Bitter Bonds

by Lex Valentine

  The angels floated down from the cabin roof and peered into the bedroom window. Jake lay in the king sized bed, the sheet twisted around his hips from the restlessness of his sleep. Cristophe’s frown deepened as he stared at the sleeping Dominant but Rafael touched his brow and smoothed away the tension.

  “He’s not what you think he is. In fact, he’s not what he thinks he is either.” Rafael’s lips tilted up in a smile as Jake rolled over and punched his pillow in his sleep.

  “What do you mean?” Cristophe asked.

  “Jake’s last two submissives left because he didn’t have time for them. They needed a formal, strict environment. Jake thought he could give it to them, but the demands of his job stopped him from spending the kind of time with them that they needed. Now, he doubts himself as a Dominant which is one reason he’s hesitant to collar Finn.”

  Cristophe’s brows snapped together as his frown returned. “There’s more than one reason?”

  Rafael nodded. “Oh, yes. The problem here is that Jake thinks Finn needs the same sort of formal Dominant/submissive environment that his last two subs needed. Finn had that with his previous master and you and I both know how poorly that worked out.”

  “Reynolds used Finn,” Cristophe whispered with a shudder.

  “He hurt him in every way possible and worse than anything else, he didn’t value Finn. In the beginning, Finn didn’t mind because at least the guy wasn’t using him for his music the way Finn’s family had. But then he realized it was worse because Reynolds didn’t even see Finn as person.” Rafael’s expression grew dark.

  “The formal Master/slave environment is all Finn knows when it comes to his submission,” Cristophe murmured thoughtfully as he watched Jake toss and turn in his bed.

  “Exactly.” Rafael nodded toward Jake. “Which is why Finn doesn’t know how to tell Jake what he needs.”

  “He needs a less formal arrangement. He needs room to breathe and grow as a person and a submissive.” Cristophe’s face began to glow with excitement. “And Jake needs a less formal arrangement too. He needs a submissive, but not one whose every move he has to dictate. He needs a lover and a companion who is submissive, not a submissive who is his lover.”

  Rafael grinned at his brother. “That’s it exactly. Jake and Finn both need to be loved, first and foremost. The Dominant/submissive part of their relationship is important, but it needs to be natural and relaxed, not formal and not forced.”

  Cristophe grinned at his brother, happy to finally have a handle on what the two humans needed. Then his face clouded. “But they don’t know how to achieve that kind of relationship.”

  “No, they don’t. And neither of them fully realizes what it is they need. It’s up to us to influence Jake so he knows what to do when he goes home.”

  Rafael took a step closer to Jake’s bed. Cristophe followed.

  “Are we going to do what we did to Kellen? Show him the past in the hope he understands himself and Finn better?” Cristophe asked in a soft whisper.

  “No.” Rafael shook his head. “This time, I think we need a more subtle approach.”

  He sat on the edge of the bed and nodded toward the other side, indicating Cristophe should sit on Jake’s other side. Once they flanked the sleeping Dominant, Rafael reached out one hand toward his bare arm.

  “You take the other arm. We’ll direct Jake’s dreams so that when he awakens he’ll understand what needs to be done.”

  Cristophe turned worried eyes on his brother. “Will this work?”

  “It’s always a crap shoot, Cris. You know that,” Rafael said on a sigh. “All we can do is try.” Eleven - Jake

  In the dream music swirled around him. It flowed like silk, caressing his naked body, making him yearn for something he couldn’t put his finger on. He struggled to open his eyes, to see where the music came from, who made it. Fingers brushed his face. Lips touched his lightly, leaving the taste of lust and something more behind. His heart began to race.

  Finn. The name floated in his mind and he identified it with the touches and kisses that made him ache. God. He loved the boy so damned much but he had no idea what to do about it. Fear wrapped around him, binding him more strongly than cuffs or stocks or chains. As Finn’s touch left him he cried out, hands reaching for the man he loved.

  With an effort, he lifted his eyelids. He stood in the bar at Darkness. On either side of him Gavin and Kellen stood with heads bent, their whispers filling his ears with things he didn’t want to hear. Before him stood Micah and Haven, flanking a grand piano where Finn sat, playing the beautiful music that filled him with happiness. The boy glowed with a silvery white light, his head bent over the piano keys. He wore only tight black leather trousers and boots and his pale skin gleamed in the low light of the bar. Silky strands of white blond hair fell over his face, obscuring his features from Jake’s gaze.

  Micah and Haven leaned over Finn, whispering in his ears. He stopped playing and Jake’s soul ached at the loss. Finn stared off into the distance, his entire being focused on something out of Jake’s range of vision, something both Micah and Haven pointed out to their friend.

  “You’re going to lose him.” Kellen’s whisper sent a shudder through Jake.

  “He needs a collar, a Dominant to control him.” Gavin’s hiss filled Jake’s other ear. “If you can’t give him what he needs, he’ll find it elsewhere.”

  “Don’t be an idiot, Jake. Don’t lose him.”

  Jake drew a deep breath and tried to take a step forward. An invisible hand in the center of his chest held him back. He struggled, trying to get free, trying to get to Finn. As he looked on a tall man, almost too beautiful to be a Dominant, came up to Finn. Haven and Micah stepped back. Finn stared up at the man who held out a glittering silver collar. He stood and the man smiled at him. Finn returned the smile and knelt, his movements graceful.

  Pain began to radiate through Jake’s body and he struggled to move, but couldn’t. As he watched, terror ripping through him, the Dominant put the expensive collar around Finn’s neck and closed the clasp with a padlock. Soft hand claps came as he pulled Finn to his feet, tossed the key to the padlock into a trash receptacle and enveloped Finn in a crushing embrace meant to warn all Dominants that this was his sub to love and protect.

  Finn allowed the Dominant to lead him away and even though Jake called after him, screaming and pleading with the submissive, he never looked back. Ears ringing, head woozy, Jake stared at the door Finn disappeared through. Finn had never once looked at him and despite his desperate pleas, Finn hadn’t looked back. Jake’s heart broke into a million pieces.

  With a strangled yell, Jake sat up in bed. His heart raced and his breath came in painful gasps. He stared around his bedroom at the cabin, trying to get a grip on his panicked emotions. Rubbing the center of his chest to ease the ache in his heart, Jake swung his feet to the floor. Head hanging, he gazed sightlessly at the braided rug beneath his bare feet, his mind filled with the dregs of the dream.

  In all his life, Jake had never been more sure of anything than he was about his feelings for Finn. The music he could live without. He’d already decided that being a rock star had been the dream of his twenties. It wasn’t the dream of his thirties. Now, he wanted peace, love and happiness. He needed companionship and contentment. He wanted to feel loved and needed and he wanted to know that the person he loved and needed returned his emotions full force. Building a home and a life together and sharing kinks and laughs, those were the things he wanted more than anything. And now he’d found the person he could have those things with. Finn.

  All roads of thought came back to the young man who’d dominated Jake’s mind and heart from the moment he’d laid eyes on him. Finn, whose talent called to the music in Jake’s blood. Finn, who made his cock and balls throb with lust. Finn, whose natural submission hadn’t been beaten out of him by that bastard who’d made him a slave for five years. Finn, who had made his way inside Jake’s heart with a tentative smile and
an expression of utter love and submission on his elfin face.

  Jake loved Finn.

  Calm acceptance of that fact settled into Jake. His love for the young man who shared his home had nothing to do with dominance and submission although it added another dimension to it. What Jake felt for Finn would never go away and if he wanted any chance to have forever with his ideal man, Jake knew he needed to get his ass home and tell Finn he loved him.

  Reaching for his clothes, Jake dressed quickly. The painful, crippling sense of loss he’d experienced in his dream still lingered inside him. He needed to get to Finn right away. After the dream, he didn’t need days away from his submissive to know that he wouldn’t be worth a damn if he lost Finn. And he knew, deep in his heart, that Finn needed him too. If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that Finn had known what they both needed better than Jake had himself.

  It was past time for Jake to stop whining about the submissives who hadn’t been right for him. They were his past. Finn had proven himself to be more than perfect for Jake. It had been Jake who’d been stupid and blind, held captive by the painful, bitter bonds of a past he needed to let go of. Now that he had, he needed to get to his submissive. He had weeks of lost time to make up for.

  *****

  The song filled the studio. Every note sounded perfect. In his mind, Jake could hear it with guitar, drums and bass. He could hear himself singing it. When he opened his eyes, he saw only Finn at the grand piano, his slender fingers moving over the keys with grace and elegance. His white hair flopped over his forehead obscuring part of his face.

  Softly, Finn sang, his voice an aching whisper that conveyed his emotions to his Dominant despite his lack of trained ability. The words sunk hot talons into Jake’s soul. The sound of Finn’s pain ripped at Jake’s heart. Everything Finn had bottled up inside him, everything Jake suspected he felt came out in the song.

  They say when a door closes a window opens But my heart’s no window frame When you leave it will be still and cold It’ll never open, never be the same And there’s nothing I can say or do Because my only chance for love left with you

  Chest aching, throat tight with emotion, Jake approached the piano. Finn didn’t notice him. He appeared to be wrapped up in the song, pouring every bit of himself into it. When he finished, Jake sat down on the piano bench beside him. Finn stiffened, but did not look at his Dominant. He kept his head bowed, his gaze on his hands which still rested on the piano keys.

  “It’s beautiful,” Jake said softly. A faint sniffle reached his ears. “I wrote it for you. When you left me at Darkness, Ray said you needed some time to think. I knew then that I was holding you back the same as your father did. He needed you so you stayed. I need you, but I can’t hold you back from your dreams. So I wrote this for you…so you can go,” Finn sniffled again, more audibly this time. “You’ll get a band together and you’ll record this. You’ll make your dreams come true. You’ll be a big rock star. I believe in you.”

  Jake could see that Finn believed a lot of things, not all of which were truths. The stiffly held shoulders, the slight tremor of the long fingers, and the occasional sniffle spoke volumes to Jake. His submissive was suffering and he couldn’t bear it.

  “You know, when I was your age all I could think about was being a rock star, playing music to scads of screaming fans every night.” Jake sighed. “It was a good dream and I suppose I had a shot at making it, but I gave it up. At first, I didn’t want to let go of the dream. I resented being forced by circumstances to make the choices that I did. But you know, in the end, they were my choices. I could have sold the studio and walked away to pursue my dreams, but I didn’t. I gave in to my father’s final wishes by my own choice.”

  “You could be great, Jake.”

  Finn’s hoarse words held an edge that told Jake his submissive held himself together by a very thin thread. He slipped an arm over Finn’s shoulders, feeling the slight tremors of the younger man’s body and the tension that drew him tight as a bow.

  “Maybe. Maybe not. It’s a tough business and not many people make it.” Jake shrugged. “You’re right. I could still try and maybe I’d make it even though it’s kind of a long shot for a guy in his thirties to become a rock star.”

  “You would be so amazing,” Finn whispered.

  Jake tightened his arm around his still trembling lover. “I would be amazing for you, Finn.”

  The head of silky white hair lifted. Pale gray eyes damp with tears gazed up at him and in that instant Jake saw everything in Finn’s heart. A love so huge and pure it made Jake’s breath catch in his throat. Fear so great it caused the slender form beneath his arm to shake uncontrollably. And in the depths of those beautiful eyes, a tiny infinitesimal spark of hope.

  Jake smiled at his lover and bent to brush a sweet kiss to his lips. He held Finn’s pointed chin in hand, his thumb stroking the sharp edge of Finn’s jaw.

  “I don’t want the dreams of my twenties,” he whispered against Finn’s mouth. “My dreams have changed.”

  Tears shimmered, threatening to spill over. “What do you want now?”

  The quaver in his submissive’s voice told Jake just how much Finn wanted and feared the answer to his question. He pulled Finn closer, crushing the boy in his arms.

  “I want you, Finn.” Jake nuzzled the tender skin of Finn’s temple. “I’m happy here in the studio or, at least, I am now that you’re here.”

  “B-but you’re destined to make great music,” Finn protested.

  Jake nodded. “I am. But not on a stage in front of thousands of screaming fans. I’m destined to make great music with you. I’ve found a huge satisfaction in writing and playing music with you. Not to mention the fact that you’re the most amazing submissive I’ve ever had. I’d be a fool to let you go.”

  Finn stared at Jake with shock widened eyes. “I thought you would become famous and you wouldn’t want me anymore. I thought you’d turn me out. I thought that’s what pushing me to finish Juilliard was all about.” Each word tore from Finn’s throat, steeped in dark pain.

  Jake stood and scooped his lover up in his arms, letting Finn wind long arms and legs around his body. Walking into the booth with his submissive clinging to him like a limpet, Jake eased down onto the leather sofa and held Finn close, smiling as the boy— he really couldn’t think of him as anything else despite the fact that he was clearly a man— buried his face in Jake’s neck.

  “Finn, do you trust me?” Jake asked, his hands stroking up the submissive’s back.

  “Yes, sir.”

  The words were muffled but Jake still heard them.

  “I know your story, sweetness. I know that everyone you’ve ever trusted or loved has turned away from you.” Finn shivered in Jake’s arms and a spike of anger at Finn’s family and his former master sent heat spiraling through Jake. “I’m not them. I know what a treasure I hold in my arms. I won’t ever let you go, Finn. I love you.”

  The little shivers and shakes abruptly stopped. Finn’s body became very still. Finally, he raised his head and sat up on Jake’s lap. Dove gray eyes searched Jake’s face, his eyes, his expression, for the truth. Jake gazed back at his lover, letting him see just how very much Jake loved and needed Finn. The tiny spark of hope Jake had seen in Finn’s eyes began to grow until Finn’s whole face blazed with adoration.

  “I love you too, master. I love you more than I love the music.”

  The earnest, heartfelt words made Jake laugh. He could have been given no bigger compliment than to be told Finn loved him more than the music that permeated the younger man’s soul. Framing the beautiful Nordic face in his hands, Jake brushed a kiss to the pale pink lips and then set about explaining himself.

  “I understand that you feel the need to give me your submission, Finn, but the word ‘master’ has no place between us, so you are not required to say it and I’d prefer that you don’t.” He stroked the submissive’s silky hair, his fingers carding the sleek strands. “The reason I�
��ve had such poor luck with subs is because I thought I needed a formal environment to express my dominance. The fact is I don’t. I’ve been your Dominant all along and we’ve yet to step foot inside my playroom together or even have a formal scene together.”

  Finn rubbed his cheek against Jake’s palm. “I’ve always known you’re my master. I’ve shown you my submission as best I could, as much as you would let me. I don’t have to call you ‘master’ to know that you are.”

  Jake smiled at his lover’s earnestness. “I think that what we need is something more heartfelt and less restrictive. You’ve never really had a chance to explore your submission. What Reynolds did to you was unacceptable. Unless someone specifically asks to be treated as less than human, no Dominant should force that on them. I know that because of your inexperience you didn’t know what he did to you was wrong, but it was and I don’t want that kind of formal submission from you. I want you to be my lover, my partner, as well as my submissive.”

  “Haven calls Kellen ‘master’,” Finn whispered.

  “Not always.” Jake shook his head. “And even so, that’s not what I want for us. I don’t want you to call me by the same term you used with Reynolds. You may call me sir or Jake and when we’re at the club you will definitely call me sir, but never ‘master.’ Is that clear?”

  Comprehension dawned in Finn’s pale eyes. “Yes, sir. I understand. I won’t use that word with you again.” He bit his lip for moment then blurted out, “What’s next for us? If you don’t want to record the song I wrote for you and you don’t want to leave here to be a star what does that mean for us? Are you going to make me go back to Juilliard?”

  Even if Finn’s words hadn’t held a note of fear, Jake would have recognized the fearful expression on his face. “Why don’t you want to go?” he asked softly, stroking his lover’s face soothingly. “It’s a wonderful opportunity.”

  Finn heaved a sigh. “When I was first accepted I wanted to go because it meant I wouldn’t have to be with my parents for most of the year. My main reason for going had nothing to with music and everything to do with escape.”