Sweet Reflection (Truth)

by Henderson, Grace

  You are so much like your mother I cannot believe it sometimes. And as a man who has had to deal with two of the most beautiful yet stubborn, headstrong and determined people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, I will give you a bit of advice: give him a break sometimes. He’ll mess up, we always do. I messed up so many times with your mother I’m surprised she stayed with me. But I love her. More than life. And I’m grateful for all the second chances she gave me. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Forgive and forget because life is too short for all the drama. Get on with your lives and be happy.

  Now, lecture over, and back to the rest of the letter. Your mother and I have made some risky but well-informed business decisions in our lives and invested wisely. The result was enough money that I never got around to spending! We put some aside for you. For your future, your dreams and maybe even your children (no pressure, but I always wanted to be a grandpa). So enclosed with this letter, is a cheque for you. Prepare yourself. It’s a big one. But I just want you to be happy. If you want to see the world, quit your job and do it. If you want to buy a house, do it now. It’s yours. Then build a future for yourself and this man of yours and never look back.

  I’ve also put another letter in here too. It’s for ‘him.’ Nothing for you to worry about – just going to give him a bit of fatherly advice!

  Be happy my girl. I’ll always be with you.

  All my love,

  Dad

  xx

  I have no words. My heart aches more than ever before to know he was in the hospital writing this letter to me. The tears haven’t stopped from the first word I read. In this moment I feel close to him, but it gives me a yearning I haven’t felt in a while. I always think about him, but it’s brought back the resentment and bitterness that he was taken from me too early. I pick up the other items off the floor, and start crying all over again at the cheque. It’s way too much.

  The door opens and I rush over to mum, taking the mugs off her, placing them on the table and pulling her into a hug. We stay in each other’s arms for what feels like forever until I pull away laughing through the tears. “I can’t accept the cheque mum. It’s too much.” I say, shaking my head and wiping my eyes on my sleeve.

  “You listen to me now, Laurel. You will accept that cheque and you will get that woman out of your life, then have money left over to do whatever else you want.”

  I look up at her frowning then realise what she’s actually talking about. I can buy out Alex’s share of Proposals. That’s why she was so insistent that it was in my contract.

  “So you knew this was in here?”

  She looks at me like I’m silly for even asking.

  “Of course honey. Who do you think actually controlled all our finances? It certainly wasn’t your father! He showed me the letter and told me what he wanted and I thought it was a wonderful idea.”

  It’s an exciting feeling to have a piece of him here with me in this letter, so long after he passed away.

  “But what did you mean by now is the right time?”

  She covers my hand with hers and wipes away the tears falling on my cheeks. It’s a comforting, soothing gesture that takes me back to when I was a little girl.

  “Laurel, re-read the letter and think about it. You need to do what you think is right. I don’t want to involve myself more than I already have. It’s your life, honey.” I sit for a while and read the letter over and over and over. I never want to stop. I can hear his voice reading it to me like he’s really here with me, and when I finish the disappointment seeps through every part of me. But that’s not the reason he wrote this letter. He wanted to speak to me again. He wanted to give me his advice and make sure I knew he loved me. I take a deep breath in, and carefully place it back in the envelope. I take another quick look at the cheque and second envelope and smile wider than I have in weeks. This is my future.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  James

  Cassie’s been telling me to give her time. It’s been nearly three weeks since I first walked away, but I’m starting to get that gut-wrenching feeling that maybe Laurel’s not going to come around. I thought after telling her the truth about Alex, she might contact me but so far she hasn’t. I’m sitting in my office with Blake discussing Cassie’s wedding present. He’s doing up a house for them both to move in to together. It’s still around here; there’s no way Cassie would want to move away from her grandmother, but it’ll be something they can share, rather than just moving into his house.

  I’m envious really. They went through a lot of crap last year, but now he’s living the dream. Before Cass he was just like me, different girl every time we went out, meaningless sex that was fun at the time but looking back after having what I had with Laurel, it’s pathetic. He’s happier than he’s ever been and to tell you the truth, I’m happy for them, and proud I can give them this.

  I lean back in the chair and clink my bottle against his.

  “Do you think she’ll like it?” He asks, and as I look down at the plans on the desk, I think she’s going to ball her eyes out it’s that good, if I do say so myself.

  “Mate, don’t worry about it. It looks great. You’ve got everything on here you said she wanted. She’ll love it.”

  I put my elbows on the desk and rub my hands over my face. I’m tired. I haven’t had much sleep since Laurel left me. I can’t sleep without her. The bed’s cold without her warm breath on my shoulder, or her soft body curled up against mine. I don’t think I’ll ever sleep right again. I’ve been getting up early in the morning and going to bed really late too, I just keep putting it off.

  “Still no word?” He’s got that pity look on his face, and I wish I wasn’t so much of a fuck-up.

  “Nope. I think I’m gonna have to get used to the idea that she may not actually come back to me.” It chokes me up just thinking those words, but actually saying them? That was a killer.

  “Dude, she will. You’re good together. She knows that, or so I hear anyway. Cassie has complete faith. And I trust my girl. Don’t sweat it.”

  “Huh, well that’s easier said than done. And surely you know that. Have you forgotten that night last year when you thought Cassie was never coming back to you? You were a mess! So excuse me if I’m a little bit depressed.”

  The doorbell goes and I drop my head into my hands.

  “Please just get rid of them. Whatever they’re selling. And get me a drink while you’re there. One is not enough; I need at least three.”

  Blake raises an eyebrow at me before disappearing down the stairs. I hear him open the door and speak to someone briefly before shutting it again. I expect to hear his footsteps walk into the kitchen. Although the house is quite big, he’s a loud motherfucker when he barrels about the place. It’s eerily quiet so I walk downstairs myself to find out where he’s gotten to. I’m in no mood to piss about so if he’s playing some fucked up version of hide and seek he’s out on his ear.

  I walk into the kitchen and it’s dark. I briefly switch the light on, but everything’s as I left it. I grab the beer myself because apparently he’s no help in the ‘drowning my sorrows’ pity party. And after everything I did for him. Idiot.

  I prowl back through the hall, towards the lounge. He’s probably watching the T.V in an attempt to get away from me. It was Cassie’s idea he spent time with me tonight. She’s under the impression I shouldn’t be alone whilst my heart is still broken.

  I bring the bottle up to my lips, I think I might end up downing this one. I look up and see all those lights off too. I’m gonna kill him when I next see him. He just left. I know I’m not fun to be around right now, but come on! My feet turn in the other direction, I’m definitely gonna down this one. Then the next one. And the next one after that.

  “James.”

  I freeze mid-step with the bottle resting against my lips. That voice is sweeter than I imagined in every one of the dreams I’ve had in the past few weeks and now I’m
conscious that I’m hearing things. For fuck’s sake, I’ve not even finished my second bottle yet. Can’t the hallucinations start after my third? Or fourth? That’s what they call desperation. I shake it off and down the rest of the bottle.

  “Are you just going to drink yourself into oblivion?”

  Now twice in a row is definitely not a mistake. I turn around, and just like I’ve conjured her up in a dream, she steps out of the darkness into the hall light, like an angel.

  “Depends, babe. You gonna be there?” My heart’s racing and my head’s pounding, and there are so many things I want to say to her, which I was starting to think I’d never get the opportunity to do.

  She smiles and the world is put to rights. “I love that.”

  God, I can’t fuck this up. She’s here, that’s got to be half the battle.

  “What?” She asks shyly.

  “Your smile. I haven’t seen it in three weeks. Too fucking long.”

  Her cheeks flush that rosy pink colour; she’s blushing. Shit, I didn’t want to embarrass her.

  “Sorry, I’m just having a hard time believing you’re really here. Do you want to sit down?” I gesture into the room behind her and she nods and turns to walk back in to the lounge.

  She sits gracefully on the sofa and I try to play it cool by sitting in a chair opposite. When she clasps her hands on her lap awkwardly, I just want to race over there and put my arms around her but it’s too early for that. I still don’t know what she’s doing here. It might just be to tell me once and for all, she never wants to see me again. I swallow hard and rub my clammy hands together. The worry sets in and my heart’s pumping so fast I can barely catch my breath.

  “So, I’m sorry to just show up like this. I’m such an idiot, I didn’t even think. I should have just called or something but I was-“

  “Hey, no need. It’s fine. Great, actually. Seeing your beautiful face is better than a damn phone call.” I’m trying to be smooth but I’m so nervous, I feel sick. She’s got me all tied up in knots.

  She looks relieved, but I still can’t read her face for any signs of what she’s doing here, I just know I don’t want to rush her.

  “Okay,” she breathes out, “I suppose I should go first this time then. I should have never treated you the way I did. I was scared, and immature and living too much in the past. You made me feel love, and love to me meant hurt and abandonment. I didn’t like the feeling of being that vulnerable again. But I’ve found the closure I needed. He won’t be able to affect my life anymore. It was wrong of me to judge you on his mistakes. Because you are nothing like him, there’s just no comparison at all.”

  I’m sat perfectly still, trying to take all her words in, rolling them over in my head, thinking about what this might mean for us. But I don’t get why she’s saying sorry to me. I should be apologising. I should be on my hands and knees begging for her forgiveness. I lied to her. And I knew her fears, but still didn’t do enough to ease them.

  “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Alex. I never meant to hurt you. I was just too damn worried you were going to leave me. But now I’ve learnt what it’s like to live without you anyway and I honestly couldn’t think of much worse.” A small smile lingers on her lips. It’s the second time I’ve seen it tonight; if I can still make her smile, there’s hope for us yet.

  “I get why you didn’t tell me about Alex in the first place. But you underestimated me. If you had told me at the party, I wouldn’t have blamed you. I would have been relieved that I found out before I let her further into my life. But what’s done is done now anyway. She’s made a mess and I’m having to deal with it. What she did though, wasn’t your fault. She’s a psycho woman, I mean really, who does that? But it’s not your fault. I’ve had some great advice this week, and I’ve realised life is too short.”

  “What are you saying, babe? You gotta give me something. I’m on the edge of my seat here.” Is she saying she still wants me?

  “I hurt you; and you hurt me. But I still love you.” Her eyes meet mine and I see the vulnerability reflected in them. She’s worried I may not feel the same, she’s opening up to me again but she thinks there’s a chance I won’t want her now.

  “You don’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that. It’s the second best thing you could say to me right now.”

  She cocks her eyebrow, “Oh, and what’s the first?”

  “James, kiss me.”

  She sucks in sharp breath and I’m holding mine. I swear if she says it, she’s not going to know what’s hit her, I’m jumping up that quick.

  “James. Please fucking kiss me.”

  And I’m swallowing her moans before she can let them out. I’ve missed her taste, the feel of her body against mine, the way it moves under my touch. The smell of her hair and running my fingers through the length of it.

  “Babe, I’ve missed you so much,” I say, punctuating the kisses I place up and down the soft skin of her neck as she lifts her head to give me better access.

  “I’ve missed you too. I’ve missed the feel of these around me.” She walks her fingers up my arms and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. The clench of her fingers around my biceps bring out something raw inside, so raw I just want to push her against the wall and fuck her until she comes screaming my name.

  “Yeah? What else have you missed?” I can see my girl’s naughty twinkle in her eye so I know we’ve got similar thoughts but it turns me on beyond belief to hear her saying it.

  “I’ve missed your hands on me. Everywhere.” I press a small kiss to the corner of her mouth and slide my hands back round to her flat stomach and then up so I’m cupping both her breasts and gently squeezing. She arches her back, to push them further into my grip and lets out a soft moan that makes her even more beautiful to me. She reacts to my hands like they were made especially to touch her, to give her pleasure.

  “I need you.” She says desperately. And before I can suggest we go upstairs to bed she starts undoing my shirt and dragging it over my shoulders. My hands are getting involved and peeling away her top and her bra, then she’s pushing me down so I’m sitting on the sofa, and opening my legs wide.

  “Right this second.” Shit, condoms are upstairs, dammit.

  “Babe I don’t have any-”

  “It doesn’t matter. You know I’m on the Pill. I want to feel you in me.” Her hands move over my thighs and up to my belt, which she strips away swiftly and pulls down my trousers so they’re pooled at my feet. I don’t even have time to kick them off before she’s licked my cock and climbed up on my lap.

  “Fuck,” I grunt out as she drops herself hard onto me. She’s so tight, and wet and she’s clenching me like she never wants to let go. I’ve missed it, missed her. It just feels so right, like I’m home when I’m with her.

  “Mmm this is exactly what I imagined when I decided to put this skirt on this morning.”

  “You were at home thinking about me sliding up in you?”

  “Yes,” she admits boldly, biting her lip and looking straight in my eyes. Fuck me, it’s a good thing I didn’t know that because I wouldn’t have been able to keep away.

  “Babe, next time you’re thinking about me doing this, do me a favour and tell me, ‘cause I’ll be right there, I swear.” She moans and slams her lips against mine as she starts moving up and down the length of me. I clutch at her hips hard so I can control the rhythm; I’ve not had her in three weeks, I’m not gonna last if I don’t.

  “You feel so good inside me.” She says in between kissing my lips and jaw and neck. I wet my finger and reach down in between us to stroke her clit. I love how she shakes when I do that so I pull her body closer to me with the other hand and take her nipple in my mouth. As I suck on it she moans louder and throws her head back with abandon, digging her finger nails into my shoulders. That means she’s close.

  “I want you to come with me.” She breathes out urgently. Like I could hold back much longer, she’s the sexiest thing I’ve
ever seen.

  “I’m right there, babe, fuck.” She grips my neck tight as I thrust as far inside as I can and the muscles clenching tight around my cock have me exploding my release inside her with a loud growl.

  A long shudder racks her body as she comes down from her high shaking and my head is still buried in her neck.

  She shifts in my lap and her bare backside moves under my fingers.

  “Wait, where was your underwear? I didn’t see you take it off. And trust me, I’d remember that!”

  A sly smile crosses her lips and she gives me a flirtatious wink. Shit, she hadn’t been wearing any.

  “Right, we’re going upstairs now. You do realise you’re not leaving tonight, right? We have three weeks to make up for.” We’re still connected, and I lift her up against me while I stand and kick off my trousers. I start up the stairs but she clenches tight around me and fuck, that grabs my attention. “Babe?”

  “I think the pool table could be fun again?”