out with what I do. I can’t maintain the workload any longer.”

  “It’s tough delegating, trusting other people to do things the way you would, as thoroughly as you would.”

  He’d thought the same thing, but it made him feel much better hearing her say it. “Exactly. But I’ve met with them, started their training, and actually, I think it will go okay. Better than I thought.”

  “So that’s it, then? You’re feeling unnecessary?”

  Now he did laugh. “No. That’s not it.”

  She leaned back against the railing, no longer paying attention to their leisurely cruise. “So what is it?”

  If he wasn’t so caught up in trying to figure that out, he’d have enjoyed her absolute focus on him and his problem. But he didn’t really have a problem. Or did he?

  He finally shrugged. “I don’t know, Natalie. I guess I wasn’t too keen on moving into a more managerial role. I’ll still be traveling, doing the work I was doing before, only now I’ll be directly overseeing the rest of the troubleshooting team.” He paused as if that fact were just now sinking in, and maybe it was. He laughed, but with little humor. “Troubleshooting team. Who would have thought it?”

  “You’re very successful, like the rest of your family. Why does it surprise you? Isn’t it a mark of how well developed your business has become that you need more people to handle things like this? I mean, business will never run smoothly, so you’ll always need this kind of support. I’d think this would be a good thing for all.”

  “It is, it is.” When she put it like that, there was really no other way to look at it. So why did he feel so…unsettled? “I guess it’s still all new and under development. Probably when we get it off the ground and running, I’ll feel better about it.”

  She looked at him several moments longer, her expression a shade skeptical, but she finally smiled and said, “Well, I think you’ll make a wonderful upper-management type. You’re very good at giving orders.” She wiggled her eyebrows, and he felt his entire body heat up. Just like that, he was primed and ready for her. He couldn’t be sure, but he’d be willing to bet one look was all it would ever take.

  Now, how in the hell could he convince her of that?

  “Well, coming from someone who wants to climb to upper management and beyond, of course you’d be prejudiced.”

  Her smile froze. Only for a moment, but he was already kicking himself. He reached for her. “Go ahead and yell at me. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

  She shook her head, but went into his arms willingly. “It’s okay. I’ll eventually go back.” She tried for a bold smile. “I’m young and still hungry. I’ll get it back.”

  Now it was his turn to look at her more closely. “But?”

  She gave him a look. “No buts.”

  “There’s a but. I see it. Are you really afraid you won’t be able to climb back to where you were? I know you, Natalie. You’re a very determined woman. When you want something, I don’t see anything stopping you from getting it.” I just wish what you wanted was me.

  “Thank you. I wish I had your confidence. It’s pretty brutal out there.”

  He stroked her hair, and she shifted so she was once again leaning back against him. They were coming back to dock. Jake wished he could do something, anything, to keep them out on the river longer. Until he figured out how to make things work between them.

  “What made you decide to head to New York? Has that always been your dream? Being partner in a prestigious firm?”

  He’d expected an easy answer and was surprised when she was silent for a while. As open as they were being
, he didn’t think he’d been insensitive this time, but when the silence stretched out, he finally said, “I didn’t mean to—”

  “No, no. It’s okay. I guess it’s just that no one has ever asked me. In quite that way, anyway. I don’t even remember why I decided to become a lawyer. Isn’t that funny?”

  It might have been, but she wasn’t laughing. Neither was he. “Do you enjoy it?”

  She laughed now. “You know, I’ve always been so busy trying to chart my corporate climb, I never really stopped to ask myself that. I mean, it’s not supposed to be fun on the way up, right?” She shook her head, then swore and fell silent again.

  Jake didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t meant to open a can of worms. Just as he was sure she hadn’t meant to, with her earlier probing.

  So they both were each lost in their own thoughts, as the boat docked and people began disembarking.

  There were photos displayed for purchase that had been taken during the cruise. He spied one of him and Natalie dancing. She was whirling and smiling brightly. He was looking at her, and there was no mistaking the expression on his face. She didn’t stop to look, still lost in her thoughts. He escorted her out to the lot, then said, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

  “Jake?”

  He just waved at her and jogged back up the line. He wanted that photo. He wanted that moment in time, a permanent recording of how he’d felt then. Because he had a sinking sensation that whatever had just taken place on board, in the end it hadn’t helped his case at all.

  16

  NATALIE’S MIND was a complete jumble. She couldn’t get her thoughts to stay in order; they kept careening from the evening she’d just spent with Jake—the dancing, being held by him as they watched the sunset, how incredibly at peace she’d felt standing there like that—to an eruption of feelings about the life she’d dedicated herself to. Was she happy? And that was all complicated further by the reality of her current situation with her father, which made even thinking about the other two things almost impossible.

  Jake had remained silent on the long stroll back through the Quarter. He’d held her hand as they walked, as lost in his thoughts as she was in hers. He’d seemed surprised by her questions earlier, about his work. If her head hadn’t been pounding, she’d have laughed at the two of them. Here they were in one of the most decadent cities in the world and all they could think about were their respective careers.

  How pathetic was that?

  Her smile faded. Yeah, Natalie, just how pathetic was that? Had she given too much of her energy and dedication to this big career she’d dreamed of? She’d always had some vague image that it would all be worth it in the long run. Dedication and sacrifice now, for the big payoff later. But what if the payoff was just more of what she was doing now? Do you enjoy it?

  She glanced up at Jake. What if the payoff wasn’t what she thought it would be? Was she walking away from what would make her truly happy?

  And what the hell difference did it make? She couldn’t pick either one. Right now, her priority was her dad’s health and general well-being. No matter what might be in store for her down the road, at the moment she didn’t have a choice.

  A sudden blast of music had her looking around in sudden awareness of where they were. At the other end of Bourbon. Their guest house was several blocks ahead. And between here and there, it looked like one huge party.

  The street had been blocked off and it was swarming with people. Clubs and shops lined the street, and music literally thumped in the humid evening air. People were dancing, laughing and drinking on the sidewalks, in the streets, even up on the balconies above. Strands of shimmering Mardi Gras beads were sold in every store and looped around everyone’s neck. More of them were being flung by young men and women on the balconies in hopes of seeing a bit of skin flashed below.

  Natalie’s eyes widened at the bewildering number of men and women who were more than willing to comply.

  “Did she really just pull up her shirt?”

  Jake grinned. Apparently the sight of bare flesh had pulled him from his thoughts, too. “She sure did.”

  Natalie elbowed him, but she was laughing in disbelief.

  “You want some beads?” he asked her.

  “Don’t even think about it.”

  “Hey, I wasn’t thinking about you.” His hands went to his belt, and there was an immediate roar of approval from the women—and some men—on the balcony directly above them.

  “Sorry, ladies,” Natalie called out, placing her hand firmly over Jake’s. “And gentlemen. The only show he’s giving tonight is for me.”

  There were general groans, but the throng quickly moved on to encourage their next hopeful. One of the girls did fling a few strands of beads, which Jake deftly caught in one hand.

  “For your private show,” the young woman yelled down.

  Jake just laughed and pulled Natalie onward through the throng. “So, it’s a private show you’re wanting, is it?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  She didn’t know what had come over her back there—only that if he was going to take his pants off for anyone, it was going to be for her. At least, this one last night.

  Her heart squeezed painfully at the thought, and she ruthlessly shoved it away, along with the rest of her angst. She wasn’t going to waste the last night they had beating herself up over things she couldn’t control.

  JAKE LED THE WAY up the stairs of the guest house and barely managed to get the door closed behind them before pulling her into his arms. He felt her pulling away from him, and he didn’t know what else to do. But this was what had started it all between them, and if this was how they were going to finish, he intended to go out with a bang.

  He pushed her toward the bed, lifting her up so her hips made it to the mattress. She went to pull him down on top of her, but he stepped back. “I believe someone said something about a private show?”

  Her brows lifted in surprise, but that was quickly followed by a grin. “Why, yes, I do believe someone might have mentioned something about that, as I now recall.” She scooted up to the headboard and relaxed back on the pile of pillows. “Do we require music for this particular show?”

  Jake had only been teasing her, but her playful mood was infectious. What the hell? He strode to the balcony doors and pushed them open. A cacophony floated through the door, jazz mixed with zydeco mixed with the blues and plain old rock and roll. He turned back to Natalie and actually had a momentary attack of modesty.

  It was one thing to tease, it was another to willfully put on a display. Visions of the display Natalie had put on for him earlier today sprang vividly to mind. He supposed he owed her. And she’d seemed to actually enjoy it, once she got started. Maybe he’d feel the same.

  She was laughing now.

  “What?”

  “Cat got your fly?”

  “I’m…getting there.” He was not blushing. Not after all they’d done together.

  She crawled to the side of the bed and motioned him over to her. “Do you need some help with that heavy buckle?”

  “Ha-ha, very funny.”

  She just grinned and gave him a provocative once-over. “I see. So you’re all tease and no fulfillment, is that it?”

  “I think you know better than that.”

  “Well, then, show us the goods.” She slid off the beads he’d put around her neck and dangled them from one finger. “If you’re good enough, I’ll throw beads.”

  “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you.”

  “You have no idea.”

  He couldn’t help it—he laughed then, and whatever inhibitions had come over him fled. Here, with her, was truly the one place he could bare all. And not just his flesh. Insecurities, doubts, worries, fears. All of them were safe with her. How in the hell was he supposed to let her walk out that door?

  He resolutely shut that mental track down. A bang, he’d promised himself for them. And a bang he would deliver.

  He lowered
his head, then looked up at her from beneath his lashes, a slow grin spreading across his face. His hands went to his belt buckle and slowly slid the leather flap from the loop. His head came up as he ripped the belt through the loops, and he took immense gratification when her smile faltered and her throat worked.

  Well, well. Maybe he could get used to this, after all.

  He moved his hips, just a little. Then, when he noticed her eyes were riveted to that motion, he moved them some more. Slowly, sinuously. He unbuttoned his pants and slowly tugged the zipper down, making sure his fingers brushed over him as he did. The beads slowly slid from her fingers, and he felt a surge of power that wasn’t quite like anything he’d ever felt before.

  He tugged his shirt from his pants and rotated his hips and body in full circle as he slid it up over his back and head, then turned to face her as he pulled it down and off his arms. He tossed it to her, and smiled when she snatched it out of the air. He swore he could feel her pulse pounding. Or maybe it was his. God knows, he was turned on.

  He pushed off his shoes as his hands went back to the waistband of his pants. He ground his hips more deeply, moving closer to her as he did, then slid his pants over his hips and down his legs and stepped out of them, pushing off his socks at the same time, until he was left standing in front of her in only his briefs. Briefs whose limits were being sorely strained.

  He moved closer to her, enjoying her visible swallow and the way she wet her lips. He pushed at the elastic band of his briefs as he moved right up in front of where she knelt at the side of the bed. She shifted, sitting with her legs dangling over the side. The height of the bed allowed him to move directly between her legs.

  She groaned when he moved his hips so that he brushed against her. He slid his hands up and over his chest, reveling in the obvious pleasure she was taking from this.