Withholding Secrets

by Diana Fisher

  Nothing.

  Not a soul.

  Just as I headed back up to my car, my stomach churned, hard and fast, wanting to force my lunch out. The rumble of a tractor caught my attention. The dust was coming closer, and I could make out the tractor coming down the road. With my heart slapping hard in my chest, I ran toward him. If he was there and working, that was a good thing. A very good thing. It had to be. I just needed to make sure that he kept Alicia under his watch at all times until I figured out what was going on and who was after the girls.

  Stopping the tractor, he climbed down, the curiosity filling into his older, sun worn face.

  “Where the hell is Alicia?” Maybe I wasn’t the best at being calm and rational. Maybe having those kids turned me into a crazy person, but I had to find out. I had to see her and talk to her myself.

  “They are with their mom this week. I thought Sky would have told you.” His eyes shifted around as the anger sank into him. “I heard all about the fight. Believe me.”

  “Sky is very sorry that she said what she did, Ben. You can’t hold it against her!” Was I really yelling at him? Him? The guy who stood up for my kids? What was I becoming? I was losing it. I was going to lose it with all this. What I needed to do was go home and talk to Kane about everything. He was my rational mind that I needed right now. Apparently, I wasn’t any good at it. “She didn’t have the chance to see what a mother is supposed to be like until she landed on my doorstep! Don’t sit there and tell me that she’s the one who was wrong!”

  Shut the hell up, Keri. He’s probably not mad about it.

  The lines around his eyes faded as he held up his hands in defense, knowing exactly how I was. “I talked to Alicia about—”

  “God, Ben! Her mother let her damn boyfriend crawl in bed with her! I am the only one who is trying my best to give them a damn life! I am the only one that protected her! What the hell?!” And what the hell was I thinking? I just needed to listen to my inner voice for a change and shut the hell up. This was going to get him to hate me, and I couldn’t have that. Ben was there for us also. Always had been, and I couldn’t risk losing him either.

  He shifted his large frame nervously as his soft blues scanned over the fields, thinking of what to say. I just hoped that he wasn’t trying to think of how to tell me to leave. “I told Alicia that Sky didn’t mean—”

  “You are damn right that she didn’t mean it! She’s a fucking kid, Ben! She’s been through…” Just as I lunged for him, his arm wrapped around me as his other hand covered my mouth. Pinning me to his chest, his chest heaved.

  “Settle down, Keri. Just settle down.” His voice came out soft and gentle, just like the man that he was. Letting up on his hold of my mouth, he cleared his throat, his voice vibrate through his chest. “I talked to her about it and told her that Sky is just hurting. I told her to think about how Sky felt, not having a mother until she ended up on your doorstep. She understands, and she said that she was going to call Sky.”

  “Well, she didn’t and Sky has been crying all night!” Seeing my chance, I tried pushing away from him, but he held onto me tighter. Damn him for being such a big guy. He wasn’t letting me do anything, but then again, he had seen the wrath that ran through me at the school. I was sure that he heard how Andrew and Jordan had to contain me that day Sky’s math teacher was scaring her. “Why hasn’t she fucking called?”

  “Keri! Stop it!” His voice shot out, bringing the tears to my eyes. Hot tears. Blistering tears. If he only knew that I was literally panicking inside, he would understand. If he knew what I did, his panic would be all over the place, stealing the rationality from him, and turning the teddy bear into a raging giant grizzly. “You are going to get yourself into trouble if you keep just jumping off the deep end like this. Then what? You show people that you are unable to hold your temper, they will take those kids right away from you.”

  “Don’t you threaten me! Don’t threaten me, Ben!” Fighting off his hold, I barely slipped from his hands when he had lunged, grabbing me around my waist. Lifting me off the ground, he swung around, pinning me to the back wheel of the tractor. Using his large frame, he held me tight to it as his eyes landed on mine. “I will do anything for them!”

  “I know that you would, Keri. I understand what it’s like being single and raising two teenagers. You have to let them work it out. You have to learn how to control yourself. I am telling you this because I really like you.” His hold started to lift when the truck pulled in, coming to a halt, sending up a cloud of dust around us. “I hear what people are saying, Keri. You can’t go around losing your temper.”

  “Get your hands off her right now!” Kane’s loud curse came flying through the dust as he stormed up, face red with anger, and his fists clenching tightly. “Don’t you ever touch—”

  “It’s my fault, Kane! I came at him, trying to hit him.” As Ben stepped back, I straightened my blue blouse and brushed off my skirt. “I was pissed, and he was just trying to get me to calm down.”

  “If you think that I will stand by and let you make excuses for some man to grab you like that, you are out of your pretty little mind! Do you think that those two kids wouldn’t tell me what your ex put your through or did to you? Huh? When I hear that someone chokes you for trying to speak your mind, I am going to let anything fly?” His hand curled around my arm, tugging me to him. “You all are my responsibility, Keri!”

  “Where the hell are my kids?” Screaming at the empty truck, I balled my fist, taking a swing at him. If they were at the house alone, I would have to beat him down myself. How dare he leave my little girl alone when she was the target for the next abduction? That’s right. I didn’t tell him that yet.

  “They are with my parents! Keri, what the hell has gotten into you?” His large hands curled around my upper arms, holding me still as his green eyes dug deep into me. I just wanted to tell him. I wanted to confess what I had done. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. My heart was beating so hard I could barely hear anything. If they had taken Alicia, I would have to find out who and where those girls were. I would find out, and they would be sorry that they had messed with any little girls.

  “I will call Alicia and ask her why she hadn’t called Sky yet. Just calm down, Keri.” Ben’s easy voice surrounded us as Kane and I just stared at each other.

  “Keri, what is going on with you? You need to talk to me. You need to trust me. If there’s something wrong—” His hold eased on my arms, allowing the blood to flow back to my hands.

  “I am so sorry. I just … I did … I went … God, Kane! I am just scared! I am scared!” How could I tell him that I committed a felony in his home, on his computer, lied to him, and deceived all of the ones that I loved? I would lose him, and I would lose the kids for sure by confessing.

  “What are you scared about? Baby, you need to talk to me.” His eyes softened even more as he pulled me tight to him.

  “I am just afraid that something’s wrong. Kane, something’s wrong. Very wrong.” Falling into his embrace, I cried hard. I couldn’t lose them, and after my little ranting spree, I would be surprised if Ben even talked to me again.

  “Hey. I have Sky and Jordan both watched. Don’t think for a second that I would let anything bad happen to either one of them again. You all are mine, Keri.” Kissing the top of my head, he rubbed my back.

  “I just can’t get it out of my mind what that monster did to her, Kane. I can’t. I just keep feeling like it was me, and I hate it. I hate what he had done to her. She is a little girl, and it’s like I can feel those hands on me. Kane, she’s…” Disgust washed through me as I choked out a cry. It was like it happened to me, but it didn’t. My mom would never let a man touch me at that age. Nothing like that ever happened to me and I was just feeling her pain.

  “No, baby. Never again. Because of you, she is under the protection of a great person. She has you now, Keri. Be thankful for that. Ben’s right, though. You need to learn to control yourself.”

&nbs
p; “What if something—” Turning to the guys, my heart stopped and froze instantly.

  Kane’s eyes shifted up to Ben as the color slowly faded from his handsome face. “What is it?”

  “My ex-wife hasn’t seen Alicia since yesterday.” His voice broke as his hand clutched the phone tightly. Cursing fled from his mouth as he started for the barn.

  Oh god! They had her! They had Ben’s little girl! She was the blonde in the photo! How could I let this happen? How could I let them take his girl?

  Chapter 27

  Seeing Keri sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands and the tears dripping from her face was heartbreaking. I knew her thoughts. I knew exactly what she was thinking. It was sickening. It was pure disgusting that another girl had gone missing, and one that we had known.

  When we got home last night, Keri told me that we shouldn’t say anything to the kids yet. Not without knowing. Ben’s wife had figured that she was staying over at her aunt’s and never questioned it. But, maybe she was just with her friends or another relative and somehow the communication lines broke down in the meantime.

  That wasn’t it. She had been abducted. It was the only explanation, but the note that was found in Alicia’s backpack said differently. All Ben mentioned that the note said was Alicia wanted what Sky had, and she wasn’t coming back until she got it all.

  Alicia wasn’t like that. We knew it. Ben knew it. But the cops were chalking it up to a runaway. What else could they go on? Still, the search was on, but it wasn’t hopeful. I paid some extra to have our family guards on the case, but they were coming up empty also.

  It was groupings of twos in all the places where the girls ‘ran away’. Twos. One here and the other one … God, there would be another abduction, and this one would be the one that no one saw coming.

  Placing my hands on Keri’s shoulders, I rubbed them lightly while the pain in my chest intensified, the muscles all contracting at once. I had constant watch on Sky. The more, the better. With the threat now in our city, I was more than happy to spend the money. My parents were glad to offer their security also. If the kids weren’t with us, my parents had them. Even in school, I had people watching.

  “I have to go to work.” Keri’s voice cracked as she stiffened under my hands. “I should let my boss know. He has a daughter that age, too.”

  “I would rather you just call him. I am sure that he would let you stay home.” Rational. That was what I was, and Keri needed some sleep. Worrying all night about Alicia was bringing her down, and hopefully soon, we could get some better answers as to where the girl went.

  “Then what, Kane? Sit here and let another girl go missing? It is Alicia!” Her fist came down on the table, making a loud thump. Her tears rained down her face. She was barely hanging on as it was. I knew her temper when it came to those kids. I knew that if anything was said about those kids, she didn’t just stop at the ledge. She jumped clean off and went in with a fight. I didn’t blame her. With those two and what they had been through, I wanted to be the same way, but I had to be the one who used their head, knowing that Keri didn’t. “It’s Alicia. Please, just … just back off.”

  “I can’t do that. You know that I can’t.”

  Her pain filled eyes came up to mine, and I could see her heart breaking through them. This was killing her inside. I knew that she was upset, but so was I. “We are not your prisoners, Kane.”

  “I don’t treat you like prisoners.” The sting shot through my shirt and injected right into my heart. I was going too far with the seclusion, in a way, but I had to keep them safe. Without Keri and those kids, my life meant nothing. Not after experiencing all this with her and Jordan and Sky.

  “Bullshit! You lock us down every chance that you get! They can’t leave without having a security team with them! You lock us down in this house and you don’t let us out!” Rage blasted out from her, and her face was beat red with truth and anger. Dealing with her like this wasn’t a good thing, and I needed to back off before I lost my world to something stupid.

  “You’re right.” Grabbing my jacket off the back of the chair, I gritted my teeth. I knew that she didn’t mean it, but it still hurt. I just wanted to protect them. Seeing the lengths that she had gone to in order to get Sky out of that house when someone had broken in, I needed to protect them.

  Thinking of the break in, maybe Sky was meant to be the next girl. Maybe it wasn’t the ex-husband angry over the fact that Keri didn’t have her paycheck deposited into her account. I had to do something to check this out. If Skylar was the next little girl that was going to get abducted, they would have one hell of a time getting to her.

  “You had asked me to make sure that the kids were taken care of if anything happened to you. I would in a heartbeat, Keri, because I love you, and I love them.”

  “Don’t you say that about her!” Flying up from the chair, the rage shot into her eyes as her breath rushed out of her. “You think about touching her, I will cut your—”

  “Keri!” Stepping back, the pain hit me more. How could she think that I would do anything to hurt Sky? I know that she had thoughts before she even knew who I was, but she knew me now and yet, she was still accusing me of being a monster. I may have done drugs in my youth and been involved in some heavy shit, but I would never hurt a little girl. I never would touch any kid. “Are you even listening to yourself?”

  “I swear, Kane! You touch her! You think about it! You look at her….” The rage overtook her senses as she flew out of the chair and toward me with her fists swinging, wanting any kind of connection that she could get. I didn’t know what was worse: having her accusing me of touching that girl, or coming at me like she did. Whatever it was, maybe I wasn’t as good for them as I thought. Apparently, she didn’t trust me like I really thought she did. And this cut, this wound, was much deeper than the one she had in her leg. This one, I was never going to heal from and look at her the same.

  “I would never do that! I would never do that to anyone!” Stepping out of the way, I caught a fist on my jaw and rubbed it off as the anger and hurt swirled into my stomach. I knew that she didn’t mean anything, not one bit of this, but still. It cut deeper than I ever imagined it would. Sky was like my own daughter. I wanted her to be my daughter. “How can you stand here and accuse me of something like that?”

  “I know what it feels like! I know what it is like! I hate you! I hate you so much!” Still, her fists were flying and the pain was mixing in deep. What in the hell did she mean? What was she talking about?

  “You are just—” Taking a step back, the lump in my throat grew larger. This was not the woman I was in love with. This was a different woman I had never seen before.

  “I will kill you if you ever touch her! I will kill you if you ever touch me again!” As she lunged for me, I captured her around the waist and brought her down to the floor as gentle as I could. The loud scream came from her, ripping my chest in half. What was going on? Had she really lost it?

  No. She had to be just scared. She was just scared to death about Alicia, and worried sick about Sky. That was all that this was. But, it hurt so damn bad after everything that we shared. The only smart thing for me to do was to just back off until she cleared her mind and thought about what she was saying.

  When she asked me for help in getting the kids phones and then took it so lightly that I had gone behind her back and done so, I thought she was finally able to trust me fully. I thought that we were a family. We were a team. All of us. And now, I was being slapped in the face with loving her and the kids too much. They were a part of me. They were a part of her. That was why I loved her so much.

  “I am going to stay at the club from now on. I swear, Keri. You are losing it. You are losing everything right now. For you to accuse me of doing something like that, I … I can’t do this, Keri. I can’t do this anymore. You’re going to lose them if you keep this shit up. I warned you about this.”

  “Just take them, Kane. Take them aw
ay from me. You have the means. Your parents have the means. You have to take them away from me!” The knives kept coming, and each one she was throwing at me was slicing right through me and digging deeper and deeper into my heart.

  “What in the hell are you saying?” Hot waters came to the surface of my eyes, not believing what was actually going on.

  “You have to take them away from me! You have to take them, Kane! Keep them away from me!” Her hands pushed on my chest as hard as she could, but I wouldn’t budge. The hurt she was instilling in me was far too much for me to even think of moving.

  “No, Keri! I am not letting you give up on them!” Why, after everything that has happened, was she wanting to get rid of them now? We were all so happy and great together. The kids were secure and not afraid to come forward with anything they had troubles with, and that was all Keri’s doing.

  “I am a monster! I am nothing! I can’t have them! I can’t have them!” Shoving away from me, she cursed loudly as she rolled onto her stomach, burying her face deep into her arms. “I will walk away! I promise! Just … take them and give them everything that I can’t!”

  Stepping back, I let out my breath. First, she was accusing me of horrible things, and now, she wanted me to take the kids away from her? I couldn’t believe that she actually wanted them gone.

  Having Keri walk out on them would be the worst thing to ever happen to those two. It would destroy them, and they would never recover from that. But, for the past week or so, she had been different, strange, and almost distant from all of us. Something was going on, and if she didn’t trust me enough to confide in me, maybe I needed to leave for a while; for long enough until she figured this all out on her own.

  “I will take them for a while so that you can get your damn head on straight! You better take the time and think about this, because you know that there will be no forgiving of this, Keri.” Walking to the door, I swallowed hard, seeing the love of my life on the floor crying. “You walk away from them, there would never be a way that they would ever forgive you. I know that I can’t right now. I will never forgive you for this, Keri.”