Vision of Love

by S. Moose

  Larry: Club Lova for your famous return

  Me: Ha ok

  * * * * *

  We’re about to go through security when Jamie puts Emma down. “I’m gonna miss you sweetie,” she says hugging her.

  “Me too.”

  It hurts seeing them say goodbye to each other but we’re living two separate lives. Jamie has her modeling career, which is successful, while I’m heading back home to start a new adventure at Peterson & Thompson. I’ll admit it isn’t easy. The day Jamie walked out hits me.

  “Nicholas, just let me go. I don’t want this life. Don’t you understand? I never wanted a family. I can’t be a good mom and I don’t want to be with you.” I stood there not knowing what to say. I tried to bring her back in my arms but she pushed me away. “This is YOUR life, not mine. Just forget me okay?”

  “Our daughter-our daughter is in there. How can you walk away?”

  Jamie shrugged her shoulders, “Because I never wanted her, Nicholas.”

  “How could you Jamie?”

  “You wanna know how Nicholas!?” She got up and walked to me. The expression on her face was unreadable. “Because MY DREAMS are more important than being a fucking mom! Do you know how long it’s going to take me to get my body back?” She threw her arms in the air and walked away. Huffing and puffing, muttering under her breath.

  I stood there, speechless. Jamie was leaving us and I ran out of ideas to get her to stay. Our daughter was lying in her crib while Jamie’s out here complaining about her figure. “Jamie, you’re just going through a lot and you don’t mean this.”

  “Nicholas, I’m sorry okay.”

  And that was it. Jamie, the love of my life, walked out of our lives. There was nothing I could say to her and make her stay. Emma’s my life now and I needed to be strong because I was all she had.

  The words still sting, but for Emma I’d do anything to make her happy. Jamie’s never going to be able to take back missing out on the first year of our daughter’s life, but at least they have a special connection and Emma knows her mom. I think that’s what was most important.

  “Alright Princess, you ready?”

  She sniffles and wipes her eyes. “Yeah I think so.”

  Jamie leans in to give me a hug. “Take care of each other, Nicky. And stop being afraid. Find love and be happy.”

  “I’m fine.” Lie. I hated being alone. “Good luck out there. I’m proud of you.”

  Jamie wipes a tear from her eye. “That means a lot. Okay go! Have fun and be safe! I love you both.”

  “Love you Mommy!”

  Emma takes my hand and we walk through security. “Ready to go home?”

  “I think so. I’ll get to see everyone right? Grandma? Grandpa? Uncle Larry? And Aunt Alexis?” I nod my head. “Where are we gonna live Daddy?”

  “With Aunt Alexis for now until the house is ready. You’re gonna love it Emma. There’s a beach like right outside.” She holds my hand tighter and we walk through security without any problems.

  * * * * *

  Emma’s fast asleep in my arms when we get to my parent’s house. I send Alexis a text letting her know I’m here and dropping Emma off with our parents. I need a night out with the guys.

  Daniel, my driver, opens the door for me. He’s been with me since I got to California and was happy to move his family out to North Carolina with us. Out of all the people in my life, Daniel is in the top ranks.

  We walk inside my childhood home. Everything still looks the same. There are pictures of Alexis and I growing up through the years. I look around and notice some of Emma too. It’s nice to be home; back with the ones I love.

  “Nicholas!” My mom comes out from the kitchen, running and smiling. She cradles my face and kisses my cheek. “I’m so glad you’re home honey.” Emma stirs in my arms. Mom kisses her on top of her head and leads me to my old room.

  “Thanks for watching Emma tonight mom. I wanted a night to catch up with Larry and the guys.”

  “It’s no problem honey. Go have fun,” she winks, taking Emma from me. I give Emma a kiss goodnight and head out.

  Me: Heading to Sullivan’s now. See you soon.

  Larry: Haha alright Hayes

  I tell Daniel where to go and lean back in the seat. A night out with my friends is what I need. It’s been a while since I had a guy’s night. I’ve put Emma in front of everything and everyone for so long. Sometimes I forget that I’m a twenty-eight year old man who needs to have fun and let loose. I don’t regret Emma, but I wish I could find a nice balance.

  “Shots!” Larry shouts through the crowd. He hands me another shot of Crown and we down it with one gulp. Oh shit it burns. Tonight it’s guy’s night out with Larry and Stephen. “Glad you’re home.”

  “Yeah man sorry ‘bout Jamie. Shit that’s rough,” Stephen adds drinking his beer.

  “It’s in the past and I need to move on.” Larry indicates for me to look to my left. When I do there’s a hot blonde licking her lips staring at me. “No.” I quickly say.

  “Hayes how long has it been?”

  Larry’s right. It’s been a while since I’ve been with a woman. After failing to get Jamie back I dated here and there, but nothing worked out. I focused on Emma and my work life. I miss the feel of a woman around my cock and my hand isn’t cutting it for me. Damn how long has it been since I hooked up?

  “Don’t worry about it,” I laugh finishing my beer. Suddenly something makes me turn around towards the door. A girl walks in with a guy and I can’t take my eyes off her. Her long blond hair looks soft and when she looks my way I nearly fall to the ground with her sexy blue green eyes. Eyes I’ve never seen before. She throws her head back laughing, touching the guy’s arm. Damn all the good ones are taken. I turn my attention back to the guys and we continue drinking.

  I wake up the next morning with the world’s worst hangover. “Holy shit,” I mutter. Grabbing the bottle of water from the nightstand I start chugging and feel my throat closing. “Fuck.” I run to the bathroom throwing up. My body shudders. This is not the homecoming I wanted.

  I get up from the bathroom floor and splash cold water on my face. I feel better. A little. When I leave the bathroom I head out in the kitchen and nearly shit my pants. “Hi?”

  The sexy girl from the bar and her boyfriend turn around. My eyes go to her face and rest on her eyes. Damn she’s beautiful and I can’t stop staring. Between her captivating eyes to her amazing body I wish she didn’t have a boyfriend and she could ease the ache in my cock. Our eyes meet and I swear to God everything in the room stops and it’s just us. A slow smile curves on her face and I never want that smile to leave her face. My eyes slowly take her in but a scar on the side of her face draws my attention. It’s large but dull. I wonder what happened to her.

  She walks to me and I stare at her body and the little clothing she has on. Damn. “Hey! I’m Karly. Alexis told me about you.”

  “Nicholas,” I respond, “I uh sorry I didn’t know you were gonna be here?”

  “Yeah I’m her new roommate. You’re staying here too for a while?” I nod. “Cool. Go sit down with Neil. I’m almost done making breakfast.” She walks back to the kitchen and I swear my dick is awoken just by the sound of her sweet voice.

  I watch her from where I’m sitting and notice how relaxed and carefree she is. It’s been a while since I’ve been around a normal woman. Most of them had a stick up their ass and walked around like their shit didn’t stink. Karly’s a breath of fresh air and there’s an ache that I wanted to fill, but I brush away those thoughts. If there’s something I’m good at in life it’s pushing people away and protecting my heart along with Emma’s. Having a woman in my life, regardless of her beauty, will cause shit I don’t need to deal with.

  Neil comes to sit down with me, passing me over a glass of orange juice. “Figured you needed this after what you went through last night.”

  “Damn I’m sorry,” I run my hands through my hair. “It was my first night
back home and my friends threw me a little welcome home party.”

  Before Neil says anything Karly comes over, putting down plates of eggs, sausage and pancakes. Everything looks amazing.

  “Yeah you’re def not easy to lift!” She giggles. “Oh and ha you tried getting me in your bed!”

  Holy shit. What the fuck did I do last night? “Wow I’m really sorry.”

  Karly nudges Neil in the stomach laughing while I’m sitting here looking like an asshole. “Don’t worry about it,” she winks, turning back to her breakfast.

  I guess he’s not her boyfriend. I grin turning my attention to the feast right in front of me. It’s nice waking up to a home cooked meal. Back in California we mostly lived on take out and going out to eat. Taking a bite of the pancakes, shit, and my mouth waters. All I know is having her living here will make for some great meals.

  I feel her looking at me. Those eyes like nothing that I’ve never seen before. There’s something about her that’s pulling me in, but I remind myself to fight it. No one needs to be added to my equation of disaster. Just looking at her I can tell she’s innocent and inexperienced. The way she smiles and laughs it screams innocent while I’m the tainted beast.

  When we’re done with breakfast Daniel comes up to the apartment with my things. I help him grab the suitcases and boxes. Most of our things are in storage for the time being.

  “Is there anything else you’ll need sir?”

  “No I think I’m good. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Daniel smiles. I know he’s happy to spend time with his family. “Have a good day, sir. Will chat tomorrow.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Getting things in the room set up, hanging and folding Emma’s clothes, I sit on the bedroom floor and look through my daughter’s things. It’s crazy how fast she’s growing. Turning five in six months then it’ll be kindergarten then she’ll be graduating high school and I’ll be sitting there in the audience proud. I pick up my phone and call my mom and let her know to get Emma ready.

  The drive to my parent’s house is quiet and quick. The winding roads and passing trees bring back memories of growing up. That’s the great thing about Wilmington; it’s slower paced and peaceful unlike California where everyone’s on the run.

  When I get to my parent’s house, dad and Emma are in the yard lying down on the grass, looking up at the sky. Seeing the image in front of me reaffirms my decision to come back home. The laughs roar through the air. Emma’s jumping up and down, pulling her grandpa up.

  “Having fun?” I walk over and pick Emma up. “I missed you Princess.”

  She giggles, “You too Daddy.”

  Dad gets up and shakes my hand. “Good to see you back son.”

  “Good to be back.”

  We head inside and have lunch together. My parents gush over Emma and how big she is. Emma, my little diva Princess, loves all the attention she’s getting, as if she doesn’t get enough. The smile on her face is a smile I never want to take away. My guilt of taking her away from California subsides. The rumble of laughter fills the room and my heart. The time with my parents is needed for both of us. Sitting on the deck with my dad and watching Emma run around the yard freely with my mom is everything I need to stay happy. Being a parent doesn’t mean putting your life on hold, it means ensuring your child’s happiness and that’s what I’m doing. I’m choosing not to date and have women in my life. It’s not fair to Emma to see different women come and go. What example would I be setting?

  Emma and I make our way back to our temporary home. We pass by our new house and Emma squeals with excitement. Everything looks great from what I can see. They’re telling us we’ll be able to move in a few short weeks. The drive is quiet and with Emma falling asleep, it’s just me and the road. I look in the rearview mirror, glad that she’s happy

  When we make it back I put Emma to bed and head into the empty living room. Things are quiet. I wonder where Karly and Neil are. I pull out my laptop, check my emails and see one from Jamie.

  Hello from Italy!

  I hope that you and Emma are doing well. Things are good over on my end. I miss you guys.

  Nicky, I meant what I said. Be happy and live your life k? I’ll try and Skype later this week. Just wanted to check in.

  Love you both!

  Jamie <3

  Thoughts of Jamie flood my mind.

  I married the love of my life right after college, and then had Emma. The love of my life walked out on us. Depression and self-loathing; almost losing Emma due to my addiction of drinking. Cleaned up and tried to get Jamie back. Got to California, she yelled and told me to leave. She wouldn’t look at Emma; our daughter. After a few days I tried again and we attempted being a family, but we weren’t meant for each other.

  Chapter 3

  Karly

  Saying bye to my best friend is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. He puts down his carry on and messenger bag and looks at me. It sucks. It really does. Watching him get everything together this morning broke my heart. Maybe I’ll always love Neil, but I can’t hold him back. How can I let go of the glue that held me together for so long? It’s because of Neil I can breathe again. His love and support is the main reason why I’m here. My heart breaks in a million pieces. It’s like a vice is squeezing my heart and I’m about to burst.

  “Come here,” he wraps his arms around me and brings me into his body. The warmth radiates onto me and I breathe him in again. “I’m gonna miss you too.”

  I break down sobbing. “I don’t want you to go.” I know I’m being selfish and if I asked him to stay he would. This is his dream and I need to support him. “Please be safe, okay?” I hold him tighter. I’m not ready to let go. Not yet.

  “I promise baby girl. We’ll talk all the time. It’ll be like I never left.” I nod my head and we stay like this for a few more minutes. Before I know it he has to leave. “Listen,” he starts to say, holding my hand. “I’m really gonna miss you. This is hard on me too and if you need me to come back for anything please let me know, okay?” I nod again not being able to talk. “I love you.” He brings me in for another hug.

  “I love you too,” I finally manage to say. He kisses me on my forehead and walks away giving me one last smile and wink. Watching him walk through security and through the doors is hard. No one prepares you for saying bye to the person who means the most to you.

  I get home after an emotionally draining trip. I turn my key in the door and walk in. Nicholas is sitting on the couch with his back to me. Wow he’s so hot. Instantly my mood from emotionally drained turns to physically frustrated. Ugh. Why’s my body reacting to him like this? Fucking traitor! I don’t need this distraction. Focus Karly, I keep thinking, but my eyes can’t turn away from him. I’m dreaming. There’s no way a sexy as hell guy is here…With me…While I’m standing in my black yoga pants and my PINK hoodie. I look down at my clothes and feel my face flush. Carefully checking out his sexy body my mouth starts to water and my eyes go wide. This man is so perfect! I love a guy with muscles, not too bulky though, and Nicholas has what I love-just enough to carry me through the house and up the stairs. Oh shit! Oh shit! Karly Erikson, stop! He’s off limits! He’s your best friend’s brother! But I can’t look away! This man is the definition of perfection.

  After Neil, I didn’t want to date and I focused on the last placement of my student teaching. It was hard; Gail made me work and I appreciated her constant pushing. I didn’t have time for anyone except for my students. I was okay with being single at least I thought I was until tonight. Do you know that feeling of being in someone’s arms and knowing how much they love you? I miss that feeling. I miss knowing that someone misses me; that someone wants me.

  One moment with Nicholas changes it all. There’s something about him and I can’t help but fall in love with his smile, those dimples and the deepness of his voice. All man. I’m amazed at my instant feelings for him. I can’t help but loo
k at his body and think about licking him. I had to tell myself over and over to calm down so I didn’t fall apart when standing in front of him.

  Still standing in the middle of the room I contemplate my next move. Maybe I can slip in my room without getting his attention. I’m exhausted from the crying and saying bye to Neil. Quietly I peek over and wonder why he hasn’t turned around. Thankfully he has headphones in his ear. I head to my room, close the door and slide into bed. I close my eyes and remember those deep and sexy brown eyes staring at me from when we first met. I remember the look of shock on his face when he saw my scars.

  Out of everything I hate about life, there’s only one thing that I can’t stand. I hate when people see my scars and feel sorry for me. The look of sadness and “awe what happened to you” on their face pisses me off. I know that they mean well and are concerned but I don’t want anyone’s pity. The scars on my face don’t represent me. I’m a better person now. My scars will always stand as a reminder of what I went through, but also serve as my strength for not giving up.

  I wake up from a knock on my door. Throwing the blanket off me, I check the time and see it’s almost seven in the evening. “Alexis?” I yawn getting out of bed. When I open it Nicholas is standing in front of me looking like sex on a freaking stick.

  “Oh hey.”

  “Hey. I ordered pizza. Alexis is stuck in Texas and won’t be home until tomorrow so I figured we could have dinner and get to know each other.”

  Why does he want to get to know me? A man as sexy as him doesn’t need to get to know a simple girl like me. The fact that he states what he wants without even asking; rude, but still sexy. He cocks his eyebrow, waiting for my answer.

  “Thanks that’s really nice of you, but I’m not that hungry.”

  “You sure?” He steps a little closer to me. Oh damn he smells really good. I nod. “I’ve been out in the living room all day and haven’t seen you come out of you room. You haven’t eaten all day. I’d like for you to come and have pizza with me and Emma.” His eyes lock on mine as if he’s trying to possess me and make me say yes to his every command. “Come on,” he extends his hand reaching for mine. Suddenly feeling really small, I take his hand against my better judgment and follow him as he leads the way to the dining room.