Upon a Midnight Clear

by Jude Deveraux

  Tony nodded as he headed over to it. He took out his wallet and paid the vendor. "All right, m'lady, it's yours."

  Tony grabbed the tree and hiked it over his shoulder.

  Back at the house, he helped her set the tree in the stand. Only after they had wrapped several strings of tiny gold lights around the thick green branches did Tony's beeper sound. He pulled the beeper off his belt and looked at the number. "My service," he said, automatically recognizing the number. He kissed Kim on the lips. "I have a sneaky suspicion I'm going to have to go to the hospital for a while."

  She nodded. "The phone is in the kitchen."

  She understood. Even before he volunteered to help her pick out the tree he had warned her he was on call.

  A few minutes later, Tony reappeared behind her. "Unfortunately, I have to go back in," he said as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close to him. "I can't remember when I've had a better afternoon."

  "Will you stop by later?" she asked.

  He kissed her forehead before he spoke. "I thought you'd never ask."

  "In case I fall asleep," she said, handing him her key. "Let yourself in."

  When Kim opened her eyes the house was completely dark with the exception of the lights on the Christmas tree. Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" played softly on the stereo. She glanced over at the fire, which had died down except for a few embers that were still smoldering.

  She smiled to herself, recalling her day. After Tony left, she had rummaged through the basement and found the old box of Christmas ornaments that she and her mother had always used to decorate the tree. In a box beside the decorations were the old Christmas albums her parents had collected through the years. Kim had spent the rest of the afternoon and evening on a date with Christmas past, listening to Christmas carols as she unwrapped the old, familiar ornaments and hung them on the tree.

  She heard the lock turn and smiled to herself.

  Tony crept into the room and knelt down beside the couch where Kim lay curled up.

  "Hi," he whispered, putting his hand to her cheek.

  "Hi," she answered. '

  "I thought you'd be asleep by now."

  "What time is it?" she asked, yawning as she pushed herself up.

  "Close to eleven."

  "Did you see my dad?"

  "I checked in on him right before I left. He was sleeping and doing just fine."

  "Thank you," she said.

  He sat up on the couch next to her, picked up her hand, and kissed it. "The tree looks beautiful," he said, wrapping his arm around her.

  "Thanks. Do you want something to drink?"

  He shook his head. "I didn't want to leave you today," he said quietly, caressing her fingers. "I've had a hard time thinking about anyone—or anything else."

  She inhaled slightly as he began to lightly kiss each fingertip. "As a matter of fact," he said, his eyes settling on hers, "I've had a hard time thinking of anything else since I met you."

  She leaned forward and kissed him. She slid her fingers inside his shirt as she drew him toward her. "I'm sure you say that to all the girls."

  He shook his head. "Never," he said seriously. "I don't play games. I don't have time for them." He kissed her forehead and ran his lips down the side of her face, breathing in the faint, dean smell of her perfume. "I've known what I wanted for a long time. Until recently, I was beginning to give up hope that my wish would ever come true."

  "What exactly did you wish for?" Kim asked as innocently as she could manage.

  He held her hand to his lips and kissed it. "A woman…" he said, thinking. "A woman that I… well, could never forget"

  "And what happened recently?" Kim teased as she leaned back on the couch.

  His eyes locked with hers as he slowly began to unbutton her blouse. He whispered, "I met you."

  * * *

  Chapter Six

  Harold Risson sat up in bed and impatiently hit the buzzer for the nurse. He had always been self-sufficient, and he found himself resenting the fact that he was dependent upon others for so many things. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he grabbed his robe and wrapped it around his slender frame. Cautiously he stood up and made his way to the door, slightly embarrassed that his staff would see him walking around clad only in a bathrobe and slippers.

  The whole experience of being a patient in the same unit that he presided over had been a humbling one. But still, he did not feel sorry for himself. Instead, he felt gratified that his illness had allowed him to be with his daughter once more. Her being there had helped heal his heart more than any of the many medications he was forced to take each day.

  Harold shuffled awkwardly into the hall and looked both ways for a nurse. The hall was practically empty. He made his way toward the pantry, determined to get his own water.

  Outside the doorway he stopped. There were people inside the pantry. People saying his name.

  "… Risson. Imagine my surprise. Who would've even thought he had a heart!" There was the sound of a woman's laughter.

  "Well, you've heard the news, I'm sure," a man's voice piped in. "Guess who Hoffman's latest conquest is? Kim Risson."

  "Noway!"

  "I saw her riding on his motorcycle the other day. And this morning I drove by Risson's house on my way to work… Hoffman's car was parked outside."

  Harold stood still for a moment, not quite believing what he had heard. Surely they were mistaken.,

  "Can you imagine? Risson would have another heart attack if he found out his daughter was dating the same guy he'd been trying to fire."

  "What does Risson call him again?"

  "An immature kid masquerading as a doctor."

  There was laughter, then a man's voice again. "I wish they'd just fire Risson. I'd rather work for Hoffman any day."

  "Hoffman?" the woman asked. "You think he'll succeed Risson?"

  "I think he wants to." The man laughed. "Whether he will or not is another story."

  Harold Risson turned away from the pantry and slowly made his way back to his room. Kim and Tony? He refused to believe it. Surely his daughter had more common sense than to be taken in by a man like Tony Hoffman.

  He had made it back to the doorway to his room when he heard the woman from the pantry call his name.

  Harold stopped, his hand on the doorknob.

  "Dr. Risson?" the woman repeated as she ran up to him. She was a pretty nurse in her fifties. Harold had seen her many times before. Never would he have imagined himself as the object of her gossip. "What are you doing?" she asked. "You shouldn't be up walking around."

  He touched his throat. "I need a glass of water. Please."

  Kim drove the Cadillac into the parking lot, pulling in in front of a large, unruly-looking snowbank. She jumped out of the car and smiled. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and two large fresh green wreaths had been placed outside the hospital doors in honor of the approaching holiday.

  Kim had to admit she was enjoying this Christmas season. She was with her family—her dad. And of course, there was Tony.

  When she had opened her eyes and seen Tony lying there beside her, his arms still wrapped around her, she had been filled with a warm, calm sense of intimacy. She didn't want the morning to end.

  In fact, when Tony left, she had found herself unable to think of anything else. So she had done the only thing she could think of. She had started work on his Christmas present. She had had little trouble deciding what to give him. She would paint him a picture.

  Kim stepped inside the hospital, glancing around for Tony, even though she knew that he was in surgery. She took the elevator to her father's floor, clutching the fresh-baked bagels she had brought for him. She knocked on his door and stepped inside. Her father was sitting straight up in bed. When she entered the room, he raised an accusatory eyebrow.

  "Hi, Dad," she said, giving him a kiss on the forehead. "How are you feeling this morning?"

  "Sit down, Kim," he said sternly. "I want to tal
k to you."

  She put the bagels on his tray. She may not have had any contact with her father in fifteen years, but she still recognized that tone of voice. Not to mention the old hairy eyebrow. "What's the matter?" she asked.

  "Why don't you tell me what's going on around here?"

  "What?" she asked, confused.

  He sighed. "Look, I know that you have not been here all that long, and… well, sometimes it's difficult to ascertain a person's truthful intentions when inundated with—"

  "Dad," Kim interrupted him. "Cut to the chase. What's wrong?"

  "Tony… Hoffman," he added quickly.

  Kim hesitated. "You've heard that Tony and I are friends."

  "Friends?"

  Kim nodded as she smiled slightly. She was glad that her father knew. "I like him. He's very sweet___and interesting…"

  "Oh, for Pete's sake, Kim," her father said angrily. "You don't know him. Tony Hoffman has been a troublemaker around here since he began his internship."

  "I don't know about that. But I do know that he's a good surgeon. He did your surgery," she said defensively.

  "Any decent doctor could've done it." He shook his head. "Look," he said, softening his tone. "Tony Hoffman dates a lot of women around here. He's immature and… well, I don't want to see you get hurt."

  "I know he seems a little wild," she said. "I thought so too. But he's really not…"

  "Listen to yourself!" He shook his head. "I don't like my daughter falling into the same traps that I've seen so many other women fall into."

  "I don't know what you're talking about," Kim said stiffly. "We're friends."

  "I know about motorcycle rides and cars parked outside each other's homes…"

  "Dad…"

  "He's using you, Kim. He thinks if he's got you on his side, I'll name him division chief…"

  "Oh, for God's sake, Dad. He's not using me."

  "I'm not blaming you, Kim. I just don't want you dating him…"

  "Blaming me? For what? For living my life?" she said incredulously. "You seem to be forgetting that I'm not a little girl anymore. If you wanted to be a parent, you should've been one," she said angrily, her eyes filling with tears. "But it's too late now. Your little girl has grown up—without you. And I'm more than capable of making my own, decisions." She shook her head as she stood to leave.

  "Kim," her father began.

  "It's too late, Dad," she said, wiping away a tear. "I'm an adult. And I have been for a long time. You missed your chance to be a parent."

  The phone rang several times at the house during the day, but Kim ignored it. She didn't care who it was, she didn't feel like talking to anyone. Her argument with her father had upset her so much she hadn't been able to eat anything all day. Her first thought had been to hop back on a plane and leave him there, to run away from the whole mess. She was embarrassed and angry. Her father had treated her like a child who had gone astray, a child that needed strict parental guidance to get back on track.

  She thought back to his accusations about Tony. Perhaps she had been too harsh with her father. She really didn't think Tony was using her, but on the other hand, she hadn't known Tony all that long. She pushed aside the momentary feeling of doubt as she reminded herself to trust her feelings.

  If Tony was not the person he appeared to be, then she intended to find out for herself.

  Besides, the issue was not whether Tony was right for her. She wasn't sure about that herself. The issue was whether her father had any right to "forbid" her to see anyone.

  She sighed as a pang of guilt stabbed at her conscience. She was acting like an indignant, self-righteous child. Her father was ill—and not only that, he was in a time warp. She was sure that part of him believed that she was still a little girl. He was trying to protect her in the same way he had protected her from dating a boy three years her senior. She should be happy that he was finally demonstrating paternal feelings. Expressing his dismay must have been a big step for him. At least he was communicating—even if he was telling her something that she didn't want to hear.

  Since his surgery, he seemed to be trying hard to change… perhaps he just needed time. In the meantime, they both needed to realize that it was not going to be easy becoming a part of each other's lives once more. And she hadn't made it any easier by getting involved with the surgeon who had saved his life.

  But what her father didn't realize was how being with Tony had helped her to understand him better. Until she became involved with Tony, she had had little idea of the stress her father had suffered. Tony had helped her to see her father not as a cold, distant, hard man, but as a man who was coping with a traumatic and difficult job as best he could.

  The phone began to ring again. Kim knew it wasn't Tony; he was in surgery until later that night. She assumed it was her father calling to apologize. And she had now cooled off enough to accept.

  But it was not her father on the phone. Nor was it Tony. It was Dr. Harkavey.

  And he was calling to tell her that her father had suffered another heart attack.

  Kim sat in the critical care waiting room. It was almost ten o'clock, and she hadn't had anything to eat or drink since Dr. Harkavey had called. All she could think about was that her father might die. And that it would somehow be her fault. Why had she upset him by gettiag involved with one of his peers? She had sacrificed the only family she had left for a relationship that would probably turn out to be no more than a… fling.

  "Kim."

  She looked up. Tony sat down beside her, putting his arm around her. "I just heard."

  She nodded.

  "Sometimes this happens. I've spoken with Dr. Harkavey, and your father's already stabilizing. It was a very mild attack. He's responding very well to the medication. He'll be okay."

  "Tony," Kim said calmly. "We need to talk.''

  Tony stiffened slightly. "Sounds serious."

  "I've enjoyed spending time with you, I really have. And I appreciate everything you've done for my father…"

  "What are you saying?" Tony asked quietly, the surprise evident in his bloodshot eyes.

  Kim took a deep breath and then said, "I think we should redirect our relationship. You know. Just be friends."

  Tony just looked at her as the impact of her words settled. "What?"

  "Look," she said reasonably. "I came back here to be with my father. I just…" She paused, her willpower suddenly crumbling. She blinked back the tears as she said, "Please try to understand."

  "What's the matter, Kim? Is this because of how your father feels about me? Are you worried that he won't approve?"

  "It's true that I don't want to upset him, but I'm not doing this because of him." She paused, as she quickly attempted to gather the thoughts that were darting around her mind. "My whole career… my life is in Florida. This is an important time for me. I'm just making a name for myself there____"

  "You can make one here."

  She shook her head. "No," she said, stubbornly. "I can't leave now."

  "I'll wait. I'll wait as long as necessary…"

  "I can't be with you, Tony. I'm sorry. I just… I know what your career demands. I know what my mom went through with my dad She wanted more… and because of that, neither she nor my father was happy."

  "What are you talking about? I have a busy, demanding job, that's true. But so do you…" he said, frustrated.

  Kim shook her head. "I know how difficult it is to love a man who's obsessed with his work. I don't blame you… I think you're a wonderful doctor. I just… that's not what I want for my life. I want someone who's there for me when I need him, someone who can be there for my children."

  "You have children?" he asked, trying to throw in a little humor.

  She didn't smile.

  "I'm not your father, Kim," he said as the smile faded from his mouth. "I don't live just for my career. I want a family, too… I want a wife to share life with…"

  "Look at you, Tony," she said sadly. "You live in a house
with no furniture. It doesn't bother you because you're never there. Why? Because you're always at work."

  "I see," he said quietly. He shook his head. "I thought… after last night… I…" He paused searching for the right words as his eyes locked with hers. "I thought I had found the person I wanted to share my life with. Was I wrong?"

  Kim glanced away.

  "Kim, don't do this just because you're frightened. We can slow things down… take time to get to know each other," he said quietly, putting his hand on top of hers.

  "Last night was a mistake," she said. "We're opposites, Tony. We had a good time, but it's not going to go any further than that."

  Tony slowly withdrew his hand. "I know that you're going through a tough time right now…" he began.

  "I'm sorry," she said definitively. "My mind is made up."

  Tony looked into her eyes. It was obvious that there was no reasoning with her. At least not tonight.

  He stood up. "All right, Kim. I… well…" He shrugged. "You know where to reach me if you change your mind," he said, still shell-shocked by the sudden turn of events.

  She glanced away, not bothering to answer.

  Her father opened his bloodshot eyes. "Kim?" he murmured.

  "Hi, Dad," Kim said, smiling.

  "I'm sorry… so sorry…"

  She squeezed his hand. "I am, too. It was silly."

  "I thought… I thought you were going to go back to Florida." His voice was thick and slow, but Kim could still detect the fear in his words.

  "No, Dad. No. I was just angry. I'm sorry. I'm going to stay here and help you. We're going to spend Christmas together. Just you and me."

  "Tony…" he began weakly.

  She raised her hand as if to brush away his comment "It's over. It was never any big deal, anyway. My focus is getting you well enough to come home for Christmas."

  Her father closed his eyes as a mixture of sadness and guilt washed over him. His daughter had been kind enough to rush to his side when he needed her, and he had repaid that kindness by criticizing her choice in men as though she were a mere child. When he awakened after his surgery and saw her by his side, he had promised himself that he would try to make up for years of bad parenting. He would attempt to be the father he knew she always wished she had. Instead he had disappointed her—once again. "I'm sorry for what I said about Tony. I wasn't being fair," he mumbled weakly.